


Fortune Teller

by Tenukii



Category: Fortune Teller (Song), Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Psychics/Psionics, Carnival, Engagement, F/M, Family, Family Secrets, Fencing, Fortune Telling, Happy Ending, Inspired by Music, M/M, MST3K References, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Psychic Abilities, Psychic Bond, Weddings, not TLJ compliant re Rey, stephen king references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2018-05-11 16:01:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 39
Words: 149,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5632552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tenukii/pseuds/Tenukii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn drags Rey and Poe to see a mysterious fortune teller named Kylo Ren whose crystal ball says that Poe's in love, but not with whom.  When Poe falls in love with Kylo--aka Ben--himself, he gets drawn into the complex issues surrounding Ben's family, including feuding parents, a missing uncle, and an inexplicable connection with Rey.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song “Fortune Teller” written by Allen Toussaint. Lots of singers have covered it, but I like the version by Robert Plant and Alison Krauss best. I also make some references (and steal some lines) from the movie _The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies_ shown on _Mystery Science Theater 3000_ , because I can’t think of fortune tellers and carnivals without thinking of that crazy movie!

Going to the carnival was Finn’s idea.  He had never been to one, and neither had Rey, so Poe got outvoted when he wanted to go to the movies instead.  It was Finn’s idea, too, to visit the fortune teller, although Rey seemed ambivalent about that.  Poe protested openly.

“It’s just a scam, Finn!  No one can really see the future.”  Poe didn’t bring up how sketchy the place looked, even compared to the rest of the carnival.  The fortune teller was set up in a squalid little building on the edge of the fairgrounds.  The place didn’t even have a door, just some purple curtains hung up inside the entranceway.  Beside that hung a sign bearing the fortune teller’s name, Kylo Ren.  _That’s **got** to be a pseudonym,_ Poe thought.

“Oh c’mon, it’ll be fun,” Finn wheedled.  Poe looked to Rey for help, but she just shrugged.

“It can’t cost that much,” she pointed out, “and if we go into it _knowing_ it’s a scam, we aren’t really getting cheated.”

“Yeah!” Finn agreed, despite the somewhat dubious logic.

“Oh, all right.”  Poe sighed and followed them in, though not without a glance at the badly-drawn sign depicting a raised palm beside the door.  _If the quality of the artwork’s any indication, we’re about to be profoundly ripped off, no matter how cheap it is._

The little room inside the doorway was dimly lit; Poe could barely make out the furnishings until his eyes adjusted to the dark.  And there weren’t many furnishings for all that, just a small round table with a crystal ball resting on it.  Four chairs sat around the table, and the walls were draped with the same curtains that covered the entrance.  The fortune teller was nowhere in sight.

Finn was not deterred, though, as he pulled out one of the chairs and gestured for Rey to sit down.  Still feeling both unnerved and a little stupid, Poe sat opposite her, with Finn between them.

“It’s dark in here,” Rey murmured.  Poe realized that the only light came from a single bulb hanging from the ceiling, and even that was somewhat concealed by a round paper lantern in the same shade of purple as the curtains but also patterned with a large yellow X shape on each side.  A black dot on either side of the X above Poe stared down at him like an unblinking eye.

“We’re all going to get mugged,” Poe observed, making Finn chuckle.

“Hey, you’re always Mr. Positive!  Besides, you and I can take on anybody who tries, right?”

“Rey’s a better fighter than both of us put together, and you know it,” returned Poe.

Apparently, their voices carried beyond the room and deeper into the building, for a person emerged through the curtains from a different spot than where the three friends had come in.  In the poor lighting, Poe couldn’t tell anything about the person—presumably Kylo Ren—except that they were dressed in black and had dark hair.  Their face was mostly hidden by shadow, but Poe thought it was probably pale.

“You wish your fortunes told?”

All three of them jumped at the sound of the deep voice.  _He’s a man,_ Poe thought, then immediately felt embarrassed at having assumed all fortune tellers were women.  _Rey would say that’s sexist and kick me under the table if I said that out loud.  . . . I probably deserve it too._

“What d’you think we came here for, to eat?” Finn retorted with a smirk.  Poe knew the snark was pretty typical Finn, but the fortune teller was giving him a steely glare when he stepped forward out of the shadow.  His face _was_ very pale, especially in contrast to the black robes he was wearing and his shaggy, feathery hair.  His eyes were dark too, and Finn shifted in his seat a little when they kept glaring at him.  Poe’s own gaze moved over the rest of his face—a rather large nose and sensitive mouth—but he kept looking back at those eyes.  He may not have been the woman Poe had expected, but he was certainly intense enough to play the part of a mystic.

_Playing a part,_ Poe thought with a glance at Finn.  _Remember that, bro._

“I’d like _my_ fortune read,” Rey said, also giving Finn something of a glare.  The fortune teller nodded and glided over to the table, then folded himself into the empty chair between her and Poe.

Ren held out his hand, extended from the voluminous sleeve of his robe, over the table to Rey.  “Give me your palm, please.”  Rey put her hand in his, and he bent his head over it.

“You have a strong life line,” he murmured.  “You are a very fortunate young lady. . . and you will be lucky in love.”  Rey blinked, and Poe noticed a grin spreading over Finn’s face.  The fortune teller paid them no heed, but then his dark eyes flicked up to meet Rey’s.  Finn’s smile faded, and both he and Poe watched apprehensively as the other two stared at one another.

“You feel it, don’t you. . . Rey?” Ren said.

Rey jumped.  “What?  How do you know my name?”

A faint smile played at the corners of the fortune teller’s mouth.  “The same way I know your fortune.  And you have the ability too.  You can feel it.”

Finn had been frowning at the exchange with a mixture of jealousy and concern on his face, but now he just gaped at Ren.  “You’re saying Rey’s _psychic_?”

Rey snatched her hand away as if Kylo Ren had burned it, and she held it protectively against her chest.  “Th-that’s ridiculous.  There’s no such thing.”

“Oh, no?”  Ren’s smile grew, just a little.  Poe found the smile captivating, mostly because Ren looked like someone who didn’t smile very often.

“Well, _I_ believe in it,” Finn put in, “so what’s _my_ fortune?”  Poe had the feeling he was more interested in getting Ren’s attention away from Rey, but either way, it worked.  Kylo Ren shifted to face Finn across the table, the crystal ball between them, and held out his hand.  Finn looked at it rather suspiciously.

“When’re you gonna use the fish bowl?”

Ren’s dark eyes flattened out into the now-familiar glare.  “The crystal serves a different purpose.  One’s palm is the indication of the path of one’s entire life.  The crystal shows the _immediate_ future.  To know your future in such detail is something you must be sure of.”

“Uh. . . .”  Finn looked from the pale, long-fingered hand extended toward him to the crystal ball and back again.  “Poe, why don’t you go instead?”

“What?”  Poe arched an eyebrow at him.  “This was _your_ idea.”

“Yeah, yeah, but. . . you don’t believe in this stuff, right?  So _you_ don’t need to be sure of anything first,” Finn stammered.  Poe smirked at him.

“Okay, okay.”  He turned to Kylo Ren, feeling his smirk disappear.  He felt slightly dizzy when he looked at the strange young man.  Maybe Poe _didn’t_ believe in psychic powers, but there was _something_ unusual about Ren.  Poe put out his right hand, which Ren took and turned palm up.  Poe swallowed hard, glancing down at his calloused hand resting on the softer, paler one.

“You feel kind of warm.”  The fortune teller’s voice—so very deep for such a delicate-looking man—spoke softly.

“Yeah, uh. . . .”  Poe glanced to his friends for help, but Rey was looking at the fortune teller with narrowed eyes—not angry, but thoughtful.  Trying to figure him out.  Finn was staring at the “fish bowl.”

Without waiting for Poe to finish, Ren extended his pointer finger and placed it on Poe’s palm, between his thumb and finger.  Kylo drew his finger tip slowly along what Poe supposed was his life line, a crease that curved from the web between his digits down to his wrist.  The soft touch made prickles run up Poe’s spine, and goosebumps broke out on his legs.

“Hmm,” said Kylo Ren.

“What?” Poe asked, a little too sharply.

Ren didn’t answer; he just let Poe’s hand go and turned to the crystal ball.  Finn kept peering into the opposite side, and the other two watched as the fortune teller passed both hands over the top of the crystal.

“Well?”  Finn leaned down on the table to look through the crystal to Kylo Ren on the other side.  “I don’t see anything!  What about you, Rey?  You’re supposed to be the psychic one, apparently.”

“I don’t see anything,” Rey mumbled with a look askance at the crystal.

Kylo Ren ignored them both.  His eyes rested on the crystal a moment; then he lifted them to Poe again, looking sideways with his face still turned forward.  “You’re in love.”

“ _What_?” Poe gasped.  Rey and Finn looked up at him abruptly, and both squawked, “What?” at the same time, too.

Finn broke out into a wide grin.  “Poe, you sly dog!  Who is she?”

“She’s—no one!  I’m not—”  Poe broke off, trying to ignore the burning blush he felt on his face.  He thought about the girls he knew; other than Rey, he wasn’t close to any of them.  And Rey. . . she was great and all, but Poe didn’t like her _that_ way.  “That can’t be right,” he finally got out.  “I don’t feel that way about anyone I know.”

“Aww, c’mon, man, you can tell _us_!” Finn cajoled.  Rey hissed, “Shh!” and elbowed him in the side to shut him up.

The fortune teller kept right on ignoring them.  “When the person comes, you’ll know when you look in their eyes,” he told Poe.  He sat back in his chair and folded his hands neatly in his lap.  Poe stared at him, irked by the rather smug expression on Ren’s unsmiling face.

“This is stupid,” Poe finally declared.  “Look, we have other places to be.  What do we owe you?”

“Hey, but I didn’t. . . .” Finn began.  Then he got a good look at Poe’s embarrassed face and felt silent with a significant look at Rey.

Kylo Ren shook his head, making the feathery curls of hair that fell around his ears sway.  “Nothing.  Don’t worry about it.”

Normally, Poe wouldn’t have accepted anything for free, but now he just wanted to get out of there.  For one thing, he was embarrassed, but also. . . he was excited, too.  What if Kylo Ren was _right_?  The love of his life might be somewhere in that very carnival. . . .

He fairly jumped to his feet and started rifling through the curtains, trying to find the way out.  Finn attempted to help, but they only succeeded in tangling themselves up until Rey stalked past them and held the right curtain open with one hand.  Blushing all over again, Poe followed Finn out, looking back at the fortune teller once.  Kylo Ren was watching him, those dark eyes standing out in his pale face.

_Smug bastard,_ Poe thought.  He bit his lip as he ducked under the curtain and went back out into night pierced by the lights of the carnival.

\--

To be continued


	2. Chapter 2

Poe was a little less excited about finding the love of his life once he realized Finn and Rey were determined to help him look.  In fact, they started as soon as the trio were out of the fortune teller’s place and back in the midst of the carnival.

“So you’re in love. . . but you haven’t met the person yet,” Rey murmured.  “That’s. . . odd.”

“Kinda cool though!”  Finn was already scanning the crowd.  “Let’s look for her!”

“Or him,” Rey put in.  Both Finn and Poe turned to her, Finn looking stunned and Poe blushing _again_.  Rey gave him a little smile then said to Finn, “Poe’s never told us anything about what. . . type he prefers.  We can’t make assumptions.”

“Oh, uh. . . _oh_.”  Finn gulped and rubbed the back of his neck with one hand.  “Yeah.  I didn’t think about that.”

“ _Guys_ ,” Poe protested.  “You don’t have to help.  Really.”

Finn had recovered from his embarrassment and waved Poe’s concerns off as he went back to looking around.  “No worries, man, you don’t have to tell us anything.  We’ll just look for girls _and_ guys.”  Poe gave a groan of protest but didn’t correct Finn.

“Maybe it’s her,” Finn said suddenly, tilting his chin in the direction of a girl leaning against another building a few yards from them.  She was slender and wore a black t-shirt with the word “SECURITY” in metallic silver letters across the front tucked into slim-fitting jeans.  Apparently, the shirt wasn’t just for show, as she had a Taser gun in a holster slung about her hips.  Poe looked from the gun down to her boots—also silver and reaching up to her knees—then up to her light blond hair pulled up in a severe bun.  She was, in all honesty, a bit intimidating, and while her chrome-colored eyeshadow and lipstick looked good on her, it was rather too intense for Poe’s preference.

“Her?” he asked Finn.

“Yeah.  She’s a stone cold _babe_.”

Rey spoke before Poe could say anything else.  “Really.”

Finn took in her deadpan expression and looked acutely embarrassed.  “Uh, I mean. . . .   She’s hot, but. . . but I bet she’s really bossy!  Not my type.”

“Oh, so you have a problem with authoritative women?”  Poe noticed the twinkle in Rey’s eye that Finn completely missed.

“N-no, of course not!” Finn protested.  “I just meant—”

“She’s not really my type either,” Poe interrupted to rescue his poor friend from inserting his foot even farther into his mouth.  “Too. . . too blonde for my taste.”

“Hmm, so you like dark hair better?” Finn mused.  He scanned the crowd for brunettes. . . until his eyes happened to pass over Rey.  Finn frowned and looked from her to Poe and back again.  “ _Hey!_   Wait a minute—”

Rey tried to hold in a giggle and ended up making an undignified snorting noise instead.  Poe grinned outright.

“If I were in love with Rey, I think I’d know it by now.”  He gave Finn a playful shove on the shoulder.  “Quit messing around, and let’s go ride some stuff.  That’s what we came here for, right?”

Finn relented, and they spent the next few hours risking life and limb on the carnival’s attractions.  Poe was a daredevil when it came to anything except getting ripped off by fortune tellers, so he was more than happy to ride the largest roller coaster—a rickety contraption named the “Screaming Lemur”—with Rey when Finn chickened out.  They all crammed into a bucket on the Ferris wheel, crashed into one another on bumper cars, and nearly passed out from laughter in the fun house.  Rey and Finn forgot about Poe’s “fortune” soon enough, but his thoughts kept returning to it.  What would it be like to look down on the glittering lights from the Ferris wheel with his boy—girlfriend?  To steal a kiss in a corner of the funhouse?  To share cotton candy with someone other than Rey, who was eating rather more than her fair share?  ( _After_ devouring most of the funnel cake she split with Finn.  Damn but that girl could eat.)

Poe was still lost in thought when they finally ended up near where they had started, close to the fortune teller’s building.  The blonde was gone, but a carnival barker had appeared in front of her building, where he was now trying to entice passers-by inside.  He was yelling something about dancing girls.  Either that or their location had reminded Finn of their hunt for Poe’s true love.  Unfortunately.

“Dancing girls, hunh?  Hey, maybe one of them is your new girlfriend,” Finn suggested.

“Uh, I don’t think so.”  Daredevil or not, Poe didn’t think he was the kind of brave who went to watch scantily-clad women dance at a seedy carnival.

“ _You_ didn’t want to go in, did you, Finn?” Rey smirked.

“N-no, of course not!  Just watchin’ out for my bro. . . right, bro?”  Finn cast Poe a desperate look.

Poe chuckled in spite of himself.  “Right.  Let’s just head home, hunh?  Obviously that guy was just making stuff up.”

“Maybe so,” Finn sighed.

Later that night, Poe lay awake in the two-bedroom apartment he shared with Finn.  They’d been roommates for a few months, and it was working out pretty well: Poe was willing to overlook the occasional loud music in exchange for having a reliable roommate who always paid his share of the rent on time and didn’t bring home strangers.  In fact, Rey was the only visitor either of them had had since they got the place.

 _Damn that Kylo Ren anyway,_ Poe thought as he turned over in bed, searching for a comfortable position.  _I wasn’t even thinking about being lonely until **he** brought it up.  He was just making something up to look impressive, and I fell for it!_   True, the fortune teller _had_ known Rey’s name. . . but maybe Poe or Finn had said it, and he overheard?

 _It doesn’t matter whether he’s really psychic or not!_ Poe told himself.  _He still made me look stupid.  And he. . . he got my hopes up over nothing. . . ._   Poe scowled into the darkness and decided he’d go back the next day and give the guy a piece of his mind.

\--

After a night without much sleep, Poe was in an even worse mood the next day.  Finn noticed the striking contrast from his friend’s normal cheerful demeanor, and even Poe’s dog kept his distance.  Poe had to work that afternoon, even though it was Sunday— _The glories of being a pilot,_ he thought—so he didn’t make it back to the carnival until evening.  He told neither Finn nor Rey that he was going back to see Kylo Ren, although he wasn’t quite sure why.  Maybe because he didn’t want them thinking he secretly believed the guy (even if he had, sort of, at first).  Or maybe because they would tell him how stupid he was being. . . especially Rey.  Poe could just _see_ the skeptical look she would give him, as if he expected to accomplish something by having it out with a phony psychic.

Nevertheless, Poe found himself back where he had been just twenty-four hours ago, in front of those stupid purple curtains hanging in the doorway.  The barker was there again too, this time having a murmured conference with the silver-booted security guard.  Poe hoped neither of them had noticed him last night, because they were certainly eyeing him now.

Finally, he ended up pushing past the curtains just to escape their gaze.  The room inside was as dark as before, and Poe blinked several times until he could make out the chairs and crystal in front of him.  Again, no one was in sight until Poe called, “Hello?” tentatively.

The curtains rustled after a moment, and the fortune teller appeared, blinking himself when he saw Poe.

“Poe Dameron.  What are you doing here?”

 _How does he know **my** name?_ Poe wondered then tried to shake it off.  Aloud, he said, “You lied to me!”

Kylo Ren let the curtains fall closed behind him as he moved a few steps toward Poe.  “Did I?”

“Yeah!  When you said I would see—see the person I was in love with.”  It sounded so stupid when spoken aloud, Poe began to wish he had listened to the version of Rey in his head who had told him to stay home.

Kylo’s dark eyes, almost black in the dim light, searched his face.  “And you didn’t?”

“No!  I didn’t see _anybody_ that made me feel that way!” Poe snapped.  “I know you didn’t charge _us_ , but how many other people are you ripping off?  Not to mention you made me look like an idiot in front of my friends.”

“I’m not ripping anyone off!” Ren spat at him, scowling.  “You wanted me to read your fortune, and I did.”

Poe looked down and muttered, “But why _that_ fortune?  Why did you have to do that to _me_?”  When he didn’t get a response, Poe raised his head to glare at the other man.  Those dark eyes, which he thought would glare right back, had softened, and Poe’s anger dissolved like. . . well, it was a stupid analogy, but he thought of how the cotton candy he’d eaten the night before had melted into nothing but an insubstantial sweet taste in his mouth.

“I’m sorry,” said Kylo Ren.  “I only tell what the crystal sees, and the crystal does not lie.”

“Yeah,” Poe muttered.  Now that he was no longer angry, he just felt embarrassed. . . and a little dizzy again.  Ren really looked striking when he wasn’t being surly, and Poe caught himself remembering the half-smile he had given Rey.  He wanted to make Kylo smile once more, but he doubted that could happen.  _Not when I barge in here yelling at him. . . ._

“Look, man, I’m sorry,” he sighed, half-raising his hands in an appeasing gesture.  “I just. . . I was just disappointed, that’s all.  I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.  I know this is how you make a living, and I didn’t even pay you, so. . . .”  Poe trailed off, feeling stupid for rambling.

And then, there was the smile.  Faint, but there.  Poe felt something twitch in his chest.

“It’s all right,” Kylo told him.  “Maybe. . . maybe I made a mistake.”  Then the smile was gone, and Poe was left wondering how to bring it back.  The fortune teller went on, “Your friend, the girl, she surprised me.  She really does have the same power I do. . . maybe even stronger.  I was. . . distracted when I got to you.”

Poe grumbled, sounding grumpier than he’d intended, “Yeah, I can imagine.  Rey’s awfully pretty.”  Kylo made a soft noise, almost as if he were choking, and when Poe looked at him again, he was trying to regulate his expression. . . trying not to laugh.  Poe felt indignant heat rising in his face, and he almost got angry at Kylo all over again.  _He keeps making me feel like a fool. . . ._

“I believe she has feelings for your other friend,” mused Kylo.  The deepness of his voice made the words sound ominous.

“Well, that’ll make Finn happy.”  Poe looked suspiciously at Kylo when the fortune teller raised an eyebrow.  “What?  Wait a minute, _Rey’s_ not the one I—”  He broke off in humiliation when Kylo grinned outright.

“So you _do_ believe me.”

“I—I. . . maybe.”  Poe folded his arms, sulking.  “You. . . you’re absolutely infuriating, you know that?”

“So I’ve been told.”  When Poe looked at him again, the other man was still smiling a little.  Poe _kept_ looking, until he realized he was smiling a little too.

“Did you come back here just to yell at me?” Kylo asked.  His tone was facetious, but Poe felt a little bad anyway.

“Er, well. . . yeah.  Sorry if I’m interrupting business.”

“You’re not.  The nights before weekdays are slow.”  Kylo glanced around the room.  “I was thinking of locking up and going out for a while anyway.”

“Locking up?”  Poe grinned.  “You mean the curtains?”

The corner of Kylo’s mouth twitched, as if he were trying not to smile again.  “There _is_ a door under them.  It slides shut.”  His eyes rested on Poe’s face again.  “I suppose you have to work tomorrow.”

“Uh, no, actually.”  Poe was confused by the change of subject, and even _more_ confused when Kylo spoke again.

“Would you. . . want to come with me?”

Poe opened his mouth, then closed it again.  Kylo was watching him with a look that clearly said he expected a refusal.  _I probably **should** say no,_ Poe thought.  He was tired from lack of sleep the night before, and the guy was undeniably weird.  And yet. . . .

“Yeah,” Poe heard himself say.  “I don’t have anything going on.”

Kylo’s eyes widened a little, but then he nodded.  “Come on back, then.  I’ll be ready in a minute.”

A bit apprehensive, Poe followed him through the curtains into a room about twice the size of the one with the crystal.  It wasn’t much brighter, but he could make out a couch, small flat screen, and a coffee table among other perfectly normal furnishings.  A Doors song was playing from a stereo somewhere:

_Now I’m gonna love you ‘til the heavens stop the rain  
_ _I’m gonna love you ‘til the stars fall from the sky  
_ _For you and I. . . ._

_He **would** be a Morrison fan,_ Poe thought.  _The original emo kid._   Aloud, he asked, “You live here?”

“Yes.”  Kylo was shrugging out of his robes; underneath, he was wearing jeans and a long-sleeved shirt—all black, of course.  “It’s nicer than it looks from the outside.”

“Yeah it is.”  It was neater than Poe had expected too—neater, actually, than his and Finn’s place was.  It didn’t look like the home of a young guy living by himself.  In fact. . . .

“Uh, do you live by yourself?”

“Yes.”  Kylo gave him an odd look as he opened the door to a small bathroom.  It too looked surprisingly tidy, from what Poe could see as Ren stepped in and pulled a comb out of a drawer.  “I left home about a year ago,” he went on as he combed his shaggy dark hair.  “Why?”

“N-no reason.  Sorry.  I’m being nosy.”  Poe looked down at the floor—scuffed-up hardwood—and kicked at the leg of the couch with the toe of his boot.  “It’s just. . . really clean.  Thought you might have a girlfriend or—”  He managed to shut himself up before he said “boyfriend.”

“Oh.  No.”  Kylo pulled the bathroom door closed behind him.  “Do you live with your friends?”

“Just Finn.  The guy.  Rey has her own place.”

Kylo nodded as he drifted around the room, turning off the music and a ceiling fan.  “I don’t. . . really have many friends.”

“Well, maybe _we_ could be friends.”  As he spoke, Poe realized how corny it sounded, but Kylo gave him a little smile anyway.

“Maybe so.”

\--

To be continued


	3. Chapter 3

When they left the building together, the security girl was back at her post from the previous night.  She watched them as Kylo closed the sliding door behind the curtains and locked it with both a padlock and a deadbolt.

“Calling it a night?” she asked as Kylo turned away from the door.  She tilted her head slightly and pitched her voice so that they heard her clearly over the din of the carnival.

“Yes.”  Poe thought Kylo sounded slightly defensive, but he went over to her with Poe trailing behind and feeling awkward.  “Keep an eye on it, will you, Phasma?”

“Sure.”  The woman—Phasma?  Was that _really_ her name?—looked back at Poe again.  Her eyes were a striking color, somewhere between grey and a light purplish-blue.  Her dark lashes stood out in contrast to her irises and silver makeup.  Poe didn’t know much about makeup, but she must have been wearing something unusual, because even her prominent cheekbones and rounded chin shone faintly silver in the carnival lights.  She _was_ , as Finn had put it, a babe, but Poe didn’t like the skeptical, disapproving look she was giving him.

“Weren’t you here last night?” Phasma asked him.

“Yeah.  With my friends.”  Poe started to leave it at that, but then he added, “Why?”

She shrugged.  “Just checking.  I’ve never seen you before, so I didn’t know you were Kylo’s friend.”  Poe remembered what Kylo had said— _I don’t really have many friends_ —and wondered if this Phasma was one of the few.  Or if she wasn’t, and was just needling him to annoy Kylo.

“I’ll be back in a little while,” Kylo told her, his deep voice sounding almost like a growl.  Then he grasped Poe’s elbow long enough to direct him toward the carnival’s entrance before walking off.  Poe followed, having to lengthen his strides a little to keep up with the other man’s pace.

“Who’s she?” Poe asked.  He wanted to make conversation, but he also was curious.

“Head of security,” muttered Kylo.  From his tone, Poe guessed that she _wasn’t_ his friend, or at least not much of one.

“Is her name really ‘Phasma’?”

Kylo glanced at him sideways as Poe caught up to him.  “I don’t know.  A lot of us have stage names or nicknames.”  He nodded toward the barker as they passed him.  “That’s Hux—as far as I know, that’s his real name.”  Poe looked at the barker—a prim-looking, pale young man with red hair.  He wore a sharp black suit.

“First or last name?” he asked.

Kylo shrugged.  “He’s never said.  He’s just _Hux_.”

As they neared the entrance, Poe hesitated, then asked, “What about you?  Is Kylo your real name?”

Kylo was quiet until they had passed through the gates.  “No,” he finally said.  He stopped walking there at the edge of the parking lot that bordered the fairgrounds.  Looking at his face, which bore a slight frown, Poe wished he hadn’t asked.

But then, Kylo surprised him.

“My name’s Ben.”  He looked up at Poe.  “But nobody has called me that since I left home.”

“Oh.”  Poe managed a little smile, wanting to calm the apprehension he saw in Kylo’s eyes.  “Well, what do you want _me_ to call you?”

“Kylo,” the other man said immediately; then he added, “For now.”

“Okay.”  Poe grinned.  “I’d tell you to call me Poe, but you already have, so you can keep on doing it.”

He got a faint smile in return.  “Okay.”

“Uh, have you eaten dinner yet?  I’m kind of starving.”

Kylo shook his head.  “No, I’m sick of most of the food here, so I don’t eat too often.  Do you want to go get something?”

“Yeah.”  Poe suddenly realized he might be intruding on Kylo’s plans and flushed slightly.  “I mean, if you didn’t have something else planned.  I don’t want to mess up your evening.”

“You aren’t,” Kylo assured him.  Poe felt that funny twitching feeling again when the other man gave him a true smile.  _I feel like I’m on a date,_ he thought, which seemed quite ridiculous considering that he was with the man who told him he was supposed to find someone to fall in love with.  “Do you like Chinese food?”

“Sure.  I know a good place kind of near here.  Do you want me to drive?” Poe offered.  Kylo nodded.

\--

While they waited on their food, Poe drained a glass of soda—good old American sugar water for him—while Kylo sipped green tea from a miniscule cup with no handle.  Despite his goth attire, he carried himself in a careful way that made him seem more at home amidst the Chinese décor than Poe did.  Poe _was_ thirsty, but mostly he kept his straw in his mouth for lack of anything to say.  He was normally good at small talk with anyone and everyone, but everything he thought up now felt stupid, from “Why don’t you use your real name?” to “Do you ever wear anything that isn’t black?”

As for Kylo, he kept his eyes fixed on his tea cup and his long fingers folded around it.  Poe ended up watching Kylo’s hands and remembering how soft they had felt compared to his own.  So much paler too than his olive-toned skin.

 _“You have nice hands.”  Now **that** would be stupid conversation,_ Poe thought.

“What do you do?”  Kylo spoke out of nowhere, and Poe dragged his eyes back up to the other man’s face.

“Hunh?”

“Your job?”  Kylo quirked an eyebrow upward in a by-now familiar expression of skeptical curiosity.  “Since you don’t have to work on a Monday.  That’s unusual.”

“Ohh.  Yeah, I’m a pilot.”

“Really?”  The skeptical look faded into one mildly impressed.  “Like for an airline?”

“Oh, no, not like that.  Charter pilot.  I have a private plane—er, nothing fancy, just a little turboprop plane.  It only seats seven, and it’s pretty old.”  Poe was rambling again, but he was able to stop when the server interrupted with their meals.  Momentarily distracted, Poe slurped down a forkful of rice noodles.

“So people hire you to fly them places?” Kylo asked.  He’d ordered a stir fry and was eating it far more neatly than Poe was managing.

Poe nodded while he finished chewing, then went on, “Yeah.  Sometimes for transportation, sometimes just because they want a plane ride.  Sometimes it’s a birthday present for a rich kid or a like really old lady who wants to do something exciting.  And a lot of couples like to book rides for anniversaries or Valentine’s Day or whatever.”  He chuckled.  “I’ve heard _so_ many marriage proposals.”

“Really.”  Kylo said it in a deadpan way that sounded so much like Rey, Poe was a bit startled.

“ _Over_ heard, I should have said,” he mumbled.  “None directed at me.”  He shoved another fork of noodles in his mouth to shut himself up until he could think of something to change the subject.  After he swallowed, he went on, “I get pretty booked at certain times of the year, then have dry spells others.  I’m not very busy right now—had a flight this afternoon, but nothing tomorrow.”

Kylo nodded.  “It sounds. . . nice.  But then, I suppose I have it easy too.  The carnival doesn’t open on Mondays, so I only work evenings and weekend afternoons.”  Poe wondered how Kylo could get by on so few hours, but of course it wouldn’t be polite to ask.  _And who knows, maybe the fortune telling racket pays more than I think,_ he mused.  At any rate, Kylo told the server they wanted separate checks when he asked, before Poe could say anything, so apparently he could take care of himself.

“What do you want to do?” Poe asked as they went back to his car after dinner.

“What do you usually do with your friends?”  Kylo looked at him over the car’s roof before getting into the passenger seat.  It was a small, white Chevy, and Kylo with his black clothes and dark hair stood out in vivid contrast to it, even under the parking lot’s fluorescent lights.

Poe got in and shrugged.  “Just. . . normal stuff.  Go to the movies or the beach, or wander around stores being silly.”  He grinned to himself as he remembered the last time they’d been to a big box store in the middle of the night; he and Rey had raced down the aisles standing on shopping carts, while Finn timed them to see who was faster.  Somehow, Poe couldn’t see Kylo Ren doing something like that.  He went on, “And sometimes we hang out at mine and Finn’s place, playing video games or watching TV.  But Finn would be there now, and he has to work tomorrow.”

“I see.”  Kylo sounded diffident, as if he took offense at not being invited over, but when Poe cast him a nervous look, Kylo was only watching him mildly.  Maybe it was just the deepness of his voice that gave him that tone.  _Or maybe I feel guilty because I don’t want Finn to know I’m hanging out with him.  Or because I want to be alone with him._

“I guess we’re not that exciting,” Poe said to cover his embarrassment.  “I mean, we go to bars every now and then, but Rey isn’t into that—she gets hit on a lot and it pisses her off—and sometimes we go to clubs.  But mostly that’s just because Finn likes to dance around like an idiot.  So we end up being silly there too, and we might as well save our money and dance around at home.”  He looked back over at Kylo.  “I’m talking too much again.  Tell me what you like to do when you go out.”

This time Kylo was the one to shrug.  “I don’t, much.  Sometimes I go to the clubs for the music, but I don’t dance.  Or drink much.  So I’m not that exciting either.”  He smiled so suddenly and so openly, it made Poe laugh.

“We’re a couple of dynamos, right?  Do you go by yourself?  I mean, I figured you hung out with _somebody_.  Like. . . Plasma, was it?”

Kylo gave a little laugh then stopped himself.  “ _Phas_ ma.  And. . . every now and then.  I guess I’m friends with her.  And Hux.  But he and I don’t. . . see eye to eye on most things, and he and Phasma. . . .  They don’t like each other, but—they _do_.”  He made air quotes with his long, pale fingers.  “’Frenemies.’  Neither of them has let me read them, I think because they’re afraid of what I’d tell them.”  He smirked.

“Hunh.  I thought maybe you and she were. . . .”  Poe trailed off as the smirk widened.

“Were what?”

“Um.  Dating,” Poe muttered, not liking the smirk at all.

Kylo laughed out right.  “ _Hell_ no.”  Poe relaxed, although he was uncomfortable with how relieved he felt.  Kylo went on, “No, I haven’t _ever_ dated anyone.  Not really.”

“Oh.”  Even more uncomfortable emotions washed over Poe, and he decided it was time to change the subject.  “Uh, let’s get out of here.  I don’t want to spent the whole night in a parking lot.”

“All right.”  Kylo looked embarrassed himself as he fumbled to fasten his seat belt.  “Could. . . we go to the beach?  I never go, even though it’s right by the fairgrounds.  I don’t like the sun much.  But I’ve sort of wanted to go at night, to see what it’s like.”

“Sure.”  Poe drove them back toward the fairgrounds but parked in the lot bordering the beach.  He hadn’t been to this particular stretch of beach, as it was usually crowded during the day, but now, at nearly nine at night, it was completely empty.  Poe opened his door and stuck his feet out of the car to have room to untie his boots.  He glanced over his shoulder to appraise Kylo’s footwear: boots also (black, of course), but far sleeker than his own.

“You’d better take those off,” Poe pointed out with a nod towards Kylo’s feet.  “The sand’ll scratch up ‘em up.”

Kylo didn’t seem thrilled about it, but he pulled his boots off.  His feet were like his hands: large but narrow, very pale, with toes long like his fingers.  The sand felt oddly cool on Poe’s own feet as they left the parking lot and trudged toward the ocean.  Besides the lights glowing from the nearby carnival, the moon was nearly full and lit the beach with a bluish-white light—in fact, it was brighter than Kylo’s fortune-telling room.

“Look. . . someone had a fire.”  Kylo gestured to their left, where the remains of a bonfire smoldered a few hundred yards away near some of the large rocks that lined the coast.  Even from that distance, Poe could see a large number of empty cans scattered around the remains.

“Looks like they left when they ran out of beer,” he observed.  “Want to go sit?  It _is_ kind of cool out here.”

“Disgusting,” Kylo grumbled when they got closer.  He kicked at one of the cans and missed it entirely.  Poe managed not to chuckle.  Pretending it hadn’t happened, Kylo went on, “People are assholes.  Not even cleaning up after themselves.”

“Yeah.  Some people suck.”  Poe sat down on a rock and stretched out his legs to warm his feet.  The fire had burned down to a flickering glow, but it still put off a pleasant amount of heat.  Kylo stood nearby for a moment; then he sat too, on the same rock.  His black-sleeved arm was touching Poe’s, and Poe felt the fluttering in his chest rise.

“So what do you think of the beach?” Poe asked.

“It’s lovely.”  Kylo looked out at the water which looked still and glassy under the moon.  It was calm, the waves barely foaming even when they broke on the shore.  “I really should come out here more often.”

“I should too.  We don’t come out here much—Rey moved here from the desert, so she’s not crazy about seeing more sand and open sky.  But it’s nice. . . especially at night.”  Poe toed a can out of the way so he could dig in the sand with his foot.  “I don’t know why we waited so long to come to the carnival either—although it was Finn’s idea.  I didn’t want to go, but it was fun.”

He glanced up at Kylo after a moment.  The other man was looking down at the embers, and a faint yellow light from them outlined his profile.  A light breeze coming off the water ruffled the curling hair in front of his ears.

“Do you ever fly at night?”  Kylo turned to look at him, and Poe flushed, realizing he’d been staring.

“N-not really.  I _can_ , but I only work during the day.  Not much to see at night anyway. . . just a lot of little lights.”

“What’s it like during the day?”

Poe smiled into the firelight.  “It’s awesome.  I feel like—like I can do _anything_ when I’m up there.  Everything looks so small, and the fields and lots and city blocks all look like a beautiful quilt.  The roads and rivers are like ribbons.  It’s even cooler when I fly over clouds.  It looks like what you always hear Heaven looks like.”

“You look really happy when you talk about it.”  Kylo’s deep voice sounded so close beside him, practically in his ear.  Poe wanted to look at him, but he didn’t trust himself to do so without saying or doing something stupid.

“It _does_ make me really happy.  I love it.”  He finally risked another glance at Kylo and smiled.  Kylo smiled back, and that was all it took for Poe to blurt out, “Would you like to go with me some time?”  Sure enough, he sounded stupid to himself, like a kid with a crush.  _But I guess I **do** have a crush on him,_ Poe thought.

“You. . . you’d really take me?”  Kylo sounded truly surprised, like he never expected anyone would want to do _anything_ for him.

“Sure!  You said you don’t work on Mondays, right?  Maybe in a week then?”  Poe was sure he seemed entirely too eager, but what the hell.  He’d been acting like a goofball all evening, and Kylo hadn’t minded yet.

“I’d like that.  You’re sure it wouldn’t take away time from your business?”

“Nah, I haven’t flown for fun in a long time.  It’ll be a nice break,” Poe assured him.

“Okay.  Then I’ll come.”  They looked at each other, but then Kylo turned back to the remains of the fire.  He sucked his lower lip between his teeth and chewed on it, and Poe nearly choked.

 _Geez, I want to kiss him._   Poe looked away quickly.  _And I just met him yesterday!_

He distracted himself by making small talk about whatever he could think of: a crab wandering by across the sand, questions about the carnival, stories about some of the crazy things he’d done with Rey and Finn.  Kylo didn’t talk as much, but he answered the questions, asked a few of his own, and even laughed a couple times.  Poe lost track of the time and probably could have sat out there all night, except he yawned once and then couldn’t stop.

“I guess it _is_ late,” Kylo said pointedly after the third yawn.  Poe pulled out his phone and was surprised to see that it was after midnight.

“Oh man, I’m sorry.  I didn’t realize it was this late.”  He shoved his phone back into his jacket pocket and stood up, wincing at the stiffness in his back and legs.  “I didn’t get much sleep last night either.”

“Then it’s good you’re not flying tomorrow.”  Kylo stood too and looked down at the charred wood where the fire had been.  The embers had long since burned out, and Poe was suddenly aware of how cold he was.

“I’m freezing too,” he muttered.  “I’m _really_ sorry I kept you out here so long.”

“Don’t be.”  Kylo started back toward Poe’s car, leaving Poe to follow him with a smile.

Poe kept yawning as he drove them the short distance to the fairgrounds’ entrance.  Kylo smirked.

“Are you sure you’re all right to drive home?”

“Yeah, I—”  Poe interrupted himself with another yawn then continued, “I only live about twenty minutes away, and—” Yawn.  “—it’s not like I’ve been drinking or anything.”  He put the car in park to let Kylo get out, but the other man leaned over to him, turned the car off, and pulled the key out of the ignition.

“You’re coming in with me.  I’ll give you some coffee to wake you up.”  Before Poe could protest—or decide if he even wanted to—Kylo got out of the car and shoved the keys in his pocket.  Poe had no choice but to get out too.

“Yes _sir_ ,” he quipped.  Kylo gave him a rather cocky look and almost sauntered over to the fairground gates, which were locked since the carnival had closed almost three hours ago.  Poe decided that a dominant Kylo could be pretty hot.

Kylo let them in and locked the gates behind them, and they walked silently through the empty grounds back to his building.  He locked the sliding door behind them too, then gestured to the couch when they were back in his living room.

“Sit down.  I’ll go make you some coffee.”

Poe nodded, yawned, and sat.  Kylo disappeared down a short hallway with two doorways; one opened into the kitchen, and the other held a closed door, which Poe assumed went to a bedroom.  He yawned again and lay back on the couch.  It was a nice couch with what felt like leather but probably wasn’t.  Poe still didn’t want to put his boots up on it, so he pushed each one off with the opposite foot before stretching out.

 _I shouldn’t be doing this.  I should get my keys back and go home._   But he could smell the coffee brewing, and it smelled good.  Really good.  And getting his keys back would probably entail pinning Kylo and digging around in his pocket.  . . . Okay, that sounded pretty good too.

 _I’m crazy,_ Poe yawned to himself.  **_He’s_** _crazy._   He closed his eyes, just for a minute. . . just until the coffee was ready.  _Crazy but cute.  Really, really cute._

Poe was asleep by the time Kylo came back to ask if he wanted cream and sugar.

\--

Kylo stood there looking down at his guest, feeling a smile come over his face.  He tried not to smile much, feeling like it made him look even dorkier than normal.  But it was hard not to smile at Poe.

Poe was cute.  Really, really cute.

And really, really tired, apparently.  Kylo didn’t want to wake him, and anyway, Poe really _shouldn’t_ be driving when he was that tired.  Kylo went to his bedroom for a blanket and draped it over Poe, trying not to look at the sleeping man’s face again.  Then he looked anyway, and kept looking.

The night before, he _had_ been distracted by the powers he sensed in Rey.  But then he’d taken Poe’s hand and traced his finger over Poe’s lifeline and felt. . . well, nothing special psychically, nothing like what Rey had.  But he’d felt a psyche very much _alive_ , a life full of excitement found even in the ordinary, and he’d wanted to be a part of that life like Rey and Finn were.  Then, in the crystal ball, he’d seen Poe in love.

As Kylo had said, the lifeline hints at the whole lifespan, while the crystal reveals what is soon to pass.  Kylo couldn’t see exactly when it would happen, and he couldn’t see with whom.  But it hurt all the same, and he’d been bitterly glad at how embarrassed Poe’s fortune made him.  His two friends had seemed pleased, or at least amused, and Kylo had wondered even more bitterly if one of them would be the lucky person to meet those beautiful, half-lidded dark eyes and capture Poe’s heart.

And then Poe had come back, and now he was there with Kylo, not with them. . . even if he _was_ passed out on the couch and starting to snore a little.

Kylo Ren smiled again; then he went back in the kitchen and drank the coffee himself.

\--

To be continued


	4. Chapter 4

When Poe woke up, he didn’t know where he was at first.  His eyes opened upon a dim room, and he could hear water running from somewhere.  Then, after a moment of confusion, he remembered.

“Oh,” he said aloud to the empty room.  Poe half-raised himself on his left elbow and scrubbed his right hand across his eyes, then fumbled for his jacket pocket to find his phone.  It took him a couple tries to realize he was covered with a blanket and had to go under it to get to the pocket.

_He covered me up._   Poe smiled.

When he finally pulled out his phone, it was flashing a blue light.  Poe saw why when he unlocked it to find seven texts and two missed phone calls from Finn.

“Crap,” Poe muttered under his breath, followed by a more forceful word when he saw the time: after seven in the morning.  _I was here all night!_

The texts and calls were all variants on the theme of “Where the hell are you?” repeated with greater urgency the later they came.  Finn had left the last voice mail just before leaving for work a little over an hour ago.

“Dude, _call me_.  If I don’t hear from you by noon, I’m calling the police.  Or Rey.  Or both.”

Poe groaned and rubbed his eyes again before replying in a text: “Crashed at a friend’s house.  Sorry.  Be home soon.”

The reply came only a few seconds later, which told Poe that Finn was anxious enough to keep his phone with him at his retail job, even though he was only supposed to use it during breaks.  Poe had been apprehensive that Finn would be mad at him, but the text relieved his anxiety, even as it made him roll his eyes.

“Find tru luv? Netflix n chill? ;)”

“NO,” Poe texted back.  He was shaking his head and grinning at Finn’s assumptions about where he was when the bathroom door opened and flooded the dim room with light bright enough to make Poe squint.  Kylo stood in the doorway with wet hair, wearing a bathrobe.  Black, of course.  Poe was embarrassed enough at having passed out on the guy’s couch, but the implications of “Netflix and chill” made it worse.  He looked at Kylo apologetically.

“I’m sorry.”

Kylo arched his eyebrow.  “Good morning to you too.”

“Good morning.”  Poe sat up, raked his fingers through his hair, and tried again.  “I meant, I’m sorry I stayed all night.  I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“It’s fine.”  Poe’s phone made a dinging sound, and Kylo turned his skeptical expression on it instead of on Poe.  “That thing was going off all night.”

“Ugh, I’m _sorry_.  Finn.”  Poe sighed.  “He was worried because I didn’t come home last night.”  He checked the new text.

“Dishes piling up,” it read, “and its your turn to wash.”  Before Poe could respond, the phone dinged again.

“And vacuum.”

Ding.  “And bathe bb.”

Ding.  “And ur laundrys takin over.”

“Shut _up_ ,” Poe growled at his phone and silenced it.  He looked up at Kylo and opened his mouth to apologize again, but he stopped when he saw the other man’s amused smile.

“He really _was_ worried.”

Poe returned the smile abashedly.  “Er, now he’s just bugging me about all the cleaning up I need to do today.  I was hoping he’d forget I have the day off.”  He shoved the phone back in his pocket and stood up, wobbling a little on his stiff legs before picking up the blanket and attempting to fold it up.  “Look, I really am sorry.  I’ll get out of your way—”

“I said it’s fine.”  Kylo finally left his spot by the bathroom and went over to Poe.  He bent down to grab the other end of the blanket and helped fold it.  “Do you want breakfast first?  I’ve got some eggs.”

Poe nodded as Kylo took the folded blanket from him and draped it over the back of the sofa.  “That’d be great.  I’m hungry.”  He was less hungry than he was glad for an excuse to stay a little longer, now that he wasn’t quite as embarrassed.

“Do you have any more coffee?” Poe asked as he followed Kylo into the kitchen.

“Yes.  If you’ll actually drink it this time.”

“I will.  Promise.”  Poe leaned against the counter in front of the sink and watched Kylo start a little four-cup coffee maker and take out a half-full carton of eggs.  The kitchen was small, just wide enough for two people to pass by one another, but long enough to have room for a full-sized stove and oven.  The appliances were stainless steel, but the counters were an off-white shade—not quite Kylo’s color, Poe thought with some amusement.

Kylo’s back was to Poe as he started scrambling the eggs, and Poe kept his eyes on him as he tried to think of something to talk about.  Finally, Poe settled for asking for where the coffee cups were.

“I’ve got mugs in that cabinet by the refrigerator.”  Kylo nodded toward an upper cabinet to his right.  When Poe came up behind him, he saw Kylo’s whole body tense up, and the tendons stood out prominently in his pale neck.  Poe had had a vague plan of brushing up against him, just to see how Kylo would react, but instead he was careful to keep space between them as he went to the cabinet.

Knowing that Kylo didn’t want to be touched made Poe want to touch him more than ever.  It didn’t help that he could smell Kylo’s shampoo as his dark hair dried and got progressively fluffier.  Poe tried not to look at the other man again, but he did so in spite of himself when Kylo handed him a plate of eggs and then poured his coffee.

“Thanks,” Poe murmured.

“You’re welcome.”  Kylo looked at him, quickly, then away.  He licked his lips, and Poe nearly melted right there.

_What the heck is wrong with me?_   Poe turned away and started shoveling eggs into his mouth to distract himself.  _Did that stupid fortune of his screw with me so much, I ended up liking **him** instead of whoever I was supposed to?_   He gulped some coffee, barely noticing when it burned his tongue.  _Which reminds me, it never came true._   Poe looked up to glare in Kylo’s direction, only to see those dark eyes watching him.

Their eyes met.  Poe’s heart turned over.  They both looked away.

_Damn,_ thought Poe. _Damn damn damn_.  He stared down at his empty plate, wide-eyed.  _What if it **did** come true?_

“I’d better get going,” he muttered.  He scooped up his dishes and turned to put them in the sink, trying not to notice how long and slender Kylo’s neck looked under his hair, or how the tie of his robe accentuated his narrow waist.  “Our place is a wreck, and Finn’ll kill me if he gets home and I haven’t cleaned up.”

He was out of the kitchen and halfway across the living room before he remembered Kylo still had his keys.  Poe turned back as Kylo drifted out of the kitchen and turned toward his bedroom without looking at him.

“I’ll have to get dressed so I can let you out,” Kylo said over his shoulder.

“Oh.  Right.”  Poe had forgotten that the fairgrounds wouldn’t open until that evening, so the gate would be locked.  He checked his phone while he waited and sent a text assuring Finn he would do his share of the cleaning.  When he looked up again, Kylo was back, dressed with Poe’s keys in his hand.

“Here.”  He held them out, dangling by Poe’s Hawkeye keychain.

Poe took them.  “Thanks.”

Neither spoke as they walked out to the fairground gates.  Poe had given up by the time they got there.  _If **he’s** the one I’m supposed to fall in love with, it isn’t going to work out.  _ A certain irony was not lost on him: Poe had always been able to charm anyone he met.  He wasn’t one to take advantage of people, but it _did_ make life easier when everyone liked you.  Kylo was the first person he _hadn’t_ charmed, hadn’t been able to flirt with without feeling like a fool.  The first one he’d wanted and had no way of getting.

_You can’t win ‘em all,_ he thought, trying to be philosophical about it. _I’ll get over it._

Kylo unlocked the gate and pushed it open enough for Poe to pass through.  He did, hesitated, waited for the sound of it closing.

“Poe.”

His named sounded so nice in that deep voice.

“Yeah?”  He glanced over his shoulder, then turned around.  Kylo had his fingers hooked over the chain-link on the gate as he looked back at Poe.

“Did you really mean that, about going flying?”

“Yeah.  Yeah!”  Poe grinned.  “Do you want to, next Monday?”

“Okay.”  Kylo let go of the gate and pulled a small, sleek black phone out of his back pocket.  “Let me send you a text so you’ll have my number if something comes up.”

Poe told Kylo his number, checked that the text came through, then hesitated over what to save the contact as.  What if Finn looked at his phone?  _So what if he does,_ Poe decided a second later and saved Kylo’s number under his name.

“I can pick you up,” Poe offered.  “I’ll let you know what time, but probably in the afternoon.  I sleep late. . . well, normally,” he amended.

“So do I.  Normally.”  Kylo smiled, a little.

\--

Poe spent most of the day catching up on his share of the household chores.  He did the dishes, washed his clothes, bathed the dog, and vacuumed as Finn had ordered; then Poe set to work cleaning up his own bedroom.  He wasn’t consciously thinking that Kylo might come over sometime, but when the idea occurred to him later, he decided he had done a decent enough job of making his space presentable.  Poe finally showered once he was through; then he collapsed on his bed for a well-deserved nap.  B.B. jumped up after him and curled up against his back.

“Hey buddy,” Poe mumbled sleepily.  “Sorry I left you with Finn last night.”  B.B. made a soft whining noise, and Poe chuckled.  “Who’m I kidding.  He spoils you worse than I do.  Probably fed you a whole hamburger or something. . . .”

Poe dozed off, but he was rudely awakened about an hour later, when Finn came home belting out a Nicki Minaj song.

“I wanna hear you calling my name, like hey ma ma mama, hey ma ma mama!”

“Hey Mama, keep it down!” Poe yelled back, pulling the pillow over his head.  A minute later, Finn stuck his head through Poe’s open door, and Poe glared out at him from underneath the pillow.

“Late night last night, hunh?” Finn teased.

“Not why you think.”  Poe sat up as B.B. jumped down to greet Finn.  He rubbed the spaniel mix’s head and shook his own head at Poe, grinning.

“Okay, man, keep it on the down low if that’s how you want it.  I’ll let it go—but _only_ because this place is cleaner than I’ve seen it in a long time.”

Finn was impressed enough to make them dinner—even if it was just baking a frozen pizza—and he kept his word: he didn’t bring up Poe’s absence again, although Poe did catch him smirking to himself a few times.  Throughout the evening, Poe thought about texting Kylo something, anything to start up a conversation, but he couldn’t come up with anything to say that felt good enough.

That feeling stayed with him over the next few days.  He didn’t hear from Kylo or contact him, but Poe thought about him often enough.  Finn commented a couple times on Poe’s good mood, and while Rey didn’t mention it, Poe noticed her eyeing him with a smile when the three of them went out to dinner during the week.  He suspected Finn had told her about Poe’s night away from home, but—unlike Finn—she had the tact to mind her own business.

Poe thought about Kylo the most while he was flying.  As he flew his clients around, he planned the route he planned to take with Kylo and imagined how the other man might react.  When he was honest with himself, Poe had to admit that he didn’t know.  Kylo was so unpredictable; he might enjoy himself. . . or he might hate it.

Poe’s last flight on Sunday was for a young man and woman: one of the proposals he had told Kylo about.  In those cases, Poe tried to be as unobtrusive as possible so the couple could feel more like they were alone.  Today, they obviously felt comfortable with him there—maybe a little _too_ comfortable.  Poe winced as they started making out for the third time after the proposal.  Even seated behind him, the pair was distracting.

_At least they’re happy_ , he told himself.  The thought was punctuated by a moan from the female half of the couple.  Poe cringed.  Then he wondered if Kylo ever moaned like that, and what his deep voice would sound like if he did.  Soon he was lost in a daydream of kissing Kylo, stroking his dark hair, feeling his hands trailing down Poe’s back.  Poe barely brought himself back to reality in time to land the plane.

That evening, he finally texted Kylo since he had the excuse of needing to work out a time for their flight the next day.  Poe thought about the wording a while, then ultimately sent a simple, “Hey we still on for tomorrow?”

He felt the excited little flutter in his chest when his phone dinged a moment later.  Kylo’s text read, “Yes, what time?”

“2?”

“Okay.”

Poe had to smile at the fact Kylo used proper punctuation in his texts, even if they were terse.  He hesitated a moment, then sent, “Looking forward to it.”

He smiled again when he got the reply, “Me too.”

\--

Poe woke up earlier than usual for his day off—but it was still late morning.  Finn had left for work hours ago, so Poe took B.B. for a walk before he got in the shower.  He’d told Finn he was flying that afternoon and might be “working late,” although he couldn’t stay out _too_ late since he had a flight the next morning.  Nevertheless, Finn had given him a knowing smirk and promised to feed and walk the dog that evening.

As he shaved and pondered what to wear, Poe felt a little silly.  Here he was treating the whole thing like a date and fretting over his appearance, while Kylo would probably turn up in black and glare at everything.  And yet, it didn’t bother Poe too much.  _That’s just how he is,_ he thought, _and I like him anyway._

But when he pulled up at the fairgrounds right at two, Kylo wasn’t there at the gate.  Poe couldn’t get in while the carnival was closed, so he had expected Kylo to meet him there.  Surely he wouldn’t have forgotten the gate would be locked?  Poe even double-checked his phone to make sure Kylo hadn’t sent him any messages to cancel their plans.

Poe got out of the car and went up to the gate to look around, trying not to feel too disappointed yet.  _Am I really getting stood up?  For the first time **ever**?  By **him**?_   Then he noticed the security guard, Phasma, coming toward him from one of the buildings inside.

She stopped on the other side of the gate.  “Poe.  I guess you’re here for Kylo?”

“Yeah.”  Poe noticed she was wearing her work shirt, but it was untucked, and she didn’t have any makeup on as far as he could tell.  “How do you know my name?”

Phasma looked him over, and for a moment, he thought she wouldn’t open the gate.  But then she did and stepped aside so he could come in.

“He told me.”  Phasma locked the gate behind Poe then looked at him again, thoughtfully.  “He’s. . . not in a good mood today.”

“Uh. . . is something wrong?”  Poe wasn’t sure how to take any of this.  Had Kylo sent her to go let him in?  Or had he told her _not_ to let Poe in?

Phasma shrugged.  “I don’t know what, but he’s pissed off about something.  I thought I should warn you.”

Poe studied her face.  Her pale eyes looked smaller than before without her makeup, but she looked a little more approachable that way.  Her hair was still in a bun, and a few blond wisps had come loose and fell about her face.

“Why?” he asked her.

“He likes you.  And I think a friend like you could be good for him.  But only if you don’t let him chase you off.”  Phasma spoke in short, terse sentences that didn’t match the content of her words.  _She does care about him,_ Poe marveled.

“Thanks.”  He managed a smile at Phasma and got a small, no-nonsense smile in return.

Still, Poe had no idea what to expect when he got to Kylo’s building.  The door wasn’t shut, so he pushed aside the purple curtains and went in.  He was about to call out from the fortune-telling room, but a horrendous crash from deeper in made him dash through the second wall of curtains into Kylo’s living room.

Kylo was there with his back to Poe, shoulders hunched and hands down at his sides with the fingers half-clenched into claws.  Something—a drinking glass maybe—lay shattered on the ground against the wall in front of him.

“Kylo?” Poe blurted out before thinking that maybe he should have just sneaked back out again.

Kylo turned around, and Poe was startled by the bleak fury evident on his pale face.  Then all the fury drained away, and he just looked scared.

“Poe. . . .”  Poe saw his throat work as he swallowed.  “I. . . I’m sorry, I lost track of time.”

Poe nodded weakly.  “Is. . . is this a bad day?  We can go some other time.”  He took a step back.  For all Phasma’s talk about Kylo chasing him off, Poe was ready to leave on his own before that happened.

“No!  No, it’s okay.”  Kylo made a move to step forward then stayed where he was, although his hands relaxed.  Poe’s face must have shown his hesitation, for Kylo mumbled, “Really.  Please.  Let’s go.”

“Okay,” Poe finally agreed.  _No wonder Phasma thought she needed to warn me_ , he thought.  _What happened to make him that angry?  And why did he look so frightened?_   It wasn’t until they were on their way, unspeaking, to Poe’s car that it occurred to him.  _He was scared I’d leave._

\--

To be continued


	5. Chapter 5

On the thirty-minute ride to the small airport Poe used, Kylo eventually relaxed.  Poe didn’t ask what had happened earlier, deciding Kylo would tell him if he wanted to.  Instead, he started chatting about some of the flights he’d made that week (leaving out the newly engaged couple).  Kylo didn’t talk much, but he leaned back in his seat and even smiled once or twice.  He _was_ wearing all black, as Poe had predicted, but his button-up shirt looked nice on him. . . especially since he’d left the top couple buttons undone.  A silver rope-chain necklace hung to just below his pronounced clavicle, and Poe found himself glancing sideways at it as he drove.

At the airport, Kylo was impressed with Poe’s plane, even though Poe explained it was an older Cessna from the 70s.  After situating Kylo next to him in the cockpit, Poe took off for the route he’d figured out during the week.  They would end up flying along the coast, but first Poe turned the plane inland.

“This is amazing,” Kylo murmured after a long silence.  Poe glanced at him, surprised.  The other man was looking away from him, out the window to his right.

“What?  Flying?”

“Yes, and. . . well, _this._ ”  Kylo turned back to him and gestured at the plane’s controls with one hand.  “I can’t believe you own an _airplane_.”

Poe blushed a little, but it was from pleasure rather than embarrassment.  “Well, I’m still making payments, but. . . I have to admit, I’m proud of her.  She’ll pay for herself in a couple more years.”

“What will you do then?”

Poe shrugged.  “Same thing, I guess.  I enjoy getting paid to fly, and I haven’t made any big plans for my life yet.”  He glanced at Kylo again.  “What about you?  Are you going to keep working at the carnival for. . . for a long time?”

“I don’t know.”  Kylo’s voice was low, and he looked down.  “I. . . I like doing it, reading people.  But no one takes it seriously.  Or believes me.”  He said this last bit in a pointed way that made Poe feel a little ashamed of himself.  Whether or not Kylo was truly psychic, he _believed_ he was.  Kylo went on, “And I’m not good with people either, not like you are.”

“It. . . takes some practice,” Poe finally responded.

Kylo paused then asked, “What do your friends do?”

“Oh, Finn works at one of those big chain outdoors centers, selling guns and ammo.  He’s great with guns—tried to teach me to shoot once, but I’m hopeless at it.  I keep telling him he should quit and get a job at a range instead, giving lessons.  And Rey works for a used auto parts place, pulling parts for salvage.  She’s got a knack for mechanical stuff.  Training for her pilot’s license too; she’s a natural.”

Poe quit talking when he realized he was rambling again.  Kylo had gone back to looking out of the window, not quite turned away from him this time.

“You’re all really impressive,” Kylo said when Poe was quiet.

This time, Poe came up with the right thing to say at the right moment.  “So are you.”

Kylo started—almost flinched—and gave him a surprised look.  He covered it quickly with a more typical sardonic expression.  “I thought you didn’t believe in me.”

“I don’t know if I believe in the fortune telling or not.  But I like _you_.”

Kylo smiled, a _real_ smile that lit up his eyes.  He didn’t say anything, but Poe didn’t mind; seeing him look happy was enough.

Poe flew them over land for a while, then turned the plane back toward the coast.  Soon the ocean came into view, a glittering blue expanse almost too bright to look at on the sunny day.  Kylo gazed out at the horizon as they flew along the beach.

“The horizon is so _flat_ ,” he murmured.  When Poe looked at him, Kylo gave him an abashed little smile.  “I know that sounds strange, but. . . the ocean is the only place where I’ve ever seen an unbroken horizon, without a tree or a building or _something_ in the way.  Unless there’s a ship, it’s just. . . straight.  Like the world really is flat, and if I went past that line, I’d fall off.”

It _was_ a strange thing to say, but it made perfect sense too.  Poe nodded.

Kylo went on; it was the most he’d ever spoken to Poe at one time.  “Looking out there always makes me think of a place Lovecraft wrote about.  He’s the author of a lot of stories about Cthulhu and weird space stuff—but he also wrote about a world people go to when they dream.  There’s a city there, Serannian, and reading about it always made me think of Heaven.  A cloud city, he calls it, ‘beyond where the sea meets the sky.’  So sometimes I think that the horizon is where they meet, and if I pass it, instead of falling off the world. . . I’ll find Serannian.  It would be full of clouds and. . . and balloons, and those paper lanterns that float in the air when you light them.”

Poe gazed at Kylo as he spoke; the peaceful, happy expression on his face made it look like Poe’s must have when he talked about flying.  It was bizarre in a way, because the city Kylo dreamed about was full of light, as Poe envisioned it—pink, maybe, or golden, without a shadow to be found. . . and Kylo seemed to be _made_ of shadows.

“The next time I take you flying,” said Poe, “we’ll go on a cloudy day, and go up above the clouds.  It looks like that, a little.  No lanterns or balloons that high, but sometimes it looks like there are castles up there, made of clouds.”  Kylo turned to him, eyes wide again, looking apprehensive as if he feared Poe was making fun of him yet like he wanted to believe Poe at the same time.

“And hey, if you want balloons, I know a guy who has one,” Poe added.  “I can’t fly it, but he could take us up.  We’d have to go early in the morning though, or else at sunset—other times of day, the wind’s usually too high for ballooning.”

“I’d like that.  Both things.”  Kylo was still watching him, now with a less nervous expression.  “I like flying with you.”

“Then we’ll go again,” Poe promised before something occurred to him.  “But hey, this is your first time in a private plane, right?  A selfie with the pilot is obligatory!”

Kylo’s face faltered, and he looked away.  “I don’t like taking pictures.”

“Why not?” Poe persisted.  He wouldn’t have pursued the manner with any other passenger, but he wanted a photo of Kylo.

“I don’t look good in them,” Kylo muttered.

“It’ll be fine.”  Poe pulled out his phone and frowned at his passenger, who was still turned away and appeared to be sulking.  “Look, you don’t have to look at it if you don’t want to, and I won’t show it to anyone. . . but _I_ want a picture of us!”

Kylo turned back and studied him; again, Poe got the feeling his sincerity was being judged.

“Oh, all right,” Kylo finally relented.  He smoothed his hair down with his hands and leaned into the phone camera’s field of view, alongside Poe.  The pilot grinned, enjoying seeing them together on his phone even though Kylo was still scowling.  Poe wrapped his right arm around the other man’s shoulders and leaned his head against Kylo’s; they had to get close to both fit in the image, and Poe decided he should take full advantage of the situation.  On the phone’s screen, Kylo’s eyes widened in surprise—and then he smiled.  Poe snapped the picture before Kylo could regulate his expression.

Poe would have liked to stay just like that, with Kylo’s soft hair against his cheek and his tense body encircled in Poe’s arm.  Instead, he made himself let go and pull away.  Kylo’s normally pale skin had turned pink over his cheekbones, and he glanced at Poe’s phone as if trying to pretend he wasn’t interested.

Poe didn’t let him get away with that.  “See?” he grinned, holding the phone up.  “We look great!”

Kylo looked away, still blushing, then mumbled, “Could you send it to me?”  Poe did so, feeling triumphant and just a bit smug.

They flew a short distance further along the coast; then Poe turned back toward the airport.  Kylo looked out his window as they landed, then turned to Poe with another little smile.

“Thank you, Poe.”

Poe smiled back.  “You’re welcome.”  He scrambled down from his seat and hurried around to Kylo’s side of the plane to help him down.  “I’ve gotta work tomorrow, so I can’t be out too late. . . but if you want to grab an early dinner. . . .”

“Okay.  I didn’t have any other plans,” Kylo said with a hint of wryness in his voice.

They went to a steakhouse, most of which they had to themselves at that early hour on a Monday.  Poe tore into a steak, while as before, Kylo ate slower and less.  He nibbled on a salad with chicken, but he talked more and smiled more than he had earlier.  They were both more relaxed around one another, but Poe still felt his pulse race when their eyes met.

“Did you tell Finn not to worry about you tonight?” Kylo asked at one point, smirking.

“Well, I’m _not_ going to be gone all night—but I told him not to wait up either.”  Poe grinned.  “He said he’d take care of the dog, so _I_ don’t have to worry.”

“You have a dog?”

“Yeah, I guess I haven’t told you about him.”  Poe proudly displayed a picture of B.B. on his phone.  “I’ve had him since he was a puppy!  He’s a Brittany spaniel/Labrador retriever mix, name’s B.B.”

Kylo raised an eyebrow.  “B.B.?  Like Balloon Boy?”

Poe blinked.  “Uh, no, like—like the gun, because he’s fast like a bullet.  Finn named him.”

“Oh.”  Kylo flushed.  “Sorry, I thought. . . it’s a character.  In a video game.  _Five Nights at Freddy’s_.”  He paused.  “ _Five Nights at Freddy’s 2,_ actually.”

“I didn’t know you were a gamer.”  Poe was pleased to learn more about him, but Kylo looked still embarrassed.

“I. . . guess I’m kind of a nerd.”

“Hey, I told you we game too!” Poe reassured him.  “Mostly just Smash Brothers for me, but Finn likes shooters.  So what’s the one you mentioned about?”

“It’s. . . hard to explain.”  Kylo looked down at the remains of his salad, then glanced back up at Poe.  “It’s short though if you want to see it.”

“Back at your place?”  When Kylo nodded, Poe grinned again.  “Sure!”

\--

No one was around at the fairgrounds when they got back; if Phasma was still patrolling, she was busy elsewhere.  Kylo locked the door behind them when they got to his building.  He still seemed to be in a good mood, until they got into the living room and he saw the broken glass he had left by the wall.  Apparently, it reminded him of whatever had upset him, and he glowered as he muttered something about cleaning it up.  Poe offered to help, but Kylo just waved him off with one hand while he swept the glass into a trash can he tipped on its side.

After that, though, Kylo cheered up some.  He produced a laptop computer from his bedroom and sat down with it on the couch beside Poe, propping his feet up on the coffee table to set the computer on his thighs.  As it booted up, Kylo rubbed his thumb over a crack in the case near the touchpad, but he quit when he noticed Poe watching.

 _I wonder how that happened,_ Poe thought.  _Did he do it another time he got angry?_

“You have to be able to concentrate to play this game,” Kylo muttered, “so I don’t think I could do it with you here.”

“Oh?”  Poe smiled.  Kylo swallowed hard.

“I’ll show you a play-through video instead.  There’s four games so far, but this is the first one.”  He pulled up a video on YouTube.  They watched it.  By the time it was over, Poe was sure he would never sleep again.  He told Kylo as much, and the other man gave him that smug look Poe had seen the first night they met.

“Then I guess you’re too scared to watch the other ones.”

“I never said _that_.”

They were already sitting side-by-side, but three videos later, Poe was practically in Kylo’s lap.  He didn’t feel like a _complete_ coward, though, since Kylo yelped at most of the jump scares too.  When the video of the last game in the series ended, Poe was leaning on Kylo’s left shoulder, their cheeks almost touching.  He wasn’t really aware of it until that moment, but then all thoughts of creepy killer animatronics vanished, replaced by pleasure at being so close to Kylo.

“Now I’m glad I’m _not_ much of a gamer,” he murmured, almost in Kylo’s ear.  “You’re a braver man than I am.”

Kylo made a soft noise, and Poe felt a faint shiver work through his body.

“You don’t want to see any more?” he asked, matching the quiet tone of Poe’s voice.  “I could show you _Undertale_ —”  He broke off when his phone made a funny noise, something between a growl and the sound of wind rustling.

“What was _that_?” Poe asked, although he didn’t move.

“Uh, I’ve got a text.”  Kylo picked up his phone, which he’d laid on the couch beside him, looked at it, then all but threw it down again.  He looked back at his computer screen with the glower back on his face.

“I won’t peek if you want to read it,” Poe prompted him.

“It’s my mom.  I _don’t_ want to read it.”  Kylo’s entire demeanor had changed.  Part of his previous anger had returned, but there was something else, too.  He looked pained. . . miserable.  As nervous as the anger made him, Poe didn’t move.  _Maybe he needs me,_ he thought.

“If you want to talk about it, I’ll listen,” he said.

He didn’t expect Kylo to agree.  He certainly didn’t expect Kylo to do what he did next: shift his left hand away from the computer and cover Poe’s right with it.  His pale fingers folded around Poe’s hand, slipping between his thumb and finger to rest where he had read Poe’s lifeline the night they met.  Poe drew in his breath slowly, then just as slowly curled his own fingers down to hold Kylo’s.

“My father called me this morning,” Kylo said.  His eyes stayed fixed on the computer as he spoke.  “I haven’t talked to him since I left home.  Haven’t talked to either of them, really.  So he calls and wants to talk about me coming home—I know she put him up to it.  I don’t know _when_ she talked to him though; they split up after I left.  Because of me, I guess.”

Finally his eyes moved, and he lowered his head to look at his pale hand resting on Poe’s darker one.  “Mom’s military, and she wanted me to be like her—her or her brother, my uncle.  She acts like he hung the moon. . . maybe because he’s not my father, and she didn’t want me to end up being like _him_.  But I think any of them would rather me be like him than like. . . like _me_ , like what I am.  I got sick of them trying to change me, even now that I’m an adult.  So I just. . . left.”

Kylo stopped talking and was quiet for a while.  Poe just sat there and held his hand and waited.  It explained a lot about Kylo—not everything, but a lot.  Poe felt bad for him, although he was sure Kylo’s parents had their own version of the story.

“My uncle disappeared too, after I left.  They don’t know where he went.”  Kylo’s deep voice shook a little.  “Poe, I had to get out on my own, for the sake of my own sanity. . . but when I did, everything fell apart.  And I know they blame it all on me.  Why can’t they just leave me alone?”

 _Because they care about you,_ Poe thought, but he didn’t say it.  He had a feeling Kylo already knew and wanted to deny it, wanted to keep playing the victim and the misunderstood rebel a little while longer.  Maybe it was immature—what he had done was a modern-day version of running away and joining the circus—but it was part of Kylo, part of his journey on the way to the person he would become.

Poe ran his thumb over the ridge of the knuckles on the back of Kylo’s hand.  He wanted to say something to make Kylo feel better, but really, nothing he _could_ say would help.  All he could do was be there.

 _And I **want** to be here for him. . . with him,_ Poe thought.  He brought Kylo’s hand to his lips and kissed the backs of his fingers, closing his eyes as he held them there against his mouth.  He heard Kylo make that soft, surprised noise again, felt the hand tremble in his.

“Poe,” Kylo said hoarsely.  Poe opened his eyes again and looked at Kylo staring back at him.

“Yeah?” Poe mumbled against his hand.

“I thought. . . you might leave when you saw me this morning.  You should know something.”  His dark eyes flicked to their clasped hands—and Poe’s mouth—then back to his eyes.  “I’m kind of a mess.”

Poe smiled and shifted Kylo’s hand to press it against his cheek.  “That’s okay.  I have been too, since you told me that fortune.  Tell me something.  Did you know—could you see who it was?  Who I was with?”

Kylo shook his head.  The curls of hair in front of his ears shifted as his head moved.

“Good.  Then I can stop looking and make my own fortune.”

Kylo blinked then gave a short laugh.  “That. . . is the corniest thing I’ve ever heard anybody say.”

Poe grinned.  “Hey, I never said I was a poet. . . just the world’s best pilot.”

“And you’re going to stop looking?” Kylo asked.  He still had a faint smile, but his eyes also held that cautious, evaluating look.

“Yeah.  Although, to be honest. . . I stopped a week ago.”

The cautious, evaluating look faded, replaced with something decisive.  Kylo lifted his right hand to the unoccupied side of Poe’s face, cupped his jaw, leaned forward, and kissed him: close-mouthed but firmly.  He started to sit back, but Poe leaned forward himself and kissed him back.  Kylo’s fingers clenched on his jaw, and he pulled his other hand free of Poe’s to slip it around the back of his neck, holding Poe still while Kylo pressed their lips together.  Poe put his own arms around Kylo—who didn’t flinch this time—and held him as they kissed.  When Kylo opened his mouth—a little, hesitantly—Poe pushed the tip of his tongue between the other man’s lips.  Kylo moaned, just as Poe had imagined he would.

He was a better kisser than Poe had expected for someone who’d never dated before—but really, Poe would have loved it no matter what.  When Kylo shifted and the computer nearly slid off his lap, he shoved it aside onto the coffee table without stopping.  Poe would have laughed if his mouth hadn’t been otherwise occupied: it was a gesture so impatient and so. . . Kylo-like.  When they finally broke apart, breathing hard, Kylo’s reddened lips looked as sore as Poe’s felt.

Poe pulled him close again and rested his chin on Kylo’s shoulder.  Immediately, Kylo reciprocated, and Poe felt the other man’s lips against his neck, not kissing it but just resting there.

“I wish you didn’t have to work tomorrow,” Kylo muttered.  His breath tickled Poe’s skin.

“Ugh, so do I.”  _You don’t know how much,_ Poe added silently, _feeling your mouth there. . . ._   But he didn’t want to make Kylo nervous—or make it harder on himself to leave—by saying it aloud.  Instead, he gave Kylo’s hair a little nuzzle and asked, “At the risk of saying something else corny, when can I see you again?”

Kylo laughed against his neck.  “Any afternoon before Friday.  I have fencing on Wednesday though.”

“Fencing?  Like. . . with the skinny little swords?”

“The ones I use are called sabers, but yes.”  Kylo pulled back enough to look at Poe without leaving his arms.  “I took lessons for years, but now it’s mostly just practicing.”

“Can I come watch you?”  At Kylo’s startled look, Poe smiled.  “I bet you look hot doing it.”

“Poe!”  Kylo’s cheeks flushed as pink as his lips.  “You’re terrible. . . but yeah, you can come if you really want to.”

“I really want to.”  Poe stroked a strand of Kylo’s hair between his fingers.

“Okay, I’ll send you directions to the studio tomorrow.”  Kylo smiled at him, and Poe decided he would do anything he could to keep that smile on his face.

“Kylo. . . if you ever need to talk, about _anything_ , call me, okay?”

Kylo nodded and whispered, “Okay.  . . . And thank you.”

\--

To be continued


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to TheNevemore for help with the fencing scene!

To Poe’s dismay, Finn was still up when he got home.  He looked up from the TV and grinned as Poe came in.  B.B. jumped down off the sofa, where he had been snoozing next to Finn, and went over to greet his master.

“‘Working late,’ hunh?” Finn chuckled.

“Hey, buddy,” Poe said to the dog, ignoring his human friend entirely.  As he rubbed B.B.’s silky ears, he finally muttered to Finn, “I went to eat with a friend.”

“The same ‘friend’ you spent the night with?”  Finn couldn’t stand it, and he leaned over the arm of the sofa to plead, “C’mon, Poe, tell me who she is!”

“It’s not a ‘she.’”  Poe straightened up from petting the dog and rolled his eyes.  He was tired of Finn assuming the worst, and anyway, Finn would eventually figure out with whom Poe was spending so much time.  “If you must know, last week I went back to have it out with the fortune teller about giving me a phony fortune.  But he turned out not to be so bad, and we hit it off, so we’ve been hanging out some.”

Finn’s face fell; obviously, he was expecting something more salacious—and obviously, he had no idea that Poe was anything but friends with Kylo.  Poe decided to keep that part a secret a while longer—not out of embarrassment, but because he sort of _liked_ having a secret romantic interest.  And anyway, it would be a lot to spring on Finn all at once.

Nevertheless, Finn sounded disappointed as he said, “Aw man, that’s kind of boring.”

Poe chuckled.  “Not my fault your imagination was working overtime.  But really, he’s. . . he’s cool, Finn.  And lonely, I think.”

“I wouldn’t doubt it, holed up in the purple curtain warehouse.”  Finn gave Poe a smile before turning to switch off the television.  “I always said you could make friends with _anyone_.  Well, ask him to come hang out with all of us sometime, too.  As long as he doesn’t keep up with that creepy ‘Rey’s a psychic’ business, I wouldn’t mind having him around.”

Poe was touched.  “Thanks, bro.  Really.”  He yawned and headed for his room, gesturing for B.B. to follow.  “C’mon, buddy, I’ve got an early flight tomorrow.  Night, Finn.”

“Night.”

After undressing and getting into bed—and after B.B. arranged himself beside Poe with his head on the other pillow—Poe set the alarm on his phone and, after a moment’s thought, changed his background picture to the photo of him and Kylo.  As he lay back with his hand resting on B.B.’s furry side, Poe hoped he’d dream about Kylo that night.

\--

He didn’t.  He dreamed about _Five Nights at Freddy’s_.  His nightmares about giant robotic bears with mouths in their stomachs were not conducive to a good night’s rest, and that early flight the next morning was not one of his best.

\--

Wednesday was a better day, and that afternoon Poe drove to the fencing studio where Kylo was a member.  The directions Kylo texted him led him to an ordinary-looking strip mall, but inside the building, the studio resembled a high school gym without the usual basketball goals.  It was surprisingly pleasant, with polished wood flooring and a mirrored back wall lined with barres since it doubled as a ballet studio.

Unfortunately, Poe was late: his last flight of the day had taken longer than expected, and by the time he slipped in the door, Kylo was ready to begin fencing—at least Poe assumed that one of the two fencers he saw was Kylo.  Both were wearing masks and protective clothing that disguised their appearance.  Poe started toward a few chairs set against the front wall, then stopped when he saw somebody already there: Phasma.

She glanced at him and tilted her head, beckoning him to come sit down.  Poe went over and sat in the chair next to hers.

“You here to watch Kylo?” she whispered, without looking at him.  She was wearing her silver makeup, though not as heavily as she had at the carnival the first night Poe had seen her, and her hair was pulled back in a long ponytail that nearly reached her waist.

“Uh, yeah.  Which one is he?”

“On the left.”  Phasma crossed her legs and drummed the fingers of her left hand lightly against her shiny boot.  Sensing that Poe was still looking at her, she turned her head and smirked.  “Don’t worry, I’m not here with _him_.  I came with Hux.”

Poe decided to ignore the implication that he might be jealous.  “Hux?  He fences too?”

Phasma nodded.  “They don’t have bouts against each other often, but every now and then, there’s no one else around when they want to practice.”  An almost predatory smile curved her silver lips.  “It’s always interesting.  They’re both sore losers.”

 _No wonder Kylo said she and Hux were frenemies,_ Poe thought.  As he looked back at the two fencers saluting each other with their sabers, he noticed an unmasked, handsome older man leaning against the barre at the mirror.  He was stern-faced with a white beard and mustache but surprisingly dark eyebrows.  He reminded Poe a little of Saruman in the _Lord of the Rings_ movies but with short hair.

“Who’s the other guy?” he asked Phasma.

“The director.  He’s keeping score since it’s a dry bout—they’re not using electronics to keep score like in the Olympics or something.  Whoever touches the other with his saber scores a point.”

At first, it wasn’t much like Poe had expected.  From old movies, he assumed fencing was a constant battle, both parties sort of. . . dancing around and stabbing at each other with the “skinny little swords.”  Sort of an Errol Flynn kind of thing.  He was almost disappointed when mostly it was Kylo and Hux standing some distance apart, eyeing each other through their masks, then suddenly coming together for an instant only to stop and withdraw.  It took Poe a minute to realize that was all it took for one to touch the other with his saber.

The only real excitement was the restrained fury of their rushes at one another.  The director’s face was impassive as he marked their score, and Phasma leaned back in her chair with a somewhat bored expression.  She might be there “with” Hux, but she certainly didn’t seem to care who won the match.  Poe, however, felt a little rush of adrenaline every time Kylo came away the victor of a skirmish.  Kylo’s body language intrigued him, showing the cockiness Poe had glimpsed before.  Although he tensed and stalked when Hux bested him, there was a little swagger to Kylo’s hips that Poe quite appreciated when he returned to his starting position after scoring.  Kylo exuded far more confidence in public, showing off his talents, than when he and Poe were alone.  It was. . . well. . . sexy, even when he was covered up in protective gear.

Then, finally, Poe got something of the drawn-out skirmish he’d been expected.  It still only lasted a few seconds, but after the previous short bouts, it felt longer.  Kylo and Hux darted forward and back, slashing their sabers at each other in tight arcs; then Kylo was only moving forward, lunging, and Hux was only drawing back.  Kylo stabbed his saber toward his opponent, and the tip touched Hux’s chest.  Hux’s motion kept him moving, and he ended up turning away and staggering another couple steps, carried by the inertia of his movements.  Kylo ended up half-kneeling on one leg before popping back up and all but sauntering back to his starting position—after turning his head towards Poe, making sure he had been watching.  Poe felt himself grin.

“He’s showing off for you.”  Phasma’s slightly amused voice made Poe jump.  He realized he was leaning forward, literally on the edge of his seat, and he slid back into his chair while trying to look nonchalant.

“Well, he’s good,” Poe muttered as he risked a glance at her.  She was smirking at him.

“Unh hunh.  But he’s also a little too full of himself.  Sometimes Hux wins, and it’s only because Kylo gets cocky and makes stupid mistakes.”  Phasma looked Poe up and down.  “Having his hot boyfriend in the cheering section to stroke his ego will trip him up if he’s not careful.”

Poe opened his mouth to protest humbly that he wasn’t _that_ hot—something he had had to do before—when the rest of the sentence sunk in.  His mouth stayed open a second before he remembered to close it.  Phasma arched her pale, perfectly-groomed eyebrows.

“I’m not—not his boyfriend,” Poe muttered.

“Oh?  So you’re both still available?”

Poe glared at her, wondering as he did so if she were hitting on him— _or_ implying she might be interested in Kylo after all.  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Phasma giggled— _giggled_.  Coming from her, it was completely disarming.  For an instant, she was just a normal, cute girl instead of an intimidating security guard.

“It’s supposed to mean that you look awfully jealous for someone who’s not his boyfriend.”  Then she quit smiling and regained her usual cool demeanor.  “Maybe you haven’t made it official, but you should think about it.”

Poe felt his face grow warm—but then, maybe it _was_ time to stake a claim.  The thought of Kylo with anybody else didn’t just make him feel jealous.  It hurt.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he told Phasma.

Kylo won the bout, and even though the two men saluted one another after it ended, Poe could tell how irritated Hux was with the outcome.  When the blond man pulled off his mask, his mouth was pressed closed in a thin line and his jaw clenched.  Phasma didn’t seem to mind though—and maybe, based on her previous comments, she liked seeing Hux lose as much as she liked seeing him win.  Hux spoke briefly to the director then trudged through a door in the back of the room.

On the other hand, Kylo looked pleased with himself when he took off his own mask.  Still, he wasn’t as arrogant about it as Poe had expected from what Phasma told him.  Kylo came over to them, mask under one arm and saber in hand.

“Hi,” he said to Poe, smiling a little.

“Hi.”  Poe grinned outright as he stood up.  For one thing, he was glad to see Kylo, and for another, Kylo looked really, really good.  Even though his hair and face were damp with sweat, the pleased expression on his face made him as handsome as Poe had ever seen him.

“Nice work,” Phasma said, standing as well.  “Hux’ll be a load of fun at work tonight.”

“He fenced very well today,” Kylo told her without much enthusiasm.  Phasma picked up on it and shook her head.

“You wouldn’t be so polite if _he_ wasn’t here.”  She gestured at Poe.  “Anyway, tell Hux I’ll be waiting outside.”  Phasma flicked her hand off her forehead in a mock salute.  “See you, Poe.”

“Yeah, later.”  Poe watched her leave with a shake of his own head.  “She’s. . . different.”

“I didn’t know she would be here.  Or that I’d be fencing Hux.”  Kylo frowned for a minute, but his pleasure at winning the bout kept him from frowning long.  “Do you mind waiting a minute while I go change?”

“Course not.”  Poe glanced aside to make sure the director had left the room; then he took Kylo’s face in his hands and planted a kiss on his mouth.  “Make it quick.”  When Poe let him go, Kylo was blushing—and smiling—as he nodded.

Hux left while Poe was waiting; he gave Poe a long, curious look but didn’t speak to him.  Kylo emerged from the back of the studio a few minutes later, dressed in a close-fitting, long-sleeved black shirt and running pants and pulling a rolling bag behind him for his fencing gear.  Poe held the door open for him, and they walked outside together.  Hux and Phasma had already gone, which was fine with Poe.

Kylo raked his fingers through his hair and muttered an apology for his appearance.

“Are you kidding?  I _knew_ you’d look hot fencing.”

Kylo gave him a deadpan look, although Poe could tell he was trying to suppress another smile.  “Even with all the stuff I was wearing?”

“Yes, even then.”  Poe thought about how to explain it, settling for, “It’s something about how you move. . . especially your hips.  I like it.”

“You’re embarrassing me,” Kylo declared, even as he reached out his free hand to grab Poe’s.  The gesture was so innocent and sweet, especially coming from Kylo, that Poe felt warm all over.

“Where’s your car?” Poe asked with a squeeze of Kylo’s hand.

“Over there.”  Kylo nodded to their right.  “The black Mustang.”

“Wow, nice!”  Poe was impressed: it was a newer model and far cleaner on the outside (and probably inside) than his own car.  Again, he wondered how Kylo could afford his nice possessions on what couldn’t have been much income, but then maybe he had had money before he left home.

“Thanks.  It’s not as nice as a plane though.”  Kylo squeezed his hand back then let go to put his bag in the back seat.  “I wish I could go out with you, but I’m gross and need a shower.  I’ll barely have time before I have to get to work.”

“It’s okay. . . although I wouldn’t say you’re gross.”  As Kylo shut the car door, Poe pulled him into an embrace and nuzzled the side of his neck and the damp ends of his hair.  He felt a shiver work through Kylo’s body, and Kylo rested his chin on Poe’s shoulder.

“You know, someone might see us.”  Kylo’s deep voice held a teasing note.

Poe kissed his neck, just once lest he get too carried away.  “Good.  I want to be seen with you.”  Kylo’s arms clenched tighter around him.

“That reminds me,” Poe added, leaning back enough to see Kylo’s face without letting him go.  “Finn and Rey want you to come hang out with us.  I haven’t told them. . . um, everything, but they know I’ve been spending time with you.”

“You’re sure they really want me to come?”  Kylo’s face reflected the doubt in his voice.

“Of course.  The only problem would be finding a time when we’re all off work.  Rey wants to go roller skating Saturday night if you would be able to leave the carnival then. . . and if you didn’t mind being around a bunch of people.”  Poe had hesitated to invite Kylo to that particular outing after what he had said about not being “good with people.”  However, he did want Rey and Finn to get to know Kylo better—and Poe suspected that Kylo wasn’t as antisocial as he let on.  _He couldn’t do what he does as a fortune teller if he didn’t have some kind of empathy with others_ , Poe had thought.

“Saturdays are usually my busiest nights,” Kylo began; then he stopped and looked at Poe with a wry twist of his mouth.  “Okay, don’t look so disappointed.  I’ll close up early and come.”

Poe blinked. . . and grinned.  “I didn’t know I was _that_ transparent.”

Kylo leaned his head close to Poe’s and murmured in his ear, “Your face is so expressive, I don’t even have to read you to know what you’re thinking half the time.”

Poe’s pulse quickened at the feeling of Kylo’s breath on his ear.  “Oh really?  Then what am I thinking right now?”

“I can’t see your face right now,” Kylo pointed out.

“Excuses, excuses.”  Poe shifted so he could look at Kylo again.  “I’ll make it easy for you and just say it.”  He felt a little thrill of nervous excitement gazing into those dark eyes, even though he was pretty sure how Kylo would answer.  “Maybe this isn’t how it’s done anymore, and I’m being old-fashioned. . . but will you be my boyfriend?”

Kylo’s cheekbones reddened, but he smiled, brilliantly.  “Yes.  Of course.”  He leaned in and gave Poe a soft kiss.  “Poe. . . when I met you, I never thought—”  He broke off and just pressed his face into Poe’s shoulder again.  Poe hugged him and stroked his fingers through the back of Kylo’s hair, now drying into little points along his neck.

“Can you come to my apartment Saturday?” he murmured to change the subject, sensing that Kylo was embarrassed at his own display of emotion.  “You can ride to the skating rink with us. . . although I think your car is way nicer than any of ours.”

“Okay.  I want to see where you live, anyway.”  Kylo finally pulled away from him.  “I-I’d better go if I want to open on time tonight.”  He opened the driver’s door to his car, then turned back to kiss Poe one last time, hard.

“Oh geez,” Poe gasped.  “Keep doing that, and I’ll end up just wanting to stay home to make out with you.  Not that the thought hasn’t crossed my mind before. . . .”

“You’re a pervert,” Kylo returned primly.  He grasped Poe’s hand one last time before getting in his car.  He looked back at Poe, and they waved at each other before Kylo drove away.  It all made Poe feel a little emotional himself as he trudged back to his own car, wishing he could go with Kylo instead.

 _My first boyfriend,_ he thought.  _And hopefully, my only one. . . ._   That last thought was a little scary—especially coupled with Kylo’s fortune for him—but Poe couldn’t tell himself otherwise.  He had dated girls before, but never guys despite being attracted to some in the past.  And he had never dated any of those girls for longer than a few months. . . and never with the intensity of feeling he had for Kylo.

Back in his car, Poe rested his hands on the steering wheel and looked out at the parking lot without seeing it.  _I love him._   It was scary not only because it was Poe’s first time truly being in love, but also because. . . well, it was _Kylo_.  There was still so much mystery about him: his belief in his psychic abilities, his falling out with his family, his lifestyle, his friends—if that’s what Phasma and Hux were.  And yet, that element of mystery excited Poe, too, and made him want to spend the rest of his life exploring Kylo and learning his secrets.

 _Stop it,_ he told himself, imagining what sensible Rey might tell him if she were there. _You’re getting ahead of yourself—he’s only been your boyfriend for about fifteen minutes!  You don’t even know how he feels about you.  Sure, he likes you, but you’re also his first relationship, ever.  What if it’s just infatuation, just a crush?  What if he’s not in love with you?_

“Ouch,” Poe muttered aloud.  His inner Rey was pretty harsh.  He tried for an inner Finn instead, who was a bit gentler.  _Just take it one day at a time.  See how things go Saturday. . . and have fun instead of worrying about it!_

That advice sounded better, and a lot more like Poe’s nature than fretting over what might or might not happen.  Poe had cheered up considerably by the time he started up his car and drove home.

\--

To be continued


	7. Chapter 7

Poe was agitated all day on Saturday.  He vacuumed the apartment top to bottom that morning to clean up B.B.’s shed dog hair, then spent the next few hours pacing around until it was time to get ready.  Finn, on the other hand, spent most of the day playing video games and commenting that Poe was making him nervous.

After he showered and shaved, Poe spent a long time deciding what to wear.  It was early spring and still a little cold, but he also needed to be dressed comfortably enough for movement.  On top of everything else, Poe was apprehensive about skating for the first time in years.  He finally pulled on a pair of jeans that fit close to his body and a maroon long-sleeved shirt that Rey had once said looked nice with Poe’s eyes.  He spent longer than normal on his hair, too, even using a little gel to keep it in place.

He had told Kylo to come a little early, wanting to have time to show him around the apartment and introduce him to B.B.  Even so, Poe was ready a full half hour before Kylo was to arrive, and he ended up wandering around the living room while Finn tried to play _Call of Duty_.

“Dude, would you sit down?” Finn griped.  He glanced up at Poe then whistled as he got a good look.  “You look good, man.  I didn’t know this was such a special occasion.”

“What?”  Poe pretended he hadn’t put any thought into his appearance.  “It isn’t.  I just remembered Rey likes this shirt.”

Finn snorted.  “Since when did you try to impress Rey?”  Then he paused and looked down at his own clothes.  “You think this looks nice enough?  Think she’ll like it?”

“It’s fine,” Poe chuckled.  They both jumped when the doorbell rang, and B.B. gave a sharp bark; he associated the bell with Rey coming to visit.  Finn started to get up, but Poe dashed to the door ahead of him.  Looking through the peephole, he saw Kylo outside, looking as nervous as he felt.

Poe opened the door and smiled at his boyfriend.  Kylo smiled back, almost shyly.

“Sorry I’m a little early.  I was afraid I’d get stuck in traffic coming over here.”

“It’s fine,” Poe began.  “I—”

“Hey, come in!” Finn interrupted over Poe’s shoulder.  Poe made a face but stepped aside to let Kylo enter.

“Kylo, this is Finn.  Since you haven’t been formally introduced.  Finn, Kylo.”

Kylo nodded.  “I suppose you never did get your palm read, did you?”

“Nope,” Finn chuckled.  “Although now that you’re making home visits—”

“ _No._ ”  This time, Poe was the one to interrupt.  “He’s not here on business.”  He tugged on Kylo’s arm to get him past Finn.  “And _this_ is B.B.  C’mere, buddy!”

The dog had gotten to his feet when the bell rang, but he had hung back, unsure of what to think of the newcomer.  At Poe’s command, he walked cautiously toward Kylo, then stuck out his muzzle and sniffed his hand.  Kylo held his hand out and eyed the dog just as cautiously.  Finally, B.B. decided his buddy’s new friend was all right, and he wagged his tail while he nuzzled Kylo’s hand.  Kylo patted him carefully then drew back, obviously not used to dogs.

“He’ll grow on you,” Finn pointed out as he sat himself back down on the sofa.  “A lot like his owner.”  Kylo gave Poe a significant sideways look that Poe was glad Finn couldn’t see.  Poe grinned and motioned for Kylo to follow him.

“So that’s the living room, and here’s the kitchen.”  Poe indicated their kitchen, separated from the living room by a half wall that doubled as a counter.  “And my room’s back here.”  As he led Kylo down the little hall to his and Finn’s bedrooms, out of Finn’s sight, Poe grabbed his hand.

“I missed you,” he whispered.

“I missed you too.”  Kylo followed Poe into his room and pressed closed to his side as he looked around.  “It’s neater than I expected.”

“I, uh, cleaned up a little.”  Poe turned to admire Kylo now that they were alone.  He was wearing a button-up shirt again but with another shirt—dark grey! Not black!—under it along with the chain necklace he’d worn in the plane.  Poe reached up to touch it, then drew his finger under Kylo’s chin.  “You look really nice.”

“S-so do you,” Kylo stammered.  “That color looks good on you.”  He closed his eyes as Poe leaned up and kissed him.  When Poe drew back, he admired how long and black Kylo’s lashes looked on his pale cheeks.  He ran his fingers through the feathery hair in front of Kylo’s ear.

“You’re so gorgeous, Kylo.”

“No, I’m not,” Kylo protested in a mumble.  He put his arms around Poe’s shoulders anyway and leaned into him; Poe put his own hands on Kylo’s waist and stroked his sides.

“Yes, you are.  And I’ll keep telling you until you believe it.”  He dropped his hands to Kylo’s hips and gripped them as he tilted his head and kissed his neck.  “And kissing you, for that matter.”

“Nngh, Poe. . . .”  Kylo shifted his hips under Poe’s touch and leaned his head to the side to expose more of his neck.  Poe kissed it eagerly—until the sound of the doorbell made them start and pull away from each other.  They exchanged embarrassed looks, and Poe laughed.

“That must be Rey,” he chuckled.  “Looks like I’ll have to get you alone later.”

“So was that your plan when you invited me over?”  Kylo gave him a look of mock disapproval—but as he went back into the hall, he moved with the saunter Poe had admired during his fencing.  Kylo was a paradox, self-deprecating one minute and perfectly aware of how attractive Poe found him the next.  Poe wasn’t sure which behavior was true and which was the act—or maybe _none_ of it was an act.  Maybe that was just how Kylo was, two different natures in one frustrating, intriguing man.

Poe took him back to the living room where Rey was waiting with Finn.  She smiled at Poe then her gaze shifted to Kylo.  The two of them stared at each other for a moment before Rey nodded at him politely and turned back to Poe again.

“You look good tonight, Poe.”

“That’s what I told him!” Finn declared as he pulled on his leather jacket.  It had originally been Poe’s, but Finn kept borrowing it so much, Poe finally just gave it to him.  “And Poe, since you’re lookin’ so good, you can drive tonight.”

Poe smiled and shrugged.  “Fine with me.”

When they got out to the parking lot, Finn yelled, “Shotgun!” and ran for Poe’s car.  Rey pursed her lips in a little smile and followed him.

“Sit in the back with me, Finn.”

Finn looked from her to the passenger seat and back again, torn.  Rey persisted, “Let Kylo sit up front—he’s Poe’s guest.”

“Well. . . okay.”  Finn added defiantly in Kylo’s direction, “I _did_ call it, though.”  As he got in the backseat, Rey gestured Kylo grandly toward the vacant passenger seat then joined Finn in the back.  Kylo’s expression was surprised, and maybe a little alarmed, when he slid into the car.  Poe understood something of that expression: he had the feeling that Rey somehow knew they were more than just friends.

_Maybe she **is** a little psychic_ , Poe thought as he drove them to the skating rink, remembering the way Rey and Kylo had stared at each other.  _And there’s something weird about the two of them together._   It wasn’t anything for him to be jealous of; no, it was something different entirely, as if they had known each other before, in another life both had forgotten.  _Geez, Kylo’s got me believing in all kinds of supernatural stuff now!_ Poe scolded himself, trying to put it all out of his mind for the time being.

Kylo was quiet on the ride, giving terse answers to any questions Finn put to him until Finn gave up and chatted with Rey instead.  When Poe glanced over at Kylo, he looked nervous.

“I haven’t tried to roller skate in years,” Poe told him, trying to get him to relax.  “If I start to embarrass you, you’re free to pretend you don’t know me.”

Kylo smiled a little.  “I haven’t done it since I was a child, so I’ll be the one embarrassing you.  I’m sure you’re good at it.  You’re probably good at everything.”  He said the last sentence in a wistful, almost envious tone.

“Are you kidding?” Poe chided him gently.  “After seeing the way you move when you fence, I feel like an ox next to you.  You looked so graceful when you—”  He broke off when he checked the rearview mirror and saw two sets of eyes watching him through it from the back seat.  Rey’s held a knowing look, and Finn’s were startled.  Poe flushed and decided he’d better change the subject away from Kylo’s body.

“Anyway, Rey’s thinking of joining a roller derby team, so she’s been coming to the rink to practice.  They’re open weekend nights for anyone to come skate, and she decided we all should go,” Poe explained.

Kylo half-turned in his seat to look back at Rey, who was sitting behind Poe.  “Roller derby _and_ you’re getting your pilot’s license?  You’re impressive.”

“Poe told you about that?”

“Yes, when he took. . . .”  Kylo trailed off and glanced at Poe, coloring slightly.  “Er, when he took me flying.”

“Oh.”  Poe had never imagined that someone could speak a single syllable with such significance.  “Yeah,” Rey went on, “well, I grew up in a tiny town in Nevada where there was absolutely nothing to do.  Since I moved out here, I’ve been trying to do _everything_.”  In the mirror, Poe saw her smile, and he relaxed a little.

When they arrived at the skating rink, it wasn’t as crowded as Poe had feared, and he relaxed even more.  Kylo did hang back at the entrance as a gaggle of teenaged girls passed them on their way in, but he smiled when Poe put his hand on his shoulder and squeezed it a little.  Rey had her own skates and was already zipping around the rink by the time the three guys had rented some and sat down on benches at the edge of the rink to put them on.

“She looks good out there,” Finn commented, a bit wistfully, as he laced his skates up.  Rey skated back over to the railing in front of their benches, expertly dodging the few other skaters she passed.

“Hurry up!” she teased Finn as she leaned on the metal railing.

“Okay, okay!”  He stood and clomped awkwardly to the railing, then held on to it as he scooted his way over to the opening into the rink.  Finn almost lost his balance when he got onto the wooden floor, once polished but now scuffed to a nearly soft texture, but he recovered without falling and started trying to keep up with Rey.  Poe chuckled.

“He’ll be more fun to watch once he gets the hang of it and starts trying to show off.”  He looked at Kylo and asked more quietly, “You okay?”

“Yes.”  Kylo smiled at him, and Poe was seized with an urge to kiss him right then and there, in front of anyone who happened to be looking their way.  He settled for running a hand down the back of Kylo’s arm instead.  They managed to make it out into the rink without falling down, but both stayed close to the railing as they made their first circuit.  Poe found that his feet remembered at least a little bit of the motions necessary to propel himself forward, but Kylo was actually better at it than he was.  He scuffled a long a bit, then began to skate faster and with more confidence, his face lighting up in another smile. . . while Poe kept his right hand hovering over the railing.

Suddenly, Kylo grabbed Poe’s left hand and tugged to pull Poe alongside him.  Poe flailed his right arm around for balance but grinned as he caught up and they skated together, hands clasped.  No one else paid them any attention at first; the other skaters were too busy keeping their own balance, or showing off for their friends, or enjoying (more or less) the steady stream of eighties music blasting from the rink’s speakers.  Finn was a more adept skater than anyone had expected, and he sailed by backwards belting out Def Leppard lyrics at Rey, who followed him, laughing: “Demolition woman, can I be your man?”

Poe was too busy watching them to notice Kylo getting a little ahead of him, and he careened right into the other man and sent them both skidding into the railing.  Kylo grabbed on to it, but his feet kept moving and went out from under him; he sprawled backwards into Poe, and they both crashed to the floor.  Poe cracked up, despite feeling a bit bruised from both the hard floor and the larger man landing on him.  Kylo turned back to look at him, saw his face, and dissolved into laughter too.

“Y-you—idiot—” he gasped.  “So much for—being good at everything!”

“S-sorry!”  Poe leaned his forehead on Kylo’s shoulder as he laughed.  Other skaters laughed too, good-naturedly, as they skirted the heap of tangled limbs and dark hair.  Kylo turned his head back to brush his lips against Poe’s temple, and this time Poe did kiss him, catching his mouth briefly when Kylo started to turn away.  He didn’t care who saw or what they thought.  Kylo’s eyes met his, startled but happy.

They struggled to their feet and managed to skate a while longer without falling again.  Neither ever did get comfortable enough with it to do anything fancy, but Poe was content to travel in circles around the rink until he noticed it was beginning to fill up.  Some groups of kids had come in and decided to travel the rink in packs, making it hard for the other skaters to maneuver.  Poe pulled Kylo over the rail and had to nearly yell to be heard over the noise.

“Want to go sit down for a while?”  When Kylo nodded with a grateful look, they made their way out of the rink and collapsed on a bench to remove their skates.

“That. . . was fun.”  Kylo smiled at him, sweaty and a bit dusty but, in Poe’s opinion, utterly adorable.

“Yeah.  I think I’ll be kind of sore tomorrow, but I’ll live.”  Poe scanned the crowd for Rey and Finn, who saw him and started skating over.  Then Poe noticed the same group of girls who had passed them on the way in, now clustered near the concession stand and watching him.  One of them, a redhead with shoulder-length curls, actually winked at him and waved.  The others tittered at their friend’s boldness.  Poe gave them what he hoped was a brotherly smile and turned back to Kylo.

To Poe’s dismay, Kylo had noticed the girls too.  He cast them a severe, surly look, but before Poe could reassure him, Rey and Finn joined them.

“You guys want anything to eat?” Rey asked as she sat to pull her skates off.  “I’m starving.”

“You’re always starving,” Finn teased her.

“Well, maybe Finn’s not hungry, but I am,” Poe retorted.  “What do you want, Rey?  Kylo and I can go get it after we get our shoes on.”

“Cheeseburger.”  Rey shot him a grateful look.  “And a soda.  Big one.”

“Got it.  I’m buying tonight.”  Poe chuckled at her protest and started to get up—then he laughed out loud when Finn complained.

“Hey, what about asking what _I_ want?”

“Oh, but you’re the one who’s never hungry, right?”  After a brief, playful scuffle, Finn admitted that he did indeed want a cheeseburger too.  By the time Poe and Kylo retrieved their shoes, the girls had left the concession area, to Poe’s relief.  He noticed them skating around the rink in a herd, one or two of them looking at him from time to time, but he ignored them.  He was used to being ogled—used to his friends teasing him about it, really, although he swore it wasn’t because he was extraordinarily handsome.  Poe believed it was his optimistic attitude that attracted others, although Finn sometimes pointed out that Poe’s definition of “attitude” must include a nice smile and great hair.  But Kylo obviously hadn’t been comfortable seeing someone else flirt with his boyfriend, no matter how uninterested Poe was.  Poe was glad to avoid potential conflict at the concession stand, although he wished the girls had left altogether.

After the four ate, Poe and Finn scooped up their trash and went over to the can to dump it.  Before they returned to the others, Finn grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

“Hey, uh. . . you could have told me, man.”

“Told you what?”  From the awkward look on Finn’s face, Poe had an idea of what he meant.

“You know that. . . you and Kylo were. . . uh. . . .”

Poe raised an eyebrow.  “Boyfriends?”

“Yeah.”  Finn broke into a grin once the word was out in the open.  “Did you really think I’d give you a hard time?”

“Not because he’s a guy,” Poe said wryly, “but because I pretty much called him a fraud the first time we met.  It’s a little embarrassing for me to admit I was wrong.”

“Whoa, so he really is psychic?”

“Oh, I don’t know about that.  Maybe.”  Poe looked over at Kylo thoughtfully.  “Nothing’s really convinced me one way or the other.  But I meant, that I was wrong to. . . not give him a chance at first.”

“Yeah, I can see that.  You certainly gave _me_ a chance the day we met.”  Finn chuckled and thumped Poe on the shoulder.  “Rey told me I was dense not to get it until now, but when I saw you kiss him. . . well, anyway!  I’m glad you’re happy, bro.”

Poe smiled.  “Thanks.  I am.”

They decided to leave soon after; Kylo said the noise was giving him a headache, and they all were tired.  Poe noticed some girls from his group of admirers standing near the exit, and when he glanced at Kylo, he realized from the other man’s expression that he saw them too.  The redhead was among them.  Poe hoped to avoid a confrontation, but there was no other way out of the building.  Besides, Rey and Finn were already walking toward the doors.  Poe grasped Kylo’s hand and held it as they followed.

Poe didn’t look at the girls as he neared them, but he heard them as he passed.  One of them—probably the spurned redhead—remarked loudly to the others, “What’s such a fine guy doing with _him_?”  Poe gritted his teeth with the effort it took to keep ignoring her, but Kylo’s reaction stunned him.  He snatched his hand away from Poe’s, and for an instant, Poe feared he was going to throw down with a teenaged girl right then and there.  Instead, Kylo shoved his way past Finn and Rey and slammed out of the door in front of them.

Finn made an incoherent, surprised noise, and Rey looked back at Poe.  “What happened?”

“Uh. . . I’m not sure,” Poe mumbled.  He side-stepped them and followed Kylo out, the other two coming after him.  No one else was outside save Kylo, who was standing off to the side of the doorway and swearing.  He brought up one fist and slammed it into the side of the building, hard enough that it had to have hurt although he showed no sign of it.  The action was so cartoonish, it might have been funny under other circumstances—but the look of absorbed fury on Kylo’s face made Poe’s stomach knot.  Kylo looked as angry as he had the day Poe took him flying, but that anger at least had had a justifiable cause.  This reaction was over nothing more than a young girl’s spiteful comment.

As uncomfortable as Poe felt, he had to do something.  “Kylo!” he finally called.  Kylo looked at him but hardly seemed to see him.  Poe glanced back and saw Finn and Rey standing behind him with startled expressions.

Poe pulled his keys out of his pocket and tossed them to Finn.  “Here, go wait in the car, okay?”  Finn nodded and went, clearly glad to get away from whatever the heck was going on.  Rey trailed after him but looked back, not at Poe but at Kylo.

“Kylo, what is it?” Poe finally asked when they were alone.  He went over to Kylo who was now facing the building and bracing himself against it on both fists.

“You heard her!” he snarled, and he hit the wall again.

“Yeah, but—stop that!”  When Kylo drew back his hand a third time, Poe caught his wrist.  He had to haul on it to get Kylo turned toward him, and Poe grabbed the other wrist too, just in case.  “Come on, she was just a kid.  You can’t be jealous over some little girl?”  Once he was sure Kylo wasn’t going to attack the wall again, Poe let him go, but Kylo still wouldn’t look at him.  Poe added, cautiously, “You know I wouldn’t look twice at anyone else, don’t you?”

“Y-yeah.”  Kylo heaved a shaky sigh.  “It’s not that I don’t trust you.  It’s that—that I’m not good enough for you.  No one thinks I’m good enough for you.”

“What?”  Poe felt more confused than ever.  He had worried that Kylo was the jealous type, but that at least was something expected.  This, on the other hand. . . .  “No one has said that, Kylo.  In fact, Finn was just telling me how glad he was that I was so happy!”

Kylo didn’t seem to have heard.  “You’re so handsome and outgoing and—and _perfect_.  And I’m so. . . .”

“Kylo. . . .”  It hurt Poe to see him doubting himself, again.  He reached up to grasp Kylo’s face in his hands and made the other man look down at him.  “Baby, I told you, I think you’re gorgeous.  And I’m not perfect, far from it.”  He stroked Kylo’s cheek with one thumb.  “ _I_ think you’re more than good enough for me, and isn’t that all that matters?”

Kylo’s dark eyes looked into Poe’s.  As before, Poe felt as if Kylo were judging how sincere he was, if he really meant what he was saying.  _Is he. . . reading me?_ Poe wondered.  _Can he sense how **much** I mean it?_   Then Kylo nodded, and suddenly Poe was in his arms.  Kylo bent his head to rest his cheek against Poe’s hair, and Poe pressed his own face into Kylo’s chest as he hugged him tightly.

And yet, a small doubt voiced itself in the back of Poe’s mind: Kylo had explained away his reaction this time, but it didn’t explain every _other_ time.  There was something else, something underlying _all_ of his outbursts.  _Last time, his father set him off.  Now it’s a random stranger.  What about the next time something makes him angry?_   Poe shoved the thought away.  “Take it one day at a time,” his inner Finn had said.  He could worry about “next time” later.

“C’mon,” he murmured to Kylo.  “Let’s get out of here.”  He stepped back and took Kylo’s hand in his to examine it.  One knuckle had a small cut, and they all were reddened from their impact against the wall.

“You hurt yourself,” Poe muttered as he brought Kylo’s hand to his lips and kissed the injured fingers.

“I’ll be okay.”  Kylo kept his hand in Poe’s all the way to the car.

\--

To be continued


	8. Chapter 8

No one spoke much on the way home, but they all relaxed after an hour sitting around the apartment, Poe on the sofa between Rey and Kylo, and Finn in an arm chair.  Finn boasted about his new-found skating abilities; Rey told them about the upcoming derby tryouts.  Kylo stayed quiet most of the time, but after a few minutes, he put his arm around Poe.  Poe snuggled happily into the larger man’s side.  Having a secret romantic interest _had_ been fun, but it was nicer this way, he decided.

“Do you guys mind if I spend the night?” Rey yawned after a lull in the conversation.  “I really don’t feel like driving home.”

“Be our guest,” Poe laughed.  She nodded and stood, stretching.

“I’ll go get a shower then.”  Rey looked down over Poe’s head at Kylo.  “And I always sleep on the sofa, so you’ll have to find other accommodations if you stay.”  She disappeared into the bathroom, leaving the three guys alone and feeling rather awkward.

“Er, she’s right,” Finn finally said, apparently trying to be helpful.  “She stays over a lot, so she keeps some stuff here.  And she does always sleep on the couch.”

“Thanks, Finn,” muttered Poe.  He looked over at the expression on Kylo’s face and tried not to laugh despite his own embarrassment.  “Anyway, I’d better take B.B. out.  Want to come?”  Kylo nodded, looking relieved.

As they walked the dog around the apartment complex, Poe broached the subject again.  He felt unusually shy when he offered, “Um, you _can_ spend the night if you don’t want to drive home.”

“In. . . your room?”

Poe swallowed and nodded.  “I’ll make B.B. sleep on the floor for once.  It’ll build character.”

“Do you _want_ me to stay?”  They had stopped walking and were facing each other while the dog was occupied.  Kylo looked down at Poe.

“Yeah.”  Poe smiled at him and felt his heart warm when Kylo smiled back.  “I want you to.”

“Okay.”  Kylo stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Poe then kissed his forehead.  “I don’t want to be alone,” he mumbled.  Poe felt his lips move against his skin.  “I don’t want _you_ to be alone.”

“Me either.”  They stood like that until B.B. was finished and ready to go back inside.

To Poe’s relief, Finn had vacated the living room by the time they returned, and Rey was still in the bathroom.  Poe led Kylo back to his room with B.B. and shut the door.

“Good thing I’ve got my own bathroom,” Poe grinned.  “You can take a shower without waiting on Rey.”

“Only if _you_ take one after that,” Kylo countered.  “You got just as sweaty as I did.”

“Okay, okay.”  Poe rummaged around in his drawers and pulled out some clothes.  “Here, you can sleep in these.  Uh, the shorts’ll be a little. . . short on you, but they should fit okay.”

Kylo took the bundle of clothing and nodded, still looking a bit embarrassed.  Poe fidgeted while Kylo was in the bathroom.  He fiddled with his phone and petted B.B., but mostly he wondered what he was getting himself into.  He didn’t know what Kylo was expecting—heck, Poe didn’t know what he himself expected.  He just knew he didn’t want Kylo to leave.  Poe imagined what it would be like to sleep curled up against the man he had fallen in love with, to wake up with Kylo beside him.  He was less nervous than excited by the time Kylo emerged from the shower, wearing one of Poe’s t-shirts and the shorts that, in fact, only covered a few inches of his thighs.

“This is the first time I’ve wished you were taller,” Kylo muttered.  He dropped the folded stack of his own clothes on the floor by the wall while Poe stared at him.

“You’re. . . you’re so hot,” Poe finally blurted out.  Kylo blushed hard and tried to tug the legs of the shorts down lower, but Poe laughed and went over to grab his hands away.  Kylo’s pale legs seemed to go on for miles, and they and his arms were toned from long hours of fencing practice.  Poe’s shirt fit him a little better than the shorts, but it was still stretched tight across Kylo’s broad shoulders.  Poe realized he’d never seen either Kylo’s legs or arms bare before, and he ran his hands over the white skin of his forearms and up to his biceps.

“Why have you been covering all this up?” Poe teased.

“I. . . self-conscious.”  Kylo was still blushing, but he also looked shyly pleased at Poe’s reaction.  Poe leaned up and kissed him—far more lightly than he wanted to—then he made himself step back.

“I’ll be back soon,” Poe promised.  He hurried through his own shower and pulled on another pair of shorts before deciding to forego a shirt.  When he went back into the bedroom, he found Kylo already in bed, covered with a sheet with a pillow bunched between his head and folded arm, his eyes closed.  Poe was a little disappointed, but he had to smile at how cute Kylo looked. . . and at the fact B.B. was curled up on Poe’s side of the bed and eyeing him with a look that dared Poe to make him move.

“Sorry, buddy,” Poe whispered to the dog as he gave him a gentle shove.  B.B. jumped down and resigned himself to a night on the floor as Poe got into bed and pushed his legs down under the sheet next to Kylo’s.  He leaned over and planted a kiss on the end of Kylo’s nose. . . and when he sat back, Kylo’s eyes were open, watching him.

“I thought you were asleep,” Poe accused, grinning down at him.

“Not quite.”  Kylo looked up at him; then his gaze dropped to Poe’s bare chest.  He reached up a hand, then stopped and raised his eyes to Poe’s face again before touching him.  Poe’s mouth went dry, and he nodded.  Kylo put his fingertips to Poe’s throat and traced them down his breastbone.

“You’re beautiful.”  His deep voice sent a shiver through Poe, even more than the light touch on his skin.

Kylo let go of his pillow with his other arm and shifted to rest on his back so Poe could lie down with him.  Poe laid his head on Kylo’s chest and felt the other man’s arms encircle him.  Kylo was warm, and while he smelled like Poe’s soap, he also had his own scent, now familiar and delicious to Poe.  He reached up to stroke his fingers through Kylo’s damp, shaggy hair as long fingers trailed his spine.

Kylo mumbled Poe’s name into his hair.

“Yeah?”  Poe closed his eyes and rubbed his cheek against his own shirt, and Kylo’s pectoral muscle under it.

“Poe, I love you.”

His eyes came open again.  He had never expected Kylo to say it first, if he said it at all.  Poe felt his whole body twitch like a plucked guitar string, and he wriggled in Kylo’s arms until he could look into the other man’s face.  The expression in Kylo’s dark eyes was utterly terrified until Poe whispered, “I love you too.  I love you _so much_.”

Kylo’s eyes softened, then closed when Poe kissed him.  Poe leaned over him, caressing his mouth slowly, until he felt one of Kylo’s arms along his back and the other hand curled into his hair.  Then Kylo neatly flipped him over so that Poe was on his back and Kylo was on top of him, smiling down at the smaller man’s surprise when they broke the kiss.

“You look proud of yourself,” Poe sulked, secretly delighted to find himself pinned under his boyfriend.

“Unh hunh.”  Kylo bent his head and kissed Poe again, lingering over his mouth and sucking on his bottom lip.  Poe heard himself moan and slid his hands down Kylo’s back to his waist.  The change in Kylo’s confidence was striking; it was as if Poe’s profession of love had allowed him to accept himself and act without fear of being turned away.

Kylo pulled his mouth from Poe’s and kissed his jaw instead, up along the bone to right under his ear.  Poe tilted his head up with a whimper, then a gasp when Kylo nipped at his earlobe.  Poe pushed his hands up under Kylo’s shirt to rest on the small of his back.  Kylo’s skin felt smooth and oddly cool there, and Poe spread his hands to touch more of it.  Kylo kissed a path down Poe’s neck and arched his back so he could bend to reach Poe’s collar bone.  Poe’s palms pressed into his back as Kylo caressed him.

“Y-you’re sure you’ve never dated anyone before?” Poe panted as he squirmed a little.  “You’re. . . you’re good at this.”

He felt Kylo’s breathy laugh against his throat.  “I’m sure.  I’ve just. . . just thought about it a lot.  With you.”

“Nngh, I wish we’d started sooner, then.”

Kylo kissed his breastbone then raised his head again to look down into Poe’s eyes.  “No, because—because this is perfect.  Right now.”  They gazed at each other.

“Yeah,” Poe whispered.  Then, smiling, “But tell me when you first thought about me that way.  Feed my ego a little.”

“Heh.”  Kylo ducked his head in an adorably embarrassed gesture.  “After you guys left, the night I met you.  I saw you in love. . . and I wanted you to be in love with _me._   And then. . . .”  He dropped his forehead to rest lightly on Poe’s.  “And then when I told you about the dream city, you didn’t laugh at me. . . instead you offered to get me as close as I’ll ever get to finding it.  I fell in love with you.”

“Kylo. . . .”  Poe slid his arms up Kylo’s back to hold him, pushing his shirt up almost to his shoulder blades.

“I guess I could take this off,” Kylo muttered.  He sat up long enough to strip off the shirt then lay down again, braced on his arms.  His chest pressed against Poe’s, and his heart was beating so hard, Poe could feel it on his own skin.  “Tell me. . . tell me when it happened for you.”

“After I watched you fencing,” whispered Poe.  He put one hand back on Kylo’s spine and the other on the back of his head, nestled in his hair as Poe looked up at him.  “You drove off, and I just sat there and wanted so bad to go after you.”

Kylo lowered himself fully onto the smaller man and kissed him again.  Poe held him there with the hand in his hair and kissed him the way he’d never kissed anyone before, with their mouths locked together as close as possible and Poe still feeling like it wasn’t close enough.  Their tongues tangled together—Kylo had gotten very good at kissing very quickly—and Poe heard himself moaning into Kylo’s mouth before he knew he was doing it.  He was sorry when Kylo finally pulled back, even though Poe’s jaw ached and he was barely getting enough oxygen through his nose.

“Turn. . . the light off, hunh?” he panted.  Poe gave the lamp on his nightstand an abashed glance.  “Your arms are longer, and. . . I can’t move with you on top of me anyway.”

“Sorry.”  Kylo sat up and moved off of him to switch off the lamp; then Poe grabbed him around the waist and pulled him back down.

“Sorry nothing!  I wasn’t _complaining._ ”

They fell asleep eventually, with Kylo beside Poe and his cheek against Poe’s hair.  Unused to sharing the bed with anyone besides B.B., Poe woke a couple times during the night, but he was glad of it, glad of the reminder that Kylo was with him.  When he finally came awake for good around mid-morning, they were spooning.  Poe was, naturally, the little spoon.

“Mmmn,” he murmured.  Kylo felt warm against his back, with his long legs tucked up behind Poe like Poe was sitting in his lap.  His left arm was draped over Poe’s side, and his hand rested against his stomach.  Poe put his own hand over it.

“You awake?”  Kylo’s voice came from behind his head, and he felt a nuzzle to his hair.

“Yeah.  Have you been up for long?  Sorry, I told you I sleep late.”

“It’s okay.  I’ve enjoyed it.”  Kylo shifted to kiss Poe’s shoulder.

“I need to take the dog out,” Poe sighed.  “But I don’t want to move.”  He turned his head to the side, managing to land a kiss on Kylo’s nose.  “I love you.”

“I love you too.”  Kylo held him another moment; then he sat up.  Poe whined about it until Kylo pointed out that he didn’t want to be an accessory to animal neglect, so they both got up to take care of B.B.  Poe was touched by Kylo’s willingness to help out—even if he was a bit disappointed to have his boyfriend’s legs covered up again by long pants.  Rey had gone home, and if Finn had gotten up to see her out, he was back in bed.  Kylo and Poe ate cereal and drank coffee, played video games, and watched television.  Eventually Finn got up, and to Poe’s immense relief, said nothing about Kylo having spent the night.  He seemed willing to accept Kylo as part of Poe’s life, and for that, Poe was grateful.

Kylo stayed with Poe most of the day, until he had to go home to get ready for work.  The next two weeks were much the same: although their odd work schedules meant that they couldn’t establish a set routine, Kylo and Poe spent all the time together they could.  Kylo stayed over at the apartment the next Monday night, although Poe had to get up for an early flight the following morning.  Poe was sorry about it because he wouldn’t see Kylo again until the next Thursday evening, when he was participating in a fencing tournament at his studio.  Poe worried that Kylo hadn’t been practicing enough due to spending time with him instead, but Kylo swore the next two days apart would give him plenty of opportunities to practice.

They were difficult days for Poe without Kylo, although they passed quickly enough with him hanging out with Rey and Finn to make up for lost time.  When he apologized for seeing more of Kylo than of them, Finn just laughed.

“Honeymoon stage,” Finn declared.  “And he’s still shy around us.  We’ll all be hanging out together before you know it.”

“Really, don’t worry about it.”  Rey sounded reassuring on that point, but sometimes Poe caught a puzzled look on her face when Kylo came up in conversation.  Was there something about him she disliked?  Or was she still thinking about what Kylo swore was true: that she had the same abilities he did?  Kylo hadn’t mentioned it again, even to Poe when they were alone, but Poe could sense the tension between the two of them.

Finally, Thursday dawned, and after his single flight, Poe drove to the fencing studio.  This time, a small crowd was there instead of just Phasma, but Poe spotted her immediately.  He had seen her at the fairgrounds a couple times in passing over the past two weeks, but they hadn’t spoken until now, when he sat down in an empty chair beside her.

“Hey,” he said politely.

“Hey.”  She gave him a long, searching look.  She was fully made up this time and wearing a sleeveless, metallic silver tank top with a matching jacket draped over the back of her chair.  Poe decided he had never seen a human being who liked shiny things more than she did.

“What’s up?” he finally asked when she kept watching him.  “What are you looking at me like that for?”

“You haven’t talked to Kylo today, have you?”

“No.  I texted him good luck this morning, and he said thanks, but. . . .”  A thread of worry snaked its way through Poe’s guts.  “Is something wrong?  Is he okay?”

“Oh, nothing happened to him.  But. . . I just wondered.”  Phasma turned to face forward, looking at the head of the person in front of her without focusing on it.  “You know he’s fencing Hux again today, right?”

“Oh. . . no, I didn’t know.  Is that a problem?”

“I don’t know.”  Phasma bit her silver lower lip, and Poe realized she was actually concerned.  “But Hux has been a bitch to him all week, ever since they found out they’d be fencing each other.  I finally told Hux to lay off this morning, but Kylo was already pretty pissed off.”

“Oh.”  Poe swallowed.  “Did he. . . break anything?”

“No.”  Phasma turned back to him.  “You know about that, hunh?”

“Yeah.  I. . . saw him get mad a couple times.”  Poe thought he _might_ see a hint of sympathy in her eyes, but all the makeup made it a little hard to tell.  “But he didn’t pitch a fit or anything?”

“No.  Not yet,” she added ominously.

“What did Hux say to him?” Poe prodded.  Her eyebrows flattened out into a deadpan expression.

“You don’t want to know.”

“Yes, I do!  Tell me.”  Suddenly, Poe realized what she meant.  “Wait, was it something about me?”

“Yeah.”  Phasma looked him up and down, then gave a little “you asked for it” shrug.  “Hux likes to needle Kylo before he fences, because he knows Kylo gets worked up and won’t do as well.  So once Hux realized you two were going out, he started using that to get to him, saying stuff like, Kylo would screw up today with you watching.  That you’d realize what a dork he is and dump him, that he isn’t good enough for you, that kind of thing.”

Poe swore under his breath.  _Exactly what Kylo was worried about before._

“Exactly.”  Phasma sat back and folded her arms.  “Kylo _is_ a dork, and I’m tired of him throwing temper tantrums.  But I told you before, I think you’re good for him, and he doesn’t deserve to be manipulated.”

“He can’t really believe any of that stuff, though,” Poe protested, trying to convince himself more than her.  “I mean. . . he knows I’m not going to dump him for losing a tournament.”

“Does he?”  She was looking away from him; she didn’t _have_ to look at Poe for him to feel the force of what she was saying.  “Kylo’s got issues.  You probably know that.  Hux has issues too.  Hell, we _all_ have issues, but those two have _issues_.”

Kylo and Hux’s bout was last in the tournament, and Poe fretted more the longer he had to sit and wait for it, while other fencers competed.  Who knew what Hux was saying to Kylo while they put on their gear?  Poe wasn’t sure what he’d do, but he swore he’d find Hux after this and set him straight on a few things.

Finally, the time for their bout arrived.  Poe uncrossed his legs and sat leaning forward with both feet planted on the floor as the two men took their positions.  Both carried their masks, and Kylo looked over for Poe before he put his on.  Poe smiled at him, and Kylo gave him a faint smile back, but Poe didn’t like the distracted expression on his face.  Hux looked as emotionless as Phasma claimed he was, neither concerned nor pleased, until he donned his own mask, and the two fencers saluted each other.

At first, the bout was similar to what Poe had witnessed the last time he watched them.  Perhaps Kylo moved with a bit more force than before, but their encounters were brief.  The same director stood to the side to score them as they dueled.  Each time Kylo and Hux came together, even the inexperienced Poe could see where one clearly touched the other with his saber.  There was no exciting skirmish like the one where Kylo had driven Hux back, and Poe was a little disappointed.

But then, as the two moved toward each other once more, Hux made an odd motion with his hand which carried through the flexible saber.  It curved in the air, and the tip touched the underside of Kylo’s wrist, beneath the guard that protected his hand.  Kylo didn’t even seem to notice until the director indicated that Hux had scored.

This time, Phasma was the one who swore.  Poe glanced at her, startled, then all his attention was claimed by Kylo at the front of the room.  He was gesturing furiously at the director, and Poe could hear the rumble of his deep voice but not make out the words.  The director responded sharply, and the two fencers took their places again, but Poe liked nothing about how Kylo was standing.  Even without seeing the other man’s face, Poe could tell he was furious just from how his body was positioned.

 _Calm down, baby,_ Poe thought at him, on the off chance Kylo’s psychic abilities included reading minds from the other side of the room.  But Kylo had probably forgotten he was even there.

When Kylo and Hux shifted toward each other again, Poe knew something was wrong.  Kylo didn’t move lightly; he _plunged_ toward his opponent.  He also didn’t seem to be trying to connect the tip of his saber to any part of Hux’s body.  He all but threw himself at Hux, and at first, Poe thought Kylo was about to slug Hux with his fist.  Instead, the guard on Kylo’s hand connected with Hux’s mask where it covered his jaw.  It connected _hard_.  Hux’s head jerked back and he staggered a few steps to the side, bringing his hand up to his mask over the spot.  Immediately, the director stalked over and grabbed Kylo’s arm—in fact, he had to bodily haul the larger man away from Hux before Kylo decided to slug him after all.

“Hitting someone with your guard is illegal, so he’s disqualified for that,” Phasma sighed.  She sounded resigned, like she had known it would happen.  “Hux wins by default.”

“But why would he do it if it’s illegal?”  Poe was staring at the altercation developing at the front of the room.  Kylo was switching between yelling at the director and at Hux, who stood to one side.  Hux had removed his mask, and a red spot was clearly visible on his jaw, but he seemed more concerned with smoothing his reddish-gold hair.  His face showed no expression, neither of anger or pleasure at what he had obviously goaded Kylo into doing.

“Because,” answered Phasma.  “When Kylo gets angry, nothing else matters to him.”

Some of the spectators were trying to edge closer to the conflict, but they drew back en masse when Kylo ripped off his mask and threw it down.  Far from Hux’s blank look, his face was furious.  Whatever the director said next, Poe couldn’t hear, but Kylo bent to snatch the mask back up then left the room through the door at the back.  “Stormed” wasn’t a strong enough word for how he moved.  It was tornadic.

“I guess Hux got what he wanted,” Phasma sighed.  She stood as the other spectators began to disperse as well, now that the show was over and the tournament had come to an abrupt end.  “You’d better clear out.  Give him overnight to cool off.”  She paused.  “Maybe a couple of nights.”

“Hunh?”  Poe stared up at her.  “ _No_ , I’m not leaving!  I can’t just. . . walk out, especially if Hux really did say that stuff about me.  I’ve gotta talk to him.”

“Look, Poe.”  Phasma dropped to her haunches to crouch in front of him, just below his eye level.  “You do not want to talk to him right now.  You said you saw him mad before.  Was he _this_ mad?”

Poe looked down into her violet-blue eyes and knew he wouldn’t be able to deceive her.  “No.”

Phasma nodded.  “I don’t want to say Hux is right, that you’re too good for Kylo.  But you’re a sweet guy, and you’re going to get hurt.  I told you: when he gets angry, nothing else matters to him.”

“I appreciate you being concerned, but I don’t believe that,” Poe told her.

Phasma dropped her head with a sigh; then she stood up.  “God, you’re a moron.  I tried.  Remember that.”  She walked to the end of the now-empty row of chairs and looked back at him.  “I like you, Poe.  You know where I am if you need me.”

As she turned to leave, Hux was walking toward her, now changed into street clothes and carrying a bag of his fencing gear.  He started to say something to Phasma, but she cut him off.

“Go to hell, Hux.”  For a moment, he even looked surprised as she stalked out of the building in her tall silver boots.

Hux looked over at Poe, who didn’t feel he could add much to Phasma’s sentiments.  He sat back in his chair and faced forward with his arms folded, ignoring the other man.  When he looked again, Hux was gone.

So was everyone else before Kylo emerged from the back.  Poe saw the director leave with a scowl on his face, like he was as tired of Kylo’s “temper tantrums” as Phasma was.  Some minutes after the last spectator had left, Kylo finally stalked back into the room.  He had changed clothes but looked every bit as angry as he had before.

“Kylo!” Poe stood up, but his heart felt like it hit the floor when Kylo glared at him.

“What are you doing here?” he snarled.

“Waiting for you!”  Poe tried not to snap at him, but it was hard when he remembered Phasma’s words: _When Kylo gets angry, nothing else matters to him._

 _She’s right,_ Poe thought, even as the thought made him feel sick.  _She’s right, she’s right._

“Just leave me alone.”  Kylo strode past him toward the studio door.  Poe knew he should just let Kylo go—but no.  No, he shouldn’t.

“You’re not going to treat me like this,” Poe retorted.  He made his way out of the rows of chairs and grabbed Kylo’s arm.  Kylo jerked out of his grasp and turned to face him.

“I said, leave me alone!  I don’t want to talk to you right now!”

“Well, you’re going to!”  Poe felt embarrassingly short glaring up at the much taller man, but there wasn’t any help for it.  “Why did you do that?  Phasma said it was an illegal move!”

“What does _Phasma_ know about it?” Kylo yelled.  “And so what if it is?  After that flick of Hux’s—”

“What, getting you under your guard?  Is _that_ illegal?”

“No, but—but it’s not _fair_.”  Kylo raked a hand through his sweaty hair, leaving it sticking out in ragged points.  “What’s it to _you_ anyway?”

“I hate seeing you like this, that’s what!”  Poe clenched his hands at his sides, trying to say something rational instead of making things worse.  “You’ve got to stop letting things get to you so bad!  This is the third time I’ve seen you get pissed off over something minor and—”

“Minor?” Kylo all but spat at him.  “So that’s what you think it is?”

“Yes!”  Poe gave up trying to keep his own temper under control.  Somewhere, where he was still coherent, he thought, _It’s about time someone had the nerve to yell back at him._ “I get it, Hux is a dick!  _So.  What._   You still could have won the bout if you hadn’t let him get to you!”

“All you saw is what he did _here_ ,” growled Kylo.  “You don’t know what he’s been saying to me—”

“That you’re not good enough for me, right?  That you were going to screw up in front of me.  Well, guess what, you _did_ , and it’s your own fault!  If you had just ignored him, you would have been fine!”

“Who told you that?  Phasma?”  He said her name with almost palpable scorn.

“Yes, Phasma, who was actually worried about you, just like me, and Rey, and Finn.  You’d be good enough for _all_ of us, you’d have lots of friends, if you weren’t such a—a stubborn ass!”  Poe actually stomped his foot as he said it, too upset to feel embarrassed he was acting like a little kid too.

“What would _you_ know?”  Kylo sounded even more scornful than when he spoke of Phasma.  “You’re _perfect_.  Everyone loves you—I bet you never had to try at anything in your life!  One look at your beautiful face, and anyone will do whatever you want.  Try looking like _me_ for a change, or never being able to satisfy anyone, not even your own family!”

Poe stared up at him, stunned into silence for a moment.  Finally, he managed to get out, “Are you _jealous_ of me?”

 “You’re oblivious.  You don’t have any idea about _anything_.”  Kylo’s shoulders were heaving as if he were out of breath, or sobbing.  “But I never thought you’d turn on me too.”

“Turn on you?”  Poe half-raised his hands in exasperation.  “What the hell are you talking about?  Quit being such a drama queen!  I’m trying to _help_ you.”

“Well you’re _not_ helping.”  Kylo’s voice rose to a shout again.  “ _Leave me alone!_ ”

“Fine!”  Again, like a little kid, but Poe couldn’t stop himself.  “Maybe I _am_ oblivious, but I still know when to quit.”  He stormed out of the building and stalked to his car, not looking to see if Kylo stayed inside or followed.  When he did finally look back, once he was in his car with the doors locked and his seat belt buckled, Kylo was nowhere to be seen.

 _Still inside,_ Poe thought, _probably throwing things._   He swore aloud,  gripping the steering wheel so tightly, his knuckles whitened.

How had things gone so wrong?  He knew the answer, even as he asked himself.  It was Kylo’s rage, built up from all the other emotions he repressed then loosed and unrestrained to strike anything and everything around him.

 _Including me._   Poe looked up in the rearview mirror, into his own wide, dark eyes that burned and threatened to tear up.  He couldn’t meet his own gaze for long, and he didn’t want to be there when Kylo finally emerged, anyway.  He started his car and headed back toward his apartment.

As he drove, Poe realized he should have understood sooner, when he walked in on Kylo’s broken glass and furious expression, when he noticed the cracked computer case and when Kylo lashed out at the skating rink.  _It was only a matter of time before he got angry at me, too.  I should have known, should have addressed it—or I should have run._

Poe Dameron didn’t run.  He didn’t give up.  But he also didn’t let anyone take advantage of him or take him for granted.  He knew Kylo would never hurt him physically, but what Poe had felt at just witnessing his rage tore him up inside.  _I can’t be with him like that—I won’t put up with that._

He got home, parked, went inside in a daze.  Finn had already gone to bed, and Poe was glad; he didn’t know how he could face his friend.  He couldn’t explain, not right now.  B.B. was lying on Poe’s own bed, and he lifted his head and wagged his tail when Poe entered his room.  Poe stroked the dog’s soft head mechanically then undressed, brushed his teeth, went through all the motions of his normal bedtime routine; then he lay in the dark beside B.B., running his hand over the silky fur on his back.

“Buddy,” Poe said, and his hand clenched in the fur, “tell me why I have to love him.  Why do I still love him?”  B.B. was a dog, and dogs knew love.  Sometimes, Poe thought dogs knew love better than anyone else, because their love was pure and whole and unfettered by all the other clutter of emotion that plagued human beings.  In the dim light sneaking in past the edges of the blinds on Poe’s window, he saw B.B. look back at him, brows furrowed over his brown eyes as if he sensed Poe’s pain and was concerned but could not fathom it, couldn’t figure out how to help.

“It’s okay, buddy.”  Poe sat up again and put his arms around B.B.’s neck, planting a kiss on top of his head.  “You don’t have to have the answers.”  He was again trying not to cry, but then he thought that maybe if Kylo had let himself cry once in a while, things would have been different.  Poe let himself go, felt hot tears burn out between his closed eyelids, dampen his lashes, soak into B.B.’s fur.  He pressed his face into the dog’s neck and sobbed.

\--

To be continued


	9. Chapter 9

Poe slept but awoke exhausted, far too early.  It was a trend which continued over the next three days, days he spent making his flights and avoiding his friends.  He couldn’t face Finn long enough to tell him what had happened, only muttered that he’d had a fight with Kylo, and he could tell it broke Finn up inside to see Poe so upset.  Poe texted Rey the bare details—it was easier to tell her, somehow—and left it to her to explain things to Finn.  After that, Finn didn’t press the issue and tried to act normally, but it was easier to stay away from him altogether.  Finn let him, except for a scrawled note Poe found stuck under his bedroom door Saturday morning that read, “If you need to talk, let me know.”  It made Poe smile, especially because Rey had texted him the exact same message.  Poe kept both the note and the text and silently promised his friends he’d make it up to them later.

When he wasn’t working, Poe kept B.B. with him.  He took the spaniel mix for more walks than usual, and they spent Sunday morning in the local dog park.  B.B. exulted in this occasion, chasing the ball Poe threw for him, racing back and forth until Poe was tired just from watching him, then collapsing in a panting, white-and-rust heap of fur on the grass beside his master while Poe sat on the ground and thought about the cell phone untouched in his back pocket. . . untouched because Kylo had never called or texted to say he was sorry, or to demand an apology from Poe, or to communicate anything at all.

_I haven’t tried to talk to him either,_ Poe thought.  _But why should I?  It’s his fault!  He obviously doesn’t want to talk to me._   But it wasn’t obvious, not at all, and Poe knew it.  _Nothing_ was obvious with Kylo Ren.  Maybe he _didn’t_ want to talk to Poe, but maybe he was dying inside too.

_I won’t ever understand him until I **know** , until someone tells me what all this is about.  Why he’s so angry._  It wasn’t just losing to Hux.  That had been the catalyst to set off Kylo’s rage, but only this time.  He hadn’t been competing with Hux the day Poe found the shattered glass, or at the skating rink.  There was something else underlying Kylo’s actions, something that fueled the fury and kept it boiling under the surface, ready to burst forth at the slightest provocation.

Poe wanted to go to Kylo and demand he explain himself, but that could go wrong in too many ways.  Kylo could simply refuse or tell him to leave, or—more likely—Poe would lose all his resolve the moment he looked into those dark eyes, and he would give in and let it go. . . and it would just happen all over again some other time.  But thinking of seeing Kylo made him think of the carnival, and the carnival made him think of Phasma.

_Maybe she knows something about him I don’t_ , Poe thought.  He ran a hand down the length of B.B.’s back, watching his dark fingers trail through the white fur and leave it parted in their wake.  _She’s known him for a year, at least.  And she told me to talk to her if I needed to._   He still wasn’t convinced that Phasma would really want to help either him _or_ Kylo; Poe had never been able to make out where she stood on much of _anything_ beyond her job and her own personal responsibilities.  But maybe he could make her see _them_ as one of those responsibilities. . . and anyway, he had no one else to turn to.

He took B.B. home a little after noon and made himself eat a sandwich although he hadn’t been very hungry lately.  The dog was happy to devour what Poe didn’t finish.  Finn wasn’t home, so Poe flipped through TV channels and half-heartedly played through some of an old platformer on their Xbox until it was almost time for the carnival to open, and he knew Phasma would be there.  After feeding B.B. and taking him for another quick walk, Poe left a note for Finn.

“Bro, I’m going out for a while.  Don’t let B.B. tell you he hasn’t eaten.”  Poe hesitated, then scrawled, “Thanks,” across the bottom, hoping Finn understood it meant more than “thanks for not overfeeding the dog.”

At the fairgrounds, Poe dodged the sparse Sunday night crowds and searched for Phasma.  She wasn’t at her usual post near Kylo’s building, and Poe evacuated that area quickly.  Not only did it hurt to be there, Hux was also at work nearby.  Poe managed to get away before the other man saw him.

Eventually, he found Phasma near the Ferris wheel, sitting in a metal folding chair and engrossed in a large book.  When he got close, Poe was surprised to see it was a textbook—biology judging from the diagrams he could see on the open page.  She didn’t notice him until he was right in front of her.

“Phasma,” Poe muttered.  She started and looked up at him, and to his own surprise, Poe felt himself smirk.  “You’re not guarding too well if I can sneak up on you like that.”

For the first time since he’d met her, Phasma looked embarrassed.  “Well.  I have a test tomorrow.”

“You’re in school?”

She nodded.  “I can’t afford to go full time, but I take classes when I can.  But I don’t think you came here to talk about me.”  Her silver-and-black rimmed eyes moved from Poe’s boots up to his face.  “You look like crap.”

“Thanks.”  Poe rolled his eyes and pulled over another rusty chair to sit down.  “I need to know something, Phasma.  What is he so angry about?”  At her skeptical look, he pressed on, “It’s not just Hux or his parents or me.  What _is_ it?”

“Poe, I don’t _know_.  Any more than you do.  Do you really think he’d tell _me_ something he hasn’t told you?  Hell, Hux knew him before I did.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.  They met when Kylo joined the fencing school.  Hux got him the job here.  And the living arrangements.”

Poe tried to wrap his head around the fact that Hux had done something _nice_ for Kylo.  “But. . . how’d Hux end up hating him so much?”

Phasma exhaled sharply in a little laugh.  “Hux doesn’t hate him.  Hux. . . doesn’t feel things.  He can be charming, but it’s all on the surface.  And Kylo. . . he used to be a little better.  Didn’t get as mad as he does now.  But the longer I’ve known him, the less he feels too, _except_ for being mad.  That’s why I was kind of glad when you turned up.  I thought you might make him feel again.”

Poe frowned, thinking.  “I. . . I don’t think that he doesn’t feel things.  He just _tries_ not to.  He suppresses anything that hurts him, and it all comes out as anger instead.”  He realized Phasma was staring at him.  “Uh, what?”

“Damn.  You know something, Poe Dameron?”  He blinked.  “You’re not such a moron after all.”

“Um, thanks, I guess.”

“No, listen.”  Phasma leaned toward him and tapped him on the knee with one long finger, tipped with a silver-polished nail.  “You’re right.  And it reminded me of something Kylo told Hux and me back when he had only been here a few weeks.  Hux was just starting to realize how good a fencer Kylo really is, that Kylo was a threat to him being the best in the school.  But Kylo was talking about how different the instructor was from his old one.  I don’t know much about it, but apparently the instructor here is some big shot.  Name’s Snoke, I think.  Kylo’s old instructor was a big shot too, but this Snoke basically lured Kylo away to his school instead, because Kylo’s really that good.”

“Yeah. . . ?”  Poe wasn’t sure what she was getting at.  She flapped her hand impatiently at the interruption and continued.

“Kylo said his old instructor always told him to keep his emotions under control.  I think that was part of why Kylo left—he was tired of it.  But Snoke was telling him it was okay to get angry during a bout, that he could use the anger to make himself stronger and _better_ at it.”  She dropped her eyes down to the dry, powdery dust that covered the carnival grounds.  “Weird thing was, he didn’t train _Hux_ that way.  Maybe because Hux didn’t have any emotion to work with in the first place.  Maybe that’s why Snoke wanted Kylo here so bad.”

Poe swallowed against the dust and tightness in his throat.  “Phasma, are you saying. . . you think Kylo’s instructor has _encouraged_ him to act the way he does?  To channel everything into—getting _angry_?”

She raised her eyes back to his.  “Maybe.  Because it worked.  At least for a while.  Kylo made his school look good—until he started getting out of control, like he did the other night.  He’s still one of the best fencers, from what I hear. . . but only when he keeps his head on straight.”

“And he’s not just losing it when he fences,” Poe sighed.  “It’s ruining his whole life.”  He felt angry himself, not at Kylo now but at Snoke for manipulating him, for not caring what his methods did to Kylo as long as he won tournaments.  _And now he’s not even doing that.  What will it do to him if he gets kicked out of the school, when he’s not useful to them anymore?_

“I know Kylo’s got other issues,” Phasma said, “some mess with his family.  He won’t talk about it.  But as long as he thinks the solution is to yell and throw things, nothing will get better for him.”  She was quiet for several minutes, watching Poe’s face as he looked miserably at the Ferris wheel.

“Poe,” she said finally, “dear sweet innocent boy, I don’t know what else to tell you.”

“Yeah, well.”  He heaved a sigh and looked back at her.  “Thanks.  It explains some things, at least.”  Poe got up and shoved his hands in his pockets.  “Good luck on your test.”

“Thanks.”  As Poe walked away, he heard her add, “Good luck on _yours_.”  He left the fairgrounds, careful not to look at Kylo’s building, and had almost reached his car when he stopped.  He didn’t want to go home.  True, B.B. was there, and Finn would be home; Poe owed him an explanation, and a lot more than that, besides.

_But I’m just not ready.  Not yet._

Poe looked to his left, out toward where the ocean lay on the other side of the wide parking lot.  He turned away from his car and started trudging to the beach instead.

\--

Kylo had had no clients that evening, and that was fine with him.  He sat in front of his crystal ball, not touching it, not wanting to see his future or anybody else’s.

_What future?_   He hadn’t heard from the fencing school since Thursday, but even if he weren’t expelled—and he likely wouldn’t be, the way Snoke favored him—no one else would want to train with him.  Even Dooku, the director who sometimes practiced with him, had had enough.  Phasma wasn’t speaking to him (although to be fair, she wasn’t speaking to Hux either), and Kylo didn’t even want to be in the same city as Hux, much less at the same job.  Neither of them had the clout needed to get him fired, but what kind of life would he have with absolutely no one or nothing except reading strangers’ fortunes in a swath of purple curtains?

_Even less of a life than I had before—_   He tried to stop himself, but it was too late.

_Poe.  Oh God, Poe._

Kylo dropped his head into his hands and clenched his fingers in his hair.  Thinking of Poe was like taking a stake to his heart.  He tried _not_ to think of the other man, the way he had learned not to think of his parents or his uncle, but Poe refused to be exorcised.  Even if Kylo managed not to replay their fight— _Why did I tell him to leave me?  How could I have thought any of it mattered except for him?_ —his mind would drift to something else: how Poe’s smaller body had felt curled against him, how Poe smiled every time Kylo said he loved him.  How he had dared to tell Poe about the dream city in the clouds, and Poe had said he’d do what he could to make the dream true.

His head throbbed with suppressed tears, and he tried to feel angry instead.  He couldn’t.  He only hurt.

Kylo stood and ground his palms against his eyes until the urge to cry passed; then he shoved off the robes he wore over his clothes, stalked through the curtains, and went outside.  Hux was leaning against the building where he normally stood to work up the crowds—but there _weren’t_ any crowds on a Sunday night, and Hux was watching Kylo as he passed by.  Kylo hadn’t looked at him directly since Thursday, but now he turned his dark eyes on the other man and stared back.  He felt Hux’s psyche wash over him, and while he usually hated to read Hux, he didn’t flinch back this time.  Hux was. . . complicated.  Sensing his thoughts was like pouring crushed ice directly into Kylo’s brain.  Now, he was confused, surprised to see Kylo out, surprised Kylo was staring at him.

Once he had proven to himself that he _could_ face Hux, Kylo walked on.  He didn’t know what he expected to find, only that he couldn’t stand to stay in his empty building.  He watched the few visitors who had come that night and felt bits of their emotions, but they seemed to be part of some other dimension—like they were ghosts, or like he was.

Then he saw Phasma.  She was near the Ferris wheel, studying as she usually did on slow nights, and she didn’t notice him some fifty yards away, standing, watching her.  He could feel her even from that distance, even without meeting her eyes.  She wasn’t seeing the book open on her lap; she wasn’t thinking about whatever subject filled the book.

She was thinking about Poe Dameron.

He had been there.  He had sat right there, in that empty chair near her, and whatever they had discussed had distressed her, even though she would never had admitted it.  And then Poe had left.  He had walked right past Kylo’s building.

_He didn’t want to see me.  He wanted to see her._

No.  That wasn’t right.

_He wanted to see me.  And he’s still here._

Kylo tore his eyes away from Phasma and looked around, wondering how he hadn’t felt it before.  He _could_ feel Poe nearby, somewhere.  Where had he gone?

_The beach._   Where they had sat for hours, where Poe had talked cheerfully and Kylo had wanted him so much.

Kylo turned and strode toward the gate, as fast as his long legs could move without running.  Phasma glanced up then stared at the tall figure in black hurrying away from her.  She shuddered, hard, and wondered how long he had been watching her.

\--

“Poe.”

He had been sitting on the rocks, where all signs of the bonfire had long been erased, when he heard his name in that deep voice.  _His_ voice.

Poe scrambled to his feet and turned around so quickly, he nearly lost his balance.  Kylo was standing behind him, a few yards away.

“How. . . how did you know I was here?” Poe stammered.

“I saw Phasma.”  Kylo’s voice wavered on the first syllable then held steady, but his eyes shone very brightly even in the dim light of the waning moon.

“She told you I talked to her?”

“No, she didn’t have to.  I felt it.  I felt you here.”

_Dear God, he really **is** psychic_ , Poe thought.  If Kylo weren’t lying about not speaking to Phasma.  But why would he?  And even if he were, she hadn’t known Poe was going to the beach.  _He_ hadn’t known until he did it.

“Kylo,” Poe managed to say without his own voice cracking.  Part of him felt like he should be angry with Kylo still, but he wasn’t.  That part of him also thought he should at least fake being angry, that Kylo deserved to be punished for what he put Poe through.  But anger was what had caused the whole thing in the first place, and the look on Kylo’s face and in his eyes was agonized.  He’d punished himself plenty.

“Kylo, please talk to me,” Poe said instead.  “I saw Phasma to ask her what upset you so much.  She told me about your instructor, that he _wanted_ you to feel anger.  But she couldn’t tell me where it came from.  I want _you_ to tell me—because you’re killing yourself, keeping it in.”

Kylo looked at him, his throat working as he swallowed; then he came over to the rocks and sat down facing the ocean.  Poe wanted to sit beside him, to hold him, but he couldn’t trust himself to do it without breaking down.  Instead, he sat on the other side of the rock, behind Kylo.

And Kylo told him—maybe not everything, but most of it.  Poe kept silent and listened as Kylo told him about growing up privileged but bullied all the same until he was big enough to fight back; then the bullies switched to talking behind his back.

“My parents never understood what it was like, not really,” Kylo said.  “They were both good-looking when they were our age—like _incredibly_ good-looking—and most everyone liked them.  My uncle too—I told you how much my mom admired him.  But I didn’t look like any of them, or act like them.”

His mother had retired from the military a general, but Kylo wasn’t interested in pursuing that lifestyle.  Her brother, his uncle, had begun to teach Kylo fencing— _the first instructor,_ Poe realized, _the one who tried to teach him to control his feelings_ —but even though they shared that and some psychic abilities, Kylo never felt close to any of them.  The only person he ever felt a connection to was his grandfather, father of his mother and the uncle, who had died before Kylo was born.

“And he was a criminal,” Kylo finished.  “My mother and Uncle Luke barely even knew him.  But—but he was _like me_.  He had the same abilities, the same kinds of dreams.  I wanted to be like him; I wanted him to be proud of me even if I could never meet him.”  His shoulders hunched forward, and Poe looked at his arched back, longing to lean against it and put his arms around the man whose voice trembled as he went on.

“So when Coach Snoke offered to train me to fence using the methods my grandfather had, I accepted.  My parents were angry—I thought because I wanted to train with someone besides my uncle, and because they wanted me to stay at home where they could control me.  That made me want to leave even more, so I took all the money I had saved up and came here.  Got this job—mostly because it came with a place to live—and trained with Coach Snoke, just like Phasma told you.  It’s been a year, and I haven’t seen my parents since.  They split up, and my uncle just split.”

Kylo fell silent then, and Poe spoke when he was sure there wouldn’t be any more.

“But you know that wasn’t the real reason your parents were upset, don’t you?  They cared about you; they didn’t want you going off to some strange place alone.  And maybe they knew this Snoke guy is bad news— _I_ know it just from what Phasma told me.  Kylo, don’t you understand that you can’t keep living like this?”

He saw Kylo’s broad shoulders tense, and Poe braced himself for a fit of anger.  But then Kylo relaxed again and Poe heard a sigh instead.

“I know.  But I don’t know how to fix it.  It’s too late.”

“Of course it isn’t!” Poe protested.  “Find another fencing school, and go see your parents!  Maybe it won’t bring your uncle back, but it’s a start.”

“Poe, I _can’t_.  I—”  Kylo choked before he could finish, and he bent over, elbows braced on his knees and hands over his face as he began to sob.  Poe shifted in his place on the rock, desperate to hold Kylo and comfort him.  In the end, he couldn’t stop himself from putting his hands on the larger man’s shoulders.  Kylo flinched at his touch, the way he had when they had only just met, and wept harder.  Poe sat there, resting his hands on him, and waited.

Eventually, Kylo’s crying lessened, then ceased.  He quivered from time to time under Poe’s hands, but his voice was steadier when he told Poe, “I can’t do it.   I can’t go back, not after what I’ve done.”

“Yes, you can,” Poe assured him.  “You just don’t want to, because you don’t want to admit you were wrong.  But I know you’re strong enough to do this, Kylo.”

“What if they won’t see me?”

“They will, Kylo, I know it.  But—but even if they won’t, you will have tried.”  Poe paused as something occurred to him.  “Remember that thing I said that was so corny, about making my own fortune?  That’s what you’ll be doing.  Making your _own_ fortune, instead of doing things because someone tells you to, or because you’re trying to be someone who died a long time ago instead of yourself.”

Kylo didn’t say anything for several minutes before he spoke again.  “Maybe.  Maybe I can.  I never thought being myself would be enough for anybody, until—”  He broke off with a near gasp, like someone had hit him. . . or taken a stake to his heart.  “Until I found you.  And then. . . I lost you.”

“No.  _No!_ ”  All of Poe’s resolve melted away, and he leaned forward to wrap his arms around Kylo’s broad shoulders.  “If you’d lost me, I wouldn’t be here now.  Kylo—I _love_ you.”  He rested his forehead against the back of Kylo’s neck and tried to put the rest of what he was feeling into words.

“I haven’t left you.  I _won’t_ leave you as long as you’re trying.  But—but you can’t let the anger win.  It terrified me to see you like that— _terrified_ me.  You have to let yourself feel the other things too.  Do you love your family?”

Kylo was shaking in his arms.  He was silent a long moment; then he muttered, “Yes.”

“Then let yourself love them.  Let yourself feel that, and sad, and disappointed, and whatever the hell else you feel.  Let it out.  That way, it won’t all come out as anger later, when you can’t hold it in anymore.”

Kylo’s hand closed over one of his, pressed into his chest.  “Poe—”  He choked, stopped, tried again.  “Poe, I’m sorry.  I didn’t want to scare you, or hurt you.  But—but you were right.  I’m envious of you.  Poe, you’re. . . you’re perfect.  Everything about you.  I don’t know what I’m doing with you.  Why are you with _me_?”

Poe tried to speak around the painful lump in his throat.  For all his talk about letting emotions out, he didn’t want to cry too.  “First, tell me this.  Why are _you_ with _me_?  Is it to try to have whatever it is you think I have, what you’re envious of?”

“ _No!_ ”  Kylo’s response was immediate, horrified.  He twisted in Poe’s arms, clumsily scrambling on the rock but finally facing Poe and clutching his upper arms.  All the color was washed out of his face in the moonlight, and his eyes were swollen from crying, but he still looked beautiful to Poe.

“Don’t think that, _please_.  Poe, I want to be with you because—because you make me _happy_.  Even before we. . . when we were just friends, I was so happy when we were together.  Because you liked being with me just the way I was.  You didn’t _have_ to be around me because you were family and worked with me or anything.  You _wanted_ to.”

The relief Poe felt at Kylo’s words fought with pain at his use of the past tense.  “Baby, I _still_ want to.  I told you, I’m not leaving you.”  He pulled Kylo against him and pressed his face against the other man’s neck.  Kylo buried his in the crook of Poe’s shoulder as Poe went on, “I _want_ to make you happy.  Even when we first met, I kept wanting to make you smile.  That’s why I can’t stand to see you so torn up inside that you lash out and try to—to _destroy_ everything.”

“Poe, help me, please.  I’ll try—”  Then, incredibly, Kylo stopped and laughed, trembling against Poe.

“Kylo—what. . . ?”  Poe couldn’t tell if the laughter was happy, mocking, derisive. . . . hysterical?

“I-I’m sorry.”  Kylo lifted his head and leaned back enough to look into Poe’s face.  “I just remembered something.  Something my uncle told me about that happened when _he_ was learning to fence.”

“Uh. . . .”  Poe’s hesitation was tempered by a little smile of his own when he saw Kylo’s amused expression.  It was a strange expression on a tear-streaked face, but it was so good to see Kylo smile again.

“His instructor was this really, really old man—tiny guy, very short.  But he was amazing, said to be the best ever.  Uncle Luke said that one time his instructor told him to perform a difficult maneuver, and my uncle told him he’d try.  And the instructor gave him this _look_ and said, ‘Do.  Or do not.  There is no try.’  And Uncle Luke never said ‘try’ to him again.”

Poe grinned—not just at the story but also because Kylo was still smiling, thinking fondly of his uncle without any of the pain he usually showed when speaking of his family.  That told Poe that his faith in Kylo wasn’t mistaken, more than what the other man said next.

“So, I shouldn’t say I’ll _try_ , but that I _will_.  I’ll do better.”

“And I’ll help you.  Just let me help you, okay?”  Poe brought one hand up to smooth Kylo’s hair, then trailed his fingers along the side of the other man’s face to smear away some of the tear tracks.  When Kylo nodded, Poe leaned his head up and kissed him, close-mouthed but slowly, then drew back.

“You look exhausted,” he murmured as his eyes moved over Kylo’s face.

Kylo quirked an eyebrow; the familiar, facetious gesture made Poe smile again.  “So do you.  In fact. . . you look about as rough as I’ve ever seen you.”

“I. . . haven’t been sleeping well,” Poe admitted.

Kylo murmured, “Me either.”  He let go of Poe’s arms to take his hand; then Kylo stood, wobbling a little and pulling Poe up with him.  “Come in with me, please.  Can. . . can you spend the night?  If you want to.”

Poe nodded.  “Sure.”  He hugged Kylo tightly.  “And I want to.  Even if you _are_ a little sandy.”  He chuckled and tried to brush off some of the sand that clung to Kylo’s hips.

“You too.”  Kylo ran his hands down Poe’s sides.  “But if we don’t knock it all off on the way back, I have a broom.”  His arms encircled Poe’s body and pulled the other man close against him.  Poe leaned his cheek against Kylo’s chest and closed his eyes as he wrapped his own arms around Kylo’s waist.

“Poe, I love you,” Kylo whispered, bending his head to kiss Poe’s forehead and hair over and over.  “I’m so sorry.”

“So am I.  I should have just talked to you, a lot sooner,” Poe admitted; then he leaned up to kiss Kylo’s mouth.  “But we’ll talk to each other from now on, okay, baby?”

“Okay.”  Kylo smiled down at him shyly.  “And. . . while we’re promising to tell each other stuff. . . I like it when you call me ‘baby.’”

“Yeah?”  Poe kissed him again, dipping his tongue into Kylo’s mouth briefly, then looked back up at him.  “So what are you going to call me?”

Kylo studied him.  “. . . Pumpkin?”

“Uh, _no_.”  Poe chuckled.  “Try again.”

Kylo thought a minute then dropped his forehead down to rest against Poe’s.  “Angel.  Because you are.”

Poe felt himself blush.  “I. . . okay,” he said helplessly.  He took Kylo’s hand and slipped out of his arms, tugging him back toward the fairgrounds.  “Let’s go in.”

\--

To be continued


	10. Chapter 10

Kylo didn’t let go of his hand even when they reached the fairground gates, or when they saw Phasma, who had given up on studying and was passing on her final rounds of the night some distance away.  She looked at them and moved on without a reaction, which Poe could only assume meant she approved.  _With Phasma,_ he thought, _you can never tell._   He saw Hux, too, still in his usual spot, but Poe didn’t look directly at him, and Kylo ignored him.  In fact, Kylo didn’t react at all to his presence, which only increased Poe’s faith in him.

Poe had expected that Kylo’s home might show some at least some signs of unkemptness like his own place, but it looked as tidy as ever.  In the living room, Kylo turned to him and swallowed, still holding his hand.

“I’m going to get a shower,” he mumbled.  “You. . . you can sit in the bedroom, if you want to.”

“Okay.”  When Poe smiled at him, Kylo reached up with his free hand to cup his jaw, then bent his head and kissed him. 

“Make it quick,” Poe teased him when he finally dropped Kylo’s hand.  “I’ve been away from you too long already.”

He had only been in Kylo’s room briefly before, so he looked around with interest while he waited.  In fact, Poe was tempted to snoop a little, but his moral compass prevailed, and he contented himself with sitting on the end of the bed.  The furniture was plain, sparse, and modern, most of it looking like something out of Ikea.  Kylo had made his bed—something Poe _never_ did unless he had just changed the sheets—and of course the spread covering it was black, as were the curtains on the one window.  He had few personal effects other than a few books and a small but rather pretty collection of crystals on his dresser.  At first, Poe thought Kylo had no photos, either—no surprise, really, considering his family issues. . . but then he saw one stuck in the frame of a mirror hung over the dresser: a print of the selfie Poe had taken of them in his airplane.

_He left it up, even after what happened._   Poe had left it as the background on his phone, too.  A warm feeling spread through his chest as he looked at the photo, and he decided they needed to take more pictures together.  A _lot_ more.

Looking at his phone reminded him that he should text Finn that he wasn’t coming home that night. _Geez, he’s gonna think I’m crazy,_ Poe sighed to himself.  The text ended up being so long, it took several messages, but Poe felt he owed it to Finn.  Poe got up and fidgeted while he waited for Finn’s response, but finally it came.

“No prob bro long as ur sure.  If he messes w. u ill kill him tho ;-)”

Despite the winky emoji, Poe had the feeling Finn wasn’t exaggerating too much.  He appreciated Finn’s protectiveness of him, although he wasn’t worried about having to take his friend up on his offer.

When Kylo came back in his bathrobe, rubbing a towel over damp hair, Poe was examining the crystals.

“They’re pretty,” he commented.

“Certain gemstones have the power to strengthen particular traits.  . . . And yeah, they’re pretty.”  Kylo smiled and dropped the towel to pull open a drawer.  “If you want to take a shower, I guess it’s my turn to clothe you.”  He passed Poe a t-shirt then frowned.  “I. . . don’t think I have any pants that’ll fit you.”

“It’s okay.  I can put my boxers back on—I’m not _completely_ filthy.”  He grinned when he saw Kylo’s blush.  “Or, you know. . . no pants at all would work too.”

Kylo’s whole face turned red.  “ _Dammit_ , Poe.  I’m going to take back your new nickname.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll behave.”  Poe found his boyfriend’s shyness adorable but didn’t want to make him uncomfortable with too much teasing.

When Poe came back into the bedroom after his shower, Kylo was sitting up in bed, waiting for him.  He eyed the t-shirt Poe was wearing, which was so long on the shorter man, the bottom hem hit him mid-thigh and covered his shorts.

“You look like you’re wearing a dress,” Kylo observed.

“Shut up.  You’re height-shaming me.”  Poe grinned and sat down beside him.

“I’m doing no such thing.”  Kylo smirked back at him.  “You’d look pretty in a dress.”  As they looked at each other, Kylo’s face grew more serious, and he breathed deeply.  “I. . . I have to tell you something.”

“What?”  Poe felt as if all the blood drained from his entire body at once.

Kylo saw his blanched face and stammered, “No, no, nothing bad.  Just—I need you to listen to me.”  Poe nodded, still feeling shaky.  He had been so on edge the past few days, had gone from such pits of emotions to such heights, that he almost wished he could just turn his feelings off for a while.  To feel nothing, to feel _neutral_. . . .   But then Kylo took his hand and held it, and said, “I’m sorry.”  
  
Poe opened his mouth automatically to give a rote response, but Kylo put the fingers of his free hand over Poe’s lips.  “No, listen.  It’s. . . it’s hard for me to say I’m sorry.  To say I was wrong.  But I have to say it to you, because—because you deserve it.”  He lifted his hand to draw his fingertips through a wave of Poe’s hair, and Poe was quiet.

“I’m sorry for hurting you.  I was—I was wrong to let what I felt about everything else cover up what I feel about _you_.  I never should have been angry at you, _never_.  You’ve never done anything but—”  He broke off in pain, and Poe ached to comfort him, but he made himself wait and only hold Kylo’s hand while the other man continued.  “You’ve never done anything but be there for me, and you deserve better than what I’ve given you.  So I’m sorry, and I promise I’ll give you better.  I’ll give you my _best_.”

Poe nodded and squeezed his hand.  “Thank you.  For saying that, I mean.”  He managed a slightly watery smile.  “I know it’s hard to say you were wrong.  It’s hard for _me_ to say it, like when I had to tell Finn I was wrong about you at first.  I thought you were just an arrogant jerk.”

Kylo’s lips curved in an answering smile.  “I _am_ an arrogant jerk.”

Poe laughed, and it felt so good.  “Well, yeah.  But not _just_.”

Kylo was quiet a moment, holding Poe’s hand in one of his and still stroking his hair with the other.  Then he said, “There’s something I have to do.  But. . . but I need you to help me.  Please.”

“What?  Tell me.”

“First. . . can you do something _else_ for me?”  Kylo was looking down at the bed, but then he raised his eyes to meet Poe’s.  He looked scared.  “Can you. . . call me by my name?  My real name.  I haven’t heard it in—in a long time.”

Poe looked at him, curious but pleased Kylo trusted him that much.  He didn’t understand where this was going, but he was happy to say the name he had only heard once.  “Ben. . . .”  He lifted his hand to touch the side of the other man’s face as he said it.

Kylo—Ben closed his eyes when Poe spoke.  His brows contracted together, almost as if he hurt, but then he relaxed.  Poe looked at his pale face, the way his lashes stood out like ink against his skin.

“Ben.  I love you.”  He let go of the larger hand clasping his so that he could put both arms around Ben and pull him close.  Long arms wrapped themselves around Poe in return, and he found himself practically in the larger man’s lap, head against his shoulder as Ben kissed his forehead and temple.

“Poe. . . .  I haven’t let anyone call me that since I left home.  No one has except for my parents.  But. . . but I like hearing it from you.”

“I like how you say _my_ name too,” Poe told him, a teasing lilt in his voice although he understood the import of what Ben had said.

Ben bent his head to put his lips against Poe’s ear and whispered, “I love you, Poe Dameron.”  His tongue flicked out to trace the curve of the outer ear, and Poe gasped.

“I love you too, Ben—wait.  I don’t know your real last name.”  
  
“Oh.”  Ben gave an embarrassed laugh, then Poe was laughing too, and they hugged each other hard.  “Solo,” Ben finally said.  “It’s Solo.”

“I love you, Ben Solo.”  Poe looked up at him with a grin.  “Wow, what a cool name.”  He leaned on Ben’s chest, and Ben rested his chin on top of Poe’s head.  Poe had never felt shorter than at that moment, but he loved it, loved how he seemed to fit perfectly against Ben’s body.  Everything seemed to fit perfectly now.

“What was the other thing?” he mumbled against Ben’s skin.  “What you said you needed my help for.”

Ben clutched him a little tighter.  “Poe, if. . . if I go to see my parents again, will you come with me?”  He blurted it out in a rush, as if he were afraid he’d never say it at all if he didn’t say it fast.

“Yes.  Of course I will.  But. . . are you sure you want them to know about me right away?  Will they. . . .”  Poe trailed off, not knowing how to say tactfully what he meant.

Ben understood anyway.  “Yes.  They know I’m gay.  That was never a problem.  It was. . . everything else.”  He gave a little shrug of his broad shoulders.  “And they’ll probably be glad I found somebody.  Hell, what am I saying, my mother’s going to _adore_ you.”  He nuzzled Poe’s hair.  “And even if that weren’t the case, I would still want you to come with me.  I need you, Poe; I need your strength.  In case they won’t forgive me.  In case they _do_ forgive me.”

“You’re the fortune teller here, but I know they’re going to forgive you.”  Poe kissed his clavicle.

Ben didn’t seem so sure, but he went on, “And the other reason.  The more important reason.  I don’t just need you for that, I _need_ you.  For everything.  If—if I’m coming back into their lives, I’m coming with you.  I love you.  I want you with me.”

“I’ll be with you, I promise.”  Poe hesitated, then whispered, “Forever,” against his throat.  Ben’s arms clenched around him, and Poe felt his love’s hand clutch at the hair at the nape of his neck.

“Will you do something for _me_ , now?” Poe asked.

“Yes.”

“Call your mother.  Tell her you’re coming to talk.”

He felt Ben’s whole body stiffen.  Poe leaned his head back enough to see the fear on the white face looking down at him.

“Poe, I—right now?”

“Yes, _now_.”  Poe stretched to kiss his cheek as he murmured, “You can do it.  I’m right here with you.  Do it now so you can’t let yourself back out or put it off.”

“Poe. . . .”  Ben closed his eyes and breathed deeply.  Then he opened them again and looked into Poe’s.

Poe smiled at him.  “Do it.  There is no try, remember?”

Ben didn’t smile back, but he nodded.  “When. . . when are you free?  This week.  It’s only about an hour away, but. . . but I want you for the whole day.”

“Tomorrow,” said Poe.

Ben groaned.  “Poe Dameron, you’re a tyrant.  Fine.  Tomorrow.”  Then he did smile, weakly.  “Okay.  Tomorrow.”

He leaned over, still holding Poe in one arm, to pick up his phone from the night stand.  Poe held him as Ben touched the screen a few times then lifted the phone to his ear.

“Mom?  It’s me.  It’s. . . it’s Ben.”

Poe leaned his head against Ben’s broad chest and listened to his heart pounding hard and fast.

“Yes, I’m all right.  Can—I want to see you.  Can I come?  Tomorrow morning?”  He spoke quickly, his voice cracking over the words like he was going through puberty.  Poe could hear the sound of a woman speaking through the phone, but he couldn’t make out the words.  She sounded like an adult on a Charlie Brown TV special, yet Poe could hear something through the wah wah wah-ing, a tone that conveyed emotion she was just barely keeping in check.

“Do you think you can get Dad to come over?” Ben was asking.  There was an answering wah wah; then Ben mumbled, “I. . . I’m bringing somebody.  My boyfriend.  His name is Poe.”  A pause, a wah.  “Yes, like the writer, but it’s his first name.”  Wah wah.  “A-a while.”  Wah wah wah?  “ _No_ , we’re not engaged yet.”  Wah wah wah.  “ _Mom!_ ”

_Yet,_ Poe thought.  He pressed his mouth against Ben’s robe to hide the stupid smile he felt on his face.

“I’ve got to go.  I’ll see you tomorrow, in the morning.”  Through the phone came another pattern of unintelligible words that might have been “I love you.”

“I know,” said Ben.  “Bye, Mom.”  He dropped his phone back on the nightstand then draped his arm limply over Poe.  Poe lifted a hand to the side of Ben’s neck and held it while he kissed his throat.

“You did good, baby.”

“I hope.  I hope this is right.”  Ben squeezed Poe against him.  “She. . . she sounded glad.  And curious about you.”

“I’ll try not to disappoint her,” Poe chuckled.  “But you know you’re the one that matters.  You’re doing the right thing.”

Ben’s fingers brushed the back of Poe’s neck, making him shiver, then trailed down his spine.  “I guess we should go to sleep.  We’re both tired, and I told Mom we’d come in the morning. . . .”

“Yeah,” Poe sighed.  He leaned up and kissed Ben, intending it to be light and quick.  But then Ben’s arms tightened around him, and the larger man held him there.  Poe parted his lips when Ben brushed them with his tongue, and they kissed deeper with one of Poe’s arms around Ben’s neck and the other hanging over his broad back.

“God, I love you, Poe,” Ben mumbled into his mouth.

“Ben—”  Poe pushed against him, working his tongue as deep into his mouth as he could.  _I love you,_ he thought while his mouth was occupied.  He hoped Ben really could read his mind.  _I love you, I love you._

Ben slid one arm lower to grip Poe’s thigh through the over-long shirt and pull him up closer as they kissed.  Poe shuddered at the touch and drew his leg up a little against Ben’s side, and he felt the hem of his shirt shift so that the long fingers against his thigh brushed his skin.  Poe let go of Ben’s neck long enough to grab a handful of the shirt and tug it aside, out of the way so Ben’s whole hand closed over his bare thigh.  Ben made a surprised noise, and Poe broke the kiss to laugh softly.

“It’s okay.  You can touch me.”  He looked into the nervous and somewhat perplexed dark eyes so close to his own.  “Please.  Your hands feel good.”

“Poe. . . .”

“Don’t be nervous,” Poe coaxed.  He touched his forehead to Ben’s and rubbed the back of his neck, letting his fingers slip into his robe to brush his back.  Even on the two nights they’d spent together, they had never done more than kiss and hold each other.  Poe understood Ben’s insecurity about his body, but he also didn’t want Ben to go on thinking he was inadequate in any respect.

“I love you,” Poe whispered to him.  “Please, touch me, Ben.”

Finally, the large hand curved over his thigh moved a little, rubbing his skin.  Poe was startled at his _own_ reaction, something that felt like electricity shooting up the veins in his legs, straight to his heart.  He’d thought he was helping Ben get over another of his hurdles, but with that simple touch, Poe realized just how much he wanted Ben to want _him_.  It was a little embarrassing.

“Um,” he gulped, shivering slightly.

Ben’s hand froze.  “What’s wrong?  Did I—”

“No, _no_ , don’t stop!”  Poe gave a breathy laugh, directed at himself, and kissed his mouth.  “It’s just really nice, is all.”

Ben’s hand resumed its motion, traveling over Poe’s outer thigh only a few inches at first, then farther, until it slid from his knee almost up to his hip, where it stopped at the cuff of the shorts Poe was wearing under Ben’s shirt.

“Yeah,” Ben whispered back.  His deep voice sounded husky with both embarrassment and delight.  “It is.”  He squeezed the back of Poe’s thigh, and Poe nearly moaned.

_This was a bad idea,_ he thought.  _We’re tired, we’re both feeling vulnerable, we have to get up early tomorrow, oh God, if he moves his hand a few inches to either side—_   Ben didn’t, instead moving it down again and back up, but every time his fingers neared Poe’s hip, the smaller man tensed with longing.  He lowered his head to kiss the side of Ben’s neck; Ben tilted his own head back so that the ends of his hair brushed his back.  Poe wanted to leave marks all over the pale skin of Ben’s neck, but he managed to keep enough wits about him to realize that would make seeing his parents the next day even more awkward.  Instead, Poe pushed Ben’s robe off his shoulder and transferred his mouth there, kissing and sucking at his skin.

“Oh God, Poe,” Ben gasped.  His hand clenched over Poe’s upper thigh and stayed there.  Poe slid his own hand inside Ben’s robe to rub his chest; then he decided to get the robe out of the way altogether and tugged it down around Ben’s waist.  Ben shivered but pulled his unoccupied arm free of the robe’s sleeve, then let go of Poe’s leg long enough to free the other one too, baring his upper body completely.  Poe ran his hands over Ben’s chest.

“Ben, you’re gorgeous.”  He dropped kisses down Ben’s collar bone to his throat.

“So are you, angel.”  Poe had felt his new pet name was a bit pretentious, until he heard Ben say it and it sounded nothing but perfect.  He laid his cheek against Ben’s chest and closed his eyes.  The larger man had shifted his hand back to Poe’s leg, and his other hand moved all over, stroking Poe’s hair then his back, then his waist.

“I don’t think this shirt is going to work,” Ben murmured.

Poe smirked against his chest, eyes still closed.  “Too long?”

“Too long.”

“I thought you said we should go to sleep,” Poe teased him.

“We should,” mumbled Ben.  “In a minute.”

\--

To be continued


	11. Chapter 11

Poe was trying to convince himself to lean back long enough to get the shirt off when Ben continued in a hoarse whisper, “And I can’t see—I want to see your beautiful body while I hold you.”  Poe drew in a sharp breath.

“Go on. . . .”  When Ben didn’t, Poe whispered, “The shirt’s staying on unless you keep talking.”  He wasn’t so interested in the praise of his appearance as he was in hearing how Ben desired him.

Ben made an impatient, frustrated noise then murmured, “I. . . I want to see how tan your skin looks against mine when we’re lying together.  And feel your muscles when you move.”  As he gained confidence—and possibly got distracted from his own nervousness—Ben’s words came more smoothly, and he bent his head to murmur in Poe’s ear, “I want to make you moan when I kiss you, and I want to feel you under me.”

“Mmn,” said Poe.  His eyes opened, and his breath came more quickly, and Ben didn’t stop.

“I want to lie on top of you and feel every inch of your body against me.”  His hand gripped Poe’s leg, but the fingertips twitched on the underside of his thigh.  “I want to kiss your neck and touch every part of you.”  His heart beat hard; Poe could not only hear it with the ear pressed to his chest, but also feel it against his cheek.  “Poe, I want to see the look in your pretty eyes when I make you come!”

“ _Ben_ ,” Poe groaned.  He was hardly aware of pulling back just long enough to strip the shirt off, Ben’s hands fumbling against his to help; then he was in Ben’s arms again and kissing his chest almost frantically.  Ben rubbed his back, spreading his large hands so that they spanned as much of Poe’s skin as they could.  Poe flicked his tongue over one nipple, and Ben gasped, digging his fingertips into Poe’s back.  Pleased with this reaction, Poe covered it with his mouth and sucked.

“Nnngh, Poe. . . .”  Ben dropped his hands to grip either side of Poe’s hips as Poe teased the tip of his nipple with his tongue.  With both his legs to one side, Poe squirmed to try to get into a more comfortable position—until he realized how hard he was.  There really _wasn’t_ a more comfortable position unless he took off the shorts confining his straining cock.

 _He’s barely even touched me,_ Poe thought, amazed.  _Just hearing him say those things has got me so worked up. . . ._

He tried to ignore his discomfort and shifted his mouth to Ben’s other nipple.  Ben cried out again and ran one hand down Poe’s leg.  _So close_ , Poe thought, miserable and ecstatic at the same time.  He wanted Ben to touch him, but he was also afraid Ben might not be ready for that, despite what he had said.  After all, Ben was talking about taking his shirt off, not his shorts, and—

Ben’s arm brushed his cock, and Poe moaned against his chest.

“. . . Poe?  You’re. . . .”

“I know,” he groaned.  “I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it. . . hearing you talk like that. . . .”

“What have you got to be sorry for?”  Ben bent his head to murmur in Poe’s ear again, “What do you suppose you’re doing to _me_?”

Poe shuddered, thinking that he had never been so turned on before in his life.  “Tell me.”

“I’m so hard for you, Poe.”  The deep voice reached his ear in a whisper.

“Tell me _more_.”

“No, no, it’s your turn,” Ben breathed.  He held Poe against his chest, his hand unmoving on the smaller man’s thigh.  “Tell me what you want.”

“I want. . . I want you to touch my cock,” Poe gasped.  Ben shivered.

“Keep talking,” he whispered, “and I’ll do it.  I’ll do anything you want, angel.”  He moved his hands up to Poe’s waist to tug at his shorts.  Poe felt his face grow even warmer than it already was at the thought of Ben seeing him naked for the first time—especially since Ben’s lap was still covered by his robe.  But then Poe’s desire took over and he lifted his hips up so Ben could undress him, stripping his shorts off and tossing them aside.

Ben exhaled in a hiss of breath, “Oh damn, Poe, you’re gorgeous.”  With Poe sideways on his lap, he wrapped his left arm around the smaller man’s waist and reached for him with his right hand—then paused with it in mid-air.  “You said you wanted. . . ?”

“Ugh, Ben!  Touch me, _please_.”  He gasped as Ben wrapped his hand around the base of his shaft.  Poe looked up at his boyfriend’s face and saw an expression that looked as nervous as he felt.

 _It’s the first time doing this for both of us,_ Poe thought.  Then Ben slid his fist slowly up Poe’s cock, and he wasn’t able to think of anything else.

“Like this?”  Ben held Poe against his chest as he stroked him.

“Y-yeah. . . .”  Poe could barely speak as he watched Ben’s hand on him.  “Faster. . . please. . . .”  Ben’s breath came harder as he sped up.  A bead of precum formed on the head of Poe’s cock, and he gave a soft cry when Ben brushed his thumb across it to spread it down his shaft.  His fist pumped Poe faster with the added lubrication, and soon Poe was whimpering with pleasure.

“Yes, harder,” he groaned.

“Tell me,” Ben demanded even as he planted a kiss on Poe’s forehead.  “Tell me what you want.”

“Jerk it harder!  Please, Ben, make—make me come!”

Ben’s hand tightened around him.  Immediately, Poe felt the almost painful pressure that meant he was close, and before he could react to that, he was coming hard, thrusting up into Ben’s fist.

“Oh God, oh God, Ben—” Poe cried with his mouth pressed to Ben’s neck.  Ben held him tightly and kept working him with his hand as Poe shot on both their chests, then let his cock go when Poe was finished, just before it got so sensitive it hurt.

“Are. . . are you okay?”  Ben’s voice cut through Poe’s ragged breathing.

“God yes,” Poe gasped.  He felt completely boneless and a bit dizzy, but far better than okay.  Ben wrapped his now unoccupied arm around Poe and hugged him hard.

“I’ve never done that to anyone else before,” Ben murmured.  “I wasn’t. . . really sure what I was doing.”

“Baby, you were doing wonderful things,” Poe said blissfully.  Eventually, reality started to sink in, and he realized how hard and quickly he’d come from a brief hand job. . . and that he’d come on both of them.  He managed to sit back so he could see Ben’s face as he mumbled, “Uh, sorry, I. . . didn’t mean to get it all over you.”

“I. . . I don’t mind.”  Ben sounded as if he were biting back a groan on the last word.  “Poe, you—”  He broke off, and Poe was afraid something was wrong—until he really looked into his boyfriend’s eyes.  They were wide, dilated, looking at Poe like he really _was_ an angel, some kind of magical being who had miraculously fallen into Ben’s lap.

 “I what?” Poe prompted with a smile.

“You looked so—”  Ben broke off and tried again, “When you came, oh God, it was so hot.”

Poe taunted, “Then you’re still hard for me?”

Ben blushed.  Poe loved how he was alternately shy and bold, first letting Poe lead then abruptly taking control.  At the moment, Poe decided, _he_ wanted to be the one in control, and at the same time, he wanted Ben to see just how much Poe desired him.

“C’mon, baby, say it,” Poe teased him.  He put a hand on Ben’s chest and trailed it downward, over his stomach, to rest on the folds of the robe still covering his lap.

“Yes,” Ben finally whispered.  “I’m hard for you.  I want you, I want you _so much_.”  There was so much need in his voice, emotional as well as physical, that Poe couldn’t resist leaning forward again and kissing him.

“I’m yours, Ben, I promise.  I love you,” Poe assured Ben.  “Now let me take care of you, okay?”

When Ben nodded, Poe moved off his lap to kneel beside him, trying not to be embarrassed himself by the fact that he was naked with his own cum drying on his chest.  _We have to get comfortable around each other one way or another,_ he thought as he finally pushed Ben’s robe aside.

“Oh fuck, Ben,” he breathed, not able to maintain the controlling persona as well as he’d hoped.  Ben’s cock was a lot bigger than Poe had expected, even considering his height; it was also so hard, it was pressed up flat against his abdomen.  Poe’s hand was on it before he remembered he was supposed to make Ben ask for it.

“Poe,” Ben groaned through gritted teeth.  “Oh God, I wanted this.”

Poe slid his hand up the shaft already slick with precum.  He managed to get back into character to purr, “I can tell.  Nobody’s ever touched you before like this, have they?”

“No, no. . . .”  Ben’s pelvis twitched up involuntarily as he tried to thrust into Poe’s hand.  “Have—have you ever done it before?”

“No, baby, never,” Poe said gently, then added more suggestively, “So you’ll have to tell me what to do.”  He drew his hand down to the base of Ben’s cock and kept it there while his boyfriend groaned in frustration.

“Dammit, Poe!”  Poe smirked at him until Ben gasped, “Please, please touch me!”

 _Oh God,_ Poe thought, barely managing to keep it together as he complied.  Something about the sound of Ben’s deep voice saying even slightly dirty things made him crazy.

“More,” Poe ordered even though he felt like he was the one begging.  Hell, he _would_ beg if that’s what it took to make Ben keep talking.

“Faster,” Ben said hoarsely.  He leaned back a little, bracing himself on his hands and stretching his long legs out as he watched Poe’s hand moving on him.  “Rub—”  He broke off, flushing, then said, “Rub the head, the way I did yours.  I like that.”  Poe did it, dragging his thumb across the slit and smearing more precum over the ridge at the edge of the head.  Ben gave a strangled moan, and his cock twitched and throbbed in Poe’s hand.  Poe grinned and did it again.

“Oh _fuck_ ,” Ben choked.  “That’s—that’s what I do when I. . . when I jack off thinking about you.”

“Nngh—!”  Poe didn’t realize _that_ noise came from himself at first.  Then he was aware that he was starting to get hard again, and he demanded, “More!  Tell me!”

Ben closed his eyes as he murmured, “The first time was—was after you spent the night on the couch.  Oh God, Poe, I wanted you so bad, even that soon.  You were so cute, and so sweet to me that evening.”  Poe was stroking him slowly and firmly, but it was hard to maintain a steady rhythm as Ben went on, opening his eyes again to look at Poe as he spoke.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you, and the next night, I thought about you touching me like this, and—ohh!”  He was cut off by a moan when Poe rubbed his thumb over the head of his cock again.  “And putting your mouth on me, sucking me off until you made me come all over your beautiful face,” Ben finished in a pant.

“Oh _shit_ ,” Poe breathed.  “Is that what you want?  You want me to blow you, baby?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Ben moaned; then he cast a worried look at Poe.  “If. . . if you want to.  You don’t have to—”

“Shh.  I want to.”  In fact, Poe wanted nothing more at that moment.  He didn’t know exactly how to do it but guessed he could figure it out.  He leaned down with Ben’s cock gripped in his hand to kiss the head.  Ben drew in his breath, staring at Poe as the smaller man drew his tongue over the end of his cock.  It tasted better than Poe had expected—hell, it tasted _good_ , and he licked it again, pushing the tip of his tongue into the slit.

“Oh fuck, _Poe_ ,” Ben gasped.  His cock twitched in Poe’s hand and leaked more precum onto his tongue.  Poe ran his tongue along the ridge of the head; then he tried blowing on it.

Ben groaned, “God, please, Poe, please suck it!”  Poe thought about teasing Ben more, just to hear that delicious voice beg, but there would be plenty of time for that later, he decided.  Instead, he put his mouth over the head of Ben’s cock and sucked on it, rubbing it with his tongue.  Ben moaned something incoherent, and more precum squirted into Poe’s mouth.  He swallowed it and moved his head down to wrap his lips around Ben’s shaft.

“Oh God, Poe, fuck, you look so _hot_ doing that. . . .”  Ben ran a shaking hand through Poe’s hair then folded his fingers into it.  “Suck me, please, go down on me!”  Poe felt himself blush at the thought of Ben watching him, but it also aroused him even more.  He lowered his head a little farther, and Ben’s fingers tightened in his hair and pushed against the back of his head, gently.  Poe managed to get about half of Ben’s cock in his mouth before it was too uncomfortable to continue; then he started pumping the rest of the shaft in his fist while he sucked and tried to rub his tongue against Ben at the same time.

“Nnngh. . . .”  Ben thrust his hips up a little, trying to get more of Poe’s wet mouth on his cock.  Poe took a little more, nearly choked, then relaxed as he got used to it.  Ben didn’t try to push him farther, but the insistent pressure on the back of Poe’s head told him Ben wanted more.  Regretful that he couldn’t go down any farther—although to be fair, Ben’s cock _was_ awfully big—Poe hummed around it so that the vibration of his mouth made Ben whimper with pleasure.

“Yes, suck me, angel, suck my cock,” Ben whispered as he watched.  Poe looked up at him, meeting his eyes, and Ben swallowed hard.  “You’re so beautiful,” he murmured, letting go of Poe’s hair to stroke the side of his face and his neck.  “Oh God, I love you so much.”

Poe’s jaw was starting to ache, but he didn’t care when he heard that and saw the adoration in Ben’s eyes.  He closed his own eyes and sucked harder, moving his head up and down to work Ben’s shaft with his lips and tongue.  Ben’s voice dissolved into moans again, and when Poe hummed again, he felt Ben tense up and his cock twitch against the roof of his mouth.

“Poe, I’m—I’m gonna come,” Ben hissed.  Despite the pain in his jaw, Poe was almost disappointed—he liked what he was doing more than he had ever imagined.  But more than anything, he wanted to please Ben, so he squeezed his erection and sucked harder.  When he tugged firmly on it with his lips, Ben cried out, nearly _screamed_ , and exploded in his mouth.

Poe pulled off but kept pumping Ben with his fist.  The second shot landed in his open mouth too; then he closed it and swallowed while leaning over Ben so his boyfriend would come on him.  Ben shot three more times, hitting Poe’s cheek then finishing on his chest, before he slumped backwards on his elbows, panting.

“Oh God, oh God,” Ben breathed as he stared at Poe and Poe gave him a dazed look in return.

“I. . . did I. . . did you swallow some of it?” Ben panted.  He looked so adorably stunned that Poe found himself grinning when he nodded.  Ben stammered, “I-I never—I didn’t think you would—oh _fuck_.”

“There’s a first time for everything,” Poe said.  “And I liked it.”

“Really?  You. . . you liked me coming in your mouth?”

Poe had never felt sexier than he did seeing Ben look at him like that.  Poe let his eyes drop half-closed as he wiped Ben’s cum off his cheek then sucked his fingers into his mouth to taste it.  Ben’s own eyes widened as he watched Poe swallow, deliberately.

“Poe.  _God_.”  Ben put a shaky hand to Poe’s chest to catch some of his cum on his fingers.  He brought his hand halfway to Poe’s mouth then hesitated.  Poe grasped his wrist and pulled his hand the rest of the way up, closing his mouth over two of Ben’s fingers and swallowing the cum on them.

“Is that what you wanted to see?” Poe asked after he took Ben’s fingers out of his mouth and kissed his palm.

“I-I never even thought about you doing _that_ ,” Ben breathed.  He cupped Poe’s chin in his hand and stroked his cheek with his fingertips as he whispered, “Poe, sweetheart. . . .”

Ben leaned forward and kissed him, hard and deep so that he had to be tasting his own cum in Poe’s mouth.  Poe’s eyes widened; then he felt them drop closed with pleasure as they kissed and Ben’s arms slipped around him.  Ben broke the kiss and lay back, pulling the smaller man down with him against his side.  Poe was so tired from the past few days of stress combined with their activities, he could hardly stay conscious.

“I love you, Poe,” Ben whispered before pressing another kiss to his forehead.

“Love you too,” Poe murmured in return.  He let his eyes fall closed as he savored the feeling of Ben’s arms around his body.  Ben didn’t speak again, and Poe drifted away into sleep within minutes.

\--

To be continued


	12. Chapter 12

“Angel. . . .”

“Hmmn . . . ?”  Poe was warm.  So warm.  And he was happy, for the first time in days.  Why. . . ?

Kylo was lying behind him, arm draped over him, cheek against his hair.

No, not Kylo.  _Ben._

_That_ was why.

“Mmm,” Poe said.

“Oh no you don’t.”  Ben’s deep voice shifted from affectionate to scolding.  “You’re not going back to sleep.  We have to get up.”

“Do we really?” Poe grumbled, even though he could feel sleep receding.  He turned over to face Ben and snaked an arm over his back to snuggle against his bare chest.

“Th-that’s not going to work,” Ben stammered.  “This was your idea, remember?  Going to see my parents this morning?”

“Oh.  Yeah.”  For a moment, Poe wished he hadn’t been so adamant on doing it _today_ —or that Ben hadn’t suggested doing it in the _morning_.  “I’m getting up.  In a minute.”

Ben sat up abruptly, keeping his arm around Poe so he didn’t fall over.  Startled, Poe clung to him and laughed.

“That’s not fair.  You’re bigger than I am.”  He craned his head back to look up at his boyfriend’s face, grinning.  Ben smiled at him and bent to kiss his forehead and nuzzle his hair.

“Believe me,” he murmured with his lips in Poe’s hair, “I’d rather stay here holding you.  Watching you sleep.  Your skin looks so beautiful and tan against mine, and your body is so—”  The murmur became an embarrassed mumble.  “—so _sexy_.”

“So is yours.”  Poe heaved a sigh and planted a kiss on Ben’s chest before pulling away from him.  “So if we’re getting up, we’d better do it now before I get too distracted.”  He started putting on his clothes, although he snuck a longing glance at Ben when the other man got up to dress.  “Do I have time to run home before we leave?  I need to see to B.B.”

“Sure.  I can come pick you up.  In about an hour?”

Poe nodded.  “Okay.”  He sat down on the edge of the bed to tie his boots, and Ben stood watching him.

“Thank you for doing this with me,” Ben said softly.  “I’ll have to make it up to you somehow.  I. . . have a lot to make up to you.”

“No, you don’t.”  Poe finished with his boots and went over to him, reaching up to put his hands on Ben’s shoulders.  “We’re gonna work on it together, baby.”  He leaned up on his toes to kiss Ben gently.  “Now come let me out the gate before we both change our minds about going anywhere.”

\--

When Poe pulled into the parking lot of his apartment building, he noticed Rey’s motorcycle parked in the spot she usually took in the front corner.  Even more unusual, Finn’s car wasn’t there.  Rey might be taking a vacation day off work, but it was odd for her to be at their apartment when neither guy was home, although she did have a key for emergencies.

_Maybe Finn’s skipping work and they went somewhere in his car,_ Poe mused as he climbed the cement stairs leading up to their apartment.  When he put his key in the door, he heard B.B.’s excited bark and grinned.

_Someone’s glad to see me_ , he thought.  Sure enough, he opened the door to see a very excited spaniel mix—and Rey curled up in the armchair reading a creased paperback novel.

“Uh, hey,” Poe mumbled as he shut the door behind him.  “Everything okay?”

Rey looked up from her book.  She didn’t look angry, but she wasn’t smiling either.  “Yeah.  Hey.”

“Finn at work?”  Poe dropped to the floor to scratch B.B. although he was still apprehensive.  Finn usually worried more than he did about upsetting Rey, but Poe wasn’t exactly eager to get on her bad side.

“I guess.  He called me last night and said you texted him.  From Kylo’s place.”

“Yeah.”  Poe moved from the floor to the sofa, and B.B. jumped up beside him for more scratching.  “We made up.”

“I guess _so_ , if you were there all night.”  She folded down a page of the book to mark her place and tossed it onto the coffee table.  It was a novel by Stephen King, one of several authors Rey read voraciously.

“Look, are you pissed at me for something?” Poe finally asked.  “I mean, I’m sorry I haven’t been around the past few days, but I was upset.  And I told you guys before that, that I was sorry for hanging out with Ben—Kylo more than you.”

“Oh, Poe, it’s not that.”  Her face softened.  “Sorry.  I’m not _pissed_.  It’s just. . . .”  She frowned and looked down at her lap.  “I don’t trust him,” Rey finally blurted out.  “I know I probably shouldn’t tell you that—Finn said as much—but I _don’t_.”

Poe sighed and rubbed the back of his head, but he couldn’t blame her.  She didn’t know Ben like he did—especially now—and on top of that, she was on the receiving end of his “you’re a psychic” accusation.

“It’s okay, Rey.  I know he’s. . . kind of weird, and you haven’t been around him much.  But. . . but please, believe that you _can_ trust him.  He’s got a lot going on, but we’re working on it.”

“You’re sure?”  Rey leaned forward, resting her arms on her thighs with her legs braced.  “You haven’t known him all that long, and I saw how he behaved at the skating rink.  From what you told me, it was a thousand times worse when he lost that fencing bout.  Poe, I don’t want him treating you like shit and getting away with it because you’ll run back to him as soon as he apologizes.”

“Rey—” Poe started, but he couldn’t think of how to respond, how to explain that he really _wasn’t_ the battered half of an abusive relationship.  That Ben was just as vulnerable as he was, if not more so.  Instead, he looked down at Rey’s book.  There was a train on the cover, an old steam engine, but the train had a human skull on its front above the cowcatcher.  _Cheery_ , Poe thought.

He looked up at her and tried again.  “Rey, it’s not like that.  Yeah, we had a fight, a bad one.  But some of it was my fault too.  We talked through it, and we both apologized.  I told you he’s estranged from his family, and I found out he was having problems at the fencing school too.  But today, he’s going to see his parents for the first time in like a year, and he asked me go to with him.”

“He did?”  Rey’s voice was softer now, too.

Poe nodded.  “Yeah.  And when I asked last night, he agreed we’d go today.  Rey, it’s not. . . not an _easy_ relationship, but we’re going to make it work.  I love him.”

Rey raised her eyebrows and gave him a helpless little smile.  “I know.  I can feel it.”

“You. . . can?”  Poe sat up straighter.  “You mean, Ben was right?  You _are_ psychic?”

This time, Rey’s eyes were the ones to drop to the creepy choo-choo.  “I don’t know about _psychic_.  But ever since he said that, I’ve been noticing. . . I can sense things about people, especially you and Finn—I guess because I know you two the best.  I can’t read your minds or anything, but I can understand what you’re feeling.  When you texted me the other day—Poe, it really hurt.  Even through a _text_ I could feel how upset you were.  And right now, you feel like. . . like the sun.  Warm.”  She looked back up at him, her smile gone but her eyes affectionate.  “I know you love him.  But Finn and I love you too, and I don’t want you to get hurt again.”

Poe smiled.  “I love you too, Rey, both of you.  And thanks for watching out for me.”  He paused as something occurred to him.  “Hey, if you can feel things. . . wouldn’t it work on Ben, at least a little?  He’s coming to pick me up in a little while, so when he gets here, couldn’t you sense what he’s feeling and know you can trust him?”

“I. . . I guess.  I could try, anyway.”  Rey twisted up one side of her mouth and shrugged.  “I’m not crazy about the idea of trying to read someone on purpose, especially the guy who’s accusing me of being psychic.  But it _would_ make me feel better about him.”

“It’ll make _me_ feel better too, to have you trust him,” Poe assured her.  “Just hang out for a little while longer.  Let me give B.B. some breakfast and take him out—oh, and I need to change clothes.”

As he got up, Rey picked up her book again; then she looked up at him and smirked.  “So his real name’s Ben, hunh?”

“Oh. . . yeah.  Ben Solo.”  Poe felt like smiling like an idiot just saying his boyfriend’s name.  “Maybe you’d better keep calling him Kylo until he tells you otherwise, though.”

“Sure.”  Rey sat back and opened the book again.  “Wipe that dopey smile off your face and go feed your dog, Dameron.”

Poe did so—or at least, he fed the dog.  By the time he had walked B.B. and changed into clothes he hoped were nice enough, nearly an hour had passed since he left Ben’s.  Rey had made considerable progress in her novel when Poe came back into the living room.

“Are you coming over after work?” he asked as he went to the window to watch for Ben.

“No, I’ll be working late since I’m going in late.  In fact,” she muttered, “I hope he hurries up so I can get out of here.  Someone sold us this really cool old car on Friday, and I wanted to get to work on it.”

As if in response, Ben’s car pulled into the parking lot just as she finished speaking.  Poe felt a little flutter of excitement in his chest, but there was a bit of nervousness in it too.  What if Ben’s parents didn’t like him?  What if they _weren’t_ as happy to see Ben as Poe thought they would be?  What if Ben got angry?

“If you’re nervous about meeting his parents, they’re going to love you,” Rey commented.  “You’re every parent’s ideal son-in-law.”

“Okay, now _you’re_ being creepy.”  Poe made a face at her over his shoulder as he went to the door.  “And we aren’t getting married. . . yet.”  He opened the door before Ben could even knock, and he got a surprised, affectionate look in response.

“I guess you were watching for me.”  Ben leaned down to kiss him then stopped.  “Rey’s here, isn’t she?”

“Yeah.  But that doesn’t mean you can get away with not kissing me.”  Poe met him halfway for quick kiss, then took Ben’s hand and tugged him inside.  “Baby, Rey wants to talk to you a minute.”

Rey had stood up and was now watching Ben, her book forgotten on the chair behind her.  Ben looked back at her.

“You don’t trust me, do you?” he murmured.  She looked a touch ashamed but didn’t avert her eyes.  After a moment, she went over to the much taller man and gazed up at him.  Poe watched them with the nervous tingle in his heart thickening to a buzz.  He wanted Rey to trust Ben, and for Ben to like Rey; he also feared that Ben might get mad over Rey’s mistrust or being analyzed so closely.

But Ben only looked down at her, his facial expression oddly similar to her own despite the other differences in their appearances.  He didn’t seem the least bit annoyed with her scrutiny, simply patient and perhaps mildly curious.  And suddenly Rey smiled, almost gave a little laugh with the breath of air that escaped her lips.  She shook her head, waving a wisp of hair that had come free from the knots on the back of her head.

“Satisfied?” Ben asked archly.  He raised an eyebrow, but Poe noticed a suppressed smile on his lips.

“I’m satisfied.  And really glad I _can’t_ read minds.  Whatever it was you were thinking about Poe, it’s nothing _I_ need to know.”  Rey shook her head again and looked over at Poe.  “But you were right, it worked.  Almost as well as it does on you and Finn.”

Poe let out a relieved sigh.  Rey scooped up her book and went over to him.

“I guess I can trust him,” she murmured.  “More or less, anyway.  And Poe. . . he loves you.  He—he loves you a _lot_.”  Rey kissed Poe on the cheek and turned away to pat B.B. goodbye before Poe could respond.  He wasn’t sure he _could_ have responded without his voice breaking.

As she passed Ben, Rey glanced up at him.  “Nevertheless, I’m obligated to tell you that if you hurt my friend, I’ll have to screw you up.  So watch yourself.”

“Right.”  When Rey was almost at the door, Ben added, “Want to know how the book ends?”

“Hmm?”  Rey looked back at him.  “You’ve read it?”

“I’ve read almost everything King’s written.”  Ben smirked.  “The train—”

“Hsst!”  Rey snapped her hand at him in an imitation of lips closing.  “No.  I don’t want to know how it ends.”  Once she was gone, Poe looked up at Ben.

“What does the train do?”

“He tells riddles.”

“ _What_?”

“That’s all I’m giving away.  You’ll have to read it for yourself, angel.”  Ben went over to him and pulled him close in a hug then kissed his forehead.  “You’re lucky you have friends who care so much about you.”  
  
“Heh.  I’m sorry about that,” Poe mumbled into Ben’s shirt.  “She was just worried about me.”

“No, it’s all right.  I could tell what she was feeling, and I. . . I understand.”  He sounded almost sad when he went on, “I probably wouldn’t trust me either, if I were in her place.”

“Baby. . . .”  Poe reached up to stroke his cheek.  “She’ll learn she can trust you.”

Ben covered Poe’s hand with his own and squeezed it.  “Are you ready to go?”

Poe nodded.  “Yeah, just let me put the dog in my room.”

After B.B. was secure, they started out in Ben’s car.  It was nicer than Poe’s on the inside, too, and he enjoyed the ride at first. . . until the nervousness kicked in again.  Glancing at Ben tensed in the driver’s seat, Poe realized his boyfriend wasn’t any more relaxed than he was.

“Uh, you said your mom’s a general, right?” Poe asked, trying to make conversation.  “I was wondering what to call her.”

“Yeah,” Ben nodded.  “And she didn’t change her name when they got married, so her name’s Leia Organa.  Most people call her General Organa.”

“Okay.”  Poe flipped down the visor on his side of the car and studied himself in the mirror underneath it.  “You really think she’ll like me?  I’ve never met a general before.  Do I look okay?”

Ben chuckled, relieving both of their stress a little.  “Poe, she’ll like you.  And you look very handsome.”  He cast a loving look in Poe’s direction.

But he was tense again by the time they reached the nearby city that had been his home up until a year ago.  Ben turned the car into a nice neighborhood on the edge of town and pulled up at one of the largest houses Poe had ever seen, outside of movies.  It was two stories tall and made of red brick with columns in front supporting a balcony off the second floor.  _A balcony,_ Poe thought, amazed.

“You grew up _here_?” he asked Ben, leaning forward to get a better look out the windshield.

“Yeah.  And now it’s just my mom living in it, since my father moved out.”  Ben sighed.  “They’re still married, but. . . .”  He broke off and turned his whole body in his seat to face Poe with an anguished expression on his face. “Poe, I can’t do this.”

“Yes you _can_.”  Poe turned too and took both of Ben’s hands in his.  “It’ll be okay, baby, I promise.  If—If it goes bad, we can get back in the car and go home, but you have to give it a shot.”

Ben dropped his head and looked down at the console between them, locks of his hair hanging down on the sides of his face.  Then he squeezed Poe’s hands.  “Okay.”

Poe wasn’t quite sure what he had expected Ben’s mother to be like, but whatever it was, General Leia Organa wasn’t it.  She opened the wooden door to the large house only seconds after Ben rang the bell, suggesting that, like Poe, she had been watching for him.  She was short, probably the biggest surprise as far as her physical appearance, with brown hair a shade lighter than her son’s worn up on her head, and she had large, liquid brown eyes.  She was still beautiful, and Poe could only imagine how lovely she must have been when she was young, as Ben had mentioned.

The way she looked wasn’t what _really_ startled Poe, however: it was the mix of emotions he saw in those amazing eyes when she gazed up at Ben for the first time in a year.  Poe had expected tears, a desperate hug, maybe even recrimination. . . but for just a second, General Organa looked _pissed_.  There was relief there too, definitely love, but also a look that clearly said all wasn’t forgiven, not yet.  Poe had assumed Ben’s temper was inherited from the mysterious and criminal grandfather—but now he wasn’t so sure.

“Ben,” Leia said.  She seemed to have put the anger aside ( _For the time being, anyway,_ thought Poe) but also to be holding herself back from a motherly display of affection as well.  Ben did not move to touch her either, only stood stiffly awkward before her.

“Mom,” he said.  After a moment of tense silence, he put his hand on Poe’s arm.  “Uh, this is Poe.”

“Poe Dameron.  Hi,” Poe said, then promptly felt like a moron.  _“Hi.”  Is that the best I can do?_

But Leia looked at him as if noticing him for the first time, and she smiled, warmly.  “Poe.  So you’re Ben’s boyfriend.”

“Erm, yes, ma’am,” Poe stammered.  He glanced up at Ben, who was looking back at him with a small but fond smile.

“You’ll have to tell me how you met.  Come on in.”  Leia moved aside for them to go in then shut the door behind them.  “Your father isn’t here yet,” she told Ben as she led them into a living room to the right of the entrance.  The tone of her voice hinted that she wasn’t surprised.

“He’s probably not even coming,” Ben muttered.  He sat down on a rather hard and unforgiving sofa where Poe sat beside him and looked around.  The room was more classically furnished than Ben’s apartment, and everything looked expensive: a second sofa, two arm chairs, end tables adorned with cut glass.  _He’s kind of out of my league,_ Poe realized, feeling awkward all over again.

And yet Ben’s mother had no pretension about her; she wore what Poe, having little experience in the area, supposed were normal women’s clothes and no fancy jewelry, and as she sat on the other sofa, she gave it an annoyed look as if she were displeased at its lack of comfort.  Poe got the feeling this formal room didn’t get much use.

“Poe, what do you do?” Leia asked him after she finished glaring at her sofa.

“I’m a charter pilot.”  Poe relaxed a little when she nodded with an approving expression.

“It must be exciting.”

“Oh, it is,” Poe grinned.  “I love it!  It’s what I always wanted to do.”

“Then you’re lucky.”  Leia smiled at him again.  “And how did you meet Ben?”

Poe glanced at the other man, wondering if his mother knew what _Ben_ did for a living.  Ben nodded, maybe in answer to his unasked question.

“He. . . he told my fortune.”  Poe looked back at Leia.  “He said I would fall in love.  And I did.”  He felt Ben’s hand cover his, resting on the cushion between them.

Her eyes softened a little although her next statement was wry.  “And _you_ got him to come here today, right?”

Poe felt his face grow warm.  “Well, uh. . . I made him come _today_.  But coming to see you in the first place was his idea.”  He laced his fingers through Ben’s and held his hand tightly.

“Only after Poe talked some sense into me.”  Ben’s deep voice spoke quietly but without any anger.  That was good.

“I see.”  Leia’s mouth twisted slightly in a smirk quite like the one Poe had seen often enough on her son’s face.  Despite their striking differences in appearance, the two were very much alike in some ways, he realized.  Her eyes moved back to Ben.  “Are you all right?” she murmured, for the first time exhibiting some of the motherliness Poe had been expecting.  “You look tired.”

“ _Mom_.  I’m fine.”  He sounded like an exasperated teenager.

“We had a fight a few days ago,” Poe blurted out before he even realized what he was going to say.  Something about Leia made him want to be honest with her—maybe because he wanted her approval so much, or maybe just because she was someone else who loved Ben.  “We just made up last night, so. . . neither of us has slept too well lately.”

“ _Poe_ ,” Ben groaned. . . but he was smiling.  He rubbed his thumb along the underside of Poe’s fingers and sighed to his mother, “Okay, yes, we had a fight.  And. . . and we talked for a long time last night.  Poe made me realize I—”  He broke off, smile gone and a pained but determined expression in its place.  “I couldn’t keep blaming you for. . . everything.”

“Ben. . . .”  Leia’s voice sounded surprised, pleased, and tender all at once.  “Maybe you should wait until your father gets here—”

“Oh, he won’t show up.”  Poe tensed at the note of anger he could hear in Ben’s voice.  “I should have known.”

“He _said_ he was coming.  And he knows better than to lie to me.”  From the way her eyebrows drew together when she said it, Poe had the feeling she was right.

“It doesn’t matter,” Ben muttered, then went on, “Mom, I’m. . . I’m sorry.  For not talking to you, and not seeing you for so long.”

Leia shifted, as if she were about to get up and go to him, but then she reseated herself on the sofa and merely nodded, lips pressed close together.  After a moment, she said, “Ben, thank you.  And. . . I know neither I nor your father are the easiest people to talk to sometimes.  I know we’ve both disappointed you.”  Ben looked away from her and did not deny it.  “But we’re both only human too,” Leia persisted, “and so is—is Luke.  And so was your grandfather.  None of us is perfect.  You can’t expect that of us, _or_ of yourself.”

Ben was quiet for a long, long moment, looking at neither her nor Poe.  But then he turned back to Leia and nodded.  “I know, Mom.  I’m working on it.”  To Poe’s surprise, Ben brought their clasped hands up to his lips and kissed the darker one of the pair.  “And Poe’s helping me.”  Poe blushed again, hard, but Leia just smirked again.

“I can see that.”  The sound of a car door slamming outside made her sigh.  “And there’s Han.” Ben lowered Poe’s hand back to the cushion, but he didn’t let go.   In fact, he gripped it tighter.

A moment later, Poe got his first look at his boyfriend’s father.  The man wasn’t quite as much of a surprise as his wife: taller with greying dark hair, handsome although again Poe saw little physical resemblance to Ben.  His face bore a look that was flustered and exasperated all at once.  As he paused in the doorway to the living room, Ben’s father looked first at his son.  Poe was surprised that his expression shifted to one not of anger but of love.

“Ben,” he muttered with a curt nod.  Ben didn’t say anything, and Poe didn’t have to look at him to know he was glaring.

“You’re late,” Leia observed.  She had folded her arms across her petite body and was looking up at her husband with one eyebrow raised.  As before, she didn’t seem surprised.

“I know, I know.”  The exasperated expression returned to his face, and he waved a hand at her placatingly.  “I have a good excuse.”

“Of course,” Ben hissed under his breath.  Poe tried not to wince.

Ben’s father sat, or rather sprawled, in one of the armchairs and finally looked at Poe.  “And you must be. . . uh, the boyfriend.”  Now his face was distinctly embarrassed. . . and suddenly Poe liked him, a lot.  _Poor guy,_ he thought.  _She’s mad at him, Ben’s mad at him, and now he has to meet his son’s first **boyfriend**.  That’s a lot to handle at once._

“Yeah, I’m Poe.  Poe Dameron.”  Poe grinned.  “Nice to meet you, Mr. Solo.”

“Mr. Solo” rolled his eyes.  “For God’s sake, call me Han.  And I _do_ have a reason for being late,” he went on, trying to look at both his wife and son at once.  “We finally tracked down The Car.”  Poe could practically hear the capital letters.  “At a junkyard one town over.  I left Chewie working on her.  Poor baby’s been trashed.”

Poe had absolutely no idea what any of it meant—including who Chewie was and whether it was he/she or the car who had been “trashed”—but Leia was nodding.  She still didn’t look exactly forgiving, but she seemed to understand.

“Not the damn car again,” Ben groaned.  Han glared at him.

“What car?” Poe asked, as much to forestall an argument as out of curiosity.

Ben sighed.  “His old muscle car.  It’s all he ever talks about.  It got stolen a couple years ago, and he and Chewie—er, that’s his buddy—have been trying to get it back ever since.”

“And we _did_ get her back,” Han emphasized.

“What kind of car is it?” Poe asked him.

Ben groaned under his breath, “Don’t encourage him,” but Poe just smirked at his boyfriend.  He was truly interested, whether Ben liked it or not.

Han’s eyes seemed to light up.  “’66 Shelby Mustang, a GT350.  Here.”  He pulled a wallet out of his back pocket and thumbed through it to pull out an old snapshot.  Poe could feel Ben cringe next to him in embarrassment that his father carried around a picture of his car.

But it wasn’t just of his car.  When Poe half-rose and took the picture, he saw a very nice gunmetal grey muscle car, but he was more interested in the four people beside it.  Two of them were clearly Ben’s parents when they were about as young as Ben was now.  Leia had indeed been quite beautiful, and Han looked dashing and handsome.  He had his arm around the shorter woman and she was leaning on him, both smiling.  A tall, hirsute man stood on Han’s other side, and beside Leia was another young man, smaller and blond with wide, striking blue eyes.

“You two look happy,” Poe murmured as he looked back up at Han and Leia. 

Han grimaced and Leia looked a little embarrassed, but she said, “We were.  Some of it was pretty good.”  She glanced at her husband with that wry twist of her mouth that seemed to run in the family.

“Who’re the other two?” Poe asked as he gave the photo back to Han.

“The hairy guy’s Chewie,” Han told him.  “The other one. . . that’s Luke.”

“My brother,” Leia murmured, but of course, Poe already knew that.

“Oh.”  Poe looked at Ben, who was gazing down at his knees.  Poe hadn’t expected Ben’s uncle to look like _that_ , so innocent, even when he was young.

“ _Anyway,_ ” Han cleared his throat after a moment of strained silence, “Chewie and I got up early to go see about this car he heard of, to see if it was really her.  And it was.  Girl working at the junkyard said someone sold the car to ‘em on Friday—said she figured it was probably stolen, several times over.”

“So you bought your own car back, instead of calling the police like you should have done two years ago,” grumbled Ben.

“Bought my own. . . hell no!”  Han sat back in his chair.  “We stole her back.”

“You _what_?” Leia exploded, half-rising from her own seat.  Ben just gaped at his father.

“What?”  Han raised both hands in the air and looked at his family like they were the crazy ones.  “The girl _helped_ once I showed her the picture and proved the car was mine.  She was the only one there and she opened up late today anyway, so she said she’d tell her boss it was gone when she got there.”

“Oh my God, _Dad_.”  Ben looked like he wanted to crawl under the sofa from shame.  Poe was a little appalled himself, but he was also delighted to see Ben’s anger at his father turn into more typical filial embarrassment.

“Cute girl,” Han commented with a pointed look at Leia.  “Very helpful.”

“And young enough to be your child, I bet,” she returned primly, not the least bit jealous.  “Anyhow, Ben and Poe didn’t come out here to talk about your car.”

“Right.”  Poe heard him mutter something under his breath that sounded like, “I was afraid of that”; then Han looked back at Ben.  “How have you been?”

“Fine.”  When neither man said anything else, Leia tried again.

“Poe’s a pilot.”

“Really.”  Han turned to Poe for the first time since their introduction.  “How did you get into that?”  He seemed impressed.

“It’s all ever wanted to do, even when I was a little kid,” Poe told him proudly.  “So I went to flight school and saved up everything I could for a plane.  She’ll be all mine soon!  She’s nearly paid off.”

“A private plane, hmm?”  Han nodded his approval, perhaps sensing that Poe felt the same way about his plane that Han did about his car.  “You fly for anybody, or just for yourself?”

“Myself, charter flights.  I like the flexibility. . . being able to make my own schedule.”

“That sounds familiar,” Leia commented with another look at her husband before she asked Poe, “So what are your future plans?”

“Well, the plane’ll be paid off in about two years, but I really like what I do, so I may just keep on doing it.  The great thing is that I can fly out of anywhere, so if we wanted to move, we could.”  He wasn’t even aware he had said “we” until Han made a noise that was half cough, half choke.

“You’re already living together?!”

“Oh, no—I-I didn’t mean that.”  Poe felt himself turn as red as Ben suddenly was.  “I just meant when we—if we—uh. . . .”  _Great,_ he thought, _I might as well have said, “I want to marry your son.”  When Ben’s never even said anything to me about it._

“I. . . I see.”  Han shifted in his seat and looked everywhere but at them.

Poe glanced at Ben apologetically but found his boyfriend looking back at him with a small smile, even though he was still blushing.  Poe felt like his heart melted a little.

“What about you, Ben?” asked Leia, softly.  “Your future plans.”

“I. . . I don’t know,” he mumbled.  “I could move too.  To be with Poe,” he added to make the point he wasn’t talking about moving back home.  Han glanced at him again with a bewildered look as if he couldn’t figure out where Ben had gotten such a romantic streak.

“Are you still fencing?” Leia persisted.  She either didn’t notice or outright ignored Ben’s wince as she told Poe, “He used to want to be an instructor, like his uncle.”

“I didn’t know that!”  Poe smiled at Ben.

“Yeah. . . .”  Ben began rubbing Poe’s fingers again to distract himself from his discomfort with the topic.  “I. . . I still might.  If things. . . work out.”

“They _will_ ,” Poe assured him.  “We’ll figure it out if it’s something important to you.  Like I said, we can go anywhere.  If you change schools or get a position somewhere—we can go.”

“You’d really go with me?” Ben murmured.

“Yeah.  Ben, I’d go anywhere with you, do anything you needed me to as long as it’s something healthy for you—for us.  And I think this would be.”  He had all but forgotten about Ben’s parents in light of this new revelation of his love’s dreams.  “Your—psychic abilities are amazing, but you could really make your living fencing.  You’re _that_ good as long as you—”  Poe broke off.  “Um. . . you know.”

“Don’t get angry?”  To Poe’s immense relief, Ben smiled slightly as he said it.  “I know.”  He let go of Poe’s hand to touch his cheek instead.

“Have you heard from Luke?”  Han’s question was directed at his wife—probably in an attempt to ignore Ben’s making eyes at Poe—but Ben jerked his hand back anyway and glared at his father.

“No.”  Leia’s eyes looked sad although she regulated the rest of her expression.  “Nothing.”

Han glanced at Ben.  “Have you?”

“No,” Ben snapped.  “I would have told you guys if I had.”

“Would you?” retorted Han.  “You haven’t told _me_ much of anything.  Certainly not about. . . this.”  The hand gesture he made vaguely indicated Ben and Poe’s relationship.

“Why should I?  You never showed much interest in anything else I did.”  Ben’s fingers clenched over the cushion of the sofa as he faced his father.

“Oh come on, that isn’t fair!” Han protested.  “I tried!  But it’s hard when you get pissed off over the littlest comment I make!”

“Han—” Leia interjected in a tired tone of voice.  Obviously, they’d all had this argument before.

“I know I’m not father of the year material, but for God’s sake, cut me some slack, Ben.”  Han leaned forward.  “Your mother and I both love you.  We both want you to be happy.  But running away from home wasn’t the way to do it.  When Leia called last night and said you were coming over, I thought maybe you’d grown up some.”

Ben’s jaw clenched, and Poe could see it standing out under his pale skin.  Poe’s stomach clenched with it, and he braced himself for the fit of anger he was sure would follow, despite everything Ben had said to him the night before.

But then, Ben’s hand clamped down over Poe’s, hard, and held it.

“You’re one to talk,” he muttered, “stealing your own damn car.”

Han stared at him, then sighed and sat back again.  “I guess you have a point.”  He raked his fingers through his tousled hair.  “Look, I’m sorry.  I’m glad you came by.  I’m glad about—about. . . _him_.”  He flicked his fingers in Poe’s direction.  His vagueness convinced Poe of his sincerity.  “But it’s going to take time.”

“Yeah.”  Ben let up on Poe’s hand a little, and Poe squeezed his.  “It is.”

\--

After Ben and Poe left, Han and Leia stood at the front door, looking at one another.  Ben had hugged Leia goodbye, not looking down to see the tears she blinked back when she pressed her cheek briefly to his chest.  He didn’t say “I love you,” but then, his father hadn’t ever said it much either.  She knew he did, but again, it would take time.

“It could have gone worse,” she finally said to Han, raising her eyebrows.

“Yeah.  I guess.”  He sighed and rubbed his neck.

“Poe’s nice.”

“Yeah.  Good looking kid.”

“I noticed.”  Leia gave Han a smug little smile at seeing his outraged expression.

“Now wait just a minute!” he protested.  “What was it you were saying about ‘young enough to be your child’?  What’s good for the gander is good for the goose, princess!”

Leia’s smile softened a little.  “‘Princess.’  You haven’t called me that in a long time.”

Han snorted.  “Want me to call you ‘General Organa’ instead?”  He sighed again and suddenly put an arm around her, pulling her against him.  Leia was even more surprised at being embraced by her husband than by her son, but she hugged him hard.

“Maybe it will work,” she murmured.

“What?  His— _thing_ with Poe?”

“I meant _Ben,_ in general.”  Leia leaned back enough to look up at him.  “And I don’t think it’s just a ‘thing.’  They love each other.  I can feel it.”  When Han winced, she narrowed her eyes.  “You said you were okay with it.”

“I _am_ ,” Han asserted.  “I don’t care that Poe’s a _man_.  It—I—”  His voice fell to a mumble.  “I mean, don’t _you_ feel weird about seeing Ben _with_ somebody?  He could have brought home a _girl_ , and it would still be weird.”

Leia just laughed at him.  “You weren’t really cut out to be a father, were you?  You said you thought he might be growing up.  Now you have to let him.”

“I _guess_.”  Han looked down at his wife, and the corner of his mouth lifted in a smirk of his own.  “Yeah.  Maybe it’ll work.”

\--

To be continued


	13. Chapter 13

Ben didn’t say much on the ride home.  Poe didn’t try to get him to talk, and he wasn’t _too_ worried.  Overall, the visit had gone better than he had expected, especially as far as Ben’s mother was concerned.  His father. . . well, that was a wild card.

_But Ben didn’t get too angry,_ Poe reminded himself, _and that’s a really good sign._

After they pulled into the parking lot of Poe’s building, he started to get out but stopped when he realized Ben wasn’t moving.

“You coming in?” Poe prompted him.

“No, I. . . Poe, I think I need to be alone for a little while,” Ben murmured, looking down at the steering wheel.

“Oh—!  O-okay.”  Poe swallowed hard, startled at how much it hurt.  “See you later, then?”  To his horror, his voice wavered on the last word.

Ben looked at him, and the rather grim look on his face softened.  “Poe, no, don’t look at me like that. . . .”  He turned in his seat to put his arms around Poe and hug the smaller man to his chest.  “I’m sorry, it’s not that I want to get away from you.  I. . . I just. . . .”

“No, no, it’s all right.”  Poe felt stupid at the same time he was relieved to be in Ben’s arms.  “We—I know we have to be apart sometimes.  _Everyone_ needs to be alone every once in a while.”  He rubbed his cheek on Ben’s shirt, then pulled back enough to stroke his boyfriend’s dark hair back from his face.  “Take as long as you need.”

“Poe. . . .”  Ben leaned his head forward to rest their foreheads together.  “It won’t be long, I promise.  And—I promise it’s not because I’m angry.  I just need to think.”  
  
“It’s okay,” Poe whispered.  “I’ve got to work in the morning, but later this week, maybe we can—”

“No,” Ben interrupted, “tonight.”  He smiled a little when Poe pulled back and gave him a startled look.  “I told you, I don’t want to be away from you for long.  Sweetheart, let me take you out to dinner tonight, somewhere really nice.  Okay?”

“O-okay,” Poe stammered again.  The up-and-down emotions that had been plaguing him rose again.  “Like a fancy date?”  When Ben nodded, still smiling, Poe smiled too.  “How fancy?  I don’t have any super-nice clothes.”

Ben actually laughed.  “Not _that_ fancy.  Wear a shirt with buttons.  That’ll be enough.”  Poe opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, Ben added, “ _And_ pants.”

“Damn,” Poe teased.  “All right, text me later with the time, okay?”

“Okay.”  Ben’s smile dissolved, and he looked thoughtful again. . . thoughtful and rather melancholy.  Poe didn’t like seeing him that way, but he knew it had to happen.  As much as he wanted to fix everything in Ben’s life and make it all better, Poe couldn’t; there were some things Ben just had to figure out on his own.

“I love you,” Poe whispered, leaning forward to kiss his lips.

“I love you too, angel.”  Ben kissed him back then turned to start the car as Poe got out.  Poe watched him drive off, waving goodbye with a cheerfulness that felt a little forced.  Still, he didn’t want Ben to worry about _his_ feelings when he had enough to deal with.

_I guess all this has made me have to grow up as much as he has,_ Poe thought as he climbed the stairs to his door.

\--

Finn got home from work just before four o’clock.  He and Poe talked, for a long time.  Poe told him nearly everything, except for the bits he felt Ben would want to keep private, but it was more than enough to satisfy Finn.

“Dude, I’m with Rey,” he finally told Poe.  “I trust him—but the second he does something to hurt you, we’re on him.”

Poe chuckled.  “He won’t, I know it.  But thanks.  Really.  You two have been great.”

Finn shook his head with a grin.  “I’m just not used to all this drama, man.  And you know something?  You owe me for hooking you guys up!”

“Oh, really?” Poe smirked.

“If I recall correctly, _you_ didn’t even want to go to the carnival that night, _or_ to have your fortune told.”

“Okay, I guess you’re right,” Poe admitted, and Finn preened a little.  “But you and me and Rey can go get dinner this week, just the three of us, to make it up to you.”

“Sure, I’d like that,” Finn told him, but then he smirked.  “But we’re _all_ hanging out again soon.  If he’s your boyfriend, he’s gonna have to get used to us.”

Poe didn’t hear from Ben for a few hours, but he finally got a text asking if he could be ready to go in twenty minutes.  Poe grumbled to himself a little—as relieved as he was to know Ben was coming, he also had expected a bit more warning—but texted back an agreement.  He was just finishing buttoning his shirt when he heard the doorbell.  He jogged to the door with the bottom button still undone, but when he opened the door, he froze.  Ben was standing there holding a sheath of roses, half of them crimson red and the other half white.

“Ben. . . .”  Poe tore his eyes away from the flowers and looked up at his boyfriend’s blushing face.  “Are. . . are those for me?”

“Y-yeah,” Ben nodded.  “Uh, and a vase.”  He shifted the flowers to reveal a green glass vase in the hand under them.  “Because I didn’t think you and Finn would have one.”

“We. . . don’t.”  Poe beamed at him as he tugged Ben inside, last-minute notice completely forgiven.  Poe had always assumed getting flowers was a thing only girls could appreciate, but no, no it wasn’t.  It was _wonderful_.  He plucked the vase from Ben’s hand and laid it on the sofa, then swept the flowers out of the other man’s arm and dropped them on top of it.

“Poe, what—mmgh!”  Ben’s words were cut off by Poe’s mouth on his as the smaller man took the flowers’ place in his arms, standing on his toes to reach Ben’s mouth.  Poe kissed him deeply as Ben tightened his arms around him.

“Thank you,” Poe murmured against Ben’s lips.  “No one’s ever given me flowers before.  Or. . . or anything romantic.”

“I, uh. . . .  I wanted to,” Ben finally got out.  “You were wonderful today, Poe.  Wonderful.  I wanted to show you. . . how much I love you.”

“I love you too.”  Poe kissed him again then stepped back.  “I guess I should actually put them in the vase though.”  Ben followed him as he scooped up the flowers and vase again and took them into the kitchen for water.  Once Poe had put the roses in the vase on the kitchen counter, Ben moved behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist.  Poe snuggled back against his chest.

“So, different colors of roses have different meanings,” Ben said.  “Red ones mean love, like you might imagine.  But red and white together also mean unity.”

“Unity?”  Poe smiled.

“Yeah.  Like you and me, together.”  Ben bent his head to caress Poe’s hair.

“I like that,” Poe whispered.  He leaned his head back and tilted it up to catch Ben’s mouth.  “Mmm. . . where are we going?”

“I-it’s a place that serves locally grown food, what’s called farm-to-table.  I’ve never been there, but it’s supposed to be good.”  He kissed Poe’s mouth again, then the side of his face.  “We have reservations in thirty minutes, so we’d better go.”

“Yeah.”  Poe didn’t move other than to crane his neck so he could kiss Ben’s.  The larger man drew in his breath.

“P-Poe. . . we really should. . . nngh. . . .”

“Okay, okay.  You win.”  Poe pulled away from him and smirked at the disappointed noise Ben made in spite of himself.

Unfortunately, Poe decided later, he just wasn’t cut out for haute cuisine.  Everything on the menu, which was mostly limited to foods that were locally available _and_ in-season, sounded just plain weird to him.  He eventually settled on something involving rice and an egg, which sounded tolerable until his meal arrived and the egg was runny.  Poe ate around it and tried to be polite. . . until he glanced at Ben, seated across from him, and saw the distinctly disappointed expression on his boyfriend’s face as he stared down at his own plate.

Poe started to laugh.  “Um, maybe we should have gone out for hamburgers.”

“Yeah,” Ben admitted.  He poked at a vegetable of indeterminate breed.  “I was trying to impress you, but. . . .”

“Baby, you did that already with the flowers.”  Poe reached across the table to squeeze his boyfriend’s hand.  “But hey, the wine is good.”

“Yeah, it is.”  Ben perked up a little.  “I don’t know much about wine, but I like this.”  Poe didn’t know much about it either, but it was some kind of rosé with a flowery taste to it.  He liked it too, but apparently not as much as Ben did; he had bought the whole bottle and was consuming most of it as opposed to Poe’s single glass.

Dessert was the best part of the meal as far as Poe was concerned.  He and Ben shared a dark chocolate tart with just enough sugar in it to counteract the bitterness of the cocoa.  Poe ended up eating most of it though as Ben became increasingly giggly.  _He really meant it before when he said he didn’t drink much,_ Poe thought, smiling as his boyfriend grabbed his hand and started kissing it.  He certainly wasn’t going to complain; on the contrary, he found an exceedingly happy and affectionate Ben to be utterly adorable.

Getting him home, though. . . that would be the difficult part.  After Ben paid for their meal—not letting Poe see how much it had cost and laughing at Poe’s protests—he leaned on Poe’s shoulder as they left the restaurant.  Leaned pretty heavily, in fact.  Poe had always considered himself to be fairly strong, but Ben was _heavy_.

“Give me your keys,” Poe ordered when they got near Ben’s car.

“Why?”

“Never mind why.”  Poe shoved his hand into Ben’s pocket to find them himself.

“Hey, if you wanna feel me up, just say so, angel,” Ben mumbled.

Poe flushed, found the keys, and extracted his hand.  “Well, yeah, but not out here.”  He unlocked the car with the remote on the keychain and opened the passenger door for Ben.  “Get in.”

“But. . . it’s _my_ car.”

“I know, and _I’m_ driving it.  Get in.”

Ben stared down at him.  “Y’know. . . you’re really hot when you’re being bossy.”

“In,” Poe demanded.  When Ben had finally folded himself into the passenger seat, Poe got in on the driver’s side, praying he wouldn’t do anything to damage the pristine car on the way home.

The car was a pleasure to drive, but Poe found it harder to concentrate on the road once Ben dropped his hand onto Poe’s thigh and started squeezing it.

“God, your legs are so tight,” Ben commented.  “What’s the joke about leg day?  You don’t skip it, right?”

“Ben. . . .”  Poe squirmed in his seat.  “I-I’m gonna wreck your nice car if you keep distracting me.”

“Then pull over!  Lemme play with you. . . .”

Poe gritted his teeth and silently wondered why Ben wasn’t like this at other, more convenient times.  “Wait until we get home, okay, baby?”

“Okay,” Ben sighed. . . although he didn’t move his hand away.  “I love it when you call me baby.  Have I ever told you that?”

“Yes.  But you can tell me again.”  Poe glanced at him with a grin and saw a look of adoration in Ben’s (slightly dilated) dark eyes that made his heart flutter.

“How did I get so lucky to end up with you?” Ben mused.  “I love you.  So much.  So, so much that I want to do things to you.  Terrible things.”

_Oh God,_ thought Poe, making himself concentrate on the road.  “Well, don’t do them while I’m driving.”

“I can’t.  Wouldn’t work.  Not enough room,” Ben explained.  “And you’ve got pants on.”  He was quiet a moment, apparently thinking, then he said brightly, “Hey, wait!  I could just unzip them, then—”  
  
“ _No_.  Look, we’re almost home,” Poe said, hoping Ben was too drunk to notice the desperation in his voice.  “Here’s the parking lot.”

“Good,” said Ben.

Poe managed to get the car parked, Ben extracted, and both of them upstairs, although Ben made it difficult by groping his ass all the way up the steps.  Poe uttered a silent prayer of thanksgiving that it was a work night for Finn so he was already in his room for the night when they finally made it into the apartment.  B.B. was asleep on the floor in Poe’s room, which was even better since that meant he didn’t need to go for a walk.  _That only leaves me with Ben to take care of,_ Poe thought, smiling as he sat his boyfriend down on the bed.

“Taking care” of Ben wasn’t going to mean quite what Poe had hoped, he realized when Ben started to yawn.  Poe suppressed a sigh of disappointment and started unbuttoning Ben’s shirt.

“What’re you doing?” Ben mumbled.

“Getting you undressed so you can go to bed.”

“With you?”  Ben reached around him to grab his ass again. . . then yawned.

“Yes, but to _sleep_.  You’ve had a long day.”  Poe kissed his forehead and finished removing his shirt, then knelt down on the floor to get Ben’s boots off.

  
“You look really good down there,” Ben purred.

Once the boots were dealt with, Poe stood up and stripped off most of his own clothes, then sat down next to Ben in his shorts to try to get Ben’s pants off.

“Are you gonna take ad. . . advantage of me?”  Ben was grinning as he watched Poe fumble with his zipper.

“N-no.”  Poe got it down and tugged on his waistband.  “Stand up a little so I can get these off.”

“You _sure_ you’re not?”  Ben’s grin grew even wider as he lifted his hips up off the bed, bracing himself on his arms.  Poe pulled his pants down and off, then looked over the larger man with a sigh.

“Yes, I’m sure.  Much as I’d like to.”

“You’re no fun, Poe.”  In spite of his words, Ben lay down on his back and closed his eyes with another yawn.  Poe crawled up next to him and pulled the covers over them both, but not before taking a moment to admire Ben’s body.

_Another time,_ he told himself sternly. Still, it was nice to curl up against Ben’s side and feel the larger man shift to wrap his arms around Poe.  Ben nuzzled his hair sleepily as Poe pressed his cheek into his shoulder.

“I love you, angel,” Ben murmured.

“I love you too, baby.”

There was a long silence, then: “I wanna marry you, Poe.”

Poe felt like every neuron in his body fired at the same time.  He forced himself to swallow and breathe before he replied.  “Ben, you’re drunk.”

“No!  No, I really wanna marry you.”  Ben’s hands tightened their hold on his back.  “I wanna wedding, Poe.  A pretty wedding.  With flowers.  And then we’ll go on our honeymoon.  To Disneyland.”

Poe sighed as the conversation clearly got into the territory of the ridiculous.  “Disneyland?”

Ben nodded emphatically, his cheek rubbing against Poe’s hair.  “Disneyland.  To the castle.  ‘Cos you’re my. . . my princess.”  He yawned, and Poe closed his own eyes.  Ben kept mumbling.  “I wanna meet. . . Donal’ Duck.”

He was asleep soon after, but Poe stayed awake for a long time.

\--

“Poe, my head hurts.”  Ben was leaning in the door frame leading to the bathroom, holding his head in both hands.  It was morning, soon after Poe’s alarm clock had gone off and reminded Poe that he had a flight to get up for.  Poe had slammed his hand down on the snooze button and closed his eyes again, but Ben had gotten up to go to the bathroom.  Now Poe sat up reluctantly and looked at him.

“I’m not surprised.”

“Hmm?”  Ben looked at him as he massaged his temples.  He looked tired and even paler than usual, especially since he was still only wearing his underwear.

“You got pretty drunk last night.”  Poe chuckled at the perplexed look that passed over his boyfriend’s face.  “You don’t remember, do you?”

“I. . . no.”  Ben scrubbed his hand across his eyes and went over to sit on the bed next to Poe.  “I remember being at the restaurant.  We were eating dessert.  And then. . . er, nothing.  I don’t know how we got back here.”  He blinked.  “Wow.”

Poe laughed outright.  “No more wine for you.  At least no more entire _bottles_ of wine.”

“I. . . I drank a whole bottle?”  Ben gave him an embarrassed look.  “Geez, Poe, I’m sorry if I did anything stupid.  I. . . I’ve never gotten drunk before.”

“Really?”  When Ben nodded, shame-faced, Poe chuckled again and hugged him.  “Don’t worry about it, baby.  You didn’t do anything stupid.  Other than try to feel me up while I was driving us home.”  He kissed Ben’s forehead.  “But obviously, we survived.”

“I. . . I didn’t say anything stupid either?” Ben persisted.

Poe hesitated, half of him wanting to tell Ben the whole thing, the other half afraid of what the reaction might be.  Ben really _didn’t_ remember anything that had happened post-dessert. _And anything he said could have just been the wine talking,_ Poe told himself.  Finally, he compromised and told Ben part of it.

“You said you wanted to go to Disneyland.”

Ben stared at him.  “ _Disney_ land?  Oh God.”  He gave a hollow laugh and dropped his forehead against Poe’s shoulder.

Poe was amused by his reaction even as he felt saddened by the fact that Ben apparently said what he considered to be nonsense when he was drunk.  “So no Disneyland, then?” he asked gently, stroking Ben’s soft hair with one hand.

“Well, I—I mean. . . .”  Ben lifted his head and blushed as he looked at Poe sideways.  “I mean, my parents took me once when I was a kid, and I liked it.  I. . . I sorta always wanted to go back.  But it’s not something I would ever have just admitted, especially not in front of you.”

“Baby, if you want to go to Disneyland, we’ll go to Disneyland.”  Poe grinned and held him, stroking Ben’s broad back.  “But you know you can tell me anything, right?  I just prefer hearing it when you’re sober.”

“Okay.”  Ben shifted to put an arm around Poe in return and pulled him close.  It all gave Poe a little hope that maybe Ben _had_ meant everything else he said. . . that he _did_ want to get married.  Still, Poe didn’t have the courage to broach the subject.

_It’s too soon, anyway,_ the rational part of him thought.  _So much has happened between us, so fast.  Even if he means it **now** , he might change his mind later.  **I** might change my mind._

. . . _No.  I won’t._

“Um, Poe?”  Poe jumped when Ben’s deep voice broke into his thoughts.  For a horrible moment, he thought his boyfriend might be reading them, but when Ben continued in a mumble, it was about something else.  “Last night, did. . . did we. . . .”

“Yeah?” Poe prompted when Ben didn’t go on.

Ben blushed all over again.  “We didn’t— _do_ it, did we?”  He sounded so embarrassed, and so naively cute, Poe had to try hard not to laugh.

“You mean, did we have sex?”

“Y-yeah.”

Poe smirked.  “No, we didn’t.  You passed out muttering something about Donald Duck.  I didn’t even get to kiss you first.”

“Thank God,” Ben sighed.

“You don’t have to sound so relieved.”  Poe nudged him with his elbow, only half kidding.

“Oh!  N-no, I didn’t mean it like _that_.  Just. . . .”  Ben reached up and drew his fingers over Poe’s temple, into his hair.  “When we do, I want to be able to remember it.”  He was still blushing, but he also smiled as he looked down into Poe’s eyes—eyes which stupidly felt like tearing up all of a sudden.

Poe stroked back the feathery hair over Ben’s ears with his own fingers.  “Baby, I promise, it’ll be so we _both_ remember it.  Our first time should be special.”  Then he grinned.  “ _And_ unforgettable.  We’ll make sure of that.”

Ben’s cheeks turned even redder.  “I-I can imagine so.”

“Oh you can, hunh?”  Poe leaned over to nuzzle his ear.

“I-I meant it figuratively.”  Ben drew in a shaky breath.  “Poe, I—y-you know I’ve never done it before, right?  So I’m not going to be very good.”

Poe quit teasing him and hugged him tightly again when he heard the anxiety in Ben’s voice.  “Baby, I didn’t think you had, but for Heaven’s sake, don’t think it won’t be good.  It _will_ , because it’ll be you and me.”  He kissed the outside of Ben’s ear and whispered, “I’ll tell you a secret.  I’ve never done it before either.”

He could actually hear Ben gulp.  “You mean with a guy?”

“I mean with _anybody_.”

“You’re. . . you’re kidding.  Not even a girl?”

“Not even a girl.”  Poe leaned back enough to see the stunned look on Ben’s face.  “You’re really _that_ surprised?”

“Well, _yeah_.”  Ben was gazing at him in amazement.  “You’re so—damn, Poe, you’re so _hot_.  And confident, and when we’ve, uh. . . when we’ve fooled around, you’ve been so _good_ at it.”

This time, Poe was the one to blush, although he also felt quite flattered.  “That’s good to know.  But. . . well, I decided a long time ago I was going to wait until I was really in love with someone.  And I never was, before you.”

“Poe. . . .”  Ben bit his lower lip, maybe to keep it from quivering.  “You really waited all this time, for. . . for _me_?  You want it to be with me?”

“Yeah.”  Poe tilted his head up to kiss his forehead.  “And. . . uh, and soon.  I mean, not until you’re ready but. . . Ben, you’re really hot.”  He trailed kisses down Ben’s nose, then pecked his lips.  “ _Really_ hot.  And I really, _really_ want you, especially after the way you talked to me last night.”

“P-Poe,” Ben stammered, “I. . . I really want you too.”  He caught Poe’s mouth and kissed him, hard.  Poe groaned, cursing that morning’s passenger as well as Ben’s hangover even as he explored Ben’s mouth with his tongue.

“Baby, I’ve gotta go to work,” he sighed when they finally broke the kiss.  “And you need to go back to bed.”  He stood and made Ben lie down again, covering him up.  “I’ll get you some aspirin, then you go back to sleep.”

Ben nodded, wincing a little.  Poe found some aspirin and brought it to him with a glass of water, then rummaged around in the drawer of his nightstand.

“I’ve got an extra key here somewhere. . . .  Oh, here.”  He found it and put it on the stand.  “Just lock the door when you leave.”

“You’re going to be gone all day?”  Ben sounded as disappointed as Poe felt.

“Yeah.”  Poe leaned over and kissed him again.  “I won’t be back before you’d have to go get ready for work.  But I’ll call you tonight, okay?”

“Okay.”  Ben reached up and laid his hand against Poe’s cheek, looking at him lovingly despite squinting slightly from his headache.  “I’ll give you the key back next time I see you.”

“No, just. . . just keep it.”  Poe blushed slightly.  “You know you can come over whenever you want, right?”

“Poe. . . .”  Ben drew his head down to kiss him deeply.  “I love you,” he whispered against Poe’s mouth.”

“I love you too, Ben.”  It took every bit of Poe’s resolve to tear himself away. . . but by the time he got out of the shower, Ben was asleep again.  Poe shook his head with a fond sigh and was careful to be quiet when he took B.B. out and left for work.

\--

To be continued


	14. Chapter 14

One week after Poe met Ben’s parents, he asked Ben to spend the night at the apartment; Poe had a surprise planned for Monday morning that would require an early start, but he decided to keep it a secret.  Ben came over after what he said was a slow night at the carnival.  He and Poe hadn’t talked much in the past couple days, and Poe could tell something was bothering him but decided not to ask.  Ben would tell him if he wanted to.

And anyway, Ben was clearly glad to see him.  He enveloped Poe in his arms and held him tightly as soon as Poe opened the door to let him in.

“I missed you,” Ben murmured.  They hadn’t seen each other since dinner Wednesday night which in Poe’s opinion had been far too long, even though he had gotten a chance to catch up with Finn and Rey because of it.

“I missed you too.”  He gave Ben a quick kiss—far quicker than he would have liked—since his other two friends were in the room behind him.  Ben didn’t say much after he and Poe sat down on the sofa, and Poe assumed he was still having trouble with his parents.

But, as often happened, Ben surprised him.  “I talked to Mom on the phone a couple days ago,” he told Poe, “Thursday night.”

Finn and Rey glanced at each other; Poe had told them enough about Ben’s parents for them to understand the significance of his statement.

“How did it go?” Poe asked, reasoning that if it had gone _too_ badly, Ben wouldn’t have brought it up in front of the others.

Ben shrugged.  “Okay.  She asked about you—a _lot_ about you actually.”  He finally smiled a little.  “And she wants to take the two of us out to dinner sometime so she can see you again.  I _told_ you she’d love you.”

Poe chuckled, but he was secretly pleased.  Not only did he genuinely like both of Ben’s parents; he wanted to stay on General Organa’s good side.

“I’m not going to turn down a free dinner with a lovely lady _and_ a handsome guy.”

“Geez, Poe,” Finn groaned as he faked a gagging noise.  “No _wonder_ the woman likes you.  You’re such a suck-up.”

Poe wasn’t going to ask if Ben had heard from his father, but Han Solo himself brought up the issue for him when, a moment later, Ben’s phone made its strange rustle-growl sound.

“What _is_ that?” Poe asked as Ben checked the phone.

“My dad,” he muttered, biting down on his lip.

“Uh, I meant the noise it makes when you get a text.”

“Oh.”  Ben glanced up at him with a slightly embarrassed look.  “It’s. . . uh, my favorite Pokémon’s cry.”

“Oh _man_ , I haven’t thought about Pokémon in forever!”  Finn’s face broke into a grin.  “I still have my old games around here somewhere.  My favorite was always Dragonite.  What’s that one?”

“Darkrai,” Rey said before Ben could answer.  He gave her a sharp glance.

“You’re not. . . reading me, are you?”

“No.”  Rey smirked.  “I just recognize the cry.  Fourth gen’s my favorite.”

Ben looked at her with a new respect then turned back to his phone.  A second later he groaned.

“He sent me a picture of The Car.”  He flipped the phone around to show Poe, who grinned.  It was the same muscle car as in the old snapshot Han carried around, now rather worse for wear.  The tall guy they’d called Chewie was crouching beside it, doing something to one of the rims.  Chewie had aged rather better than the car had; he was just a little bit greyer than in the other photo Poe had seen.

“Are they fixing it up?”

“Yeah.”  Ben sighed and looked at the picture again, almost fondly.  _Almost_.  “I guess it’s taken a beating.  You didn’t tell Finn and Rey about it, did you?”

Poe shook his head.  “I wasn’t sure you wanted me to because of him, ah. . . .”

“Stealing it back,” Ben finished for him.  “No, it’s okay. I—”  He broke off midsentence and froze, eyes still fixed on his phone.

“Ben?”  Poe leaned forward.  “Uh, is something wrong?”

Ben didn’t answer; instead, he snapped his whole head up to stare at Rey.  Poe looked too and was amazed by what he saw: Rey was blushing.  Not only was that a rare occurrence, Poe had never seen her blush like _this_ , with almost her entire face turning red.

“ _You_ ,” said Ben ominously.

At the same time, Rey began, “He was _your_ —”  She didn’t need to finish the sentence for Poe to realize what Ben had sensed from her as soon as he said the words “stealing it back.”  Poe started to laugh, amused both by the irony of the situation and Rey’s unusual embarrassment. . . but then he saw the look on Ben’s face and stopped.

Poor Finn looked from Rey to Ben, then at Poe.  “Um. . . did I miss something?  About this car?”

“My father’s car got stolen,” Ben said in a flat voice, never taking his eyes off Rey, “and he found it where _she_ works.  So he decided to steal it back.  And _she_ helped him.”

“Whoa, really?  That’s _awesome!_ ” Finn crowed.  “Rey, man, I didn’t know you had it in you!  That’s the most badass—”

“Shut up, Finn!” Rey hissed at him, glancing away from Ben to Finn as she did so.  Her blush had faded, and she took a deep breath before she looked at Ben again.  “Look, I didn’t know he was your father.  How could I?”

“So what?” Ben retorted, his voice finally rising a little, which Poe actually preferred to the flat tone.  “You still _stole a car_ for him!”

“It was his own car!” snapped Rey.  She leaned forward in her chair and glared at him.  “It would have taken forever for him to get it back if the police had gotten involved.”

“People like you just make it easier for him to get away with the shit he pulls!”  Ben was nearly yelling by that point.  Finn sank back in his own chair and gave Poe a look as apprehensive as Poe felt.  Had Ben managed to keep his temper through an actual face-to-face visit with his father, only to lose it at _Rey_?

“What do you mean ‘people like me’?”  Rey actually jumped to her feet.  “People who care about someone other than themselves?  The whole world doesn’t revolve around _you_ , you know that?  It’s not like I did it just to try to spite you—or that _he_ did, for that matter.”

“He doesn’t _have_ to try!”  Ben stood up too and jabbed a finger in her direction even though they were still several feet apart.  “First he embarrassed me in front of Poe, and now I find out _you_ made it a hundred times worse!”

Rey snorted.  “You embarrass _yourself_ in front of Poe, plenty.  I still don’t know what he sees in you.”

“Leave me out of this,” Poe grumbled, taking Finn’s approach to the situation by huddling as far back into the sofa as he could.  Despite his discomfort at seeing two people he loved bickering with each other, Poe had realized something as they shouted back and forth: Ben _wasn’t_ losing it.  Sure, he was angry, but it was a _normal_ kind of angry, not the unrestrained fury Poe had seen before.  Not only that, but Rey was holding her own.  Poe decided it was better just to let them fight it out rather than interfere.

Ben faltered at Poe’s interjection, and Rey took advantage of his silence to add, “And I _like_ your dad.  He was cool.  Unlike _you_.”

That got Ben’s attention.  “I’m sure you did,” he growled.  “Women _always_ like him.  But he’ll disappoint you.”

“I didn’t mean I liked him like _that_ , you creep,” Rey grimaced.  “He’s old enough to be _my_ dad.”

“Well, he’ll disappoint you _that_ way too!”

“Look, what the hell do you want me to say, Kylo?”  Rey lifted her hands then let them fall to her sides.  “That I’m sorry I helped him out?  Because I’m _not_.”

Ben apparently didn’t know _what_ he wanted from her, because he just glared at her again then sat down.  Rey looked startled to be left on the battlefield alone.

“Maybe you should give him another chance,” she went on in a quieter voice.  “ _Without_ automatically assuming he’s going to disappoint you.”  Ben looked away from her and scowled at the floor.  Rey sighed and sat down again, and Finn and Poe just stared at each other.  When Poe finally risked another glance at Ben, he found his boyfriend watching him too.  Ben’s expression was unhappy, almost pained.

Poe wasn’t expecting what Ben did next: sigh and tell Rey, “I’m sorry.”

She stared.  “You’re _what_?”

“I said, I’m sorry,” Ben muttered.  “I know you didn’t know he was my father.  I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

Rey’s mouth was hanging open.  She shut it and looked at him thoughtfully a moment before replying.  “I’m sorry too—for yelling back at you, I mean.  And for what I said about you and Poe.  If he likes you, you’ve got to have _some_ good qualities.”  She gave Poe an apologetic smile too.

“Thanks,” Ben said wryly.

“Uh, look, it’s been fun and all, but some of us have to work in the morning,” Finn put in abruptly.  The apologies made him feel even more awkward than the fighting had, evidently.  “I’d better get to bed.”

“Yeah, I need to get home.”  Rey stood again and bade them all goodnight.  Before she got to the door, though, she looked back at Ben.

“We need to have a Pokémon battle sometime.  Let me guess.  You use dark types.”  
  
“Dark and psychic.  Some ghost.”  Ben eyed her.  “Fighting?”

“Yeah. . . and psychic.”  She quirked her mouth in a half-smile, half-grimace at his knowing look.  “Since way back.  Since before I met you.”

\--

“Poe, I’m sorry for fighting with Rey,” Ben said as soon as he and Poe were alone in Poe’s room.

“I know.  It’s okay.”  Poe smiled at him while he sat on the edge of the bed to take his shoes off.  “You apologized to her, so that’s all I care about.  And. . . it wasn’t _all_ your fault.  She can be pretty aggressive.”

Ben nodded and sat down beside him.  When he didn’t make any move to begin undressing, Poe nudged him.

“Hey, get ready for bed.  We’ve gotta get up early tomorrow.”

Ben started to bend down towards his boots, but then he stopped and sat up again and just looked at Poe.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Poe asked him, gently.  It was more than Han and his car or the argument with Rey, Poe could tell.

“I dropped out of the fencing school on Friday,” Ben said.

“What?  Really?”  Poe stared at him.  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Ben heaved a sigh.  “I. . . it didn’t go so well.  I wasn’t in any shape to talk to you.  My instructor was—let’s say furious is an understatement.  And so is vindictive, and so is influential.  I’ve spent the past two days trying to find another school, and none of them will take me.  A couple were interested at first, but they called me back and said never mind—I know it was because Snoke talked to them.”

“Oh God, Ben, I’m sorry.”  Even though Poe was elated that Ben was escaping his toxic instructor, he also felt somewhat responsible for the situation.  “I know how important fencing is to you.”

Ben waved off his concerns with one hand, a gesture that irritated Poe a little, especially as Ben wasn’t even looking at him when he did it.  “I’ll figure something out. I can practice by myself for a while.  But Poe. . . .”

When he didn’t continue, Poe prompted, “Yeah?”

Finally, Ben turned back to him.  “Poe, I broke my promise to you.  I—he made me angry.  Really angry.  I told you I was going to do better but—”  He stopped talking and shifted away from Poe again to drop his forehead in his hands and rub his eyes with his thumbs.  “I’m just glad you weren’t there.  You probably wouldn’t ever speak to me again.  And I wouldn’t blame you.”

Poe’s irritation dissolved; Ben had dismissed Poe’s concern about the fencing because that wasn’t what was bothering him.  _He thinks he let me down. . . **that’s** why he’s so upset._   The thought made Poe pretty emotional himself, but he decided it was better not to let Ben know that.

Instead, he said drily, “Well, you obviously didn’t kill him because he was still able to get in touch with those other schools.  Did you break anything?  On him, or otherwise?”

“No,” Ben retorted.  “Dammit, Poe!  You aren’t taking this seriously.”  He dropped his hands with an exasperated noise.

“Because it’s not that serious.”  Ben turned his head to give Poe an incredulous look, and Poe had to work hard not to get irritated with him all over again, telling himself, _If we **both** get pissed off, we won’t get anywhere.  It’ll be him and Rey all over again._

Aloud, Poe repeated, “You getting mad at Snoke isn’t that serious, as long as you didn’t do anything that’ll have the police coming for you or something.  What matters is us finding a way for you to keep fencing, because becoming an instructor is important to you.  Don’t worry anymore about what happened at your _former_ school.”

Ben moved his whole body so that he was facing Poe and waved both hands this time.  “Poe, don’t you get it?  _I fucked up._ ”

Poe grabbed his hands, leaned forward, and shut him up by planting a kiss on him.

“Mmpgh,” said Ben, his eyes going wide.  Poe sat back, still holding his hands.

“Everybody fucks up, baby.  Including me.  You didn’t break your promise to me—you said you would do better, and you _are_.  Think about what happened with Rey just now: the two of you were yelling at each other like you were quarreling siblings or something, and _you didn’t flip out_.  That _shows_ me you’re doing better.  So does the fact that you’re talking to your parents, even a little.  You’re allowed to slip up sometimes.”

Ben just gazed at him again, letting his hands rest in Poe’s.

“Um, you _are_ sure the police aren’t coming for you though?” Poe added, trying to make him smile.  It worked, even though Ben rolled his eyes at the same time.

“ _Yes_ , I’m sure.  I didn’t hurt him.  Or break anything.  Just yelled.  A lot.”

Poe grinned.  “See, you _are_ doing better.”  He squeezed Ben’s hands and felt them clutch his tighter in return.

“I just don’t want to disappoint you, Poe,” Ben murmured.

“Ben, you haven’t.  You _won’t_.  Trust me, okay?”

“I do.”  Ben let go of his hands, but only to lean over and wrap Poe in his arms instead.  Poe clung to him and pressed his forehead against his neck.  “I love you, angel,” Ben whispered to him, kissing the side of his neck.  “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”  Poe had wanted to keep the next day’s activities a surprise, but he thought Ben could use cheering up.  “Hey, want to know why we have to get up so early tomorrow?”

Ben sat back and kissed his mouth lightly before finally releasing Poe to take off his boots.  “Why?”

“We’re going up in a balloon.”

“A balloon?  Really?”  Ben looked up from his boots and smiled.

“Yep.  I told you in the plane, I know a balloon pilot.  He’s going to take us for a short flight tomorrow—but like I said, it has to be early, before the wind picks up.”

“How early?” Ben asked suspiciously.

“Uh. . . six.”

“Damn.  I guess we _should_ get to bed.”  But Ben was still smiling and as he stood up to finish undressing, he leaned down to kiss Poe’s forehead.  “It sounds romantic though.  And worth getting up early for.”

“Mmn hmmn.”  Poe watched Ben pull off his shirt—still black and still long-sleeved even though it was finally starting to get warmer outside.  Ben started to take his jeans off too, but he paused when he noticed Poe watching him.

“Stop ogling me.  You’re the one who said we have to go right to sleep,” Ben teased him.

“Well, Rey wanted to know what I see in you, and I’m looking at some of it right now.”  Poe got up and went over to nuzzle his bare chest.

“I-I hope you aren’t going to report back to her.”  Ben tried to sound indignant, but his words ended in a faint moan when Poe kissed the base of his throat.  He reached around Poe to slide his hands up the smaller man’s back, under his shirt.

“Nope.  She’ll have to keep wondering,” Poe mumbled against Ben’s chest.  The warm hands on his back felt so good, he hated it when Ben let him go so they could finish getting ready for bed.  But then they got in, curled up together in the middle while B.B. contented himself with lying across the foot of the bed, and Ben’s hands returned to Poe’s back

“Mmn,” Poe murmured as he snuggled against his boyfriend.  “I wish we could be together every night.”

Ben’s voice sounded even deeper than normal in the darkness.  “Me too.”  He was silent a moment, then began, “Poe, do you—” before breaking off.

“Hmm?” Poe asked when he didn’t continue.

“Have you ever been up in a balloon before?”

Poe was pretty sure that wasn’t the question Ben had started to ask, but he answered it anyway.  “No.  Normally, I prefer to be in control when I’m in the air, but I’ll make an exception this time.”

He felt Ben’s cheek rub against his hair.  “You like to be in control, hmm?”

“I said _in the air_.”  Poe smiled into the darkness and kissed his throat.  “Down here on the ground, I’m open to negotiation.”

“I see.”  Ben’s hands slid down his back to rest on his hips.  “I’ll remember that.”  Poe was about to throw all his ideas about an early bedtime right out the window, but Ben didn’t move his hands any farther down.  Poe bit back a frustrated groan and tried to sleep.

\--  
  
To be continued


	15. Chapter 15

Morning came all too soon, and Poe was still yawning periodically when they got out to the small airport as the edge of the sky was just starting to color with the rising sun.  The airport was mostly deserted that time of morning, since it was used only for private planes rather than commercial aircraft, and Poe easily spotted the balloonist’s vehicle.  Even if it hadn’t been one of only a handful in the parking lot, it was also the only pickup truck towing a trailer emblazoned with the image of a purple hot air balloon.

Poe parked nearby, on the edge of one of the grassy open fields boarding the airport and runways.  The balloon pilot had already started setting up, and he and two helpers had the balloon spread out on the grass behind the basket, which was lying on its side.

“So you finally decided to show up,” the balloonist yelled at Poe as he and Ben approached, with Ben a few steps behind.

“Sorry,” Poe shrugged when they reached the basket.  “I have a hard time getting up this early.”

“Hmph.  Just like your generation, lazy,” the pilot scoffed with a grin.  He was about thirty years older than Poe and Ben, with greying brown hair and dark eyebrows, but still in pretty good shape.

“Ben, this is Wedge,” Poe introduced them.  “Wedge, Ben.  My boyfriend.”  Poe enjoyed saying that, especially because it made Ben blush.

“Nice to meet you.”  Wedge nodded at him then gestured at the other two guys who were setting up a large fan at the mouth of the balloon.  “That’s some of my chase crew.”

“Chase crew?” Poe asked.

“Just what it sounds like,” Wedge chuckled.  “They’ll chase after us to help pack up the balloon after we land.  And give you two a ride back to your car—otherwise it might be a long walk.  They’re going to start inflating the envelope.”  At Ben and Poe’s blank looks, he sighed.  “The colored part.  Poe, honestly, how many years have you been flying?  You should know _something_ about balloons by now.”

When the crew turned it on, the fan started to blow air into the envelope, inflating it a little.  One of the two men went around to the top of the envelope as it swelled, filling with the cold air from the fan.  When the envelope was mostly inflated, Wedge moved between it and the basket and crouched down behind the burner mounted on bars atop the basket.

“Now for the hot inflation. . . the part that makes it go up.  It’s going to be loud, and _hot_ ,” Wedge warned them.  Once the burner began spewing yellow flames, the envelope inflated even more quickly and began to rise off the ground.  As it started to tilt the basket right-side-up, Wedge got in.

“You two, gimme a hand!” he yelled at Ben and Poe over the noise of the burner.  “Hold onto the basket—put all your weight on it!”  They complied, and Poe had a hard time holding his side down even with the combined weight of the three men working against the pull of the balloon.  He could feel the heat of the burner from outside the basket, although it was pleasant in the chilly morning air.  Wedge had been right about the noise, though; it made a staticky, roaring sound.  The pilot cut the burner off once the balloon was upright, although he gave it occasional bursts of flame when it showed signs of beginning to deflate again, as the air inside cooled.

“Okay, you can get in,” Wedge told them, while the chase crew came over to the basket.  “Uh, Poe, you first.  You might have more trouble.”

“Why?” Poe asked suspiciously.

Wedge smirked.  “Shorter legs.”  He gestured down the outside of the basket.  “There’s a foothold there, but you’ll have to swing your leg over the side to get in.”

“Hmph, I can do that,” Poe retorted.  He stepped into the foothold—really just a rectangular gap in the wicker weave of the basket, near the bottom—and tried to swing his other leg over the top.  The rim of the basket was padded and covered in leather, something Poe was grateful for when he ended up straddling it rather awkwardly.  Wedge’s smirk grew, and Ben just plain laughed at him.

“Shut up,” Poe growled even as he chuckled at his own difficulty.

“Need me to push?”  Ben grinned and came around to Poe’s side of the basket to give him a shove.

“That isn’t help—ow!”  Poe finally managed to get in thanks to an undignified scramble.  Ben, on the other hand, had no trouble elegantly swinging first one long leg, then the other over the basket’s side.  The basket was smaller than Poe had always assumed, and there was little room to spare once all three men were inside.  Poe and Ben had to stand close together on one side of the burner (not that Poe minded) while Wedge operated it from the other side.

“Okay, ready?” he asked.  When they nodded, Wedge signaled for the chase crew to let go of the basket, and he fired the burner again.  As the envelope refilled with freshly heated air, the balloon began to rise.

Poe looked up, having never seen a balloon from the _inside_ before.  The top half of the envelope was a rich, dark purple, while the bottom half was made of lavender panels topped in a scallop pattern.  However, the bottom edge, the part just above the basket, was a completely separate, bright red piece of material.  Poe watched the flames of the burner reach up toward this part in a fiery column.  Up close, it was far hotter and louder than he had expected it to be.

Then Ben nudged him to look outward instead.  The ground dropped away from them in an entirely different manner than when Poe flew his airplane: not at a slant, but directly, like the earth had just fallen away from their feet.  In fact, it was a little disconcerting and made Poe feel uneasy.  Ben, on the other hand, looked delighted, and Poe was amused at his own expense.  Ironic that the experienced pilot was the one who wasn’t too sure about this whole balloon thing.  Still, being surrounded on all sides by the tall basket helped, and Poe felt even better when Ben put an arm around him.  He leaned into the taller man’s side and watched the world get smaller.

Wedge cut the burner when they reached what Poe thought of as cruising altitude.  At that point, another difference between balloon and plane flight struck Poe: it was so _quiet_.  When the burner was off, the balloon was utterly silent; he couldn’t even hear the wind.  Now that he had recovered from the discomfiture of their ascent, Poe felt above all a sense of peace up there, a kind of quiet joy.

“Where are we going?” Ben asked after he too had been silent for a while.

Wedge just laughed.  “Ask the balloon and the wind.  All I can control is when we go up and when we go down.  Takes all the pressure off.”

“Then I guess it’s good Poe’s not a balloon pilot,” Ben responded with a smirk down at his boyfriend, apparently remembering his comment about liking to be in control.  Poe flushed and gave him a look that he hoped was stern, but Ben just hugged him closer.

“That’s why the chase crew has to chase us,” Wedge went on.  “When it’s time to descend, I pull this cord here—”  He gestured at a rope running down through the envelope.  “—and it opens a valve at the top.  That lets the hot air out and makes the balloon go down.  And really, I _can_ go in a particular direction as long as I’m at the right altitude—Poe knows this, but the wind blows in different directions at different altitudes.  So more or less hot air can raise or lower us to where the wind’s blowing the way we want to go.”

“I never really thought about that,” Poe admitted.  “Balloons are complicated.”

Wedge laughed again.  “Not as complicated as that plane of yours.  Just three parts: envelope, burner, and basket.  Although the envelope also has the parachute valve on top and the skirt—that’s the red part—on the bottom.  American balloons usually have skirts like mine, that go all the way around, but European skirts usually are longer on one side.”

Poe had resorted to nodding intermittently as Wedge rambled on about his balloon.  Finally the pilot got the hint and fell silent with a smirk, leaving Poe and Ben to one another except for an occasional noise as he fired the burner from time to time.

The sun had finally peeked over the horizon, staining the sky to the east in a warm-toned ombré of reds, oranges, and yellows.  A few clouds stretched out around it, and they caught the colors too.  It was one of the most beautiful natural sights Poe could imagine, but it was only part of a complete sensory experience: a sight blended with the utter silence punctuated by the burner’s intermittent flaring; an occasional burst of heat at Poe’s back and the warmth of Ben against his side countering the chill of the high altitude and morning air.  Poe forgot everything else, from being sleepy to the problems Ben was facing.  Nothing else really existed in that moment beyond the balloon and the natural world over which it drifted.

Ben bent his head to whisper to Poe.  “I love you, angel.”

“I love you too.”  Poe leaned up to kiss him, not caring in the least that Wedge could see them.  Ben rested his cheek on Poe’s hair while the sun came up.

Poe lost all track of time, and it seemed like only a few moments before Wedge asked if they were ready to descend.  Poe wasn’t, not really, but they had been up for nearly forty-five minutes, and he knew his friend had other things to do.  Wedge adjusted the balloon’s altitude so they would float over a nearby open field; then he began their descent using the parachute valve.

The chase crew pulled up even before they reached the ground, which met the bottom of the basket with a jolting bump.  Ben looked down at Poe and smirked.

“Need help getting out?”

“No—” Poe began, indignantly, but he broke off his a squawk when Ben wrapped his arms around his waist and lifted him up onto the edge of the basket.  Wedge laughed hard.  Poe, now a little taller than Ben, gave both of them a mock glare as he swung his legs over the side and hopped down.

As Ben climbed out of the basket, the chase crew helped angle the envelope and stretch it out as it deflated.  Wedge got out too and nodded when Poe thanked him.

“No problem.  You should come with us to the balloon festival we go to.  Lots of balloons, and every night we do a glow—where we inflate the balloons on the ground.  The burner makes the whole balloon light up.  It’s gorgeous.”  Wedge looked back at his balloon with as much pride as Poe felt for his plane.

Poe and Ben helped pack up the balloon, although Poe felt like they were probably getting in the way more than anything.  Somehow, the giant purple envelope all folded up into a relatively small bag made of the same material, which Wedge and the crew stowed in the trailer.  The basket fit neatly into brackets on the back.  By the time they were finished, Poe was tired all over again: not only were balloons more complicated than he thought, they were also a lot more work.

Yet it was all worth it to see the look on Ben’s face as Poe drove them back to the apartment.  He was smiling, and not trying to hide it this time.

“That was amazing, Poe,” he murmured at one point.  “Like I’d imagined, but. . . but better.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it, baby.”  Poe smiled too.  “Being up there with you was wonderful.”

“Better than _wonderful_ , even.  Poe, I. . . I’ve never been happier in my life.  Never.”  He reached a hand out, hesitated like he wasn’t sure where to put it, then ended up squeezing Poe’s knee.  “Not just because of the balloon, but because I was with you, and because. . . you went to all the trouble of arranging it for—for _me_.”

Poe steered the car with one hand so he could drop the other over Ben’s.  “It _wasn’t_ trouble, because it made you happy.  Ben, you’re—you’re the most important thing in my life.  I don’t have any family, and neither do Finn and Rey, so they and B.B. pretty much _were_ my family for a long time.  But. . . now I have you too.”

Ben’s hand clenched over his knee.  “Poe—”  He didn’t say anything else, but that was enough.

By the time they got to the apartment, Finn had left for work.  Poe yawned and collapsed on the sofa.

“Know what I wanna do?  Go back to bed.”

Ben leaned on the back of the sofa and looked down at him.  “You don’t have to work today, do you?”

“No.  And neither do you.  So. . . why are we still up?”

“You look so innocent, and yet you’re such a bad influence on me,” Ben commented.  He ran his hand over Poe’s head, through his wavy hair.  “My mother already thinks I’m not doing any work as it is—I don’t think she’d like you as much if she knew you were just encouraging me to be lazy.”

“Oh, _I’m_ the bad influence here?”  Poe tilted his head back on the arm of the sofa to look up at him.  “I was the one minding my own business when a beautiful fortune teller said I was falling in love and turned my entire life around.”

Ben drew his fingers from Poe’s hair along his cheek.  “And _I_ was the one who never expected to see you again.  Until you came back to me, and then I couldn’t let you go. . . .”  He surprised Poe by leaning over and kissing him upside down, like in _Spiderman_.  It was a little more awkward in practice than in theory, but Poe made the best of it, reaching up to hold Ben’s head still while he kissed him.

“And then _I_ couldn’t keep away from you,” Poe murmured when Ben finally lifted his head enough to look back down at him.  “I don’t know how you didn’t know, how you couldn’t read my mind, the first time we sat out there on the beach—I wanted to kiss you so much.”

“Heh.”  Ben smiled faintly.  “To literally read your mind, it would take an effort, and it’s not something I’d do without asking first.  Usually when I say I’m reading people, it’s their emotions I’m sensing.  And I was trying _not_ to sense yours—I was too afraid.  Seeing your future was bad enough because I thought. . . I thought there was no way it would be a future with _me_.”

Poe pulled him back down for another kiss, harder and deeper.  “But it _is_ , it’s going to be with you,” he whispered against Ben’s mouth.  “You’re not afraid to read what I feel anymore, are you?”

“Sometimes,” Ben whispered back, “I am.”

“Ben.”  Poe pushed Ben’s head back again to look into his eyes.  “Do it, read me.  You have to be able to trust me.  Read my _thoughts_ if you have to.”

“It isn’t that I don’t trust you, Poe.”  Ben gazed back at him, still upside down in Poe’s vision.  “It’s. . . not something I can put into words.  The closest I can come is to say that—I guess that I don’t think I deserve to be happy.  And sometimes, feeling _so_ happy is almost feeling _too much_.  Going from down to up is harder than just. . . not feeling anything at all.”  His dark eyes moved over Poe’s face.  “I’m still learning how to love— _any_ kind of love—without feeling guilty about it.  And you’ve already been way more patient with me than I ever could deserve.”

Poe pressed his hands to the sides of Ben’s face, palms to his temples.  “Stop saying you don’t deserve it, or me, or anything.  I’ve told you a hundred times, there’s nothing that makes me—I don’t know, perfect, or superior to you, or whatever it is that’s making you idolize me.  You’re better than _me_ at a lot of things, like reading people, and anything that takes coordination, and—and getting into balloons!  You’re taller, and you have a nicer voice, and better hair—”

“I _like_ your hair,” Ben interrupted.  He was smiling again.

“Okay, so the hair is open to debate.  But that’s beside the point,” Poe protested, but he was smiling too.  “We deserve _each other_.  We _found_ each other because we were supposed to.  We’re each other’s fortune, or future, or whatever you want to call it.  Bad influences and all.”  He pulled Ben’s head down again, this time to kiss his forehead.  “Now read me, feel what I’m feeling, whatever you have to do to not be scared of me anymore.”

Ben dropped into a crouch by the arm of the sofa to put his lips to Poe’s forehead as Poe had done to him.  And he stayed there a moment.  Poe felt nothing, no sense of having his thoughts invaded or even the chill he had experienced when Ben had first told his fortune.  There was only the warmth of Ben’s mouth against his skin, and darkness as Poe closed his eyes and waited, trying to love him as hard as he could so Ben would feel it, and believe it.  He thought about the balloon, inflating with the air heated by the burner, the warmth that displaced the heavy coldness and allowed the balloon to rise.

In the balloon, Poe hadn’t thought about the cloud city where people go when they dream, but Ben had.  He had imagined the balloon floating up, up to where the sea met the sky and—

“Ben?”

“Mmh?”  Ben lifted his mouth from Poe’s skin.

“When we were in the balloon, you thought about it going to your dream city.”  Poe opened his eyes and looked up at the white ceiling of his living room.  It seemed very far away.  “There’s a harbor there, and ships sail right up the clouds to it, like they’re going up a waterfall or something.  And you thought about the balloon drifting up the clouds too.  Why do I know that?”

Ben didn’t say anything at first.  When he finally did speak, his deep voice sounded almost tremulous.  “Because you were right.  You’re my future.”  He leaned over the arm of the sofa to press his cheek to Poe’s, reaching around him to embrace him with one arm.  Poe closed his eyes once more and wondered if he was sensing Ben’s feelings after all, and both of them felt the same.

Ben half stood and bent over the sofa to reach Poe’s neck; he kissed one side of it while he stroked the other with his fingertips.  Poe shivered and tilted his head back farther to encourage Ben to keep going, and in a moment, he felt his boyfriend’s mouth on his clavicle instead.  Ben’s hand slid under the collar of his shirt and brushed his breastbone; then both hands were suddenly unbuttoning the shirt, and Ben was standing, leaning over him to kiss his chest.

Poe mumbled something incoherent and squirmed as Ben opened his shirt to the waist and ran his hands down Poe’s torso.  This was not the direction Poe had expected things to go, but then he hadn’t expected their joking about bad influences to turn serious either.  Ben’s unpredictability only made Poe love him more, and to delight more in each small victory over the darkness that might have once absorbed him.

Although maybe this wasn’t such a _small_ victory—maybe Ben had finally felt the sincerity of Poe’s emotions, or maybe it was that Poe had sensed not just emotions from Ben but an actual image, when he had never shown any psychic abilities before in his life—because _something_ had changed to let Ben love him without guilt.  Poe arched his back a little as Ben’s long hands stroked his sides.

“Th-that tickles,” he gasped.

Ben laughed and grasped his sides firmly instead; then he pressed his mouth to Poe’s ear and whispered, “Do you still want to go back to bed?”

\--

To be continued


	16. Chapter 16

“Y-yes,” Poe stammered.  He scrambled to his feet when Ben straightened up; the larger man grabbed his hand and all but pulled him down the hall to Poe’s room.  As soon as Poe shut the door behind them, Ben pushed him up against it and bent his head to kiss him hard.  Poe moaned into his mouth and thrust his tongue against Ben’s.

Then Ben’s mouth was gone from Poe’s, pressed to his neck again before moving down his chest and stomach.  Poe was left breathless, and if not for the door behind him, he thought his knees would have given way.  Ben crouched down in front of him to unfasten his jeans.

“Y-you—you still think _I’m_ a bad influence?”  Poe tried to laugh, although the words came out as more of a desperate gasp.  He was already half hard before Ben could get his zipper down, just from the excitement of Ben wanting him so much.

Ben looked up at him and smugly declared, “Of course.  I would never have even imagined doing this to anyone else.”  He yanked down Poe’s jeans and underwear at the same time, leaving them around Poe’s knees as he leaned forward and enveloped almost half of the smaller man’s cock in his mouth.

“Oh _fuck_ , Ben!” Poe groaned.  He braced his palms against the door and tried to calm his ragged breathing as he watched his shaft disappear between Ben’s lips.

“Mmn,” Ben said around him.  The vibration of his mouth along with the way he was thrashing his tongue on the underside of the shaft made Poe’s cock come fully erect almost instantly.  Poe let his eyes fall closed in pleasure, but then he made himself half open them again so he could watch his boyfriend suck him.  Ben grasped the sides of Poe’s hips and moved his head up and down, going a little farther each time, until he had over half of Poe’s cock in his mouth.  He didn’t pull back this time and instead sucked harder, even tugging at Poe a little with his lips.  Poe felt himself leaking so much precum, Ben had to be swallowing some of it.

Poe reached out a hand—shaking a bit—to push Ben’s long hair back from his face.  Ben leaned his head into Poe’s hand then slid his own hands down to stroke the backs of Poe’s thighs.  It felt so good, Poe gave a whimper of pleasure and spread his legs a little.  He wanted to thrust into Ben’s mouth but was afraid of hurting him, so he made himself keep his ass pressed back against the door. . .  until Ben pulled hard on him with his lips.  Poe cried out and arched his back, and the second he was off the door, Ben’s hands moved up to grope his ass firmly.  Poe’s breath came faster, and despite his misgivings, he did start to thrust into his lover’s mouth a little while Ben reached his fingers down to rub Poe’s balls.

“Oh God, Ben, I’m. . . I’m close,” Poe panted.  “You’re gonna make me come.”  Ben pulled off him right away and smirked when Poe whined at him for stopping.

“I want you to come in my mouth,” Ben whispered.  Then he was on Poe’s cock again, sucking and working him with his tongue even harder than before.  Poe immediately felt the knot of almost painful tension that meant he was about to come, and he gripped Ben’s hair as he started shooting in his mouth with an inarticulate cry of pleasure.  Ben clamped his lips around Poe’s throbbing cock and kept sucking on it, swallowing as Poe shot twice more.

“Oh shit,” Poe breathed as he finished.  He wobbled a little but managed to keep upright by leaning his upper back against the door.  Ben finally pulled off of him, still swallowing, as Poe’s cock softened halfway.

“I. . . I see why you like it so much when I eat your cum,” Poe managed to say.  “Watching you do that. . . it’s fucking _hot_.”

Ben nuzzled his cock, making Poe jump a little at the sensation on his now sensitive flesh, then murmured, “I’ll do it for you again.”

Poe groaned, “Oh _God_ ,” as he shrugged out of his shirt the rest of the way, then reached down to grab Ben by the shoulders and tug on them.  “Not unless I get my hands on you, too.  You’re still _dressed_.”

“I. . . I couldn’t wait, I just wanted you so much,” Ben mumbled.  He finally stood up and blushed when Poe started groping the bulge in his jeans.

“I’m not complaining, but I want a turn at _you_ now,” Poe informed Ben.  Poe had forgotten he still had his boots and half of his pants on until he tried to move closer and nearly stumbled.  Then, scowling, he crouched down to get the boots untied.  As he fumbled to undress, Poe was surprised when Ben stripped his own shirt off completely.  Poe was used to Ben being self-conscious about his appearance, but he was apparently too worked up to care at the moment.

Poe finished undressing first, and he all but pounced on Ben and pushed him back to sit on the bed while Poe got his pants undone.  He pulled them off after removing Ben’s boots then knelt on the bed, straddling his lap to kiss him.  Ben wrapped his arms around Poe and grasped his shoulders from behind, then slid his hands down Poe’s back, slowly, as they kissed.

“Lie down,” Poe whispered to him in between kisses.  “I wanna put my mouth on you. . . _all over_ you.”

Ben made a choked moaning sound as Poe got off of him to pull him up toward the head of the bed.  The larger man finally lay back where Poe could see him all at once.  Poe looked him over admiringly then lay on top of Ben and kissed him, first lightly then deeper, pushing his tongue between Ben’s lips.  Ben opened his mouth and thrust his tongue up into Poe’s as he put one hand to the back of Poe’s head, stroking his hair.  Poe moaned softly into his lover’s mouth.  It all felt so good: Ben’s tongue, the warmth of his larger body under Poe’s, the touch of one hand on Poe’s hair and soon the other trailing down his spine.  Poe rested his arms on either side of Ben’s head and played with his feathery hair as they kissed.

“I love your hair,” he murmured when he lifted his head to catch his breath.

“I could always grow it a little longer,” Ben suggested.  Poe turned his head to kiss Ben’s temple and nuzzle his ear.

“I’d like that.”  He drew his tongue down the curve of Ben’s outer ear and sucked on his earlobe before whispering, “I’d like to feel it brushing my thighs when you go down on me.”

Ben caught his breath, and Poe felt his boyfriend’s cock twitch against his stomach.  Poe grinned to himself and kept kissing, moving his lips down Ben’s jaw, then catching his mouth again.  Ben kissed him deeper this time, pushing his tongue hard against Poe’s and clenching his fingers in his hair.  It was difficult for Poe to tear himself away from that kiss, but he finally did so and put his lips to Ben’s chin instead.  Ben whined impatiently but then gasped as Poe’s mouth dropped to his throat and licked at the skin where his throat met his jaw.  Poe kissed his way down Ben’s throat before moving to the side of his neck.  He scraped the spot lightly with his teeth, making Ben whimper, then began to kiss and suck at his skin.

“Oh _God_ , Poe!” Ben groaned, squirming.  Poe felt his lover’s hard cock twitch again, and Poe rubbed his body against it as he kept biting and sucking on Ben’s neck.  He knew it would leave a mark—hell, he _wanted_ to leave a mark.  As he drew back to see the red, slightly bruised spot on Ben’s pale skin, Poe started getting hard again too.  He dropped his mouth to Ben’s clavicle and began to nip at it.

“Nngh, Poe, you’re. . . you’re going to leave hickies all over me,” Ben mumbled.  He spread the fingers of his hand on Poe’s back, stroking his skin.

“Oh, I know.”  Poe deliberately sucked hard on the spot where Ben’s collarbone curved inward.  “I want everyone to know that you’re mine!”

“God, yes,” Ben breathed.  He dropped his hand from Poe’s hair to put both on the smaller man’s hips, holding him down so he could grind against him.  This time, Poe was the one to moan as he felt himself come fully erect again with the friction of Ben’s body on his.

“And then you can do the same to me,” he murmured against Ben’s breastbone as he kissed it.  “Wherever you want. . . .”

“Anywhere?”  Poe thought the playful sound in Ben’s voice was him being suggestive. . . until Ben grabbed one of Poe’s arms and brought it up so he could kiss his bicep.  Poe laughed when Ben sucked on the spot.

“Th-that’s an odd place, but—but yeah, anywhere!”

“Mmn.”  Ben drew his tongue over Poe’s skin and chuckled.  “I love every part of you, angel.  Arms included.”  His deep voice dropped to a whisper as he added, “I’ll get my mouth on the rest of you again before we’re through, though.”

“Y-yeah,” Poe breathed.  “I’ll make sure you keep that promise.”  He went back to work on Ben’s chest, dragging his tongue down his breastbone then shifting to his left nipple.  Ben groaned as Poe flicked his tongue against it then closed his lips on it and sucked hard.

“Oh shit, Poe, yes. . . .”  He writhed under Poe, getting both of their abdomens slick with the precum he had started to leak.  Ben’s nipple stiffened in Poe’s mouth, and Poe teased the tip with his tongue.  Once it was fully hard, he replaced his mouth with his fingers, pinching and squeezing the wet flesh.  Ben made needy, incoherent noises that turned into helpless moans when Poe began to suck on his right nipple while still playing with the left.

“Harder,” Ben hissed.  “Please, d-do that harder!”

“Mmn,” Poe moaned against his skin.  He tugged Ben’s left nipple between his fingertips as he sucked harder on the right; then he nipped the erect flesh with his teeth.  Ben cried out sharply and arched his back, pushing up against Poe’s mouth.

Ben pleaded, “Oh God, yes, more!”  Poe bit at him a little harder and pulled at Ben’s nipple with his teeth.  Ben gave an incoherent groan of pleasure and writhed under him.  After a moment of this, Poe slid off of him so he could reach Ben’s cock with his mouth.  He licked the precum off the head then took it in his mouth while he kept pinching and rubbing Ben’s nipples.  Ben thrust up into Poe’s mouth, pushing in deeper.

“Suck me, Poe, please,” he begged as he reached down with one hand to hold Poe’s head on him.  He pushed the other between Poe’s legs to stroke his cock and rub his thumb over the head.  Poe groaned around him and lowered his head more, trying to relax enough to take Ben down his throat.  He couldn’t do it at that angle, and he pulled off and looked back up at his lover.

“I wanna get on top of you to blow you,” Poe told him.  “But I’ll have to stop doing this.”  He pinched Ben’s nipples hard, making him groan.

“Oh G-god, Poe, I don’t want you to stop doing that. . . like ever,” Ben whimpered.  “But if it means you putting that beautiful mouth of yours on me again, go for it.”

Poe smirked at him and moved to straddle his shoulders, facing downward so he could take Ben in his mouth again and brace his hands on either side of his hips.  He was startled when he felt Ben’s hands wrap over his thighs and pull him up; a second later, Ben’s tongue traced the underside of his cock from root to tip.

“Nnngh,” Poe moaned around Ben’s cock.  Ben kept licking and teasing him with his tongue as Poe lowered his head again, slowly.  This time, it worked, and he was able to take Ben all the way in, until his lips were wrapped around the base of his shaft.  He swallowed around Ben and felt his lover’s whole body tremble.

“Oh _fuck_ , Poe!” Ben gasped.  “You—oh God—”  A second later, Poe felt Ben attack his own cock, covering the head with his mouth and sucking hard.  He didn’t try to thrust up into Poe’s mouth—and Poe knew how hard it was to resist because he wanted to do the same thing to Ben—but instead allowed Poe to deep throat him at his own pace.  Poe was grateful for that, because it took a lot of getting used to.  At the same time, though, it was pretty much the hottest thing Poe had ever done, especially knowing how much pleasure he was giving Ben.  Poe moved his head up and down on Ben’s cock, more quickly as he got the hang of it, and hummed around him to make his mouth and throat vibrate.  Ben’s words had faded into incoherent noises of ecstasy as he sucked on Poe at the same time.

After only a couple minutes, Ben pulled his mouth off of Poe and gasped, “Poe, I’m gonna come.  I wanna—wanna see you swallow it—”  Poe had been prepared to let Ben shoot straight down his throat, but this was certainly fine too.  He lifted his head off of Ben, letting his cock slip out of his throat, then more reluctantly shifted his lower body away from Ben’s mouth.  Poe swung around to straddle Ben’s thighs and went down on him again, not so deep this time so he could move faster and make Ben come.

“God, yes, Poe, I-I’m gonna—”  Ben didn’t even finish speaking before he shot his first load in Poe’s mouth.  Poe pulled off and kept pumping him as Ben’s cock throbbed and splashed his face with cum.  Ben moaned and watched Poe swallow what was in his mouth; then Poe licked the head off and looked up at his boyfriend, enjoying the dazed expression on Ben’s face.

“Poe, I don’t think you realize what you do to me,” Ben panted.  “You’re so, so beautiful.  C’mere. . . .”  He put his hands on Poe’s waist and pulled him up closer, until he was straddling Ben’s abdomen.  Ben closed one hand over Poe’s erection and began to pump him slowly while he reached the other up to wipe the last of his cum off Poe’s face.  Poe grinned and licked his fingers off, sucking them into his mouth as he swallowed.

“I know exactly what I do to you,” Poe whispered after Ben dropped his hand down to grip his thigh.  “And I love doing it, especially while you watch me.”  He punctuated his words by thrusting up into Ben’s grip, which was growing steadily slicker from Poe’s precum.  “You want me to come, baby?”

“Yes,” Ben hissed.  He pumped Poe’s cock faster, running his thumb over the head again and teasing his slit.  “Let me watch you come.”  Poe felt like he could have come right that second, but he tried to hold back a little longer.

“Where do—do you want it?” he panted.  Trying to be seductive was difficult with the way Ben’s hand was working him.  “Want me to come in your mouth again?  Or—nngh—”  He tensed, trying not to lose it right then and there even though he needed to come so bad, it literally hurt.  Ben gave him a positively evil smile and jerked him hard at the same time as he thrust his other hand between Poe’s legs to squeeze his balls.  Poe gave a hoarse, incoherent cry and bucked his hips forward as he completely lost control in an even harder orgasm than before.  Ben kept working Poe’s cock as he came, aiming it so Poe shot on his chest.  Even when Poe thought he was finished, Ben didn’t let up.

“Oh God, Ben, I-I can’t—oh _fuck_!” Poe wailed as Ben pumped him mercilessly and made him shoot another stream of cum.  When Ben finally let him go, Poe would have fallen over if he hadn’t caught himself on his hands.  His softening cock felt sore, but he also had never felt so good before.

“You’re. . . you’re horrible. . . .” he panted, leaning over Ben and trying to catch his breath.

“You can’t be in control _all_ the time,” Ben teased him.  He wrapped his arms around Poe and pulled him down to kiss him, smearing Poe’s cum between their chests.  In between kisses, Ben kept whispering to him, “I like making you lose control, making you shoot like that, all over me. . . making you come when you’re trying _so hard_ not to.”

Poe kissed him back weakly and whimpered, “I’ll. . . I’ll get you back.  Just you wait.”  He slid off Ben to one side and trailed his fingers through the cum on Ben’s chest as he amended, “After a little break.”

Ben grasped Poe’s wrist and pulled his hand up to his mouth, to lick Poe’s cum off his fingers.  Poe felt his cock twitch at the sight but told himself firmly that he’d had enough for a while.  Ben looked up at his face and smiled—tenderly this time.

“Okay, we’re going back to bed for real now.  You look exhausted, angel.”

“I’m also very sticky,” Poe pointed out.  “We really should take a shower first—”  He broke off in amazement when Ben shook his head.

“No point in doing that _now_.  I’ll go get a towel—you rest.”  Ben got up and went into the bathroom, Poe following him with his eyes.

“What do you mean, no point?” Poe persisted when Ben came back, rubbing a wet towel over his chest.  Ben got back in bed and ran the towel over Poe’s chest too.

“We’d just have to take another shower later,” he murmured in Poe’s ear.  “You’ve come twice—I’ve got to catch up.”  He tossed the towel on the floor and lay down, pulling Poe into his arms.  Poe laid his head on Ben’s chest, exhausted but turned on again at the same time.

“What do you have in mind?” he asked, but Ben just laughed.

“Nope.  You were the one who said you needed a break.  I’ll tell you when we wake up.”

“Ugh. I’m not going to be able to sleep when I know you’re plotting. . . _something_.”  Ben refused to reply, and Poe sulked. . . for all of three minutes, then he was fast asleep.

\--

To be continued


	17. Chapter 17

Poe woke up nearly an hour later to go to the bathroom.  When he came back, he slid into bed next to Ben and nuzzled his neck, hoping he was awake too.  Ben’s arm wrapped around Poe’s waist and pulled the smaller man on top of him.

“Want something to eat?” Poe murmured as he shifted to kissing Ben’s neck and ear.  “It’s been a long time since breakfast.”  
  
“I can wait.”  Ben tilted his head back to give Poe access to more of his neck.  “Unless you’re really hungry.”

“I can wait too.”  Poe looked down at his boyfriend’s pale skin, now marked in several places from Poe’s mouth on him earlier and pointed out, “I’d rather be tasting _you_ right now.”  He leaned down to flick his tongue over one of Ben’s nipples, and the larger man hissed.  Poe pulled back and asked, “Oh, does that hurt?  Sorry, I forgot I was kind of, um, rough with you earlier.”  
  
“It hurts a little, but. . . I like it.”  Ben was blushing when Poe looked up at his face again, and Poe smirked.

“What do you look so embarrassed for?” he teased.  “Just a little while ago, you were ordering me around, and I seem to remember you promising you’d tell me how to make you come.  Not changing your mind, are you?”

“No!” Ben retorted.

“Good.  That means I need to get you hard again.”  Poe planted his lips around Ben’s nipple and sucked on it, a little gentler this time.  It stiffened immediately against his tongue, and Ben whimpered.

“Nngh, Poe, that—that won’t take long.  Just thinking about you gets—gets me hard sometimes.”

Poe lifted his mouth from Ben’s chest long enough to tease, “Really?” before he sucked on the other nipple.  Once it was erect, he rubbed both with his thumbs as he looked up at his boyfriend, grinning.  “That happens to me too.  Usually at the worst times, like when you aren’t around to help me take care of it.”

Ben groaned as Poe teased his nipples.  Poe could feel Ben’s cock stiffening between them, and he rubbed his abdomen against it.

“You like it when I do this, don’t you?” he purred.  “I’m gonna learn everything you like, just so I can drive you crazy. . . make you beg me to let you come. . . .”

“P-poe,” Ben moaned; then he made an effort to get himself back under control as he growled, “D-don’t forget, I’m figuring out what you like too.”  He sat up suddenly and grabbed Poe around the waist, pulling the smaller man into his lap.  Ben kissed Poe hard with one arm around his shoulders and the other groping both their cocks at the same time.  Even though he’d already come twice, Poe felt himself getting hard again in Ben’s hand.

“Yeah, well, I like everything you do,” Poe countered in between kisses.  “But I’m not going to _beg_ you for it.”

“Oh yeah?”  Ben swirled his fingertip around the heads of both their cocks, smearing it with precum; then he reached behind Poe to draw his finger over him as he teased, “Not even for this?  You were certainly begging for it last time.”  Poe shivered at the sensation of Ben’s slick fingertip circling, coming so close to penetrating him without ever quite doing it.

“N-no, not even for that,” he declared, knowing it was an utter lie and getting fully hard thinking about all the ways Ben could prove it.

Ben laughed and pulled Poe tight against him, leaning back against the headboard of the bed for leverage as he thrust his hips up and ground their cocks together.  It felt good, but Poe’s mind was focused on the motions of Ben’s finger teasing him with excruciating slowness.  He wanted it, wanted Ben’s fingers in him, and his cock after that, and he wondered how long he could last before Ben made him ask for it.

“Come on,” Ben whispered as he drew his tongue along the outer edge of Poe’s ear.  “You want it, don’t you?  You want me to finger you.”

“Nnh,” Poe denied as he squirmed.  Ben pushed up against his ass with two wet fingers and spread them so that Poe could feel himself stretch a little even without being penetrated.  He gasped and squirmed.

“Yes, you do,” Ben persisted.  His deep voice was so soft, Poe could barely hear him.  “You want me to put them in you and find that spot that makes you go crazy.”  Poe’s heartbeat sped up, and he squirmed a little more.  Ben put his fingers back together and rubbed them in circles against Poe’s ass.  “You want me to rub it while I finger you, until all you can think about is how bad you need to come.”

“ _Ben_ ,” Poe groaned against his shoulder.  Ben pressed one fingertip against him, so close to penetrating Poe, it sank in slightly.

“Just tell me you want it,” Ben murmured, “and I’ll give it to you.”  He flicked his fingertip back and forth, and the smaller man cried out in desperation.

“God, yes, I want it!  Please, please give it to me!” Poe wailed.  He felt Ben thrust the fingertip into him and twist it.  Poe tried to push his ass back to take more, but Ben held him still with the arm around his waist.

“You want them both?” he demanded to know.

“ _Yes_!” Poe nearly wailed.  “Please, Ben, finger me, I want you in me!”  This time, Ben was the one to groan, and he thrust two fingers in as deeply as he could.  Poe arched his back at the sudden penetration, but it didn’t hurt—it only felt exquisite.  Ben began to fuck him quickly with his fingers, making Poe whimper and thrust back against his hand wantonly.  After a moment, Ben pulled his hand back enough to find Poe’s prostate with his fingertips and began to massage it.

“Oh God, oh God,” Poe groaned while Ben twisted his fingers again.  “Ben, that feels so—so _good_!”

“You’re so hot,” Ben breathed in his ear.  “Feeling you go crazy for me like that, begging me to do it you. . . Poe, I love you, I love pleasing you.”

“B-ben. . . .”  Ben’s words dimly reminded Poe that it was supposed to be _Ben’s_ turn to come again, not his.  And now Poe knew how he wanted it to happen, too—if he could hold himself back from a third orgasm long enough.  “Ben, you’re—you’re using two fingers, right?”

“Yeah. . . .”  Poe bit back another groan when Ben spread them a little inside him.

“Take them out—just for a minute,” he managed, even though the last thing he wanted was for the pleasure to stop.  As Ben did so, breathing hard, Poe kissed him then scrambled off of him so he could reach his nightstand.

“What’re you doing?” Ben asked, obviously trying not to complain at being left alone.

“Just wait, baby.”  Poe smirked at him then fumbled through the drawer.  “After last time, I went and bought this.”  He produced the bottle of lubricant he’d bought (at a store with self-checkout lanes) and tossed it to Ben before crawling back over to his boyfriend.  “Because I knew I wanted _three_ fingers next time.”

Ben blushed as he eyed the bottle, but then he looked back up at Poe with an absolutely predatory expression and growled, “Get back over here.”  He pulled Poe on top of him roughly and kissed him hard before hissing into his mouth, “And you told me you wouldn’t beg for it, you beautiful little liar. . . .”  Poe ground their cocks together as they kissed; then Ben dripped a little of the lube onto his fingers.  He wrapped his arm around Poe’s waist again and reached behind him with the other hand to rub the lube in.

“Ohhhh,” Poe groaned as he buried his face in Ben’s neck.  “It’s, uh, the kind that, you know. . . warms up.”

“Of course it is,” Ben chuckled, although Poe could imagine he was blushing at the same time.  He pushed a fingertip back into Poe, rubbing a bit of the lube just inside him.

“Oh _God_.”  Poe thrust back against his hand, impaling himself a little farther on Ben’s finger.  “God, that feels so good.”

“And that’s just _one_ finger.  You sure you want all three, angel?” Ben whispered.

Poe was in no mood to be teased further, and he demanded, “Dammit, yes, Ben, put them in me!”  Ben just laughed again at his impatience.  Poe felt his hand withdraw; then he gasped as he felt Ben drip more lube directly on his ass.  It felt cold at first, but an instant later, it started to tingle.  Two of Ben’s fingers penetrated him, working the warmth deeper into him and stretching him before withdrawing again.  Poe whimpered as he felt the tingling spread inside him, making him desperate for more.  Then Ben’s fingers pushed at him again, three this time pressed tightly together.  Poe didn’t even have to try to relax; between the warmth and slickness of the lube, he loosened easily enough when Ben thrust all three fingers in him.  They sank in all the way, and Poe leaked a stream of precum between their bodies as he cried out.

“Oh God, Ben, please,” he cried, almost incoherently.  “Give it to me!”  Ben fucked him swiftly with all three fingers, stretching him open wider than he’d ever been before.  Poe could have come right there if he had kept grinding his cock against Ben, but he made himself hold still.  Taking three of Ben’s fingers wasn’t his ultimate goal, after all.

Ben pulled his hand back to massage Poe’s prostate again, but soon he returned to finger-fucking him, varying the speed and angle of his hand so that he sometimes twisted his fingers in Poe and sometimes spread them.  Poe clung to him and moaned helplessly until he felt like he was going to come soon no matter what; then he sat back, panting, “Ben, stop, I—I don’t want to come yet.”

Ben stopped the motion of his hand but kept his fingers deep inside Poe as he looked up at him with dark eyes dilated with lust.

“Tell me what you want, angel,” he whispered.  “I’ll do anything for you.”

“I—I want you to fuck me,” Poe murmured back.  He was afraid Ben might still be apprehensive about it, and about being able to please Poe even though he was obviously doing just fine at that already.

Ben’s eyes widened, and he asked, “You’re. . . you’re sure?”

“ _Yes_.  Ben, I want you in me.  I want you to—to make love to me.”  Poe took Ben’s head in his hands and leaned forward to kiss him deeply.

“Oh God, Poe, _yes_ ,” Ben groaned into his mouth, melting away all of Poe’s worry.  “I want you, I want to make love to you.  Tell me how you want it.”

Ben kissed Poe again, then slowly pulled his fingers out.  Poe moaned at the sensation before sitting back and grinning weakly as he reached for the lube again.  He moved back to straddle Ben’s thighs and poured some of the liquid in his hand, then wrapped it around Ben’s cock and began to stroke it.

As he worked, Poe purred, “I want to sit on your cock and ride it until you shoot everything you have in me.”

Ben groaned and thrust up into his hand.  “God, yes, Poe, do it. . . .”

Poe let go of him and shifted forward again to kneel over Ben’s cock.  He rubbed his ass against it, making both men moan, then grasped the shaft to hold it steady as he pressed down on the head.  Poe felt it penetrate him easily, and he began sinking down on Ben’s cock.

“Oh God, oh God, oh God—” Ben whimpered as Poe impaled himself.  Poe was quiet except for his strained breathing, overwhelmed by how _good_ it felt.  It didn’t hurt the way he had thought it might, even though Ben’s cock was much thicker than his fingers had been; in fact, the only discomfort Poe felt was a burning sensation inside him.  He let go of the shaft to lower himself completely until he was seated on Ben with the larger man’s cock completely buried in his ass.  Poe leaned forward to brace himself on his hands, his own cock leaking and his ass trembling as he adjusted to having Ben inside him.

“A-are you okay?” Ben asked with a worried look edging its way into the dazed expression on his face.  He reached up to stroke Poe’s cheek.  “Does it hurt?”

“No. . . .  Just burns a little.  H-hang on. . . .”  Poe covered Ben’s hand with his and kissed his palm, then grinned down at his boyfriend as the burning faded into the enticing tingling of the lube.  “It feels—baby, it feels _incredible_.  You’re so _big_.”

Ben blushed deeply as he murmured, “And you’re so tight. . . .”  He shifted a little, making them both gasp, and all the concern on his face melted into lust.  “Oh God, Poe, you’re so _tight,_ ” Ben gasped.  He put both hands on Poe’s hips and gripped them as he gave a little thrust upward.

“Oh _fuck_ ,” Poe groaned.  It felt good physically, but he was also turned on just by the thought of what he was doing, knowing how much pleasure he could bring to Ben.  He moved on Ben experimentally, thrusting his own hips forward before grinding against him.  He could feel Ben’s cock throbbing inside him, and precum was running down Poe’s own shaft.  Ben started to reach for it, but Poe stopped him.

“I think I’d explode if you touched me,” he warned Ben.  “You can make me come after I’ve worn _you_ out first.”

“Oh yeah?  Let’s just see if you can,” Ben challenged.  He grasped Poe’s hips tighter and thrust up into him again.

“Nngh!” Poe groaned between clenched teeth at the feeling of Ben moving in him.  He started to ride Ben, using his hands and thighs to lift himself up then dropping down on Ben’s cock.  After a moment, they were able to coordinate their motions so both pulled back at the same time, until just the head of Ben’s cock was inside Poe; then they moved back together hard.  Poe cried out every time Ben’s cock slid up into him; it felt like the shaft was stroking every nerve inside him at the same time.  Then he leaned back for a moment, and Ben’s shaft slid against his prostate.

“ _Fuck!_ ” Poe cried, his eyes going wide at the burst of pleasure he felt radiating from inside him.

“What?”  Ben froze, keeping still inside him.  “What’s wrong?”

“Oh _fuck_ , nothing’s wrong,” Poe gasped.  “Put—put your knees up behind me.”  Ben drew his legs up, and Poe leaned back between his thighs, wrapping his arms around Ben’s knees to brace himself.  Then Poe ordered, “Now, do it, fuck me!”

Ben held on to Poe’s hips and thrust up into him hesitantly.  Poe drew in a sharp breath at the sensation and hissed, “Oh God, yes, just like that.  Harder!”

Finally convinced that he wasn’t hurting Poe, Ben smiled and thrust again, harder and deeper.  Poe began to ride him, groaning at the constant pressure of Ben’s shaft sliding against his prostate.  He had never felt anything so exquisite in his life, and he never wanted it to end, even as the sensation was so intense he didn’t know how long he could take it.

“Fuck me, baby, fuck me hard,” he heard himself moaning.  Ben thrust up into him harder, using his hold on Poe’s hips to help propel the smaller man downward at the same time.  Poe’s cock was so hard, it pressed flat against his stomach, but all he was aware of was the ecstasy Ben was setting off inside him.  He felt himself close to orgasming already, and he tried to hold back.  He wanted to please Ben, even though his body was selfishly demanding he satisfy himself instead.

“S-stop for a minute,” Poe finally gasped.  “I’m gonna come if you keep going!”  
  
Ben stilled his motions, but he smirked up at Poe.  “What, you don’t want to come?”

“I—I want _you_ to come,” Poe managed to get out.  His cock was throbbing, and he was so close, it hurt.  Yet as they remained still, he felt the orgasm receding again, and Poe mumbled, “I-I’m being selfish.”

Ben laughed, but his smirk had turned to a tender smile as he murmured, “Angel, do you have any idea how good you feel on me?  Or how much I love seeing you like this?  There’s nothing I’d rather do than make you come for me.”  He drew his hands down over Poe’s tensed thighs, squeezing them as his deep voice dropped to a whisper.  “I love making you go crazy and scream when you lose control and shoot your beautiful cock all over me, and seeing how many times I can make you get it up again.  I want to make you shoot until you don’t have a drop of cum left.”

“Oh God, Ben. . . .”  Poe’s aching cock throbbed against his stomach, but he still wanted Ben to come first.  He pulled off of Ben’s cock slowly, moaning at the sensation, then grinned at the desperate look Ben gave him as Poe withdrew.

“Different position,” Poe explained while he lay down on his back and drew his knees up to his chest.  “I’m going to come for you, but only while you’re coming too.”

“Oh fuck,” Ben gasped.  He scrambled to kneel over Poe, who lifted his legs up to rest them on Ben’s shoulders.

“Put your cock back in me and fuck me,” Poe whispered up at him.  “Fuck me _hard_.  I wanna feel you come in my ass, baby.”

Ben made a choked noise and put his hands under Poe’s waist, lifting him up a little with the help of Poe’s legs bracing on his shoulders.  Poe gasped when he felt Ben’s cock penetrate him again, sinking all the way in with one thrust.

“Do it, fuck me,” Poe groaned as he pushed back against the larger man.  Ben started to drive his cock into Poe.  At first, Ben pulled nearly all the way out before sliding back in again, but then he shortened his motions as he got too impatient to take his time.  He wasn’t hitting Poe’s prostate like before, but Poe didn’t care at the moment: it made him less likely to come right away, and anyway, he was just as aroused watching Ben finally lose control with him.  Ben gripped Poe’s thighs and thrust into him rapidly, gritting his teeth and groaning through them.

“Nnngh, Poe, you’re—you’re so hot,” Ben moaned,  “You’re gonna make me come, you’re so tight!”  Poe clenched his muscles around Ben’s cock as hard as he could, making Ben gasp and his eyes widen. “F-fuck—”

“Come for me, baby!” Poe urged.  He thrust his ass back to meet Ben and felt his own balls draw up.  He couldn’t hold himself back much longer.  Ben drew in his breath sharply and dropped his hands down to Poe’s hips, using them to propel Poe backward against him as he thrust hard into the smaller man.   After a couple more thrusts, Ben gave a hoarse cry and slammed into Poe hard.

“Fuck, yes, _yes_!” Ben growled as he started to climax inside Poe with a shudder and deeper, more rapid thrusts.  He fumbled for Poe’s cock with one hand, but he barely had to touch it for Poe to start coming with him.  Poe cried out, almost screaming, as he felt Ben’s hand close over his cock and pump it while Poe shot streams of cum on his own chest.  Then Poe arched his back and _did_ scream when he felt Ben’s cock scrape over just the right spot and set off fireworks inside him.  As Poe’s ass clenched around his cock, Ben thrust into him as hard as he could until he finished, but even afterwards, he kept working Poe with his hand.  Poe shot twice more then collapsed on his back, trembling as Ben rubbed him.

“Oh. . . oh God,” Poe whimpered.  Ben finally let his cock go and wrapped his arms around Poe’s legs, still buried inside him.

“I-I’ve never come that hard before,” the larger man panted.  “Poe, you’re. . . oh God, I love you _so much_.”  He turned his head to kiss Poe’s calf which rested on his shoulder.

Poe let his eyes fall closed as he breathed, “I love you too, Ben, and I’m glad you were my first.  I don’t think I could feel this way with anyone but you.”

\--

To be continued


	18. Chapter 18

When they finally got up again, it was mid-afternoon.  Poe was awakened by B.B. whining at his side of the bed and pawing at him.

“Nnngh.  Okay, okay, I’ll take you out,” Poe mumbled.  He sat up and rubbed at his eyes, then peered at the clock before looking over at Ben beside him.  The other man’s dark eyes were open, watching him.

“You hungry?” Poe asked, reaching over to draw his fingers through Ben’s hair.  “Finn’ll be home in another hour, and I’d kind of like to not be here when he gets in.  He’ll never let me hear the end of it if he finds out we spent most of the day in bed.”

“Because he’ll think we slept all day?”  Ben’s face colored slightly.  “Or for other reasons?”

Poe laughed, “Oh, he’ll think we slept all day.”  He leaned down to kiss the end of Ben’s nose, then tugged on his shoulders.  “C’mon, get up.  I need to walk B.B., then I’ll take you out for pizza.”  After Ben finally sat up, Poe got out of bed, cringing a bit, and began to pull on his clothes after throwing Ben’s pants at him.

“I can take a hint,” Ben grumbled.  He started to get up, then winced.  “ _Ow._ ”

“Yeah.”  Poe took pity on him and went over to kiss him.  “Me too.  I guess we’ll get used to it.”

Ben was blushing deeper now, but he kissed Poe back then started buttoning up the smaller man’s shirt.  Poe watched him with a smile at how cute and domestic Ben looked trying to make Poe presentable.

“I like having you take care of me,” Poe murmured.  When Ben had finished with his shirt, Poe slid his arms around the other man’s bare, broad shoulders and hugged him close.  “I love you.”

“I love you too, angel.”  Ben pressed his face into Poe’s neck.  “So much.”  Poe might have just stayed there if B.B. hadn’t yipped at him with a sharp, demanding bark.  Poe sighed and pulled away, but not before nuzzling Ben’s ear and whispering to him.

“I _told_ you it would be good.  And it’ll be better the next time.  And the next, and the _next_.”

“Go walk your dog,” Ben groaned, blushing all the way down his neck.

In just the few minutes it took for Poe and B.B. to return, Ben had gotten dressed, made the bed, _and_ hung up the wet towels they’d left all over the bathroom.  Poe was impressed.

“You really _are_ good at taking care of me,” he observed.  “You keep this up, and Finn’s going to want you for a roommate instead of me.  You’re way neater.”

Ben looked a little embarrassed, but he smiled.  “Well, I did help make the mess.  Some of it anyway,” he added with a skeptical look at the piles of unopened junk mail Poe had scattered on his dresser.

Ben spent the next night at Poe’s too, after they ate pizza together for the first time and discovered they both preferred thin crust, which further convinced Poe they were destined for one another since he’d never met anyone else who liked it.  Back at the apartment, Finn did indeed tease them for what he assumed was a day of lazing around, although he was quite interested in hearing about the balloon.

Over the next week, Poe didn’t see Ben as much as he would have liked, but he finally got back into a routine of spending time with Finn and Rey.  Over a Wednesday night game of Smash Brothers, sitting on the couch between the two guys, Rey bemoaned the fact that it was almost time to renew the lease on her own apartment, and that her rent was going up.

“It’s just ten more dollars a month, but it adds up,” she grumbled as she controlled Rosalina in an assault on Poe’s Kirby.  “At least I’ve got a bonus coming up at work—Ben’s dad’s been buying so many parts for that car of his, my boss is giving me a cut.”  She grinned over at Poe even as Rosalina knocked Kirby out of the arena.  “He never did figure out what happened to the car.  Otherwise, I’d be taking a hit to my pay check.”

“Or a hit to your _job_ ,” Poe retorted, a little bitter over Kirby’s demise.  “You have to admit, it wasn’t exactly legal, even if it was the right thing to do.”

“I got you, bro,” Finn called, more interested in the game than in the discussion.  “Gonna avenge the puffball!”  He attacked Rosalina with the Duck Hunt dog.

“Of course you’d side with Ben.”  Rey’s fingers moved over the controls as she made the snide comment to Poe.

“I’m not siding with him,” protested Poe.  “I mean, I _am_ , but—well, your boss lost out on a lot of money.”

“Which he would have done if the police had been involved too,” she argued.  “And Han wouldn’t have gotten the car back nearly as quickly.  Which reminds me.”  She paused the game—making Finn complain.

“I almost had you!” he groaned.

Rey cut her eyes at him.  “I know.”  She set down the controller and turned back to Poe.  “Han came by yesterday to pick up some more parts, and I told him I knew Ben.  He was. . . surprised.”

“I bet.  It’s a hell of a coincidence,” Poe muttered.  “How did he take it?”

Rey shrugged.  “Hard to tell, he didn’t say much.  But from what I could feel. . . I think Han misses him.  He was worried about _something_ , anyway.”

“Hunh.”  Poe looked down at the controller still in his hands, then back at Rey with Finn looking over her shoulder, a bit uncomfortably.  “Look, maybe you should talk to Ben about this.  I barely know his dad, and honestly, I think I freak him out a little.”

“No, you don’t,” Rey smirked.  “He likes you.  He asked if you were keeping Ben in line.”

“Uh oh,” Finn chuckled.  Rey sat back again to include him in the conversation, which made Poe feel better; he didn’t want Finn to feel left out.

“Yeah, uh oh is right.  Just the other day we were arguing over which one of us was the worse influence on the other.”  Poe sighed despite his smile.  “But really, I don’t know what to do about him and his family, other than what we’ve already done.  They’re talking again, at least him and his mom, and we’re having dinner with her next week.  Other than that. . . there’s not much I _can_ do.”

Then Rey blurted out the real reason she’d brought the matter up in the first place.  “Han’s coming back to the shop Friday morning.  Bring Ben over there.”

“Um, I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Poe muttered.  “I was kind of planning on letting them get reacquainted on their own schedule.”

“If you wait for it to happen on _their_ schedule, it’s not going to happen.”  Rey folded her arms and scowled at him.  “I know you don’t want to do anything to upset your precious snowflake, but both he _and_ his father are stubborn bastards who won’t admit that they were wrong about anything, _or_ that they care about each other.”

Poe sighed again.  “You’re not wrong.  But. . . I just don’t know if throwing them together will accomplish anything.”

“You _won’t_ know if you don’t try,” Finn interjected abruptly.  Both Rey and Poe looked at him, a little surprised, as he went on, “Look, you, uh. . . well, you’re in it with him for the long haul, right?”

Poe could feel Finn’s embarrassed look reflected on his own face.  “Yeah.  I mean, we haven’t talked about. . . um. . . .”

“Poe wants them to get married,” Rey announced.

“ _Rey!_ ”  Poe groaned and dropped his forehead into his hand.  “I never said that!”

“You don’t _have_ to say it.  Maybe you two haven’t talked about it, but Ben’s a pretty sorry psychic if he hasn’t picked up on how you feel about it.”

Poe was quiet, thinking about how Ben had avoided reading him for so long.  He might _not_ have picked up on it, not from lack of ability but from trying to keep away from Poe’s emotions altogether.

“Anyway,” Finn went on, “so let’s say you _do_ want to, uh, get married.  You really want your—uh—husband?  Partner?  What do married guys call each other?”

Rey arched an eyebrow at him with a little smile.  “Whatever they want?”

“Yeah, okay, do you want whatever-you’re-gonna-call-him to still be fighting with his parents?  I mean, think about Thanksgiving, man.  I dunno what this Han guy looks like, but I wouldn’t want to see Kylo—Ben glaring at _anyone_ across the table for the whole meal.”  Finn shook his head mournfully.  “You need to get all this drama straightened out before you start taking on in-laws.”

“You’re right,” Poe mumbled, as much as he hated to admit it.  “You both are.  I’m gonna see Ben tomorrow, so I’ll ask him if he’ll come out to the shop with me.”

“You think he’ll do it?” Finn asked.

“If I’m the one asking him to, probably.”  Poe was amused when Rey wrinkled her nose.

“You guys are so sappy, it’s kind of nauseating.”  She picked up her controller again.  “Okay, Finn, bring it.”

\--

Early the next afternoon, after Poe had finished a morning flight but before Ben would have to start work at the carnival, they met at the dog park to play with B.B.  Ben had warmed up to the friendly spaniel mix, as Finn had promised he would, and Poe enjoyed watching them together.  Ben proved to be adept at throwing a Frisbee, far better than Poe ever could be, and B.B. exploded in sheer joy every time Ben sent it sailing across the park for him to chase.  Once the dog was exhausted and had collapsed on the grass for a nap, Poe tried catching the Frisbee instead. . . until Ben began to invariably send it flying over his head and laughing when Poe was too short to reach it.  They ended up sitting together beside the snoozing dog, Poe between Ben’s legs with his back to the larger man’s chest.

Ben draped his arms over Poe’s shoulders and nuzzled his hair.  “I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too.”  Poe leaned back against him and rested the back of his head on Ben’s shoulder.  He had forgotten about Rey’s scheme until then, and he sighed when he realized he’d better bring it up soon, before Ben had to leave for work.

“What’s wrong?” Ben murmured.

“Hunh?”  As often happened, Poe wondered if he were that transparent, or if Ben were reading his emotions, or both.  “Oh, uh. . . nothing.  It’s just—well, Rey, um. . . she’s plotting something.  Something that involves you.”

Ben made a groaning sound, only half playful and the other half serious.  “Rey.  Of course.  What is it?”

Poe turned his head to look up at him, his cheek still resting on Ben’s shoulder.  “Your dad’s been buying parts for The Car from her, and he’s coming by tomorrow.  She wants us to go out there to see him.”  Watching Ben’s profile, Poe saw him frown and close his eyes.

“What’s it to her, anyway?  She should just mind her own business.”

“She likes Han,” Poe said, slowly.  “She never had a dad, and I think she’s enjoying having someone to, well, work on cars with and stuff.”  The thought hadn’t really occurred to him before, but now it made sense.  He saw Ben’s mouth twitch, as if he were trying not to smile, and Poe smirked.  “Yeah, she’s not the epitome of femininity or anything, and I think that’s why they get along.  But anyway, she said she thinks Han misses you.  She wants you two to make up.”

“For _his_ sake,” Ben muttered.  His eyes were still closed, and Poe reached up to trace a fingertip over the brow of the one closest to him.

“And. . . for mine.  She knows that—how much I love you, and she wants us to be happy together.”

Ben’s eyes came open and focused on something in the distance.  “But I _am_ happy with you.  Right now.  Aren’t you?”

“Of course I am, baby.”  Poe sighed and closed his own eyes, turning his head to rest his forehead against Ben’s neck.  He wasn’t sure how to proceed, how far to push his boyfriend.  Things were going so _good_ , and Poe felt like asking anything more of Ben might be asking too much.  But then, he realized something: _Rey’s right_ _about me not wanting to upset him.  “Precious snowflake,” indeed.  I can’t live the rest of my life keeping stuff from him because I’m afraid of making him mad.  And Finn’s right too—if we’re “in it for the long haul,” we have to sort this out._

“Ben, I love you, and that’s why I want you to be happy with _everything_ , not just with me,” Poe blurted out, before he could change his mind.  “You’ve got to keep trying with him.  You’ve done so much that’s good for you—talking to your mom, and leaving the fencing school, and letting yourself believe in _me_.”  He opened his eyes again and lifted his head.  Ben turned to look at him, and Poe reached up to cup his jaws in his hands.  “Baby, I can’t tell you how much I—what that means to me.”

Ben smiled, and Poe felt like he could melt from relief and sheer joy at seeing that smile.  “You don’t have to _tell_ me.  I can feel it, remember?”  He put a hand behind Poe’s head and held him still so he could kiss him.  “And you showed me,” he added in a whisper against Poe’s mouth.  “Several times, in fact.”

“Dammit, Ben, stop trying to distract me,” Poe whispered back with a breathy laugh.

“I’m not, I’m not.”  Ben kissed him again then drew back enough to look into his eyes, serious now.  “But it really means that much to you, for me to work things out with him?”

Poe nodded.  “I know just seeing him tomorrow isn’t going to fix it.  But it’s a start.  You need to _try_.”

“There is no try, remember?”  Ben’s smile was faint now and accompanied by a sigh, but then he pulled Poe close to him in a tight hug.  “Okay, we’ll go.  And I promise I won’t throw anything at him.”

Poe was glad he was pressed to Ben’s chest so his boyfriend couldn’t see the stupid smile on his face.  “Or break anything?”

“Or break anything.  Rey’s boss has already lost enough merchandise to our family as it is.”

Poe leaned back enough to kiss him again, softly.  “Thank you, Ben.  For doing this for me.”

“Like you told me. . . I’d do anything for you, too, as long as it was good for us,” Ben replied.  “And. . . this will be good for us.  Hard as it is for me to admit it.  Does _he_ know we’re coming?”

“I don’t think so.  At least, Rey didn’t mention saying anything to him about it.”

“Maybe she _has_ got him figured out,” Ben said.  He propped his chin on top of Poe’s head and sighed.  “If he knew we were coming, he probably wouldn’t show up.”

\--

Poe picked Ben up the next morning to drive to the junkyard/parts shop where Rey worked, out on the edge of town.  Ben looked sleepy and none too happy about how they were about to spend the morning when Poe pulled up to the gate at the fairgrounds, where he was waiting.

“You’re going to get hot,” Poe commented, leaning out his open window and eyeing the (black) long-sleeved shirt Ben was wearing.  “There’s no shade out there.  Sure you don’t want to go change?”

“I’ll be fine.”  Ben got in the passenger seat.  He managed to stop sulking long enough to kiss Poe good morning; then he picked up where he left off, slumping back in his seat with a scowl.  Poe just chuckled at him and got back on the road.

“I need to take you shopping before summer,” he declared as he got on a bypass that would take them out to Rey’s without cutting through town, where the traffic was heavier.  “I know you said you don’t like the sun, but we’re going to the beach during the day time at least once.  And you’re not wearing long sleeves that day either.”

“I have shirts with short sleeves,” Ben grumbled.

“That aren’t black?”

“. . . You didn’t say they couldn’t be black.”  In spite of his efforts to be surly, Ben was smiling already.

“You’d look good in red,” Poe went on as if he hadn’t heard.  “Like, dark red.  Something sleeveless.  And tight.”

“Poe—”

“And we’ll need a gallon of sunscreen since you’re so pale.  And an umbrella.  And I bet you don’t have a swimsuit, do you?”

“No,” Ben admitted.

“Well, _that_ can be black.  _And_ tight.”  Poe grinned at him.  “Maybe a Speedo.”

“ _No._ ”

By the time they reached their destination, Poe had gotten Ben to agree to a shopping trip, though for somewhat less revealing attire than Poe had initially suggested.  More importantly, Ben had cheered up to the point where he didn’t complain anymore about having to see his father for the second time in two weeks.  Poe pulled up in the small, dirt parking lot next to Rey’s motorcycle.  Han’s car sat a short distance away, and Rey had the hood up, doing something beneath it.

“Rey!” Poe called as he and Ben got out.  She looked up and waved, then a second later, Han appeared over the hood beside her; he had apparently been crouching next to her, hidden from view.

His face was every bit as expressive as his son’s, and Poe could tell he was definitely surprised by their visit.  Han looked down at Rey and said something—something exasperated, judging from the look he was giving her—but she only smiled and stood up too, wiping her hands on the tattered cargo shorts she was wearing.  Poe started over to them with Ben hanging back, until Poe grabbed his hand and tugged on it so Ben walked beside him.

“This was all _her_ idea, wasn’t it?” Han griped when Poe and Ben got closer.

“Yes.”  Ben sounded as grumpy as his father looked.  The two men glared at one another while Rey watched them and looked exceedingly proud of herself.  Poe wasn’t quite so sure anymore that the plan had been a good idea, but he _was_ impressed by the car.

“So this is it—er, her, hunh?”  He let go of Ben’s hand to walk around the Mustang and admire it.  It already looked considerably better than in the photo Han had texted, despite still needing a serious paint job.

“Yep.”  Han’s voice shifted from irritated to proud as he closed the hood with a sharp bang.  “Coming along pretty good, isn’t she?  Chewie’s off looking for a headlight lens to replace _that_.”  He gestured at the round headlight on the driver’s side, which Poe now saw had a crack through it.  “Course you can get repop replacements on the Internet, but the real thing’s better.”

“You can get the ‘real thing’ on the Internet too, you know,” Ben pointed out.  He was squinting in the sunlight, already strong even though it was only mid-morning.  “A lot less hot and dirty to do it that way.”

Han looked at his son like he had been speaking a foreign language.  “Ordering parts _online_?” Han finally said in exasperation.  “What’s the fun in _that_?”

“What’s the fun in wandering around a junk yard and yanking stuff off old cars?” Ben retorted.  His father kept staring at him, then finally gave up and raked a hand through his greying hair as he shook his head.

“You sound just like your mother,” he grumbled.

“At least I don’t sound like _you_.”  Ben folded his arms and scowled at the car, and Poe despaired of ever getting them to see eye to eye on. . . well, _anything_.  He cast a desperate glance in Rey’s direction.  She caught his eye and smirked as she suddenly rounded on Ben and grabbed his arm.  Ben actually jumped and gave her a horrified look.

“Come on.  You’re going to help Chewie and me find that lens,” Rey declared.  She hauled on Ben’s arm and started pulling him toward the junkyard.

“I—I am _not_!”  Ben dug his heels into the dirt and refused to move.

“You are _so_.  It’s fun, you’ll see.”  When he didn’t budge, Rey dug her fingers in and yanked.  “It’s for your own good!”

“Now _she_ sounds like his mother,” Han hissed at Poe.

“Forget it!  I’m not going out there and getting dirty looking for some stupid headlight,” Ben wailed.  “Poe, make her stop!”

Poe was trying not to laugh at how ridiculous they both looked, with petite Rey pulling on the much larger man’s arm like he was a spoiled toddler.  “Look, I’ll come too, okay?” Poe offered, but Rey turned on him.

“Oh no you won’t!” she snapped.  “You’ll just distract him or—or start making out with him or something!”  Out of the corner of his eye, Poe saw Han wince.  “You stay here and help Han.”

Poe knew better than to go against Rey’s wishes, and he gave Ben an apologetic shrug.  “Sorry, baby, I tried.  You’re on your own.”

Ben glared at him—quite possibly a real glare, not just a playful one.  But then he did give in and follow Rey.  Poe felt sort of bad, especially if Ben really was mad at him, but he also had a suspicion that Rey was right: it _would_ be good for Ben to make at least a token effort trying something his dad enjoyed.

And then, Poe realized he had been left alone with said dad without any idea of what to say to him.  He and Han looked at each other, then just as quickly looked away.

\--

To be continued


	19. Chapter 19

“So,” Poe mumbled.  “How long before you get the car finished?”

“Finished?”  Han shook his head at Poe like he had at Ben.  “She’s _never_ ‘finished.’  But if you mean how long before we get the damage repaired. . . .”  He gave the car’s hood a pat.  “One more trip out here should get the last of the parts.  Then there’s the paint job. . . she’ll be back in good shape after that.”

Poe nodded.  “Rey’ll probably be sorry when you’re through.  I think she’s having a good time helping you guys with it.”

Han actually smiled.  “Oh, I’m sure Chewie’ll find some project or other we’ll need her help on.  They get along pretty well—but then he’s always had a way with the ladies.”

Poe chuckled.  “Should I be worried about them running off together?”  He was pleased when Han laughed out loud.

“Nah, he’s seeing somebody, this nurse he met.  And Rey’s a nice kid but a little on the young side.  She knows her stuff though.”  Han’s smile faded.  “I guess you can tell, Ben was never much interested in this kind of thing.”

“Yeah, well,” Poe mumbled, not sure what to say.

“Is he really doing all right?”  Han was looking down at the hood of the car, not at Poe.  “I mean, _really_?”

“Yeah.  He is.”  Poe hesitated over how much to tell him.  “I. . . don’t know if he’s told, er, General Organa, but he dropped out of the fencing school.”

Han flicked his gaze up to Poe without lifting his head.  “ _Good_.”

Poe felt himself grin.  “That’s what I said.  He’s trying to get in to another school, but no one will take him.  He said Snoke has too much influence.”  Poe’s grin faded as he thought about the situation.  “I know he really does want to become an instructor.  I just. . . don’t know how he can with the reputation he’s got now.  Even if we—he moved somewhere else, I’m guessing he’d still have to have. . . references or whatever.”

“Dammit,” Han muttered.  “If Luke just hadn’t cut out.”

Poe bit his lip as he looked at Han.  The older man was staring down at the car again, running his hand over the edge of the hood.

“Will. . . will you tell me what happened?” Poe asked him.  “With Ben and Luke I mean?  No one’s ever told me.”

Han finally looked at him again, straight on.  “Ben didn’t. . . ?”  When Poe shook his head, Han sighed, like he didn’t want the job that had somehow fallen to him.  “Luke’s. . . Luke’s a lot like Ben.  Not in looks or personality but in abilities. . . the whole psychic thing.”  He grimaced.  “I’ve known Luke a long time—longer than I’ve known Leia.  I didn’t believe in him at first, not for a while.  But what he can do, it’s for real, just like what Ben can do.  Leia’s got it too, a little, but mostly it went from their father, to Luke, to Ben.”

“Luke doesn’t have any children?” Poe asked.

“Nope.  Never got married or anything.  He. . . .”  Han trailed off, as if he had been about to speak without thinking, and began again.  “So Ben never got along that well with me, and Leia and I both thought maybe Luke could reach him better.  And when Ben showed an interest in fencing, and Luke offered to train him—yeah, it seemed like it would all work out.”

Han fell silent again, and Poe waited.

“He’s too much like his grandfather,” Han finally went on.  He nudged the car’s front tire with the toe of his shoe as he spoke.  “Luke tried to help him suppress it—to control his temper, think before he acted, that kind of thing—but Ben didn’t have the patience for that, as good as he was at the sport.”  Han paused and gave a short, self-deprecating laugh.  “I guess part of that’s my fault.  I was never much for patience either.  Ben and Luke kept clashing over stuff, and then when that Snoke tried to lure him away—well, he went.”  There was a bitterness on Han’s face that spilled over into his voice, and Poe hated to see it.

“It wasn’t your fault,” he told the older man.  Poe wasn’t sure that was exactly the right thing to say, but he felt he had to say _something_.

Han shrugged and gestured absently with one hand.  “It was, and it wasn’t.  It was everything.  Ben was mad at Luke for holding him back—at least that’s how Ben saw it—and mad at his mother and me for not being the kind of parents he wanted us to be.  So he didn’t just leave Luke’s school, he left home too.  Ran off and joined the circus.”  He smiled thinly, not realizing that was exactly how Poe had thought of it, too.

“He was mad at himself too,” Poe murmured.  “Stuff he’s said to me. . . I think he felt like he disappointed you, all of you.  That you all wanted him to be someone else, more like Luke I guess, and Ben wanted to be more like his grandfather.  He didn’t realize that he’s—he’s wonderful the way he is.  I think he _still_ doesn’t realize it.”  He stopped himself, embarrassed at waxing poetic over his lover in front of that lover’s father—but when he cast a guilty look at Han, the older man was watching him with a rather fond smirk.

“You really _are_ in love with him, aren’t you.”  Poe flushed and tried to stammer something, but Han waved him off.  “Don’t mind me.  He never dated anyone, even when he was a teenager, so I’m still getting used to—uh, you.”

“Yeah,” Poe mumbled.

“But to finish what happened with Luke,” Han continued.  “When Ben cut out, Luke blamed himself.  And he just. . . cut out too.  Closed down his school and just _disappeared_.  Leia nearly lost it at first—we filed a missing persons report and everything because she was so sure someone had killed him or something.  At least we _knew_ where Ben was, even if he wasn’t talking to us.  But the police couldn’t turn anything up that suggested something happened to Luke, and even Leia finally admitted it looked like he just _left_.  And. . . well, that’s it.”

“He didn’t tell _anybody_ where he was going?” Poe persisted.  “There wasn’t any kind of clue?”

Han made a face and lifted both hands, palms up.  “What do you expect?  When someone wants to disappear, he doesn’t leave a _map_.”  He dropped his hands to his sides.  “Anyway, he’s probably gone for good, so Ben had better figure out a backup plan if he’s expecting to make his fortune teaching fencing.”

Before Poe could think of a reply to that rather depressing observation, he heard Rey’s voice approaching from among the stacks of crushed cars and other debris in the junkyard.  Han kept silent too as the other three finally emerged, neither of them especially wanting Ben to know they had been talking about him.

Both Ben and Rey were sweaty and smudged with dirt, but Poe’s eyes were drawn right past them to Chewie.  He had expected the guy to have an excessive amount of hair based on his photos, so the long brown mane, beard, mustache, and hairy arms, exposed to his shoulders by a grey tank top, didn’t surprise Poe.  What _did_ shock him was how _tall_ Chewie was. . . especially compared to Poe himself.  Chewie had to be close to seven feet tall, and he towered over even Ben.

“Find anything?” Han asked the trio.

“Here,” Ben muttered.  He tossed something to Han, who caught it in one hand.  When he held it up, Poe saw it was a lens matching the cracked one on the car’s headlight.

“All _right_ ,” Han declared.

“He found it.”  Chewie’s voice was deep, nearly a growl, and he jerked a thumb over at Ben.

“Really?”  Han looked suitably impressed.  Chewie, apparently a man of few words, just nodded.  Han cocked the lens in Ben’s direction in a sort of salute.  “Thanks.”

“Yeah.”  Ben folded his arms and glared at the ground.

“He enjoyed it more than he’s letting on,” Rey declared as she went over to the cracked headlight and crouched down.  “Here, I’ll fix it.”

“Hey, show me out to do it,” Poe interrupted, going to squat beside her as Han handed her the lens.  Poe figured the knowledge might come in handy someday, plus he was starting to feel kind of useless now that even Ben had contributed to the car’s restoration.  Once they got the lens swapped, Rey and Han showed Poe what felt like a million other details on the car, with Chewie occasionally contributing a grunt or gesture.  Poe had given up on Ben participating any further, until he suddenly appeared at Poe’s side while he was listening to Han explain the long (and rather boring) process of how he had tracked the stolen vehicle to Rey’s shop.

“I told you it’s all he talks about,” Ben whispered in Poe’s ear.

“Not always,” Poe muttered, thinking of his earlier conversation with Han.  He was still a little irritated at being glared at earlier, as well as Ben’s attitude in general. . . especially when Ben’s father had been so concerned about him.  Ben kept quiet for the rest of the story.

“It’s way past time for my lunch break,” Rey said pointedly when Han had finally finished.  “Did you need anything else today, or are you going to get out of my hair for a while?”

Han just smirked.  “Nice, when _you_ were the one who dragged me over here this time.”

“ _What?_ ”  Ben shot Rey an incredulous look.  “You—”

“You know that cracked headlight was bugging me,” Rey told Han, speaking over Ben.  As she passed by him on her way to take a final look at the car, she hissed to Ben, “Your ESP is slipping, fortune teller.”

“Yeah, I guess that’ll do her for this trip,” Han was musing when Rey joined him.  “Except. . . .”  He held up one finger and tapped it at the air, lost in thought.  “Is that Barracuda chassis still back behind the shop?”

“You’re not starting on another car.”  It was the first time Chewie had spoken more than three words in a row in Poe’s hearing, and they were words full of portent.

“Of course not!” Han protested, even as he started walking back toward the shop.  “My baby is my one and only.  I just wanted to get another look at it, ‘s all.”  Chewie shook his head, folded his arms across his broad chest, and looked down (far down) at Poe significantly as if to ask, “Are you _sure_ you want to be part of this family?”

“Dad, wait.”

Han stopped, and four heads swiveled to stare at Ben.  He flushed and muttered, “I’ll come with you.”

Han’s face bore the incredulous look Poe was coming to know well, but then he only shrugged and started walking again.  “Well, hurry up.  Rey’s hungry.”

Even after the two had disappeared behind the shop, no one said anything.  Rey did look rather pleased with herself but only grumbled a bit more about missing lunch before promising Chewie she wasn’t going to sell Han the chassis.  Chewie just gave her a look from under his bushy eyebrows that suggested he knew all too well how charming Han could be when he wanted something.

Poe—hot, tired, and hungry himself—was ready to leave by the time Han and Ben returned.  He wasn’t sure what, if anything, they had said to one another, but neither looked angry, so that was a good sign.  In fact, Ben looked almost contrite, especially when he glanced at Poe.  Poe just managed to keep himself from smiling.

“It was nice to meet you,” Poe told Chewie politely as they prepared to go their separate ways.  Chewie gave him a nod.  “And good to see you again,” Poe added to Han.

“Yeah.  See you around.”  He lifted a hand in a sort of half-wave at Poe, then glanced at his son.  “Your mother said you’re seeing her next week.”

“I thought you two weren’t talking,” Ben sighed.

Han shrugged again.  “I dunno.  Put in a good word for me, just in case.”

Ben’s mouth twitched in a half smirk.  “I’ll think about it.”

Neither he nor Poe said anything as they got in Poe’s car and he pulled out of the parking lot.  Poe could feel Ben’s eyes on him, watching him as he drove, but he was still startled when Ben asked, “Are you mad at me?”  As deep as his voice was, it managed to sound small, and Poe nearly fell to pieces right then and there.  He _had_ been trying his best to stay irritated until Ben apologized for acting bitchy, but it was damn hard.

“You were the one glaring at me,” Poe replied.  Good.  That sounded convincing.

“You could have tried harder to come headlight hunting with us,” Ben said in a slightly sulky tone.  “I hardly saw you all morning.”

“What, you jealous I was hanging out with your dad instead?”

“No!” retorted Ben.  “Fine, I don’t care if you’re mad at me.”  He turned to glare out the window, and Poe had to bite his lip hard to keep from laughing at how adorably petulant he looked.  Poe glanced back at the road ahead, then hauled on the wheel to pull the car over into an empty parking lot on the side of the bypass.  Ben jerked around to stare at him as Poe put the car in park.

“What the hell?”

“C’mere.”  Poe flung an arm around Ben’s shoulders and leaned in to nuzzle his jaw just under his ear.

“What—nngh, stop that!”  Ben squirmed but made no real effort to push him away.

“Oh come on.  You wanted me to pay attention to you, right?”  Poe nipped at his earlobe then kissed the side of his mouth.

“Poe, you’re a jerk,” Ben said helplessly.  “I’m—I’m not going to kiss you!”

“Unh hunh.”  Poe kissed the other side of his mouth.

“I mean it!  You’re sweaty and dirty and. . . .”  He trailed off as Poe’s lips hovered just in front of his own.  “And a _jerk_.”

“Unh hunh.”

“Dammit, Poe.”  Ben kissed him, hard, shoving his tongue into Poe’s mouth as he wrapped his arms around the smaller man and pulled him as close as he could with the center console between them.  Poe fought back with his own tongue until they finally stopped to catch their collective breath.

“I’m not mad at you,” Poe murmured as he touched his lips to Ben’s cheek.  “I _was_ , because _you_ were acting like a jerk. . . but you shaped up pretty well.  Once Rey put you to work.”

“I really was the one who found that lens,” Ben whispered back.  He rubbed his cheek against Poe’s then rested his forehead on Poe’s shoulder with a sigh.  “But I’m sorry.  I felt kind of like Rey was manipulating me—and manipulating Dad too—but that wasn’t your fault.”

“Eh, she _was_ , but she’s right, it was for both of your own good.  And mine,” Poe added after a pause.  “I. . . liked talking to him.  Really.”

Ben sighed and lifted his head to kiss Poe’s forehead.  “Good.  And I mean that.”

“Am I still a jerk?” Poe teased.

“Yes.”  Ben kissed his mouth again before letting him go.  “But I guess I am too, so we deserve each other.  Do you have to work this afternoon?”

Poe nodded, reluctantly.  “Yeah.  Flight at four.  In fact, I’d better get you home—I need to eat and get a shower before I go to the airport.”

As Poe pulled back onto the highway, Ben kept watching him.  “While we were out in the junkyard, Rey was complaining about her rent going up.”

“Yeah, she told me and Finn about that,” Poe replied.  “Ours goes up too every year.”  When he realized Ben was _still_ watching him, Poe glanced at him.  “What?”

“She said she hadn’t signed the lease renewal yet.  She’s been putting it off, but she’s going to do it Monday.”

“Uh. . . okay.”  They were almost back to the fairgrounds, and Poe wondered if Ben would get to the point any time soon.

“I was wondering, do—Poe, do you want to move in with me?”

“Hunh?”  Poe nearly ran off the road.  “Do I— _yes_.”  He managed to turn the car into the fairgrounds parking lot and park before turning back to Ben, grinning.  “Of course I do.  But what does that have to do with Rey?”

“Oh, um.”  Ben was blushing, hard.  “I was just thinking that her rent would be a lot cheaper if she took your room at the apartment, i-if she didn’t mind living with Finn, I mean.  And you. . . you could live with me.”

Poe was too excited to really care what Rey did, but then he realized Ben had thought it through pretty carefully.  “She’d probably go for it.  I _know_ Finn would—if only because Rey’s neater than I am.”  He chuckled and grabbed Ben’s hand.  “You. . . you’re sure though?  You’re willing to put up with me all the time?  And. . . there’s B.B. . . .”

Ben smiled, looking both relieved and happy, and squeezed his hand.  “Of course I’m sure.  And of course I thought about B.B.  I was more concerned about _him_ putting up with _me_.”

“Hmph, he likes you.  Especially the way you throw a Frisbee.”  Poe lifted their hands to his mouth and kissed the back of Ben’s.  “You’ve got a back door off your laundry room, right?  Maybe we could fence in a yard out there eventually so I wouldn’t have to walk him around the carnival.  Phasma might not be too thrilled about that,” he chuckled.

“Um, I. . . already did.”

“Did what?”  Poe looked at him over their clasped hands.

“Got a fence.”  Ben was blushing again, and he rubbed his thumb over the back of Poe’s hand.  “I had to make sure the guy who owns the fairgrounds didn’t mind, but he was fine with it.  So they put it in, uh. . . a couple weeks ago.”

Poe lowered their hands, still staring at him.  “You. . . you’ve been planning this?”

Ben nodded and swallowed hard.  “Yeah, I. . . I was too nervous to ask you though.  I thought you might say no.  But now that Rey can take over your half of the lease and—”

Poe cut him off with another kiss.  “Why did you ever think I’d say no?”  He smiled up at Ben and murmured, “Of course I want to live with you.”

“I don’t like to take anything for granted.”  Ben reached up his free hand to brush his knuckles along the side of Poe’s face, smiling at him in a way that quickly became teasing.  “So when are you moving in?”

“I’ll talk to Rey and Finn tonight,” Poe promised.  “I don’t think Finn’ll mind me leaving before Rey can move in, long as I keep paying my share of the rent.”

“I’ll pay it _for_ you, if it means you coming here sooner.”  Ben spread his fingers to hold Poe’s head still while he kissed him again.  “I love you, Poe.”

“And I love you.”  Poe looked down at their hands, still gripping one another on the center console with Ben’s fingers folded over the back of Poe’s smaller hand.  “So much so, that I’m tempted to cancel on that flight I have this afternoon.”

“Don’t you dare.”  Ben pulled him close again and punctuated each sentence with a kiss.  “You’re going home.  And getting a shower, because you’re filthy.  And going to work.  I’m not going to be responsible for you losing clients.”

“Okay, fine.”  Poe kissed him one last time, hard, then sat back.  “Now get out of my car unless you’re coming with me.”

“I’d like to.”  Ben sighed and opened his door, finally letting go of Poe’s hand.  “See you Sunday?”

“Yeah.”

Poe made it about halfway back to his apartment before he pulled over and texted both Rey and Finn with Ben’s scheme for saving Rey money on the rent.  Or at least, that was how he framed it to them, although he figured they’d both see right through it.  He wasn’t quite sure how he’d feel about calling a carnival home, and he’d definitely miss having Finn around, but Poe was confident he’d adjust.

\--

To be continued


	20. Chapter 20

Once Poe had Rey and Finn’s approval for the changes in their living arrangements—Rey was not at all surprised by the proposition, and Finn was utterly delighted—he decided it would be a good idea to get B.B. used to his new accommodations before they moved in.  Rey’s lease wasn’t up for another month anyway, so they had time—even though Poe found it hard to wait.

He took B.B. to the fairgrounds for the first time late Sunday morning, two days after the junkyard adventure.  The spaniel mix adored car rides, so he was delighted to take the twenty-minute trip, seated upright in the passenger seat like a person.  Poe got him out of the car on his leash and went to let himself in at the gate; Ben had given him the key already, once Poe promised not to let the carnival’s proprietor know.  It was a bit difficult for Poe to juggle unlocking the padlock, opening the gate, and closing and relocking it behind him, all with an eager dog straining at the leash he gripped in his other hand.

“Hold on, buddy,” Poe said in a mixed groan and laugh.  “I know you’re excited!”  He finally got the gate secured and turned to haul B.B. to the left, toward Ben’s building.  B.B. barked with joy and tried to bound forward, almost dragging Poe after him.

 _I really should have invested in some obedience classes,_ Poe thought as he was tugged along after the dog.  His indulgent smile fell from his face a second later when he saw Hux emerge from the building where he usually stood, just a few yards away from where Poe paused with B.B.  Poe had, of course, thought about the fact that he would be living in close proximity to Hux, but he had tried not to dwell on it. . . and he certainly hadn’t expected to encounter the other man so soon.

“I _thought_ I heard a dog.”  Hux had stopped too, and he looked down at B.B.  “Is he yours?  Or she,” he amended.

“He’s a boy.  And yeah.  He’s mine.”  Poe kept standing there, instead of hurrying onward as he had planned to do.  Most people got B.B.’s gender wrong, assuming that the long-haired dog was a girl; very rarely did anyone bother to ask.

Hux flicked his eyes from B.B. up to Poe.  “Can I pet him?”

“Uh. . . sure.”  Poe would have liked to say something snide—Ben likely would have had the perfect retort—but he was too startled to come up with anything.  Hux stepped forward to crouch a couple feet away from B.B., and he extended his hand to let the dog smell it instead of just barging into B.B.’s personal space and groping him, as often happened.

B.B. extended his neck to sniff Hux’s hand, and only when the dog wagged his tail did Hux use his fingers to stroke his soft, furry head.  After a second, B.B. moved closer and plopped down on the ground on his haunches as he nosed Hux’s hand.  To Poe’s utter amazement, Hux smiled—almost _grinned_ and started scratching the dog’s ears and neck.

“You. . . like dogs?” Poe managed to ask.

“Yeah.”  Hux didn’t look up at him, focusing on B.B. instead.  The dog leaned into his touch rather heavily.  “I don’t have one,” Hux murmured.  “I wouldn’t be able to spend enough time with it.  But someday I want to get one.”

Poe felt like he should make some effort at conversation.  For one thing, Hux was being perfectly civil, and Poe didn’t have an excuse to be rude.  And for another. . . well, this perfectly civil Hux was intriguing, and Poe was curious as to what the man was really like.  It was easy to think of Hux having just two modes—charismatic carnival barker and precisely mechanical fencer—especially considering what Phasma had said about him “not feeling things.”  It was easy to think of him as the bad guy.  But Poe was forced to admit that, like everyone else in Ben’s life Poe had come to know, Hux was more than what he first seemed.

 _Phasma said he helped Ben, at first,_ Poe remembered.  _Maybe he isn’t **all** bad. . . ._

“What kind of dog do you want?” Poe finally asked Hux.

“A German Shepherd.”  Hux cast one look upward at Poe, mild bewilderment on his face as if he were as surprised as Poe at the polite interaction.  Then he returned his attention to B.B.  “I’d like to adopt a retired police or military dog.”

“Really?”  Hux grew a little more in Poe’s esteem.  “B.B.’s a rescue too.  I mean, he’s from the shelter, and I got him when he was a puppy, but still.  Someone else had adopted him then brought him back.”

“Why?”  Hux gave B.B. a final scratch behind the ear then stood.  “He’s beautiful—he must have been a great-looking puppy.”

“Yeah, he was.  The person who adopted him first wanted him to be a farm dog, and she shut him out in her barn—then brought him back because he cried all night.”  Poe leaned down to stroke B.B.’s head.

“People are idiots,” Hux declared.  Both of them were looking down at the dog, and both glanced up at each other at the same time.  Hux looked away first.

“I’m sure you’re here to see Kylo, so I’ll let you get on with it.”  It was an odd, awkward thing to say, but then, Poe felt pretty odd and awkward too.

“Yeah.”  He started to lead away B.B., who was reluctant to leave his new admirer; then Poe looked back and called after Hux, “I’m moving in with him soon.”  He wasn’t sure _why_ he told Hux, maybe to provide an explanation for why he had his dog with him.  Or maybe to give the other man fair warning they’d have to see more of each other.

Hux paused and turned his head to look over his shoulder at Poe.  “I wondered if it was serious.”

For some reason, the comment annoyed Poe, even though Hux, of course, would have no way of knowing much about his relationship with Ben.

“Yeah,” Poe snapped.  “It’s serious.”  Hux didn’t respond, only continued on his way.

Poe hurried on to Ben’s building.  The sliding door was closed, and Poe knocked on it even though he could have let himself in; he didn’t feel right going on in until he was actually living there.  A second later, Ben pushed the door open.

“Hey—” he began, but before he could finish, Poe had thrown his arms around the taller man’s chest to hug him tightly.  Ben made a surprised noise and embraced him tightly.  “I didn’t expect such an affectionate greeting,” he murmured playfully.  “Is everything all right?”

“Yeah,” Poe mumbled into his shirt.  “Just glad to see you.”  A little confused by all the new experiences, B.B. seemed torn between extracting more scratching out of Ben and exploring the environment that had just opened up before him.  He tugged on his leash, then, giving up on his preoccupied owner for the time being, sat down beside Poe’s feet.

Ben kissed the top of Poe’s head.  “I’m glad to see you too, angel.  Is B.B. doing okay with everything so far?”

“Seems to be.”  Poe finally pulled back enough to look up at his boyfriend.  “I don’t know how he’d react when this place is open and full of people—and food—though.”

“Well, we can find out if you feel like staying all day,” Ben suggested.  “You don’t have to work, do you?”

Poe shook his head.  “Let’s see how B.B. does, and if he’s okay with everything, we can stay.”  He leaned up to kiss Ben’s cheek and whisper, “Maybe all night?”

Ben flushed and nodded.  “Maybe so.”

They took B.B. inside, and Poe let him off his leash to explore.  B.B. pranced around Ben’s living room, plumed tail held high and wagging; then he darted down the short hallway to investigate the rest.  Poe relaxed, pleased with his dog’s reaction to his soon-to-be home.  Then, as B.B. disappeared into Ben’s bedroom, something occurred to him.

“Uh. . . you know he’s used to getting up on the furniture,” he told Ben with a slight cringe.  “And that white dog hair is really going to show on your black bedspread.”

Ben gave him a rather rueful smile.  “I already thought of that.  A while back actually, when I started noticing all the white dog hair on my clothes every time I spent the night with you.”  At the guilty look Poe gave him, Ben laughed and went over to him.  He put his hands on the smaller man’s shoulders and kissed his forehead.  “But maybe we should invest in a new bedspread in a different color.  I thought you might not want all-black décor anyway.”

“I don’t _mind_ it,” Poe told him.  “Mostly because it reminds me of you.  But if you want to go bedspread-shopping together, I won’t say no.”

“That actually sounds very romantic.”  Ben leaned down to kiss his mouth.  “We can redecorate the whole place if you want to.”

“Mmm.”  Poe murmured against his lips, “One thing at a time.  And the bed’s a good place to start.”

“You’re horrible.”  Ben kissed him deeply anyway before they went to check on B.B.  He had indeed jumped up on the bed and gone to sleep, but Ben said he could stay there since the damage was already done.  Ben and Poe spent the next couple hours watching TV and cuddling until B.B. woke up; then they took him out to the newly-constructed yard.  Poe was impressed: the six-foot chain link fence surrounded a fairly large, grassy area behind Ben’s building.

“Mostly, visitors don’t come back here,” Ben said as they watched B.B. sniffing and running around in the yard.  “I still wouldn’t leave him out here by himself when we’re open, but no one should bother him.”

“It’s great.  I’ll get him an extra water bowl to keep out here.  It’ll be nice not to have to walk him all the time.”  Poe glanced up at Ben.  “I should pay you back for having the fence put in, though.  I know it wasn’t cheap.”

Ben looked a bit uncomfortable.  “No, don’t,” he mumbled.  “I don’t mind it.  I. . . I really want you here with me, Poe.”

Poe grasped his hand and held it.  “And I will be soon—B.B. seems right at home.  Thank you for doing all this for him.”  Ben nodded awkwardly, clearly embarrassed, but Poe just squeezed his hand and smiled at him as he continued.  “It won’t be too much work for me to move, either.  Rey’s been renting furniture at her place, so I’m going to leave most of mine behind for her to use.  Finn said he can get me some boxes from work, so maybe next weekend. . . ?”

“Yeah.  That would be good.”  Ben tugged him closer by his hand and put his arm around him.  “I guess we should tell Mom on Thursday.  _She_ can tell Dad.”

Poe nodded; he didn’t especially want to tell Han himself either.  “You. . . think your mom will mind?”

“No.  She. . . I think she thinks you’re a good influence on me, despite what I said the other day.”  Ben paused with a little smile.  “And she’s right.  You are.”

“Oh?  I thought I was ‘horrible’ just a little while ago,” Poe teased him.

“Horrible in the best way.”  Ben sighed and gave his shoulders a squeeze before letting him go.  “I’d better get ready for work; the gates’ll open in about fifteen minutes.  At least Sundays are slow.”

They herded B.B. back inside, and Ben got his robe out of his bedroom.  As he was starting to pull it on over his clothes in the living room—being careful to keep well away from the brown and white dog whose hair would be clearly visible on the black cloth—Poe regarded him thoughtfully from where he was sitting on the couch.

“Do you always wear your clothes under that costume?”

Ben gave him an indignant look.  “Of course I do.”

“Why?”  Poe smirked.  “It’s so long and heavy, no one would know the difference if you didn’t.  And you’ve got to get hot now that the weather’s getting warmer.”

“I know what you’re trying to do, and it isn’t going to work,” Ben retorted as he finished putting the robe.  “I’m not going to sit out there telling fortunes with nothing on under this thing.”

“It’s Sunday—you won’t get that many people coming in, so you’ll be in the living room with me almost the whole time.”  Poe’s grin grew as he watched a blush creep over Ben’s cheeks.  “You’ll be awfully uncomfortable with all those layers.  Especially if we start messing around.”

“We are not going to ‘mess around’ while I’m working,” Ben protested.  “You know someone could show up any time!”

“You’re too scared to do it, aren’t you?” Poe accused him, still smirking.  “No one but you and me would know if you were naked under there.  You’re just chicken.”

“I am _not_ scared.  I’m on to you, Poe Dameron—you’re trying to manipulate me.”  Ben jabbed a finger in Poe’s direction.  “And it’s not going to work.”

“Chicken,” Poe repeated.  “Bawk bawk bawk.”

“I am _not_.”

“Then I _dare_ you to do it!”  When Ben looked about to protest again, Poe added, “And if you don’t, I’m not spending the night!  In fact, I’ll go home right now!”

Ben’s face took on a pained expression.  “Oh, come _on_ , Poe.  You wouldn’t.”

“I _will_.  Right now, unless you take off _everything_ under that robe.”  Poe started to get up from the sofa, leading Ben to groan and gesture for him to sit back down.

“ _Fine_.  You really _are_ horrible.  And I’m _not_ undressing in front of you.”  Ben sighed and disappeared into the bathroom while Poe waited in triumph.  A moment later, Ben emerged, still covered in the robe and blushing hard, and tossed his other clothes in a pile on the sofa.

“I’m leaving my boots on,” he muttered.

Poe stood up and went over to him.  “Oh, that’s fine.  I’m just wondering if you really followed through on taking everything _else_ off.”

Ben gestured at his clothes.  “Obviously.  It’s right there.”

“Yeah, but how do I know you didn’t put something else on instead?”  Poe gave him a smug look as Ben tried to protest.

“Poe, you know perfectly well I don’t keep clothes in the bathroom!”

“I’m still going to check.”  Poe put his hands on Ben’s sides and slid them down to his hips.

“Believe me now?” Ben asked facetiously.

“Maybe I’d better look,” Poe whispered, but before he could unfasten Ben’s robe, the taller man grabbed his hands and pushed them away.

“ _No_.”

Poe might have insisted, except at that moment, they both heard a tentative “Hello?” from the front room where Ben told fortunes.  Even Poe blushed, and Ben gave him an “I told you so” look before straightening his costume and stalking out to meet his first customer of the day.

Poe tried to occupy himself by playing one of Ben’s video games, but he wasn’t very good at it.  B.B. had retreated to the bedroom for another nap on Ben’s bed, leaving Poe feeling a bit lonely. . . and maybe a little jealous of whoever was out there claiming Ben’s attention, even if it _was_ part of his job.  _I guess this is something I’ll have to get used to,_ Poe thought.  _We’ll still be working at different times, even when we **do** live together.  But at least I can see him in between customers._   He thought about what Ben was—or, rather, _wasn’t_ —wearing and smirked.

After about fifteen minutes, Ben returned.  His cheeks were still slightly flushed as he sat down next to Poe on the sofa.

“Well?” Poe prodded.  “Did they figure it out?”

“No.  Thank God.”  Ben gave him a sideways look.  “It was a boy and a girl, teenagers.  They weren’t that interested in _me_ , trust me.”

“Good.  It’ll be our secret.”  Poe leaned against him and nuzzled his neck.  “What kind of future did you predict for them?”

Ben sighed and put an arm around him.  “It’s not going to last long.  First relationship for both of them—they’re just kids.”

“Geez.  Is that what you told them?”  Poe said it in a teasing tone, and Ben rolled his eyes.

“Of course not.  I just told them their lifelines—you know, the positive stuff.  They’ll both end up happy. Just not with each other.”

“Oh.”  Poe rested his cheek on Ben’s shoulder; the rather depressing fortune had killed some of his playfulness.  “I guess I never thought about it before, but. . . isn’t it hard on you to do this?  When you see bad news for people?”

Ben shrugged, gently enough so that he didn’t dislodge Poe.  “It was when I first started. . . sensing things.  Maybe that’s why I had a rough time growing up—I got depressed a lot.  But now. . . I guess I just think of it as a part of life.  _Other_ people’s lives,” he added after a moment.  “It’s one thing to see that something bad will happen to someone else and shrug it off.  Different when the bad things happen to _me_.  But I have to detach myself from what I see somehow, or else I couldn’t keep reading people.”

“And you really do want to keep doing it?” 

Ben shifted to look at him.  “Why?  Do. . . you want me to stop?”

“No, baby, that’s not it.”  Poe reached up to stroke Ben’s hair.  “I just meant that I don’t want you having to do something if it makes you unhappy.”

“It doesn’t make me unhappy, most of the time.  I told you before, I enjoy it.”  Ben leaned his head into Poe’s hand.  “I—I just wish. . . .”

When he didn’t continue, Poe prompted, “You wish what?”

Ben closed his eyes tightly.  “I just wish it wasn’t _all_ I could do.  You know how I want to teach fencing too—and now, not just for the prestige and because I know I’d be good at it.  Poe, I—this isn’t fair to you.”

Bewildered, Poe asked, “What isn’t?”

“This job—it doesn’t pay much, you probably can guess.  Yeah, I get a place to live, but other than that, I’m mostly living off what I had saved up, and that’s not going to last forever.  And I’ll be damned before I ask my parents to help me.”  Ben finally opened his eyes again, but he looked away from Poe.  “I thought. . . when I left home, I’d planned to begin teaching sooner.  Snoke promised to help me get started.  Obviously, he didn’t, not even in the year before I quit.  Now, I. . . I don’t think I _can._ ”

Poe thought of what Han had said about Ben’s slim chances of making a career out of fencing, now that Snoke was working against him.  “Yeah, I. . . I don’t know.  But that’s unfair to _you_ , not me.”

“No, but. . . .”  Finally, Ben forced his eyes to Poe’s face.  “You shouldn’t have to support both of us.  If you’re going to live with me, I want to take care of you.”

“Oh. . . .”  Poe’s face warmed as he realized what Ben meant.  Talking about money had always made him feel awkward, like it was something you didn’t discuss in polite society.  But it was also something they’d have to work out when they shared a home.

“We’ll do it together, just like everything else,” he promised Ben.  Poe kissed him then leaned his forehead against Ben’s.  “I’m not gonna be your. . . your housewife that you have to take care of or something.”  Ben repressed a snicker at that, and Poe smiled.  “And I won’t be supporting both of us by myself.  We’ll figure it out.”

“Okay.  But. . . look, I’ll find a second job,” Ben murmured.  “Something part-time, in the mornings. . . .”

Even though it was a reality of life, Poe hated the thought of Ben having to work a job he didn’t enjoy, especially for Poe’s sake.  _I want him to do what he loves, like I do.  Maybe. . . ._  Poe’s thoughts trailed off as the beginnings of an idea came to him, something everyone else seemed to think was impossible.

“Don’t do it yet,” Poe told Ben, planting a kiss on his nose before sitting back again.  “If only because I want you around when I first move in.  It’ll be a last resort, okay?  I think we’ll be all right for now—I mean, we’ll both be living rent-free once Rey’s lease is up and she takes over mine. . . and we won’t be spending money on the gas to drive to each other’s places all the time.”  He grinned when Ben’s face took on a slightly more positive expression.  “When I want to make out with you, I won’t have to go any farther than the bedroom.”

“Poe. . . you’re incorrigible.”  Ben’s sigh seemed to be mostly pretense because he tightened his arms around Poe a little.  Glad to see him cheering up again, Poe snuggled into his arms and kissed his neck, just above his robe.  Ben tilted his head to the side and murmured, “But you don’t want to be a housewife, hmm?  Too bad.  I meant it that time I said you’d be pretty in a dress.”

This time Poe was the one to blush, hard.  “Y-you’re the one wearing the dress,” he mumbled against Ben’s neck as he plucked at the fabric covering his boyfriend’s legs.

“ _Someone_ didn’t leave me much choice.”  Ben tugged Poe closer, nearly into his lap, and caught his mouth to kiss him deeply.

“I thought. . . I thought you said we weren’t going to mess around,” Poe panted when they finally paused for air.

“You have a way of changing my mind about that.  You’re so—so damn _hot_ , Poe. . . .”  Ben leaned back against the arm of the sofa and pulled Poe on top of him to kiss him again.  Poe squirmed against him and started working one hand up Ben’s calf, under his robe, as they kissed.

Poe stopped his hand at Ben’s knee and broke their kiss to nuzzle his ear and whisper, “You really want me to wear a dress for you?”

“Um,” was all Ben said.  Poe smirked and tickled the back of his knee, getting a strained whimper in response.

“I’ll do it,” Poe informed him as he kissed Ben’s earlobe, “but you’re not gonna know _when_.  So one night when you get through working, you’ll come back in here, and—”

“Hel _lo_?  Anyone here?”

Both of them froze at the exasperated call coming from a woman in the front room.

“ _Dammit_ ,” Ben hissed, but when Poe reluctantly clambered off of him, they both started to laugh.  As he stood and straightened himself up, Ben whispered, “Okay, new rule.  No messing around when I’m working.  Period.”  He gave Poe a loving look before disappearing through the curtains again.  Poe settled back down—with some difficulty—to work more on the video game.

However, his mind kept wandering: at first to “messing around” with Ben, but then farther back to his boyfriend’s concern about their finances.  Poe wasn’t worried about having enough money; they really would be better off financially living together than apart, and Poe alone earned enough to support them both for the time being.  What concerned him was that he knew Ben didn’t _want_ to be supported, any more than Poe did.  Part of it was probably a matter of ego, but Poe suspected there was more than that to it.

“I want to take care of you,” Ben had said.  Like maybe he thought that was the only way he could show his love for Poe. . . or like maybe he thought Poe wouldn’t stick around otherwise.

 _I’ve got to show him I intend to be with him forever, no matter what,_ Poe thought, staring at the game on Ben’s TV without really seeing it.  _I want him to marry me—and I have to go on and ask him.  Even if it’s not what he wants, and he says no, it’ll prove to him that I want to be with him._

Then there was Poe’s idea, the only way he had thought of to ensure that Ben would get to follow his dream and wouldn’t end up wasting his life just getting by.

 _We have to try to find Luke_.  Proposing to Ben would be a breeze compared to taking on _that_ task, what everyone assumed, and what Han had out-right said, would be impossible.  Poe didn’t even know where to begin, but he had to try; Luke seemed to be Ben’s only hope of ever getting back into the sport he loved.  _If he’ll come back,_ Poe reminded himself.  _If he’ll forgive Ben, or himself, or whoever made him want to disappear, and if he’ll agree to help Ben._   That was a lot of ifs, but Poe tried to put all that out of his mind for the time being.  First he had to think of where and how to start searching for Luke.

And before _that_ , he was going to ask Ben to marry him.

Ben returned soon after Poe reached that decision.  Poe kept his plans to himself, concluding that he didn’t want his marriage proposal to happen in between customers with Ben still flustered over the attire Poe had manipulated him into wearing.  And besides, Poe wanted to do things right and get Ben a ring.  So instead of asking Ben what he really wanted to, Poe had his boyfriend show him how to navigate the video game, and they spent the next several hours playing it, with Poe continuing alone the few times when Ben had to go tell fortunes.

Poe managed to abide by Ben’s “new rule” as well, although he found it more difficult as first the afternoon, then the evening wore on.  He distracted himself by letting B.B. out into the new yard a couple times to judge his reaction to the noise, lights, and smells of the carnival.  The dog seemed a bit nervous at first but soon got used to everything, as Poe had hoped he would.  Poe made dinner for them (even if it only involved heating up frozen food), leading Ben to tease him more about being a housewife.  Between Poe’s secret plan to propose and Ben’s obvious interest in seeing him in a dress, the teasing meant Poe spent most of the evening flustered.

Ben was watching the clock just as closely, and as soon as it was time for the carnival to close at nine, he hurried out front to lock the door.  Poe already had his own shirt off by the time Ben got back, and while seeing Poe already half undressed made Ben blush, it didn’t deter him either.  He wrapped Poe in his arms and kissed him thoroughly.

“ _Now_ we can mess around,” he murmured in between caresses.

“It’s about time,” Poe replied.

\--

To be continued


	21. Chapter 21

Ben was taking off work Thursday night so he and Poe could eat dinner with his mother.  Poe wasn’t supposed to see Ben on Wednesday, the day before, but he drove to the carnival that night anyway just before nine, when it closed up.  He had spent nearly all of the first two days of the week flying, and although it was exhausting, he was also grateful: those clients meant extra money for the purchase he’d made that morning.

As Poe went in the gate at the fairgrounds, he shoved his hand in his pocket to touch the ring.  He had taken it out of its box since the whole thing wouldn’t fit in the pocket, and it was too warm for him to wear a jacket that could conceal the ring’s packaging.  Surprise proposals were hard, he decided.  How did the guys in the movies manage it?  With the ring loose in his pocket, Poe was terrified he was going to lose it before he could give it to Ben, and even more worried that Ben wouldn’t like it when Poe _did_ give it to him.  Poe had spent all morning scouring jewelry stores for a unique ring that he thought looked like something Ben would wear, but he kept second-guessing his decision: a wide, white gold band (because he couldn’t imagine Ben wearing anything _yellow_ ) with a row of tiny black diamonds inset all the way around it.  The metal was burnished on the outside and polished on the inside.  Poe thought it suited Ben perfectly, but what if Ben disagreed?  And what if it didn’t fit?  Poe had no clue how ring sizing worked, and he’d had to estimate the fit using his own hand and guessing how much larger Ben’s fingers were than his.  The sales girl at the jewelry store had been quite amused and touched at how flustered Poe got over the purchase, but that didn’t make him feel any better about it.

_And what if he says no?_ Poe wondered dismally as he rubbed his finger over the row of diamonds.  _I know he wants to be with me, but. . . to be **married**?  With the way his parents’ marriage has gone?  This could be a huge mistake._

As he walked toward Ben’s building, Poe noticed Phasma in her usual spot.  He hadn’t seen or spoken to her since the night he made up with Ben, and he might have stopped to say hello. . . if she hadn’t been talking to Hux.  Apparently, Phasma had forgiven Hux for his role in the fiasco at the fencing competition, or at the least, they were on speaking terms again.  Poe, on the other hand, still harbored some resentment despite the kind way Hux had treated B.B., especially after Hux’s cavalier comment on his and Ben’s relationship.

Poe was passing the two blonds by when Phasma noticed him and lifted a hand in greeting, the marquee lights from the building flashing off her chrome nail polish.  Poe waved back as Hux looked over his shoulder to see who Phasma was signaling to.  He gave Poe a nod even though his pale eyes narrowed simultaneously.  For the first time, Poe wondered if Hux were jealous that Phasma paid attention to him, but that was getting way too weird for Poe to think about at the moment.  Whatever Hux and Phasma’s relationship was, Poe decided he wanted nothing to do with it.

Poe reached Ben’s building but paused outside when he heard Ben’s deep voice coming from within the purple curtains.  Apparently, he had a client.  Although Poe was glad of that for Ben’s sake, especially on a slow weekday night, he also scowled at having to wait to see his boyfriend.  Still, it wouldn’t do for him to barge in on someone else’s reading.  He leaned against the building next to the open doorway to wait. . . and, even though he knew he shouldn’t, eavesdrop.

“That’s ridiculous,” he heard a woman’s voice replying to whatever it was Ben had said.  Her tone was imperious, heightened by the scratchy quality to her voice.

“I can only tell you what I see,” Ben told her.  He sounded calm, almost detached, much as he had when he first read Poe’s fortune the night they met.

“You’re a fraud or a liar,” the female voice spat.  Poe glared at the assault on his boyfriend’s integrity (forgetting that he himself had once thought the same thing).

“Eve. . . .”  That was another male voice, as deep as Ben’s but with a different timbre to it.

“Quiet!” the woman—Eve?—snapped.  Then she went on, apparently to Ben, “I’m not paying you for this kind of shit.”

“Then get out.”  Poe was surprised at the lack of anger in Ben’s voice—although Poe thought he was probably angry enough for the both of them.  It took most of his self-control not to at least say something to the couple who emerged from the building a second later.  The woman was thin and angular with copper-colored hair cut in a bob close to her head.  The only thing really attractive about her were her eyes; they were large and hazel and probably could be quite expressive.  Now, however, they were only expressing anger that bordered on outrage.  As she stalked by, the man who had spoken followed her.  He was taller than she was but just as skinny, his face so hollow it was nearly skeletal.  His white-blond hair was short and thin.  They didn’t even notice Poe, pressed against the wall.  He was still looking after them when he heard Ben’s voice again from within the building.

“Get in here, Poe.”

Poe started and flushed slightly, even as he grinned.  He ducked in through the curtains and found Ben waiting for him, leaning in front of the table in the center of the room.

“I guess I should have known better than to try to sneak up on you,” Poe admitted it.

“I could feel you out there.”  Ben caught Poe in his arms as soon as the smaller man was close enough, and he pulled Poe tightly against him.  “Everything about you feels so _good_ , even your psyche. . . .”  Ben lowered his head to press his mouth to Poe’s and thrust his tongue hard between his lips.  Poe made a startled noise that faded into a moan as he kissed Ben back.

“What’s gotten into _you_?” he teased when Ben finally let him catch his breath.

“I missed you.  I haven’t seen you since Monday morning.”  Ben had his head turned so he could kiss Poe’s neck; Poe tilted his head back and bit off another whimper when he felt Ben’s teeth scrape against his skin.

“And I didn’t expect to see you until tomorrow night,” Ben went on.  “I was about to lock up and go to bed all alone.”  His mouth shifted to Poe’s collarbone and bit it lightly.

“A-ah, that. . . that must have been some fortune you gave those two who just left,” Poe gasped.

“Well. . . that’s just it.”  Ben sighed, his breath tickling Poe’s skin, before kissing the spot he had just bitten.  “It was. . . kind of horrible.”  


“What?  Their fortune?”

Ben’s mouth twisted in an uncomfortable expression.  “No. . . _them._   Her, really.  She was. . . well, I’ll put it this way.  I didn’t read her very thoroughly, but I think she was a—I guess you’d call it a sadist.”

“Um. . . like, er, an S&M kind of thing?”

“N-no, not exactly.”  Ben shook his head.  “I mean, like, an _actual_ sadist.  Not as a, um, dominatrix or bondage thing, but. . . she likes to hurt people for _real_.  Reading her was. . . it was really dark, Poe.”

“I’m sorry, baby.”  Poe was a little uncomfortable hearing about it, but he wanted to make Ben feel better.  Even more than that, he wanted Ben to be able to talk to him about _anything_ , since not talking about feelings was what had nearly broken them up before.  He reached up to put his hands on the back of Ben’s head and gently push it forward until their foreheads rested together.  “What was her fortune?  Is she going to. . . to hurt somebody bad?  Or kill them?”

“No, at least I didn’t see anything like that.”  Ben draped his long arms over Poe’s shoulders as they leaned their heads against one another.  “But. . . that man with her.  He works for her, I think.  I don’t know why they were here together; I didn’t get into that.  But anyway, he’s. . . he’s in love with her.”

“Damn,” Poe blurted out.  “Poor guy.  Is that what you told them?”

“No.  I try not to give away people’s secrets.  I just told her that someone would love her. . . someone who needed her.  And that she needed him.”  Ben’s voice took on a wry tone.  “She didn’t like that much.”

“Was it true?  That she needed him, I mean?”

Ben was quiet a moment before he answered.  “Yes.  I think so.  She could love him if. . . if she let herself.  If she let herself do something healthy for a change.  I. . . don’t know that that’s going to happen though.  I’m glad she walked out before I got any farther with them, because it. . . it was starting to hurt.”  Poe felt him give a little shudder.  “Ugh.  She probably would get off on hearing that.”

“Ew.”  Poe leaned up on his toes to kiss Ben, softly this time.  “Well, if anyone hurts you, they’ll have to answer to me.  Okay?”

“Yeah.”  Ben smiled down at him when Poe dropped his heels back to the ground; then he hugged the smaller man against him with Poe’s head on his chest.  “That’s why I was so glad to see you.  Because I realized how lucky I am to have you.”

“No luckier than I am to have _you_.”  Poe had almost forgotten the reason for his visit, but now his nervousness washed back over him, and he hoped Ben wouldn’t pick up on it.  “Do you want to go for a walk before you go to bed?  I really wanted to see you, and I thought we could go down to the beach for a little while.”

“Okay.”  Ben kissed his forehead then let him go.  Poe smirked at him as Ben pulled off his robe.

“Back to wearing clothes under there, I see.”

“Of course.  Pervert.”  As Poe followed him back outside, he added, “If I had known you were coming over, I might not have.”

“Oh, and _I’m_ the pervert?” Poe laughed.  Ben smirked at him while he locked his door, then to Poe’s delight, grabbed his hand.  They walked hand-in-hand toward the gate, and Poe was so distracted, he hardly noticed when Hux called after them as they passed him.

“Kylo.”

Ben stopped, and Poe heard a low groan from him.  For a second, Poe didn’t even realize Hux was talking to Ben; he wasn’t used to hearing his boyfriend’s fake name anymore.

“What.”  Ben looked over at Hux and Phasma without moving closer to them.  Phasma was looking at Hux too as she leaned against the side of the theater building, apparently as surprised as Poe was.  Hux jerked his head back, gesturing them over.

“Let’s see what he wants,” Ben muttered to Poe then tugged him over to face the other two.  “ _What_ , Hux?”

“I heard you quit fencing,” the strawberry-blond man said.  His light eyes flicked over Poe then hovered on Ben’s face.

“I left the school,” Ben replied.  “I haven’t _quit_.”

“Was it because of me?”  Hux’s voice was flat, not antagonistic, but then he never really _looked_ antagonistic either.  His tone was as expressionless as his face.

Ben snapped, “Don’t flatter yourself that I’d run away just because I lost to you.”

“That wasn’t what I meant.”  Oddly enough, Poe got the feeling Hux was being honest. . . and apparently, so did Ben, maybe from whatever emotions he could read from the other man.  His hand had tightened over Poe’s, but now he relaxed his grip a little and studied Hux.

“Well?” Ben challenged when Hux didn’t go on.  “What _did_ you mean?”

Hux’s eyes shifted away from Ben as he admitted what was probably hard for him to say.  “You’re good.  Better than me.  It’s a big loss to the school that you’re gone, and. . . I don’t want to be responsible.”

“Don’t worry about _that_ ,” Ben told him with a tinge of disgust in his deep voice.  “I quit because of Snoke—not because of _you_.  And what are you complaining about?  That was what you wanted, right?  To be the best fencer there?  Now that I’m out of your way, you’re it.  Enjoy _you_ being his pet project and letting him manipulate _your_ emotions for a change—if you’ve got any.”

He was starting to sound angry again, which made Poe a little nervous.  “Baby—” he began, but then Ben glanced down at him. . . and smiled.

“I’m okay, angel,” he murmured.  From her spot against the wall, Phasma abruptly groaned.

“You call him ‘ _angel_ ’?  You two are nauseating.”  She reminded Poe so much of Rey’s opinion of them, he couldn’t help snickering.  “Get out of here before you make me puke.  And Hux, lay off.”

Hux looked over his shoulder to glare at her.  “Don’t tell me what to do, Phasma.”

“Oh really?”  The smirk on her silver lips widened.  “You really wanna go _there_?”

Poe decided she had given them a good suggestion, just in case Hux _didn’t_ want to lay off.  “Come on,” he urged Ben, tugging on his hand.  “ _Baby,_ ” he added with a smug look at Phasma.  She rolled her eyes, still smirking and apparently not caring that Hux was continuing to glare at her with a mixture of embarrassment and anger.

As he and Ben finally got out of the fairgrounds and started across the parking lot, Poe murmured, “I think. . . maybe he was trying to apologize.  Besides trying to abdicate responsibility.”

“Maybe so,” Ben admitted.  “But I’m not ready to forgive him.”  He paused then added in a softer voice, “Mostly because I got so mad at _him_ , I fought with _you_.”

“Let’s not talk about it.”  Poe squeezed his hand, not wanting Hux to spoil Ben’s mood for what Poe had planned. . . although the thought of what he had planned made Poe nervous all over again.

It was far warmer now than it had been the night they first sat on the beach together.  They sat on the rocks again, where Ben put his arm around Poe’s waist, and they leaned against each other, watching the water.  That was rougher, too, not the still, glass-like surface Poe had seen that first night.

“I’m glad you came over tonight,” Ben murmured.  “I know I’ll see you tomorrow, but. . . I really missed you anyway.”

“Yeah.  I missed you too.”  Poe rested his cheek on Ben’s shoulder.  His heart felt like the ocean—okay, so that was the corniest of corny metaphors, but it _did_ , the way the ocean looked now: rough, choppy, with whitecaps breaking out intermittently on the dark surface.

“Is something wrong?”  Ben’s voice startled him.  “You’re nervous.”

“So you really _aren’t_ afraid of reading me anymore,” Poe teased him, even though he sort of wished Ben hadn’t chosen that particular night to do it.

“You didn’t answer my question.”  Ben looked down at him sideways, as best he could without dislodging Poe from his shoulder.

“Okay, yeah, I’m a little nervous.  About seeing your mom tomorrow.  I want her to like me.”

“She already likes you.”  Ben did dislodge Poe then so he could turn to face the smaller man.  “And you’re a terrible liar.  What is it, _really_?”

Poe stared up at him, suddenly terrified.  His hands felt frigid, like his blood wasn’t reaching his fingertips despite how hard his heart was pumping.  Ben looked back down at him, his face very white and hair and eyes very black in the artificial light that reached them from the parking lot some distance away.  The breeze coming up from the ocean stirred his hair and blew strands of it across his forehead.

“ _Poe_.”  Ben’s expression grew increasingly agitated.  “What _is_ it?  You look scared to death.”

“I’m okay, really,” Poe managed to say.  He put his arms around Ben’s chest and hugged him hard; after a second, he felt Ben embrace him.

“Poe, sweetheart, what’s the matter?” Ben whispered.  “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

Poe suddenly felt very silly, and a little bad for worrying Ben all because he was nervous.  He laughed, rather weakly, and mumbled against Ben’s neck, “I want you to marry me.  That’s what’s the matter.”  It certainly wasn’t how he had imagined proposing—not that he had wanted to do the whole kneel-down-and-present-the-ring thing, but still.  Ben didn’t react in any of the ways Poe had imagined either, and he had imagined everything from rejection to acceptance to “maybe, someday.”

Instead, Ben nearly clawed him in the back in an abrupt, frantic effort to grab Poe by the shoulders and draw back enough to look him in the face at the same time.  Ben was trembling, and he gave Poe a little shake too for good measure.

“You—mean it?”

“ _Yes_.”  Poe hazarded a smile, hoping Ben’s fumbling was a positive sign.  “Will you marry me?”

Ben nodded mutely.  He stared at Poe a second then mumbled, “Is. . . is that why you came to see me tonight?”

“Yeah.  I. . . I got you a ring,” Poe stammered.  He found it in his pocket and grasped Ben’s left hand.  It was a little difficult to get the ring on him, since Ben’s hand was shaking and Poe’s still felt bloodless, but he finally managed to slide it onto Ben’s long fourth finger.  Poe was relieved to see it fit.

“I, uh, didn’t know what size to get or anything without asking you, so I tried to see how much bigger your fingers were than mine, and then guess, so—”

“Poe,” Ben interrupted.  Poe raised his eyes from where he was looking at the ring on Ben’s hand, held in his own.  Ben was smiling at him.

“You talk too much when you’re nervous.”  He looked down at the ring too.  “It’s beautiful, Poe.”

“I wanted something that looked like. . . well, _you_.”  Poe ran his thumb along the backs of Ben’s fingers, just above the ring.  “It’s hard to tell in this light, but it’s white gold—yellow would have been too. . . colorful.”

“It’s perfect.”  Ben brought his free hand up to touch the side of Poe’s face then leaned down to kiss him.  It was a long kiss, and as he finally drew back, Ben murmured, “I. . . I have one for you too.”

Poe didn’t know what he was talking about until Ben reached into his own pocket and produced a ring.  Poe stared at him.

“But—I thought you didn’t know I was coming over tonight.”

“I didn’t.”  Ben looked at the ring resting in his palm, then back at Poe.  Poe couldn’t be sure in the dim light, but he had a feeling Ben was blushing.  “I. . . I’ve carried it with me every day for—well, a long time.  I wanted to—to ask you but. . . I couldn’t—I didn’t know if it was something you wanted.  You never said anything about it.”

“Neither did you,” Poe countered.  He was able to smile again without any effort; in fact, he felt like he couldn’t _stop_ smiling.  He held out his own left hand so Ben could put the ring on him.  It looked nothing like the one he had gotten for Ben: the band was thinner, and as far as Poe could tell in the poor lighting, it was yellow gold.  Yet Poe couldn’t imagine anything that would have suited him better.  The band had a raised design that looked sort of like leaves, and a small, round stone was set in it.

“It’s a garnet,” Ben mumbled.  “You can’t tell out here, but it’s dark red.  Like that shirt you have. . . the one that makes your eyes look so beautiful.”

“It’s perfect too, Ben.”  Poe was still reeling from Ben’s admission that he had had the ring so long. . . that all the while Poe was worrying about marriage, Ben had been waiting for the right time to ask _him_.

“We can get matching, um, wedding bands,” Ben suggested shyly, “but I kind of like these ones looking so different from each other.  Like us.”

“Yeah.”  Poe slid his arms around Ben again and leaned into his chest.  Ben held him, a hand drifting up to stroke Poe’s hair.  “Hey,” Poe said after a minute, “now that I think about it, you _did_ tell me one time you wanted to get married.  That night you got drunk.”

“I. . . I did?  I said that?”

“Yeah.”  Poe grinned as he looked out at the ocean.  “That was why you wanted to go to Disneyland, for our honeymoon.”

“Oh God,” Ben groaned.  He laughed and hugged Poe tighter.  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t know if you meant it,” Poe murmured against Ben’s neck.  “And I was afraid that if I told you, you’d say you _didn’t_ mean it.”

“I did mean it,” Ben promised.  “Even if I don’t remember saying it.  . . . I think we should reconsider the honeymoon destination though, to somewhere more romantic.”

“But you _said_ ,” Poe informed him, “you wanted to go to the castle.  Because I’m your princess.”

Ben laughed, “Don’t ever let me get drunk again.”  He bent his head to nuzzle Poe’s ear and whisper, “Even if it’s true.  Princess.”

Poe shivered at the feel of Ben’s breath on the outside of his ear.  “I. . . kind of like you calling me that.”

“Hmm.  Really?”  Ben’s tongue flicked over his earlobe, and Poe jumped.

“Y-yeah.  I think I could get used to you spoiling me.”

“Hmm,” Ben hummed again.  “Good to know.  I think I’ll stick to calling you angel in public, though.”  He shifted his head to kiss Poe’s lips.  “Or. . . my fiancé.”

Poe grinned.  “I like that too.”

\--

To be continued


	22. Chapter 22

Ben kissed Poe’s lips again, then pushed his tongue between them.  Poe heard himself make a little whimpering noise as he opened his mouth and let Ben kiss him deeply.  The larger man tightened his arms around Poe and pulled him almost into his lap; Poe reciprocated by folding his own arms around Ben’s shoulders and kissing him harder.  He felt one of Ben’s hands drop to his thigh and grope it before Ben broke the kiss and drew back a little, panting.  He smirked when Poe whined at him for stopping.

“Maybe we’d better go back inside,” Ben murmured.  “Sometimes the cops patrol the beach at night, and I really wouldn’t want to get caught doing _this_.”

“I guess not,” Poe admitted, a little embarrassed to realize they were out there making out like teenagers.  Ben stood and pulled Poe up with him, although he stopped to kiss Poe again when they were both standing.

“Inside,” Poe reminded him.  As they finally started walking back to the fairgrounds, Poe hoped—possibly for the first time—that Hux and Phasma were still around: he wanted to enjoy their reactions to the engagement.  But just as the two were usually there when Poe didn’t want them, they were gone when he did.  Ben seemed to be in a hurry anyway, hardly stopping long enough to lock up the fairground gates behind them before pulling Poe along to what would soon be home to them both.

As soon as he had locked them in, Ben pushed Poe up against the door and started kissing his neck.  “Mmh. . . can you spend the night?”

“Y-yes,” Poe gasped, tilting his head back.  “I—I have to get up early tomorrow to work but. . . but wow, it’ll be worth it.”  Ben was already unbuttoning Poe’s shirt, pausing between buttons to bend down and nuzzle his chest.  Apparently, being proposed to had done wonders for Ben’s self-confidence.

Ben straightened up and pushed Poe’s shirt off his shoulders.  “God, you’re so beautiful,” he murmured as he kissed one shoulder.  “I want to take every item of clothing off of your gorgeous little body. . . except for this.”  He grasped Poe’s left hand and brought it to his lips to kiss the finger wearing his ring.

“Likewise,” Poe murmured.  He managed to get himself away from the door and tugged on Ben’s hand to coax him deeper into the apartment.  “Not in front of the crystal ball, though.  I always feel like. . . _something’s_ watching me through that thing.”

Ben laughed as he followed, leaving Poe’s discarded shirt behind.  “It doesn’t work that way.  . . . I don’t think.”

“You’re not very comforting,” Poe told him.  He was about to stop in Ben’s living room, but his boyfriend—his _fiancé_ grabbed his arm and hauled him to the bedroom.

“I want you on the bed.  There’s not enough room on the couch,” Ben whispered to him as he pulled Poe close again and nuzzled his ear.

“Oh God, Ben,” Poe groaned.  He scrabbled at the hem of Ben’s shirt and pulled it up so he could run his hands over the larger man’s pale chest.  Ben stripped off his shirt, leaving his hair rumpled until Poe reached up to smooth it down with his fingers.

“I love your hair,” he told Ben as he stroked it.  “And your eyes, and your mouth, and everything else about you.”  He leaned up on his toes to kiss Ben’s lips.  “If I’d known getting engaged would turn you on so much, we’d have done it a lot sooner,” Poe teased.

“It’s because now you’re mine,” Ben explained in between kisses.  “You’re really mine.” 

“And you’re mine.”  Poe pressed his mouth to Ben’s collarbone.  “I’m never letting you go, _never_.”

\--

Poe woke up early the next morning, even before the alarm he had set on his phone.  Ben was still asleep, curled around Poe’s smaller body with his arm over his waist.  After a moment of careful wriggling, Poe managed to extract himself, turn off his alarm, and get to the shower without waking his new fiancé. . . but Ben was in the kitchen making coffee anyway by the time Poe returned from the bathroom.

“I tried not to wake you up,” Poe told him as he wrapped his arms around Ben’s waist from behind and leaned against his back.  “You could have stayed in bed, since _you_ don’t have to fly a plane at eight a.m.”

“Princesses don’t make their own coffee,” was Ben’s reply.  He turned around to pull Poe into his arms and kiss his forehead.  “But then they probably don’t eat Pop-Tarts for breakfast either, and that’s all I’ve got.  I need to go shopping.”

After breakfast, Poe kissed Ben goodbye in his living room, since Poe could now let himself out of the gate.  “Are you gonna pick me up this afternoon to go meet your mom?” Poe asked.

“Yeah.”  Ben grasped Poe’s hand and ran his thumb over the ring there.  “I guess when we tell her we’re moving in together, we’ll tell her about this, too.”

“Yeah.”  Poe smiled as he looked down at his hand in Ben’s.  Now, in the better light, he could see the deep red color of his ring’s garnet stone, which stood out against the gold of the band.  It really was as perfect for Poe as Ben’s ring was for him.  “You think she’ll be happy?”

“I don’t know,” Ben murmured, “but probably.  I told you, she likes you, and. . . I guess I know she wants _me_ to be happy.”  He slipped his arms around Poe again and laid his cheek on the shorter man’s hair.  “And nothing will make me happier than marrying you.”

\--

They met Ben’s mother that evening at a somewhat pricy restaurant in the city where she lived.  It stood on the bank of a wide, slow river, with an outside deck stretching out over the water.

“This is one of Mom’s favorite places to eat,” Ben told Poe as they waited for Leia in the lobby, hand in hand.  “It’s been here a long time—when she was growing up, her father took her here a lot.”

“Your grandfather?” Poe asked, tentatively.  He hardly knew anything about Ben’s allegedly criminal grandfather, but Poe hadn’t imagined him to be the type of guy to hang out in nice restaurants.

“Oh—no, I mean, her adopted father,” Ben explained.  He glanced down at Poe then looked away.  “My grandfather disappeared before my mom and uncle were born.  My grandmother died right after she had them, so they were adopted by different couples.  They didn’t even know about each other or meet their real father until they were grown up.”

“Oh.”  The more Poe learned about Ben’s family situation, the weirder it got.  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No, it’s okay,” Ben assured him.  He let go of Poe’s hand to put an arm around him instead, holding Poe against his side.  “I guess I should tell you all about what kind of crazy family you’re marrying into.  You might change your mind.”

“You’re not getting rid of me that easy,” Poe declared.  He started to lean up to kiss Ben but drew back when Leia came in the restaurant.  He felt Ben’s body tense beside him, although she smiled at them.

“Hi, Mom,” Ben mumbled as he let go of Poe to hug her.  Seeing the difference in their heights made Poe smile too; at least he wasn’t the only short person in Ben’s life.  As Leia stepped back, she grasped Ben’s left hand and held it up to examine his ring.

“What’s this?  You two didn’t get married without telling me, did you?”  The look she gave them both made Poe very glad they _hadn’t_ eloped.

“Of course not.”  Ben snatched his hand back, blushing.  “Just. . . just engaged.”

“Last night,” Poe added, in case Leia intended to complain about not being told that either.

“Good,” Leia said.  Her emphatic tone told Poe she really was pleased, which surprised him a little.  Leia went on, “Come tell me about it,” as she started for the hostess’s station.

Once they were seated on the deck and had ordered, Poe was the one who told Leia a little bit about his proposal, since Ben seemed too embarrassed.  He wouldn’t look directly at his mother and instead stared into the glass of water their server had poured for him.  Poe left out his own nervousness—and, of course, what they’d done afterward—but he did bring up how Ben had been carrying around a ring for him too.

“We keep saying we need to tell each other things,” Poe pointed out with a smirk at his fiancé, “but we just keep on surprising each other.”  Ben finally raised his head from his glass and gave Poe a look so loving, Poe’s heartbeat sped up a little.

“Get used to it,” sniffed Leia.  “Ben’s father _still_ surprises me, usually in ways that aren’t quite so pleasant.”  She took a drink from her own water glass, then asked, “You haven’t told him about getting married, have you?”

“Hell no,” Ben muttered.  “We were hoping you would do it.”

Leia gave him another one of those looks that made Poe hope he never ended up on her bad side.  “Ben, when you left home, you said something about us still not treating you like an adult.  Well, part of being an adult is not relying on _me_ to be the go-between for you and your father.”

Ben glowered at her, but Poe sighed, “She has a point, Ben.”

“I didn’t hear _you_ jumping at the chance to tell him that we’re getting married either,” Ben retorted.  “Or that we’re—”  Poe tried not to smile when Ben broke off in embarrassment, but he couldn’t help it.

“Or that you’re _what_?” Leia asked.

“Well?” Poe prompted.  Ben looked at the two, much smaller people who were bossing him around and sighed.

“We’re moving in together.  This weekend, in fact.”

Leia raised an eyebrow.  “Okay.  Is there anything _else_ you haven’t told me?  I’m not getting grandchildren too, am I?”

“ _Mom_.”  Ben slumped down in his chair like he would rather be hiding under the table.

“Just a grand-dog,” Poe piped up.  “His name’s B.B.”

“All right, in that case, I think I can cope.”  Leia smiled at Poe, then at her son as well.  “Ben, you _will_ tell Han, won’t you?”

“Yeah, I’ll tell him,” Ben muttered.  Poe bit his lip, feeling a little bad now that they had embarrassed Ben so much, and reached for his fiancé’s hand under the table.  To his relief, Ben wrapped his fingers around Poe’s and glanced at him sideways with that same loving expression.

Later, as they ate, Ben relaxed some, and he and Poe both told Leia about what else had been going on in their lives.  In spite of her harping about Han, Poe noticed her fond expression as they took turns relating their experience with him at Rey’s junkyard.  She was also intrigued by Ben’s blissful tale of his first hot air balloon ride.

“I’ve never experienced anything like it, Mom,” he breathed, laying his fork down as he talked.  “I can’t. . . I can’t even describe it.  It was just— _perfect_.  And when we were up there, Poe and I—we. . . .”  He trailed off, gazing at Poe who gazed back adoringly until Leia spoke.

“Do I _want_ to know what you and Poe did?”  That time, it took everything Poe had for him not to groan “ _Mom!_ ” right along with Ben.

“You’re—you’re worse than Dad!” Ben complained.  “There _was_ a pilot up there with us too, you know.  What I mean is, we—it wasn’t just that I could feel what Poe was feeling, or—or read his mind.  It was like when. . . when I was around Uncle Luke.  We could feel _each other_.”  Ben took a deep breath and finally met Leia’s eyes again.  “Mom, Poe knew what I was thinking.  But he _isn’t_ psychic.  He doesn’t have what Luke and I have, or even what you have.”

Leia was quiet for a long moment, making Poe a little apprehensive as he wondered what she was thinking.  Then she put her silverware down too and said, “Sometimes that happens.  Your grandfather, he—he loved your grandmother very much.  _Too_ much, maybe.”

“Too much?” Ben interrupted.  “How is _that_ possible?”  He echoed what Poe was thinking, although Ben seemed more frustrated with the idea than apprehensive, the way Poe felt.

“Maybe just ‘too much’ isn’t the right way to put it,” Leia clarified.  “Maybe it was too much in the wrong way—too jealously, to the point where he was so scared of losing her, he grew paranoid and suspicious that everything and everyone was conspiring to separate them.  But that isn’t what I’m trying to tell you,” she went on with a stern glance at her son.  “Luke’s mentor—the man we named you for, Ben—knew your grandfather very well, and once he told us that sometimes, he and your grandmother felt what you and Poe felt.  That even though she didn’t have his psychic abilities, sometimes they knew what each other was thinking.  Sometimes they could share their feelings without words.”

Ben’s expression had softened from frustration to a kind of quiet joy.  Poe guessed it came from hearing that he had something else, something _good_ , in common with his grandfather.  _But it’s also because this is something special he and I share,_ Poe realized.  Yet Poe’s earlier apprehension still haunted him.  This time, Ben hadn’t sensed it, but Leia _had_ , and she looked at him.

“Poe?” she prompted gently.

“Do—you don’t think we’re just like them, do you?” Poe blurted out.  A moment ago, he couldn’t have imagined baring his innermost thoughts to Ben’s mother, but he suddenly understood how much his and Ben’s happiness meant to her, even if Ben didn’t quite realize it yet.

“What?”  Ben blinked at him.

“You mean, do I think you love each other too much?”  At Leia’s words, Ben looked at her sharply, but Poe nodded.  Leia smiled at him, a tender smile that showed more in her dark eyes than on her lips.  “No, I don’t think so.  Ben’s a lot like his grandfather in some ways, and a year ago, I might have said that worried me.  But Ben. . . .”  Leia leaned across the table and covered her son’s hand with her own.  “I don’t think your grandfather ever grew up until it was too late, after he lost all the people he cared for.  And even after that, he still let his anger control him for the rest of his life, almost until the very end.  I wasn’t there when he died, but Luke was—and Luke always said that he, our father. . . .”  She paused and blinked rapidly, then continued, “Our father finally let that anger go and learned how to love _selflessly_.  Ben, you’re already doing that.  Things could have turned out very differently for all of us, but what you’ve found with Poe. . . you found it in time.”

Ben closed his fingers over his mother’s much smaller hand, but he spoke to Poe.  “I. . . I _was_ scared of losing you, at first.  But I’m not anymore, because I realized the only way I _could_ lose you would be through my own doing.  And that’s one way I’m not going to be like him—I’m not going to leave you, _never_.  Especially not when you need me the most.”

“I know, Ben.”  Poe grasped his other hand, under the table.  “And _I_ won’t leave _you_.  I promise.”

Leia let go of Ben’s hand and sat back in her chair when their server approached, unaware of their intense conversation, to ask if they wanted dessert.  Despite all her talk of Ben growing up, Leia insisted he order something for him and Poe.  They ended up with another chocolate tart, and Poe filed away for future reference the fact that Ben really, _really_ liked chocolate.  As they ate it, Leia returned to the subject of the balloon ride, this time without such an emotional focus.

“You know, we actually used to know a balloon pilot—he was a friend of Luke’s,” she mused.  “Ben, if you had told us you wanted to ride in a balloon, I’m sure he would have been glad to take you up years ago.”

“I didn’t exactly know myself,” Ben replied with another little smile at Poe.  “Poe’s the one who brought it up.  He took me up in his plane, not too long after we met, and I was telling him how being up in the clouds reminded me of a story I’d read.  And his friend Wedge has a balloon, so Poe said—”  Ben stopped short, and his gaze jerked from Poe’s face to his mother’s.  Much as he had sensed Rey’s surprise when she realized Han was his father, Ben had picked up on something from Leia.

Her wide brown eyes were focused on Poe, however.  “Poe, it was Wedge’s balloon?”

“Yeah,” Poe murmured.  “Do you know—oh.”  He paused.  “ _Oh_.  Yeah.  I. . . I guess he’s about the right age.  That’s weird.”

“But I’d never seen him before in my life,” Ben frowned.

“I don’t think you ever met him,” Leia pointed out.  She had regained most of her composure save for a bemused little smile.  “If you did, it was when you were very young, so he wouldn’t have recognized you now.  And I don’t think he and Luke saw each other much anymore.  _I_ hadn’t seen him in years, even before Luke—left.”  She said this last part quickly.  Ben’s frown deepened, and Poe saw him make a conscious effort to force it away.

“Now that I think about it, we never told Wedge my last name,” Ben finally shrugged.  “There’s no way he would have guessed who I was.”  He looked at Poe.  “You’re right, though.  It’s weird.”

“Yeah,” Poe muttered half-consciously; his mind was already elsewhere.  _Maybe he didn’t see Luke much anymore. . . but there’s still a chance Wedge knows where he went.  Or that he at least has some idea no one else has thought of yet._   He flicked his eyes up to Ben’s after a second; his fiancé was still watching him with a curious expression, one that clearly said, “I know you’re up to something.”  Poe averted his eyes, looking instead at the scattering of crumbs left on their now empty dessert plate, but he smiled nonetheless.  _He doesn’t even **have** to read my mind,_ he thought.  _He knows me that well._

Leia asked Poe a couple further questions about how Wedge was doing; then she let the coincidence drop.  She paid for their dinner, much to Poe’s delight despite his token protests, and the three sat overlooking the river for a few moments before they left.  Night had fallen completely by then, but streetlamps illuminated a walking path on the opposite bank, and their light reflected in the rippling water.  It made for a lovely view; still, Poe decided he preferred what he was coming to think of as his and Ben’s beach.

“Have you chosen a date for the wedding?” Leia asked.  The question startled both men, and they looked at each other rather shyly.

“Um, no,” Ben finally murmured.  “We haven’t talked about the. . . the wedding at all.”

“Well, once you _did_ tell me you wanted flowers,” Poe said.

“When did— _oh_.”  Ben’s cheeks reddened.  “Uh, well, other than _that_ , we haven’t talked about it,” he mumbled.  “I don’t even know who would come.”

Poe had a sudden vision of trying to wrangle Ben’s parents, Hux and Phasma, and Rey and Finn into all getting along long enough for a wedding ceremony, and he stifled a groan.  _Throw Chewie into the mix, and somebody will probably end up in jail before it’s all over_ , Poe thought.

“We’ll work on it,” he promised Leia aloud.  “And no eloping, I swear.”

“Even though I’m tempted,” Ben grumbled, making Poe suspect he had had similar thoughts to Poe’s own.

“I hope not.”  Leia was smiling again, but her expression was also a bit wistful as she sighed, “I’d like us to be together when it happens.”  Poe didn’t need any psychic abilities at all to know that her “us” included Luke.

As she bade them goodbye in the parking lot, Leia embraced Poe as well as Ben.  He was surprised but pleased, though he felt a little shy as he returned the hug.

“I almost forgot,” Ben said, “we’re supposed to put in a good word for Dad.”

“I see.”  Leia shook her head with a wry twist of her mouth.  “I’m sure I’ll hear from him soon. . . or as soon as you talk to him, that is.”

“I get it, Mom,” muttered Ben.  “We’ll tell him.”

\--

To be continued


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so short and jumpy! The next one will be better~

Poe thought Ben would bring up Wedge on their drive home, but he didn’t.  Instead, Ben murmured, “I didn’t know that about my grandparents. . . that they had a psychic connection.”

“It’s nice.”  Poe glanced over at Ben, who was driving, then reached out to squeeze his arm.  Ben let go of the steering wheel with his right hand and captured Poe’s in it.  “Maybe we can practice. . . make it stronger.  I’d like to be able to feel you, the way you can feel me.”

Ben chuckled as he lifted Poe’s hand to his lips and kissed it.  “I’ll warn you, it can be very distracting.  But I _have_ wondered. . . .”  He trailed off, and in the headlights of a passing car, Poe noticed his blush.

“Yeah?” Poe grinned, nudging Ben with his elbow.  “You’ve wondered what?”

“Um. . . what it would be like to do it while we’re—having sex.”

Poe’s grin grew a little wider.  “In that case, we really _will_ have to practice, because that’s something I’d like to find out.”

Ben kissed his hand again then let it go to hold the steering wheel.  “Then we will.”

Poe spent half of the ride home plotting all the ways he wanted to “practice” with Ben that very night. . . and the other half dozing.  In fact, Ben had to nudge him awake when they reached his apartment.

“Hmm?”  Poe yawned.  “Oh. . . do you want to spend the night?  Since I guess it’s the last time you’ll sleep here.”

Ben smiled at him.  “All right.”  He leaned over to kiss Poe’s forehead before they got out of the car and went in, holding hands.  “I’ll come back Saturday to help you move.”

Poe yawned again.  “Thanks, baby.  Finn and Rey are gonna help too, so it shouldn’t take long—”  He broke off to greet B.B., who ran to greet them as soon as they entered the apartment.  “Hey, buddy.  Guess I’d better take you out.”

“I’ll do it,” Ben chuckled.  “You go get in bed.”

“Yes _sir_ ,” Poe smirked.

“And not for _that_.  You look exhausted.”  Ben laughed outright at the look Poe gave him.  “I mean it.  I went back to bed after you left this morning, but you’ve been up a long time, and you were flying all day.  _And_ ,” he added, with a kiss to the sulking Poe’s hair, “we didn’t get much sleep last night.”

“But—”  Poe interrupted himself with a third yawn.  “Oh, all _right_.”

While Ben walked B.B., Poe brushed his teeth and, somewhat reluctantly, changed into a t-shirt and shorts before getting into bed.  _I guess I **am** pretty tired,_ he thought as he stretched out and snuggled down under the covers.  In fact, it was hard to stay awake while he waited for Ben and B.B. to come back.  Poe’s thoughts drifted, then eventually settled back on what Leia had told them about Wedge and Ben’s uncle.

_I’ll ask Wedge about Luke next week,_ Poe decided.  _Maybe he knows something. . . maybe he can help us.  Us. . . or me.  Does Ben even want Luke back at all?_   Poe’s drowsy eyes opened again at that thought, because he really didn’t know the answer.  He had already decided his talk with Wedge should wait until after Poe had moved; he didn’t want news of Luke to put Ben in a bad mood for their first days—and nights—of living together.

_I guess I’m still worried about upsetting my precious snowflake,_ Poe groaned to himself, but it was a valid concern.  Everyone else obviously missed and worried about Luke tremendously, but Ben had always become reticent whenever his uncle came up in conversation.  Maybe he _didn’t_ want Luke to come back.  Maybe Ben still wanted to prove that he could succeed on his own, not as part of his uncle’s legacy.

_But he **does** need Luke,_ Poe thought, letting his eyes fall shut again.  _Not just for the fencing, either.  Ben’s always going to feel guilty for driving Luke away, unless they reconcile._   And it wasn’t just Ben whom Poe wanted to make happy, not anymore.  He wanted that wistful look gone from Leia’s eyes, wanted to see Han smile the way he was smiling in the old photo of him with his friends and his car.  As crazy as Ben’s family were, Poe wanted _all_ of them to be happy, and all of them to be together when Poe became one of them.

_And I want to meet Luke too.  He’s a part of Ben, and I want to meet him._   It was Poe’s last thought in his losing battle against sleep.

\--

Ben wasn’t surprised to find Poe already asleep by the time he got in with the dog.  B.B. hopped up on the bed and settled at the foot, a spot he’d become accustomed to when Ben was around, while Ben undressed and turned off the lights.

He decided he’d miss Poe’s apartment a little.  After all, it was where they’d spent their first night together, and where they’d first said, “I love you.”  _But,_ Ben thought as he slid into bed next to Poe, careful not to wake him, _he’ll be with me **every** night, now._   He held up his hand and looked at the band on his finger, the row of tiny black diamonds across it, as best he could in the near darkness and wondered how his life possibly could have gone from so terrible to so wonderful.

Or almost wonderful.  Ben let his hand drop and looked at Poe instead.  _I don’t care what he says, I’m going to take care of him.  I’ll find a way to teach, somehow, and make him proud of me. . . ._   As it often did, thinking of fencing made him think of Luke, and Ben sighed in what was nearly a groan.

Poe was planning to talk to Wedge about Luke; Ben just _knew_ it.  Why was everyone always so fascinated by _Luke_?  _My whole life, that’s all I’ve heard. . . how great he is, and why can’t I be more like him,_ Ben thought.  _Now even Poe wants to know more about him.  Why?  Why bother?  He’s not coming back, and we’re not going to find him, not after this long.  But none of them will let him go, and that means they’re not going to forget I’m the one who fucked it all up.  It’s my fault he’s gone, and they know it. **Poe** knows it._

Since he’d met Poe, Ben had been able to put away his doubts for longer and longer spans of time, but sometimes they still resurfaced.  Now, he wondered how much his parents still resented him, how much even Wedge might resent him if Poe explained to him just why Luke had vanished.  Whether Poe might resent him.

_Stop it._   The thought was his own, but it still sounded a lot like Poe.  _He doesn’t resent you.  He loves you, and you know it._ Ben looked over at Poe again, just able to make out his lover’s body in the darkness, and was filled with affection for the sleeping man.

_He wants the best for me. . . and he wants me to be happy,_ Ben realized, and he knew it was true.  _And a lot of times, I think he knows what’s best for me better than I do._   Ben stretched his longer body out alongside Poe’s and draped an arm over him from behind.  As he nestled his cheek against Poe’s soft, wavy hair, he hugged the other man’s back close against his chest.

“Ben. . . ?” Poe mumbled, half-waking.  He felt for Ben’s hand on his stomach and closed his own over it.  “Everything okay?”

“Yeah.”  Ben shifted his head to kiss Poe’s shoulder.  “I love you, angel.”

“Love you too. . . .”  Poe yawned and fell silent as he drifted back to sleep, and Ben smiled against his neck.

\--

Poe saw Wedge the next morning; the older man was leaving the airport just as Poe got there.  When Wedge waved and started walking toward Poe in the parking lot, it was hard for Poe not to start right in on the questions about Luke.  Determined to keep his resolution, Poe held up his left hand instead and grinned.

“Check it out—I’m getting married!”

Wedge chuckled.  “To that boy—Ben, was it?”

“Of course.”  Poe made a face at him.

“Up until recently I never would have believed it, but now, I can’t say that I’m surprised,” Wedge told him.  “I’ve taken a lot of couples up in that balloon, but not many of them look at each other the way you two did.”

“Thank you again for taking us,” Poe said.  His voice softened as he thought about just how special that day had been.  “It really meant a lot to me.”

Wedge smiled at him.  “I was happy to do it, Poe.  And hey, I don’t know how big of a wedding you two are planning, but if you happen to want a balloon involved, I’m your guy.”

“I don’t know about a balloon _in_ the wedding,” Poe laughed, “but maybe another ride sometime after.  Ben really enjoyed it.”

“Okay, you just let me know.  Consider it a wedding present.”  Wedge clapped Poe on the shoulder and started for his truck.  “Congratulations!”

“Thanks!” Poe called after him.  He bit his lip, thinking of the later conversation he wanted to have, as he watched Wedge get in his truck.

\--

Although Poe didn’t see Ben again that day, he didn’t mind too much—Fridays were Ben’s busiest work days, and Poe had things to do, anyway.  He spent the evening packing for his move and, to Finn’s amazement, cleaning.

“I’m not going to skip out on you and leave a dirty room behind,” Poe insisted when Finn teased him about it.  “At least not since Rey’ll be getting my room.  Now, if it was just gonna be you here, I might not care.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Finn laughed, punching him on the shoulder.  “I gotta admit, I never expected this Kylo thing to work out this good, especially for me.  You’ve cleaned more since you met that guy than the whole rest of the time we’ve lived here.”

“Yeah, well.  He’s been good for me.”  Poe flipped through a stack of the junk mail Ben was always bugging him about, then chucked it into a trash bag.  He glanced up at Finn.  “Hey, uh. . . tell me something.  _Did_ you think it would work out?  You never said a lot about it.”

“Uh, man, you know. . . I’m not the most experienced when it comes to relationships, so. . . .”

“Finn.”

Finn sighed.  “Okay, yeah, so I wasn’t too sure.  You two are just so _different_.  And then that night we went skating, and Kylo, uh, freaked out. . . I thought you might give up on him.”  He grinned suddenly.  “I shoulda known, you don’t _ever_ give up, do you?”

Poe grinned back.  “I try not to.”

“And just so you know,” Finn added in a quieter tone, “Rey was all in before I was.”

“. . . Rey?”  Poe stared at him.  “Really?”

Finn nodded.  “She told me that she. . . did some psychic thing on him, because you told her to.  So she’d trust him.  And after that—she _did_ trust him.  I don’t know what she saw in him, but it was something she liked.”

“That’s kind of strange,” Poe mused.  “I thought she wouldn’t _ever_ really like him.  But I’m glad.”

Finn stayed quiet a moment then said, “Uh, Poe?  I’m really happy for you and all, but. . . I’m gonna miss you, man.  It won’t be the same here without you, even after Rey moves in.”

“I’ll miss you too.”  Poe felt a little guilty even as he gave Finn what Rey called their “bro hug.”  “Thanks for putting up with me all this time.”

Even after they let go, Finn kept his hands on Poe’s shoulders, holding him at arm’s length.  “Don’t go forgetting all about us.  Especially after you get. . . you know, _married_.”

That made Poe feel _more_ than a little guilty, but he tried to laugh it off.  “Oh come on, you’re still gonna see me.  And after you help us haul all my stuff out tomorrow, you might not _want_ to see me anymore.”

Finn clapped him on the shoulder and smiled, but he still had a sort of wistful look on his face when he said good night and left Poe to his packing.  Poe threw himself into the work to distract himself from everything on his mind—namely Luke, Wedge, and Finn.  By around ten, Poe had filled his garbage bag with trash— _I really do need to start keeping up with the mail,_ he thought—and packed most of his belongings in the boxes Finn had brought him.  He was tired enough that he hoped he’d get to sleep without any trouble that last night he’d spend in his old bed.

Once Poe collapsed in bed, B.B. jumped up beside him and settled down for the night.  Poe scratched his neck a moment then picked up his phone when it dinged at him.  He smiled when he saw he’d gotten a text from Ben.

“I love you.”  That was all, but it made Poe’s smile grow.

“I love you too,” he typed.  He paused then added, “Told Wedge we’re getting married.  He’s happy.”

Ben’s reply was slow in coming.  “Did you say anything about Luke?”

Poe frowned.  “No.”

“OK.”

Poe tapped his thumbs against his phone and wondered what Ben was thinking.  That was why, as much as he liked getting texts from Ben, he preferred actual talking—Ben’s emotions were just too hard to read otherwise.

Finally, another text came through: “Want to get married in a balloon?”

Poe chuckled out loud; at least he could still tell when his fiancé was being playful.  “Not really.  Wedge suggested it.  I said maybe later.  Honeymoon?”

“Maybe.  But I had other plans too.”

Poe waited, but when there was no other message, he texted, “What?”

“Staying in bed with you.  For days.”

Poe was grinning as he sent back, “Tell me more.”

The reply came much too quickly.  “No.  You need sleep.  Go to bed, princess.”

Poe groaned and texted, “Tease.”

“Go to bed.  I’ll be there in the morning.”

“Yeah, and so will Rey and Finn,” Poe muttered, but he knew arguing was a lost cause.  He started to only reply with, “Goodnight then,” but he couldn’t help adding one last, “Love you.”

“Love you too.”

\--

To be continued


	24. Chapter 24

Poe had never been more grateful for his friends than he was the next day: he didn’t know how he could have moved without their help, or without Finn’s SUV.  Poe dropped B.B. off at a dog sitter’s early that morning for an overnight stay so that he wouldn’t be underfoot during the move (and, Poe schemed, so he and Ben could spend their first night living together completely alone).  Then he, Ben, Finn, and Rey spent the rest of the morning loading up three vehicles with Poe’s belongings and driving them out to the fairgrounds.

When Poe jogged over to the gate to unlock it, he saw Phasma heading over.  She glanced out at the three cars in the nearly empty parking lot and the boxes scattered around them.

“I guess Hux was right when he told me you were moving in,” she observed.

“That’s not all,” Poe boasted, flashing his ring at her.  “We’re engaged too.”

“Damn.”  Phasma raised an eyebrow at him.  “You two move fast.”

“Yeah, well.”  Her apparent skepticism made him feel uncomfortable, but he reminded himself that Phasma wasn’t exactly the most romantic person he’d ever met.  “If I recall correctly, _you_ were the one who told me I should make him my boyfriend.”

“Heh.  I guess I did.”  Phasma smirked and looked back out at Ben, Finn, and Rey wrangling boxes.  “You guys need some help?”

“Uh. . . well, yeah, if you’re not busy,” Poe murmured, surprised.  “Thanks.  Where _is_ Hux?” he asked as they walked out to the cars.

“Fencing practice.  Snoke’s been running him ragged since Kylo quit.  Hux has been too tired to do much of anything but that and work.”  She sounded irritated about it, and Poe had to wonder just what else she expected Hux to be doing.  _Probably nothing **I** want to know about,_ he thought with a grimace.

Ben looked startled when he glanced up to see Phasma there with Poe.  He set down the box he’d been lifting out of his car, but Finn and Rey were bickering over the best way to lift a heavier one and didn’t notice the newcomer at first.

“Phasma said she’d help,” Poe told Ben.  Finn and Rey stopped arguing and looked too.  “Uh, this is Finn and Rey,” Poe introduced them.  “This is Phasma.  She’s a security guard out here.”

“I remember.”  Rey smirked at Finn and whispered, “The ‘stone cold babe’?”

Finn gulped loud enough for Poe to hear.  “Oh.  Uh. . . hey.”

“Yeah.  Hey.”  Phasma looked down at the box they’d been fighting with.  “Damn, Poe, how much stuff do you have?”

“I’ve got a dog,” Poe said defensively.

“I know.  Hux told me that too.”  Phasma grinned abruptly as she kicked at the box, making her look a lot more approachable than usual.  “But unless you packed _him_ in here, you have too much shit.”  She crouched down to grip the box, then popped right back up.  Finn and Poe both stared at the muscles visible in her bare arms as she lifted the heavy load.

“Hurry up,” she growled at them, a little short of breath.  “This won’t take _that_ long if you don’t stand around talking all day.”  She turned and carried the box off toward the gates as the others watched after her.

“Bossy bitch,” Finn finally muttered.

“‘Hot but bossy’?” Rey prompted him.  “You said that too.”

“Shut up, Rey,” groaned Finn as he picked up a box rather smaller than the one Phasma had taken.  “Kylo, where are we putting Poe’s stuff when we get in?”

“Living room,” Ben told him.  “Straight back through the room you’ve been in before.”  He hesitated, watching Rey pick up a box too, then mumbled before the two walked off, “And. . . call me Ben, okay?”

Finn and Rey both blinked at him, but then Finn just nodded.  “Sure, man.”

Poe leaned up on his toes to kiss Ben as soon as the others’ backs were turned.  “Mmh.  When do I get you alone?”

Ben flushed but then cupped his hand against the back of Poe’s head and kissed him hard.  “I’m not opening tonight,” he whispered afterward.  “I figured you’d want me to take the night off.”

“You figured right.”  Poe kissed him again then pulled away to grab another of the boxes.  “C’mon, the sooner we get this stuff in, the sooner I get you all to myself.”

With Phasma’s help, it took less time than Poe had expected to unload the cars, and even though she stayed behind at the fairgrounds, he decided they could get the rest of his stuff moved in just one more trip.  It took some effort to cram everything else into the cars, but the four of them managed despite some grumbling on Finn’s part.  Phasma helped with that load too, and they were finished by mid-afternoon.

The five of them were resting by the fairground gate when a sleek silver sports car pulled into the parking lot.  Phasma scowled.

“ _Now_ Hux decides to show up, once we’re finished,” she muttered.  They all watched as the redhead got out of his car and gave them a bewildered look.  Even after spending most of the day fencing, Hux appeared pulled-together as he approached them with his bag of gear—just a little sweaty.  Poe wondered if anything ever shook his resolve.

“Did I miss something?” Hux asked, stopping just inside the gate.

“Just two tons of Poe’s belongings,” Phasma griped.  “We’re stuck with him now.”  Poe would have thought she really was sorry about him moving in, if she hadn’t been helping out all day.  Hux gave her a mild look then glanced at Finn and Rey, who were sitting on the ground and leaning against the fence.

“Um, this is Hux,” Poe muttered.  “He works here.”  He wondered if Finn and Rey would place the unusual name and remember that Hux was also the one who had instigated his and Ben’s only real fight, but Poe wasn’t about to bring it up deliberately.  “This is Finn and Rey. . . my friends.”  Hux nodded at them without showing much interest; Finn acknowledged him then went back to ribbing Poe about how he’d worn them all out.  Rey, on the other hand, kept watching Hux with the same narrow-eyed look she’d given Ben when they first met.  Trying to figure him out.

“Productive morning?” Phasma asked Hux.  She was standing, hips cocked to one side with her hand on one of them.  She was perhaps sweatier than he was, plus a streak of dirt smudged her cheek and one arm.

“Yes.  There’s a competition next week.”  Hux’s green eyes shifted to Ben, who was watching him, then back to Phasma.  Poe looked at Ben too, but the taller man was keeping his facial expression neutral.

“Hm.”  Phasma glanced at Ben as well, then back at Hux.  “Have you eaten?  Poe kept us working through lunch, so I’m starving.”

“Actually,” Poe interrupted, “we were gonna get pizza for Rey and Finn before they leave, if you want to eat with us.”

“Hux too.”  _Everybody_ looked at Ben when he said it, even Finn and Rey.  Ben’s expression was still neutral, until he glanced at Poe and gave him a tiny smile.  Poe wanted to kiss him right there in front of everyone for the effort he was making to be nice.

“Uh, thanks.  Sure,” Phasma mumbled in a bewildered tone, although she regained her usual composure as Finn and Rey got to their feet.  They followed Ben back toward his—and now, Poe’s—home, with Poe trailing after them.  When Poe glanced back at Phasma, Hux had stopped in front of her and was wiping the dirt off her face with his thumb.  She swatted his hand away and muttered something.  Poe smirked to himself and walked faster to catch up with Ben.

While Ben ordered their pizza, Poe showed off B.B.’s new back yard to Rey and Finn, who were suitably impressed.

“B.B. likes it here?” Rey asked on their way back in.

Poe nodded.  “Yeah, he’s gotten used to it.  We’re staying home all day tomorrow after we pick him up, just to be sure he’s okay with everything.”

They had rejoined the others in the living room, and Phasma, who was sitting on the opposite end of the sofa from Hux, looked up at Poe.  “I need to meet this dog.  Apparently he’s really something.”

Poe managed a smile, although the awkwardness of their current situation had just struck him.  Of course his friends and Ben’s. . . acquaintances would have had to meet eventually, but the six of them together in Ben’s small living room just felt weird.  Ben picked up on Poe’s discomfort, whether psychically or just from the expression on his face, and smirked as he went over to Poe and took his hand.

“I think we need to buy more furniture, angel,” he whispered while planting a kiss on Poe’s temple.  “Or at least more chairs, if we’re going to keep having dinner parties.”  He sat down cross-legged on the floor on the opposite side of the coffee table from the sofa, tugging Poe down with him by his hand.  Poe got back at him by sitting down in Ben’s lap instead.

“I don’t know, you’re pretty comfortable,” Poe mocked him.  Ben didn’t protest and instead folded his arms around Poe’s waist while nuzzling his hair.

“Ugh, get a room,” Phasma muttered.

“This _is_ our room,” Poe shot back at her.  Finn chuckled as he plopped down on the floor at the other end of the coffee table, leaving Rey to sit between him and Ben.

“Yeah, thank God,” Finn said.  “So you won’t be making out in _my_ living room anymore.  Poe was my roommate,” he explained to Phasma.  “Until today.  I decided to get an upgrade, so Rey’s moving in with me.”

“You all must be very close,” Phasma observed.  “If I had to live with someone else, one of us would end up dead.”

“Oh.”  Rey’s eyes flicked from her to Hux and back again.  “You two don’t live together?”

“ _No!_ ” both Hux and Phasma protested in a tone of disgust; then both looked at each other as if offended by what they’d heard in the other’s voice.

“We’re not a couple,” Hux added with a delicate iciness to his voice.

“Neither are me and Finn,” Rey pointed out, a hint of a smile curling her lip.  “We’re still going to be roommates.”

“The pizza should be here soon,” Ben interrupted the discussion—probably deliberately, Poe thought.  “I’ll have to go out to the gate to get it, so Poe, you’ll need to move.”

“I’ll go with you.”  Poe started to get up, but Phasma motioned for him to stay put.

“Hux’ll go.”

Hux glared at her.  “Phasma, I was fencing all morning,” he growled.

“Yeah, and we were hauling Poe’s shit around all day,” Phasma retorted.  “We’re all tireder than you are.  If Kylo and Poe are paying for it, the least _you_ can do is go get it.”  Hux still looked pissed, but he got to his feet and trudged out anyway.

“Damn, woman,” Finn commented when Hux was gone.  “Do you get off on bossing him around or something?”  Phasma’s high cheekbones colored ever so faintly, and Rey smirked.

“From what I’ve seen, I think _he’s_ the one who gets off on it,” she observed.

Phasma’s blush deepened a little, and she looked from one to the other of them.  “You two are _savage_.  How is Poe friends with you and still such a nice guy?”

The good-natured bickering continued even after Hux returned with their food, and Poe eventually relaxed.  Hux and Ben both kept quiet—Hux still seemed to be brooding, but Ben never talked much in a group anyway.  Poe stayed in his lap, happily nestled against his chest as they ate.

Near three o’clock, Hux muttered that he needed to get ready for work, as the carnival would be opening soon.  Phasma sighed.

“Me too, I guess.”  She looked down at Ben.  “What about you?”

He shook his head.  “I’m not opening tonight.”

“It must be nice to have that luxury,” Hux said as he got to his feet.  His eyes swept over both Poe and Ben.  “I take it Poe is bringing in quite a paycheck.”

Poe felt Ben’s body tense beneath him, and Poe himself felt like chucking the empty pizza box at Hux.  _Just when I think he’s not a total dick. . . ._

“We should go too,” Rey said before anyone else could reply to Hux.  “Poe, I’m sure you want to unpack.”

“Yeah, I _bet_ they’re gonna do a lot of unpacking,” Finn chuckled.  Poe felt himself grin as his irritation dissolved, although he was blushing too.

“So this is the thanks we get after feeding all of you,” he joked.  He climbed out of Ben’s lap and held out his hand to help his fiancé up.  Ben smiled at him, but his smile seemed a bit distant, distracted.  Poe tried to ignore that as they followed the others out to the building’s entrance.  Hux didn’t wait around and stalked off, but Phasma looked back at Finn and Rey.

“I’ll come let you out the front gate,” she told them.  Poe was struck with a feeling of melancholy when he realized that with their leaving, a part of his life would be irrevocably closed.  As happy as he was to be moving in with his lover, he would also miss his comparatively carefree days with his friends.

“Thanks, you guys,” he mumbled.  “For helping me move and all.  You too, Phasma.”

Finn nodded, looking a bit uncomfortable, but Rey smiled at him. . . and then hugged him, tight.

“We love you, Poe,” she whispered, low enough that only he could hear her.  “You know where we are when you need us.”

As the other three left for the gate, Ben drew Poe back inside and closed the sliding door.  Once he’d locked it, he turned to Poe and pulled him close.

“Finally alone,” Ben murmured, resting his chin on the top of Poe’s head.

“Finally,” Poe agreed.  Being in Ben’s arms made him feel better, and he closed his eyes and laid his head on his fiancé’s chest.  “What Hux said bothered you, didn’t it?”

“Yes,” Ben admitted after a moment.  “I know it’s just Hux being Hux, but. . . maybe I _shouldn’t_ be taking tonight off.”

“Don’t even go there!” Poe chided him.  He pulled back and grabbed Ben’s hands, smiling up at him.  “You promised me all evening with you, baby, and you’re going to deliver.”  He started back toward their bedroom, pulling Ben along with him.  “C’mon, there _is_ something I want to unpack right away.”

Poe had left a small cardboard box on their bed, and Ben watched with a curious smile as Poe opened it.  A sweet, floral scent wafted up as Poe carefully lifted out a dried bouquet.

“Are those the roses I gave you?” Ben murmured, his smile growing.

“Yep.  And the vase.”  Poe pulled that out too and set it on the nightstand before arranging the red and white roses in it.

“I didn’t know you’d kept them.”  Ben came up behind Poe and put his hands on his shoulders.  Poe leaned back against his chest and tilted his head back to look up at him.

“Of course I did!  Rey showed me how to dry them so they’d last.”  Poe smiled too and reached up his hand to stroke Ben’s cheek.  “You and me. . . together.”

Ben turned his head to kiss Poe’s palm.  “Together,” he murmured, but his smile had already started to fade.

“What’s wrong, Ben?” Poe asked.  “Is it Hux?”

Ben sighed, his breath tickling Poe’s palm, then stepped back so Poe could turn to face him.  “No—not really.  He just. . . reminded me.”

“Reminded you?” Poe prompted.  “Of what?  Money?”

“That, and fencing.”  Ben looked down at Poe with one side of his mouth drawn up.  “And fencing reminded me of. . . of Luke.”

“Luke?”  Poe hadn’t thought about Ben’s uncle all day, and now he realized how welcome the distraction had been.  “I. . . I guess I see how it could, but. . . .”

When he trailed off, Ben took a deep breath, then asked, “You’re going to ask Wedge about him, aren’t you?  I know you didn’t do it when you saw Wedge yesterday, but you’re still planning to.”

Poe stared at him.  “How did you. . . .”

“I didn’t read your mind.”  Ben gave him a wan smile which faded again quickly.  “I just _knew_.  Poe, why—why can’t you just ask _me_ whatever it is you want to know?”  Before Poe could even have a chance of replying, Ben blurted out, “Why is everyone so fascinated by Luke anyway?”

“Baby. . . .”  Poe wrapped his arms around Ben’s chest and looked up at him.  “It isn’t just about Luke.  Do you know _what_ I want to ask Wedge?”  When Ben shook his head, Poe went on, “I thought Wedge might have some idea of where Luke went.”

“Oh.”  Ben lifted a hand and drew it through Poe’s hair but then let it drop to his shoulder.  “But Poe, what if he doesn’t want to be found?  Maybe everyone should just let him go.”  Poe hated the note of bitterness he heard in Ben’s voice.

“I want to find him for _you_ ,” Poe tried to explain.  He fumbled for what to say, then decided he should just be honest, completely honest.  Keeping anything secret from Ben was just too hard on them both.  “If Luke will work with you again, you can get back to fencing.  You can become an instructor and—”  He broke off when Ben pulled out of his arms and turned away from him.  The motion was gentle, but it hurt all the same.

“I don’t need Luke,” Ben muttered.  He went over to his dresser and stood bracing his hands on it.  “I can do it on my own.”

“No, you _can’t_.”  Poe sat down on the end of their bed and glowered at his fiancé’s back.  “It doesn’t matter how stubborn you are about it, it’s just one of those things—because of Snoke manipulating everybody, Luke’s school is the only one you could teach at, at least for now.  Maybe if you prove yourself there, other places would hire you eventually, but—”

“Poe, you don’t understand,” Ben interrupted, still not looking at him.  “My whole life, I’ve heard all about how great Luke is, all the wonderful things he did when he was young.  I could never live up to that.  And now, even _you’re_ saying I can’t—that I’m not good enough on my own.”

“For God’s sake, Ben,” Poe groaned, “I’m not saying that at all.  What I’m saying is that you need to quit being so—so damn _arrogant_ and admit that you need other people’s help sometimes!  And stop thinking just about yourself, too.  You’ve seen how unhappy your mother is without him, you _have_ to have seen it.  Her _and_ your father.”

“Of course I’ve seen it.”  Ben shifted to rest his elbows on the dresser so he could drop his head in his hands.  “I get it, I drove Luke away, I fucked everyone’s lives up.  I just don’t think it’s something I can fix.”

Poe shut his mouth and just looked at Ben for a moment, watching the other man’s hunched back heave as he breathed.  _So that’s it. . . that’s really why he doesn’t want to find Luke.  He’s afraid._   Poe got up and went over to Ben to lean against his back and slide his arms around the larger man’s torso again.

“Ben,” he murmured, “it’s not just your fault.  Luke’s to blame too.  He shouldn’t have done what he did—he shouldn’t have just run away when his sister needed him the most.”

“He wouldn’t have gone if not for me.”  Ben’s voice was strained, but he dropped one hand from his head to touch the back of Poe’s hands clasped over his chest.

“Maybe not, but that just means he won’t come back if not for you.”  Poe leaned up on his toes to kiss the back of Ben’s neck.  “Look, I want him to come back to help you with your career, and to make your family happy.  But you want to know the most important reason I want to find him?”

“What.”

“Because I want _you_ to be happy.  And you can’t be as long as you’re beating yourself up over this.  If we can find him, and you can ask him to come back. . . the rest is on him.  Even if he says no, you will have tried, and you can go on with your life.”  Poe rested his cheek against Ben’s spine and whispered, “Your life with _me_.  I’m selfish, and I want all of you with me when we get married.  Not part of you off somewhere hating yourself because you think you ‘fucked everyone’s lives up.’”

Ben didn’t move at first, but then he straightened up and turned in Poe’s arms to face the shorter man, his hands again on Poe’s shoulders as he looked down at him.  “Poe. . . .”

“And you don’t have to be afraid,” Poe murmured as he looked up into Ben’s troubled dark eyes.  “I love you, and I’ll _always_ love you, no matter what happens.  Whether we find him or not, whether he comes back or not.  Nothing will change how I feel about you.”

Ben cupped Poe’s face in his hands and drew his fingers down his cheeks.  “I love you too.  More than anything else in this world.  And I trust you, so. . . if you think it’s what I need to do, I’ll do it.”

“I do think so.  But we’ll do it together, okay?”  Poe covered Ben’s hands with his.  “Let me talk to Wedge and see what he thinks about where Luke could have gone.  And I won’t tell him any more than I have to about why Luke left, if he doesn’t know already.”

“Okay,” Ben nodded.  He gazed down at Poe a moment then bent his head to touch their foreheads together.  “Thank you.  And. . . I’m sorry, angel.  I shouldn’t have said anything about Wedge, not your first night here. . . .”

“No, don’t be sorry,” Poe told him.  “I want you to talk to me when something’s bothering you, no matter what’s going on.”  He put his own hands up to hold Ben’s head as he kissed him lightly; then Poe gently drew back and grasped both of Ben’s hands in his, pulling him toward the end of the bed.  “But no more talking today.  Sit down.”

Ben obeyed, sitting on the edge of the bed, but he looked up at Poe with a confused little smile.  “Why?  What are we going to do?”

Poe grinned down at him.  “You’re going to let me take care of you.”  When Ben opened his mouth, Poe silenced him with a finger on his lips.  “I know, _I’m_ supposed to be the princess, _et cetera_ , but you’re feeling insecure, aren’t you?”  He dropped his finger, and when Ben raised an eyebrow at him, Poe insisted, “ _Aren’t_ you?”

“Okay,” Ben sighed, “maybe a little.”  Poe’s grin widened in triumph.

“ _So_.  We’re going to get undressed and take a shower because we got pretty gross moving all my stuff in here—and then. . . .”  Poe leaned down to whisper to him, “Then you’re going to lie down and relax and feel loved, because I’m going to make love to you, very slowly, for a very long time.  Understood?”

Ben blushed so hard, Poe could feel the heat of it on his own cheek.  “Ye. . . yes.”

\--

To be continued


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning: this chapter does not advance the plot at all. AT ALL. It's literally just hot, sappy fluff. Sorrynotsorry.

Poe kissed Ben’s temple, then straddled his legs and plopped down on his lap.  He was still smiling—mostly at Ben’s blush—as he grasped the hem of the larger man’s t-shirt and tugged it up.

“Lift your arms,” he commanded.  Ben obeyed so Poe could slip the shirt off him and plant a kiss on his bare chest.  When Poe quickly stripped his own shirt off, Ben gave him a sulky look.

“What, you’re not going to let me undress _you_?”

“Nope,” Poe smirked.  “I said I’m taking care of you, remember?”  He slid off of Ben’s lap and crouched in front of him to take his boots off.  Ben watched him, his blush fading despite the shy expression that remained on his face.  After Poe got his left boot off, he slid his hand up the leg of Ben’s jeans to massage his calf.

“You’re still practicing your fencing by yourself, aren’t you?” Poe murmured.

“Yeah. . . .”

“I can tell.”  Poe squeezed Ben’s muscular leg with his fingers.  “I think you have the hottest legs—especially when they’re wrapped around my waist.”

“ _Poe_.”  Ben blushed all over again.  Poe just smiled while he removed Ben’s other boot, then reached up to unfasten his jeans.

“Stand up,” Poe ordered.  When Ben did so, Poe pulled his jeans down then stood too to finish getting his own clothes off.  In spite of Poe’s commands to stay hands-off, Ben pulled him close and kissed him hard as soon as he was through.  Poe didn’t protest too much, although when he felt Ben’s hands drifting down his bare back, he pulled away.  “Shower,” he insisted.

Once they were under the running water, Poe rubbed the soap between his hands then started massaging Ben’s chest, moving his palms in slow circles against his lover’s skin.  Ben finally began to relax as he leaned against the wall and closed his eyes.

“That feels good,” he muttered.  “I’m pretty sore from hauling your stuff around all day.”

“Quit whining.  It wasn’t _that_ much.”  Nevertheless, Poe shifted his hands to Ben’s right arm to rub his bicep instead.  “How’s that?”

“Good. . . .”  Ben kept quiet while Poe slowly washed both arms, then returned to his torso.  Ben’s breath quickened a little when Poe’s hands moved over his abdomen, although his eyes stayed closed.  Poe decided the quickest way to wash himself at the same time was to drape his arms over Ben’s shoulders and rub up against his soapy chest.  Ben tolerated this for a few seconds before grabbing Poe around the waist and holding the smaller man against him while he opened his eyes and smirked at Poe’s consternation.

“Hey, you aren’t supposed to—to move,” Poe stammered, his words coming out in a gasp as Ben thrust his hips up against him.

Ben bent his head to murmur in Poe’s ear, “You’re not being fair.  I’m supposed to stand here and let you feel me up, but I can’t touch you?”  He nipped lightly with his teeth at the spot just under Poe’s ear, then kissed it.  This time, Poe didn’t stop him when Ben slid his hands down to grope his ass.  Ben punctuated his next few words with kisses to Poe’s neck: “I want to touch—” kiss “—every inch—” kiss “of your gorgeous—” kiss “—tight—” kiss “—little body.”

“Hnnngh,” was all Poe could manage to reply until Ben’s mouth and hands were still again, resting against his skin.  Finally, he mumbled, “B-but I’m trying to make you feel loved!”

Ben laughed softly.  “Don’t you want to feel how much _I_ love _you_ , too?” he whispered, brushing his lips against Poe’s neck.

“I can _already_ feel it.”  Poe illustrated his meaning by grinding his abdomen hard against Ben’s.  “Right.  _There._ ”  That time, Ben was the one to make the choked noise.

“Are you really going to make me wait,” Ben panted, “what was it you said, ‘for a very long time’?”

“Yes—”  The word turned into a yelp when Ben squeezed Poe’s ass in both hands and held Poe to him firmly as Ben started to thrust up against him.  Poe was reduced to hanging on to Ben’s shoulders and whimpering his lover’s name as he started rubbing back against Ben in return.  He hadn’t meant for it to happen that way, but well, nothing ever _did_ seem to go as planned as far as Ben was concerned.

Even just rubbing against each other, neither of them lasted long.  Poe slumped against Ben until he thought he could stand on his own, but he still wobbled a little after Ben finally let go of him.  Poe pulled Ben under the water by the shoulders to rinse them both off.

“ _Now_ you can take your time,” Ben informed him, smirking even though he was every bit as shaky as Poe was.  “I’ll be ready for you again by the time you get there.”

Poe just shook his head as he re-soaped his hands and knelt down to wash Ben’s legs.  “I don’t think you’ll ever stop surprising me—one minute you’re too shy to even talk about sex, and the next you can’t keep off me.”

“You just have that effect on me. . . princess.”

Poe smiled up at Ben as he rinsed the soap off the other man’s legs.  “You’re so weird.  And,” he added with a kiss to Ben’s thigh, “I love you so much.”  He felt Ben’s fingers stroking his wet hair.

“I love you too.”  Ben leaned down and wrapped his arms around Poe to pull him to his feet.  “At least let me finish washing you off.  Then no more touching, I promise.”

Poe pretended to be exasperated.  “Fine.”  His feigned scowl faded when Ben moved behind him and began rubbing the soap on his back.  Ben massaged his shoulders then crouched to wash his legs, drawing his hands slowly down them.

“Mmn.  That does feel nice,” Poe admitted.  Of course, Ben stopped then and stood up again.

“Then it’s too bad you told me I can’t touch you.”  He wrapped his arms around Poe from behind and hugged him tightly before letting go and stepping out of the shower.  “Now what?” he called while Poe, now exasperated for real, scrambled to turn the water off and get out after him.  Poe snatched a towel off the rack and threw it at Ben.

“Hold that,” he snapped as he grabbed another towel and dried himself quickly.

“I’m getting cold,” Ben complained.

“You deserve it.”  Poe tried to give him an angry look but dissolved into laughter at the sight of Ben dripping water all over the floor and sulking at him.  “Okay, okay, I’m sorry, baby.  Here.”  He dropped his towel and took Ben’s, draping it over Ben’s head and drying his hair with it.  Ben kept his promise not to touch Poe as the smaller man tugged the towel down to his shoulders, and even when Poe leaned up on his toes to kiss him.  Ben did kiss him back, though, slowly and deeply.  Eventually, his hands drifted up to hold Poe’s head as they kissed, and Poe very nearly dropped that towel, too.

“H-how do you do this to me?” he panted when Ben finally let him go.  Poe gazed up at his lover while he dragged the towel down Ben’s back.

“How do I do what?”  Ben drew a finger through Poe’s hair, catching one of the damp, black curls on his fingertip.

“Make me forget everything else.  Make me _want_ to forget everything else.”  He rubbed the towel over Ben’s hips without looking so that he didn’t have to draw his eyes away from Ben’s.

Ben grasped Poe’s chin with his free hand and kissed him again.  “I don’t know, angel,” he whispered against Poe’s mouth.  “Same way you do it to me, I guess.”

Poe finally managed to pull his mouth away from Ben’s, and he crouched to dry each of Ben’s long legs.  He abandoned the towel on the floor and stood up.

“C’mon, bed,” he told Ben, grasping his hand and tugging on it.

Ben gestured to the towel on the floor as he stumbled after Poe.  “You’ve only been here a few hours, and you’re already making a mess.”

“I’ll clean up later.  Tomorrow.”  Poe pulled him down the hall to the bedroom they now shared.  “And I’m doing better!  I’ve even been going through my mail every day!”

“Oh, did you remember to get your address changed with the post office?”  Ben asked while Poe sat him down on the bed.  Poe stared at him, and Ben looked up at him blankly.  “What?”

“We’re completely naked, about to spend our first night together in our bedroom, and you’re thinking about the _post office_?”  Poe started laughing so hard, he had to brace his hands on Ben’s shoulders to keep his balance.  “S-so much for me making you—forget everything else!”

Ben suddenly grabbed Poe around the waist and pulled him down onto the bed, making Poe gasp and laugh even harder.  Ben grinned and looked down at him until Poe finally stopped laughing.

“I happen to think you getting your mail here is very romantic!” Ben declared. 

Poe sighed and smiled back up at him.  “I guess you being so practical about stuff like that is another thing I love about you.  Okay, yes, I remembered.  All that valuable junk mail I get will start arriving here Monday morning, just for you to complain about.”

“Good.”  Ben leaned his head down to kiss Poe on the nose.  “Now what did you say I was supposed to do after we showered?  Lie down and relax?”

“Yep.  Face down,” Poe ordered.  As Ben complied, Poe got up to turn off all the lights save one small lamp; then he crawled back up onto the bed next to his fiancé and admired Ben’s tall form in the dim light.

“What’re you gonna do to me?” Ben mumbled, laying his head sideways on his folded arms so he could look at Poe.  Poe chuckled at his apprehension and kissed his forehead.

“Relax, baby,” he whispered.  Poe lifted up on his knees and straddled Ben’s hips so he could trail his hands down the other man’s broad back.  Ben shivered and finally closed his eyes as Poe began to rub his prominent shoulder blades.

“You’re so tense,” Poe murmured.  “I should take you to an actual massage therapist.”

“No,” Ben protested immediately, his voice muffled by his arm.  “No one touches me but you.  Especially when I don’t have any clothes on.”

“I don’t think they’d make you take your pants off just to do your back.”  Poe laughed and dug his fingertips into a knot he felt just inside of Ben’s right shoulder blade.

Ben groaned.  “ _Ow._ ”

“Sorry.  Too hard?”

“ _No_.  God, don’t stop.  It hurts, but it hurts _good_.”

Poe grinned and kept rubbing.  “I bet.  It feels like you’ve got rocks under your skin.  We need to do this more often.”

“Mmn,” was all the reply he got.  As Poe alternated between pressing his fingers and thumbs into Ben’s back, his lover finally began to relax, at least a little.  Poe discovered that by applying constant pressure to the knots, rather than just rubbing them, he could make them dissolve.  Eventually, Poe shifted his hands upward to squeeze the tense muscles at the base of Ben’s neck.  When he touched the new spot, Ben flinched before relaxing again.  The involuntary reaction made Poe’s heart hurt a little.

“You still aren’t used to this, are you?” he murmured.

“Used to what?”

“Me touching you.”

“Oh.”  Poe felt Ben’s shoulders lift, then settle as he sighed.  “I. . . I guess not.  I like it—I _love_ it when you touch me.  And you can make me feel so good, I forget about being nervous.  But sometimes. . . I—I’m still afraid.”

Poe stilled the motion of his hands and bent down to kiss the base of Ben’s neck instead.  “It’s okay.  We’ll get you used to it.  We can take all the time you need, because I’m going to be with you for years.  Years and _years_.”  Once he’d started kissing Ben’s pale skin, Poe had trouble stopping, and he trailed kisses all the way up Ben’s neck, through his hair.  “I’ll melt you one day. . . my precious snowflake.”

“Your. . . _what_?”

Poe laughed into Ben’s damp hair.  “That’s what Rey said you were, one time.  My precious snowflake.”  He leaned farther down, nearly lying on top of Ben, to caress the side of his neck.

“Mmh.  Okay,” Ben sighed.  “You can call me that.  In private.  Or else, you’re gonna be ‘princess’ in front of _everybody_.”  Poe laughed harder against his neck, and Ben squirmed under him.  “H-hey, that tickles. . . .”

“Yeah?  How about this?”  Poe nipped at his neck instead, making Ben moan.

“Nngh, Poe. . . if you’re trying to make me relax, that isn’t helping.”

Poe kissed the spot he had bitten then sat up again, shifting his weight off of Ben to sit beside him.  “Okay, turn over.”

Ben lifted his head and gave Poe a suspicious look.  “Why?”

“So I can see your beautiful face,” Poe told him as he stroked Ben’s hair back from his forehead.  The dark strands were beginning to dry, separating from a clump into a soft spray against Poe’s fingers.

Ben frowned.  “I’m not—”

“Hsst!”  Poe clapped his hand over Ben’s mouth to silence him.  “You are _too_ beautiful, and you’re not going to tell me otherwise.  In fact,” he continued, lifting his hand and using it to shove at Ben’s shoulder until the larger man turned over, “you are so beautiful. . . .”  Poe paused as he straddled Ben again, this time with his thighs on either side of Ben’s stomach.  “. . . that just looking at you drives me crazy sometimes.”  He began to rub Ben’s shoulders again, this time from the front, as Ben looked up at him.

“How do you think you make _me_ feel?” Ben countered.

That time, Poe was the one to frown.  “This isn’t about _me_ ,” he insisted.

“Oh?”  The smile that flickered over Ben’s lips made Poe’s frown fade.  “You don’t want to hear how you make me feel. . . princess?”

“Fine.”  Poe heaved a sigh as though he were humoring Ben by listening as he resumed massaging Ben’s shoulders.

“The first time I saw you,” Ben murmured, “you took my breath away.  Your hand felt so warm when I touched you.”

Poe swallowed hard.  “I—I remember that.  You told me I felt warm.”

“And then you looked at me with those eyes.”  Ben gazed up at Poe’s face, still smiling faintly.  “You looked like you thought I was insane, but still, you were looking at _me_.  That was all I cared about.”

“You made me feel dizzy,” whispered Poe.  He slid his hands down to Ben’s chest and massaged it as he had his shoulders.  “And I got goosebumps when you touched me. . . even just my hand.”

“I wanted to touch a lot more than that.”  The smile had dropped from Ben’s lips, but he was still looking up at Poe intently.  “When you came back the next night, and we sat out on the beach, and you wouldn’t shut up. . . .”  He smiled again, briefly, at the look Poe gave him.  “Now I know you talk too much when you’re nervous.  But you just kept _talking_ , and I know you were freezing because you were shivering.  I wanted to put my arms around you and warm you up. . . and kiss you.”  Ben shivered himself under Poe’s hands, which had stilled on his chest.  “God, Poe, I wanted to kiss you _so much_.”

“I wanted it too. . . .”  Poe leaned down to kiss him right then, touching their mouths together and brushing the end of Ben’s tongue with his.  Ben closed his eyes until Poe drew back to look down on him again, bracing himself on Ben’s chest.  “I kept watching your mouth,” Poe went on, “wanting to kiss you. . . and wanting to make you smile.  The first time you smiled at me, I felt it here.”  Poe lifted his hand to touch his own chest, over his heart.

“You were the first person in a long time to make me feel like smiling,” Ben told him.  He brought his hands to Poe’s legs, resting them on his knees then sliding them up to his thighs.  “You talked to me like—like I was _worth_ talking to, just for who I am.  And you listened to me.”  Ben’s voice wavered for an instant, and he bit his lip before going on normally.  “And then you sat there and watched dumb internet videos with your chin on my shoulder, and you—you were so warm, and you smelled so good.”  He gave a short, slightly desperate laugh.  “I wanted you so bad, I could hardly stand it.”

“You got me,” Poe murmured.  He bent down a little closer, putting more of his weight on Ben’s chest.  “I never thought you’d kiss me, but you did.”

“I don’t just mean I wanted to kiss you.”  Ben’s pale cheeks flushed slightly.  “When we were kissing, I. . . I was afraid you’d notice.”  His hands clenched over Poe’s thighs as he mumbled, “You got me so hard, just from kissing me.”

“Oh God, Ben.  I wish I’d known,” Poe groaned.  He dropped his mouth onto Ben’s again, kissing him deeper than before, then lifted it just a few inches to mumble, “For the longest time, I thought you didn’t want that.  You never touched me, and—and I wanted you, I wanted you so _much_.”

“I wanted you too,” Ben whispered.  “I just never thought. . . I never thought that I’d be good enough, that I could please you.”

“But you did.  You _do_.”  Poe’s mouth was so close to Ben’s now, their lips brushed as he spoke.  “Every time you’re inside me, and every time I’m inside you.”

“Poe. . . .”  Ben fairly moaned his name as he gripped Poe’s thighs and tried to rub up against him.  “Please, don’t make me wait anymore.  I need you, I need you _now_.”  He leaned his head up to kiss Poe again; Poe returned the kiss hard enough to push Ben’s head back down on the pillow.  He didn’t want to wait anymore either, not after hearing Ben’s deep voice pleading for it like that.

“Who do you want on top?” Poe hissed when their mouths broke apart.  “Me or you?”

“I don’t care,” Ben panted.

Poe smirked, even though he wanted it just as badly.  “Not a satisfactory answer.  This is all about what _you_ want, so you’re gonna have to pick.”

“ _Poe_ ,” Ben whined, but Poe ignored him, lifting off his lover’s body to trail kisses down his breastbone.

“You tell me when you decide,” Poe murmured.  He worked his way down to Ben’s stomach, caressing and tonguing the faint outline of his abs, but refused to go any lower, no matter how much Ben squirmed.

“Nnngh, Poe. . . .”

Poe grinned and nipped his side.

“A-ah!” Ben yelped.  “Y-you, _you!_ ”

Poe looked up at him, smiling.  “Me?”

“ _Yes_ , dammit,” Ben groaned.  “ _Please_ , Poe, fuck me!”

It neither happened very slowly nor lasted for a very long time, but Ben _did_ feel loved if the sounds he made were any indication.  Afterwards, as they lay in bed cuddling, Poe murmured, “Feel better now?  Not so insecure?”

“Much better.”  For once, Ben was the sleepy one, and he closed his eyes as he held Poe against his chest, stroking his back.  “I’m on top in the morning.”

“I thought you wanted me to clean up the bathroom in the morning,” Poe teased.  “And I have to go get the dog, and unpack everything—”  Ben shut him up with a drowsy kiss.

“We’ll do it all together.  After I do you,” Ben mumbled, then yawned as he lay his head back on his pillow.  “What time is it?  Too early to go to sleep?”

Poe stroked Ben’s hair back and leaned up to kiss his pale forehead.  “No.  We’ve had a long day—go to sleep, snowflake.”

“Snowflake,” Ben sighed, but then he gave Poe a tired smile and closed his eyes again.  “I sort of like it.  But I guess I’d like anything you called me, sweetheart.”

“Go to sleep,” Poe told him again, smiling back even though Ben couldn’t see him.  “I’ll still be here in the morning.”

“Mmn.  I know,” Ben murmured happily.  “Love you.”

Poe rested his head on Ben’s chest and closed his own eyes, content to lie there until he fell asleep as well.  “I love you too.”

\--

To be continued


	26. Chapter 26

Monday morning, Poe finally met up with Wedge to have the discussion he had been both anticipating and dreading.  He and Ben had spent Sunday, up until Ben opened for work, unpacking and arranging Poe’s stuff.  Just before Ben opened, he and Poe got in a spectacular argument over whether they needed to keep both their stereo systems.  (Poe said yes, in case one broke; Ben said no, because where would they put Poe’s, and Ben’s was nicer anyway; Poe said of course _his_ would be the one Ben wanted to get rid of; Ben said fine, they could keep Poe’s and get rid of his; Poe said that wasn’t the point; etc.)

The fight led to Ben spending his entire five-hour shift sulking in the front room while Poe sulked with B.B. in the bedroom.  About two hours in, Poe decided he would forgive Ben if Ben apologized.  Three hours in, he changed his mind and decided _he_ would apologize when Ben got off work.  Four hours in, Poe was ready to throw the stereo out the window if it meant Ben would forgive him, and it took all his resolve to wait the last hour for Ben to finish working.  As soon as nine o’clock arrived, Poe got up to go find his fiancé, but he didn’t even reach the bedroom door before Ben burst in to shower him with kisses and apologies.  Their first experience with makeup sex was even more spectacular than the argument had been, and the stereo was completely forgotten.

Poe had texted Wedge to ask him to stick around after his early morning balloon flight so they could talk.  He was a little surprised when Wedge agreed without questioning what Poe wanted, since they’d never been especially close.  However, when they met in the airport’s little break room, Poe realized Wedge had his own ideas about what had precipitated the discussion.

“Decided you want a balloon wedding after all, hunh?” the older man grinned.

“Oh, uh. . . well, that wasn’t what I wanted to talk about,” Poe admitted.  He folded his hands around the Styrofoam cup of coffee he had poured from the pot that was always brewing.  “I. . . I wanted to ask about someone you know, a guy named Luke.”

Wedge blinked at him but smiled.  “Well yeah, I had a buddy named Luke, another pilot—we were pretty close back when we were about your age.  We’ve kinda lost touch recently, but. . . well, why do you ask?  Do you know him?”

Poe shook his head.  “Not. . . not exactly.  He—he’s Ben’s uncle.”

Wedge’s face lit up.  “ _Really_.  Wow, now that I think about it, he _did_ talk about a nephew named Ben. . . .  Hell, I remember when he was _born_.  Luke was so excited.  But I never actually saw the kid, so of course I wouldn’t make the connection.  Ben sure doesn’t _look_ like Luke, or Luke’s sister as far as I can remember.”

Poe had swallowed hard at the confirmation of what had shaped up to be an amazing coincidence.  Sure, he _knew_ that there could only be one balloonist named Wedge in the area, but part of him still hadn’t believed his Wedge could also be Luke’s Wedge.  Until now.

He realized Wedge was looking at him, expecting him to say something, and Poe mumbled, “Y-yeah, he doesn’t look like his parents that much.  He has some of his mom’s mannerisms though.”  _And maybe her temper, times about a hundred,_ he added silently.

“So how’d you find out about me and Luke?” Wedge was asking.  “Did he mention me?  How is he, anyway?  I haven’t really talked to him in a couple years, and I keep meaning to give him a call but—”  He broke off, noticing the odd look on Poe’s face, and frowned.  “Or wait, you said you didn’t know him, so—so how’d you find out?”

At least that question was easy to answer.  “Ben and I had dinner with his mom last week, and we were telling her about riding in your balloon.  She said you’d known Luke.  Ben was as surprised as you are.”

“Yeah.  It’s kind of crazy.”  Wedge paused.  “Uh, Poe, so what’s up?  You don’t look too happy about all this.”

“It’s not because of you,” Poe assured him.  “It’s—I need your help.  _We_ need your help.  You said you haven’t talked to Luke in a couple years?”  When Wedge nodded, Poe blurted out, “Luke’s gone.  He’s been gone for a year.”

Wedge stared at him, and the look of pain on his face startled Poe.  “He’s—dead?”

“Oh God, no!  Sorry, sorry,” Poe apologized as Wedge relaxed.  “Sorry.  I mean he’s _gone_ , as in he disappeared a year ago.  His family doesn’t know where he went.  They don’t really think anything bad happened to him, more like he left on purpose.  But when I found out you knew him, I thought. . . I thought maybe there was a chance you knew something that could help them—us track him down.”

“Oh,” Wedge murmured.  “I. . . I had no idea, Poe.  Geez.  What. . . what happened?  Why did he leave?”

Poe hesitated.  “There was some kind of family trouble.  They think Luke blamed himself for it.”

“Oh man.”  Wedge sighed and leaned back in his chair.  “I wish I could tell you something, but like I said, I haven’t heard from him in a while.  I had no idea.”  Poe’s heart sank, although he realized it had been too much to hope that Wedge would be able to just tell him where Luke had gone.

“Did he ever even talk about somewhere he _wanted_ to go?” Poe asked, fishing for anything that might help.  “I mean like, even when you guys were young?  Or someplace where he. . . I don’t know, felt safe or went on vacation or—or _anything_?”

Wedge looked at Poe with a puzzled but thoughtful expression.  _Probably wondering why I want to know so bad,_ Poe thought.  _I wish I could tell him, but it’s not just my secret._

“Well,” muttered Wedge, “lemme think.  He grew up in a little town in Nevada. . . Ely.  But I guess his sister would have looked there.  You know they were both adopted, right?”

“Yeah,” Poe nodded.  “I’ll ask Ben, but I would think they’d have checked his hometown already.”

“Yeah, probably.”  Wedge looked into his own cup of coffee—black as opposed to Poe’s with sugar and the weird powdered creamer the breakroom stocked—and frowned.  “You know, he did talk about another town he passed on his way out here, first time he came.  This was back when we were kids—well, _your_ age—”  Poe smirked.  “—but Luke joked about always wanting to see this place if he ever went back home.”

“Wait, he never went back home to visit?” Poe interrupted.

Wedge shook his head.  “No.  Bad memories.  His adoptive parents were murdered.  That’s why he left Ely.”

“Oh.  Wow.”  Poe bit his lip, wondering why one family had had to go through as much as Ben’s had.  He pushed the thought away and turned back to what Wedge had said before.  “But what about this other town?  You think he might actually have gone back there?”

“Hell, I don’t know, probably not,” Wedge said.  “He was probably just messing around because it had a weird name.  Desperation.  Luke said he wanted to go there because he’d always wondered what desperation looks like.”

Poe stared at him.

Wedge chuckled.  “Yeah, I know, what a name for a town, right?  And it’s a pretty bad joke.”

But Poe wasn’t thinking about that.  Poe was thinking, _Rey_.

He shook himself mentally and mumbled, “Yeah, weird name.”

“I’m sorry I can’t be more help,” Wedge went on.  “I. . . I feel bad, man.  I had no idea anything was going on with Luke—we hadn’t talked in so long.”  He sighed and muttered, mostly to himself, “Maybe if I’d kept up with him. . . .”

“Oh, no, don’t think like that!  It wasn’t anything you could have helped with,” Poe assured him.  Now _he_ felt bad, because he hadn’t even considered what the news of Luke’s disappearance might do to Wedge.  “I didn’t even know Ben back then, so I wasn’t there either.  I’m just. . . trying to help him make things right, now.”

“Make things right?  Did Ben have something to do with why Luke left?”  At the guilty expression on Poe’s face, Wedge gave a tired laugh and waved his own question off.  “Never mind.  Not my business.  Just—let me know if you find him, okay?  Or _when_ you find him.  Luke is. . . he’s always been a good guy.  Too nice for his own good sometimes, but a really good guy.”

Poe managed a wan smile.  “Too nice for his own good?  Sounds like what people are always saying about _me_.”

“Yeah, well.  I guess you’re kind of like him, in a way.  He always wanted to rush in and solve everyone’s problems for them too.”

_Yep_ , Poe thought.  _That’s me, all right._

“He was really important to me at one time in my life,” Wedge murmured.  “I’m sorry he’s gone.”  Poe realized Wedge didn’t just mean “gone” as in “disappeared,” but then _that_ wasn’t _his_ business.

“When we find out something, I’ll let you know,” Poe told him.  “Look, thanks for your help.”

Wedge nodded and stood up to stretch.  “Guess I should get home for a nap—got another flight this evening.  You flying today?"

“Yeah.”  Poe got up too and dumped his unfinished coffee down the sink.  “Two flights.”

“Good luck.  See you around, kid.”

“Yeah, see you around, old man,” Poe teased him, but his smile faded as soon as Wedge had left the break room.  Poe yanked his phone out of his pocket and checked the time.  He only had a few minutes before he needed to start prepping for his flight, and he pulled up Ben’s number as quickly as he could.

“Hey, princess,” Ben answered his call.  Poe’s smile resurfaced involuntarily, although he blushed at the same time.

“You’re lucky I didn’t have you on speaker phone.  _Snowflake_.”

“I _do_ have you on speaker,” Ben informed him.  “But since your dog is the only one who can hear, you can call me whatever you like.”

“I’ve gotta go fly in a minute,” Poe said, “so I can’t stay on.  But—since the carnival’s closed tonight, can you meet me at Finn’s around six?  I—I need to talk to you and Rey, at the same time, but she won’t be done with work until then, and I have a flight this afternoon too.”

“Yeah, I can meet you.”  Ben’s voice was understandably puzzled.  “Is something wrong?”

“No, baby, nothing’s wrong.  I’ll explain it later, I just don’t have time now.”

“Okay,” Ben murmured.  The fact that he didn’t press for an explanation told Poe that his fiancé really had learned to trust him.  “Go get your plane off the ground, angel.  I love you.”

“I love you too.  A lot,” Poe blurted out.

“Me too.”

As he hurried to his plane, Poe texted Rey with the same request to meet him at his old apartment.  He didn’t try to explain to her, either, what he wanted to talk about; he wanted to tell her in person that Ben’s uncle used to joke about running away to the town where Rey had grown up.

Poe finished his afternoon flight by 4:30, and he drove around town in circles until time to meet his friends.  He felt guilty for not going home to Ben, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to resist spilling everything if he saw his fiancé in person, and he wanted to tell Ben and Rey at the same time.  Poe himself wasn’t even sure why he wanted to see their reactions together.  It had to be a coincidence that Rey and Luke had grown up near each other. . . right?

_Rey was adopted too,_ Poe thought, _and she has the same abilities as Ben.  And sometimes, the way they look at each other. . . ._   He drove past the same gas station he’d passed twice already, still without really seeing it.  _They can’t be related, they **can’t** be.  Han said Luke never had children, and Ben certainly hasn’t ever mentioned a sister.  Unless his parents didn’t tell him, and he was too young to remember when—when they put one of their children up for adoption and kept the other one?  No, that’s **stupid**.  . . . Except Luke and Leia were adopted separately and didn’t know about each other until. . . until they were our age._   By the time he finally pulled into his old parking lot, Poe had half-convinced himself that Rey was going to be his sister-in-law one day.

He felt a little silly about it, though, when he saw Ben waiting for him, leaning against the hood of his black car.  Rey’s motorcycle was already there too.  _Stop jumping to conclusions,_ Poe scolded himself as he went over to his fiancé and let Ben enfold him in his long arms.

“I missed you,” Poe mumbled into his shirt. . . a t-shirt.  “Hey!”  Poe turned his head to look at Ben’s arms and grinned.  “Short sleeves!”

“It was hot today,” Ben mumbled.  “And it’s nearly summer, so. . . .”  He broke off as Poe trailed kisses up one bicep.  “Now wait, if you’re going to do that out in public, maybe I need to cover up again!”

“Sorry.”  Poe wriggled out of Ben’s grasp and smirked at him.  “I’ll save it for later.  Rey and Finn are waiting on us anyway.”

“Poe. . . what’s this about?” Ben asked.  He took Poe’s hand as they went up the steps to the apartment that had been Poe’s just two days before.

“In a minute.  Be patient.”  Poe squeezed his hand and knocked on the door.

“You don’t have to _knock_ ,” Finn called from inside.  Poe chuckled and let himself and Ben in.  Finn was lounging in the armchair he preferred when all four of them were together, but Rey was sitting bolt upright on one end of the couch and fixing Poe with her piercing stare from the moment he walked in.

“Poe, what’s going on?” she asked.

“He won’t tell me, either.”  Without turning around, Poe knew Ben was looking at Rey over the top of his head.

“Stop ganging up on me,” Poe complained as he sat down in the middle of the couch, turned to face Rey.  Ben sat beside him but, like Rey, refused to relax.  “Okay, fine,” Poe sighed.  “Rey.  And Finn.  You know Ben’s uncle Luke disappeared, right?”

“Yeah,” Finn nodded.  Rey just kept watching Poe.

“Well, we found out a pilot buddy of mine, Wedge, used to know Luke, a long time ago.  So we—”

“So _Poe_ decided he should talk to Wedge to see if he had any idea where Luke had gone,” Ben interrupted.  “And I take it you did that today, seeing where this is going.”

Poe cringed at the accusatory tone in his fiancé’s voice.  “I. . . yeah.  Wedge asked if we’d checked the town where Luke grew up, and I’m guessing your mother already did, Ben?”

“Yeah,” Ben muttered.  “Ely.”

“He grew up in Ely?”  Rey sat up a little straighter, if that were possible.  “I’ve _been_ there.  It’s tiny, but it’s near. . . .”  She trailed off, staring at Poe.  Either she could pick up something from his mind, or his face was just as expressive as Ben claimed it to be.

“Yeah,” Poe said.  “It’s near Desperation.”

“What’s Desperation?” Ben asked.  He sounded even more petulant than before, maybe at feeling out of the loop—especially when Finn answered him.

“It’s where Rey’s from!  Middle-of-Nowhere, Nevada.”  Finn looked at Poe.  “But if you already know this guy’s not in Ely, what’s the big deal?”

Poe fixed his eyes on Rey, hard as it was to meet her steady gaze.  “Wedge said Luke used to talk about Desperation.  About stopping there on the way if he ever went back to Ely, just to see what desperation looks like.”

Poe had no way to know what Rey was thinking, if she was coming up with the same wild theories he had and wondering if there could be some kind of connection between her and Luke.  Or if she thought it was just an odd coincidence that they had in common a little desert town with a funny name.  Either way, when Rey finally dropped her gaze from Poe’s, her eyes looked very wide and a little scared.

“It can’t mean anything,” Rey murmured.  “If Luke is from Ely, and he was coming this way, yeah, he’d pass signs for Desperation.  And yeah, he’d probably remember the name.”

“Exactly,” Ben spoke for the first time in several minutes.  “Poe, are you saying Wedge thinks Luke went there?”

“He doesn’t, really,” Poe said.  He looked at Rey, then back over his shoulder at Ben, who was nearly glaring at him.

Rey put in, “I never knew of anyone named Luke there.  And it’s smaller than Ely even.  I’d at least heard of almost everyone living there.”

“You wouldn’t have been there anymore, even if he _did_ go out there,” Ben told her, again over Poe’s head.  “Luke left a little over a year ago.”

“Yeah, I moved out here more than _two_ years ago,” Rey confirmed.

“Then why are we here?” Ben demanded of Poe.  “Even if Wedge _did_ think Luke ran away to Middle-of-Nowhere, Nevada—or even if _you_ think he did, what’s Rey got to do with it?”

Poe felt more than ever that they were ganging up on him, and he finally stood up to get out from between them.  He paced around the coffee table to stand in front of Finn’s television, his back to the others, and tried to calm down.  _They’re the psychic ones, not me,_ Poe thought. _They’ll think I’m crazy if I tell them—if I tell them I **do** think Luke’s in Desperation, and that somehow, he’s why Rey was raised there.  I’m doing all this for Ben—and he’s just getting mad at me.  Why am I even trying?_

He was able to answer himself a second later.  _Because I’m like Luke.  I want to solve everybody’s problems for them.  And I can sort of understand why he finally gave up and ran away._

“Poe?”  Finn had spoken his name, and Poe turned to look at him in the chair to Poe’s left.  Finn was watching him with concern, Finn whom Poe had known long before he’d met either Rey or Ben.  _And I’ve been all but ignoring him for months now, because the two of them are so much more demanding_ , Poe realized _._   Rey and Ben were the ones who challenged Poe, who made him second-guess himself and question his motives and actions, while Finn. . . Finn was just _there_ , listening to Poe and supporting him—being plenty snarky at times, sure, but always _there_.

Finn’s expression had grown even more concerned as Poe just stared at him, thinking all this without speaking.  “Uh, bro?  You okay?” Finn prompted.  When Poe relaxed and nodded, even smiling a little, Finn went on, “You want to go out to Desperation and look for this Luke guy?  ‘Cos I got some vacation time coming, and I’m _always_ up for a road trip.”

Poe’s mouth fell open, and he had to make an effort to move his jaw to speak.  “I. . . I think he’s there.”

“Then we’ll go.”  Finn leaned back in his chair with a grin.  “Man, it’ll be great!  We can take my ride and a bunch of music and just chill—”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Ben interrupted in what was almost a shout.  Poe finally turned back to face the sofa to see both his fiancé and Rey in consternation.  “You two are just going to ride off and find Luke?  He’s _my_ uncle!”

“And it’s _my_ home town!” Rey snapped.

“Yeah?”  Finn sat forward again.  “Well, all I’ve been seeing is you two getting pissed at Poe, so who cares whose uncle Luke is and whose town he’s in?  I’m not driving all the way to Nevada with you bitching all the way, especially not at my man when all he’s doing is trying to help.  Especially _you_ ,” he added, pointing at Ben.

“Finn!” Rey gasped.  She looked stunned, but she was almost smiling, too—maybe because of Finn scolding Ben, but maybe just because she was proud to see Finn taking a stand, even if it was against her.  Ben didn’t reply at all, only sat with his jaw clenched hard.

Rey glanced at him, then at Poe.  “Is that why you came over here?  You wanted us to go to Desperation with you?”

“I. . . I don’t know,” Poe said.  “I hadn’t thought of it, exactly, but maybe that’s what I was hoping.  I just—I just feel like he’s there.  And Rey, since you’re from there. . . I thought maybe you could help.  Somehow.”  It wasn’t the entire truth, but Poe didn’t know how to explain the rest of it, that he believed there was some connection between her and Ben’s family.

Rey sighed.  “I. . . I can call somebody out there.  The cops or something, I know some of them.  I’ll ask if they know anything about him coming to town since I left.  It’s a mining town, and a lot of people come and go doing work on the mine, so the cops keep a pretty close eye on that kind of thing.”

“Luke’s worked with mining operations.”  Ben’s voice was tight, and he looked down rather than at any of them when he spoke.  “Teaching fencing was a side job, but he has a degree in hydrology—natural water systems.  One of the jobs he did was to see what kind of impact mines have on ground water.”

“You could have told me that sooner,” Poe grumbled.  “It would have helped.”

“He doesn’t _want_ to find Luke,” Rey announced.  Ben gave her a withering look, which she returned without a reaction.

“I know,” said Poe.  “Believe me.  This is all my idea.  Because,” he added in a voice just as tight as Ben’s, “Ben’s a stubborn bastard who thinks he doesn’t need anyone, so he’s too proud to go after Luke on his own.”

“Poe, that isn’t true,” Ben protested, without much vehemence.  _I need **you**._   The thought was so clear, articulated so perfectly in Poe’s mind, he almost thought Ben had spoken it aloud.  Poe flushed and looked at him, but Ben’s gaze had returned to the carpet in front of him.

“He’s afraid,” Rey murmured.  Then she spoke directly to Ben, although he wouldn’t look at her, “You’re afraid you’ll never be good enough, at anything, for anybody.  You’re afraid that if your uncle comes back, you’ll fail him again.  Him, and your parents, and Poe.”

“Get out of my head,” Ben muttered, still not looking at Rey.

“Never mind,” Poe interrupted.  He had already known, really, what Rey had seen, but he didn’t like hearing her say it. . . especially that Ben was still afraid of disappointing him.  “Rey, if you’ll make those calls to Desperation, that will help, a lot.  If the cops don’t know anything about Luke, then we—I can decide where to look next.  And if they do. . . .”

“Road trip!” declared Finn.

Poe looked at him and smiled.  “Yeah.  Road trip.”

“I’m coming too,” Rey told them.  “You’ll have a lot easier time talking to people over there if I introduce you.  And anyway, it’s an eight-hour drive.  You two will never make it on your own.”

“No bitching?” Finn challenged her.  “No getting pissed at Poe?”

Rey rolled her eyes.  “No bitching or getting pissed.  Even at _you_ , Finn.”

Finn immediately turned to Ben.  “ _Well?_ ”

Ben finally looked up, but only to glare at him.  “Well _what?_ ”

“This is where you apologize to Poe,” Finn informed him.  “Because obviously you’re coming with us, since this dude is _your_ uncle.  And since Poe wouldn’t last one night without you.”

A blush stained Ben’s pale cheeks, and he looked away as he muttered, “Poe would be just fine without me.”

“Oh, for God’s sake,” Rey groaned.  “Poe, come kiss your—your bloody precious snowflake and tell him you would die without him, or whatever it is he wants to hear.  He’s annoying enough normally, but he’s _insufferable_ when you two are fighting.”

Poe _had_ been hurt by Ben’s comment, but at the word “snowflake,” he couldn’t help but chuckle.  He looked at Ben, who was blushing harder than before and giving Poe a look that clearly said “don’t you _dare_ call me that in front of them.”

“I’d die without you,” Poe said from across the room, “snowflake.”

“ _Poe_.”  Ben groaned and dropped his head in his hands, mumbling, “Fine, I’m sorry.  And I’ll come with you to wherever the hell Desperation is.”

“That didn’t sound very sincere,” chuckled Finn.  “Poe, I don’t think he’s really sorry.  I wouldn’t put out tonight if I were you.”

Rey winced.  “Oh ew, Finn.  Thanks for _that_ mental image.”

“I’m leaving,” Poe declared, certain he was blushing every bit as hard as Ben was.  He stalked to the door without looking to see whether Ben was following him or not.  Poe said over his shoulder, “Rey, let me know what you find out on the phone.  And thanks.”

“Sure.”  She sounded amused, but Poe didn’t look at her either.  He shut the door behind him and was halfway down the steps before he heard it shut again.

“Poe. . . .”  Ben’s voice sounded strained.  “Poe, wait.”

“I said I was leaving.”  Poe made it down the stairs and halfway to his car before Ben caught up to him and wrapped his arms around Poe from behind to pin the smaller man to his chest.

“I really am sorry,” Ben murmured.  “It’s just hard to say it in front of _them_.”

“You’re _really_ sorry?” Poe half-teased.  “Or you’re worried I won’t put out if you don’t apologize?”

“Poe, I don’t care about _that_.”  Now Ben sounded agonized.  “I’ll—I’ll sleep on the _couch_ if you want me to.  Just stop being mad at me.  I really am sorry.”

Poe’s defenses promptly melted.  “Baby, I was _kidding_.”  He turned his head to lean his cheek against Ben’s chest.  “But Finn was right, you were getting pissed at me, you and Rey both, and I’m just trying to help you.”

“And _Rey_ was right—I’m afraid.  Of exactly what she said.”  Poe felt Ben’s lips press against his hair.  “I’m not just being a. . . a stubborn bastard who thinks he doesn’t need anyone.  I need _you_.”

“I know,” Poe whispered.

“. . . You sound like my dad.”

“I mean, I felt it.  I felt you think it.”  Poe tilted his head back to meet Ben’s eyes.  “I need you too.  I _wouldn’t_ be fine without you.  I—well, I might not _die_ , but I would be miserable.”  He reached up and stroked Ben’s cheek.  “If we go out to Desperation, I want you to come with us.  Not just ‘cos yeah, we’re finding Luke for _you_ , but because I probably _wouldn’t_ last one night without you.”

“Of course I’m coming with you.”  Ben turned his head to kiss Poe’s palm, then mumbled against it, “And he’s there.  You’re right.  I don’t know how you know, or how _I_ know, but I can feel it too.”

“And Rey—” Poe began, encouraged that Ben believed his hunch.

“I don’t want to talk about Rey.”  Ben clutched Poe harder against him and nuzzled his hair again.  “Not yet.”

“Okay, we won’t,” Poe reassured him.  He understood then that Ben sensed a connection between himself and Rey, just as Poe suspected.  Ben wasn’t denying it, either.  _But one thing at a time,_ Poe decided.   _Luke first._

“They’re probably watching us,” Ben muttered into Poe’s hair.  “To see if we made up.”

“Well, did we?”  Poe turned in his arms to face him, and he looked up at Ben while sliding his own arms around his neck.  “I’m sorry I called you a stubborn bastard and a snowflake in front of everybody.”

“And I’m sorry I—er, got pissed and bitched at you.”  Ben gave Poe a hopeful little smile.

“Okay, okay, we’ve made up.  When you smile like that, you’re too cute for me to stay mad at you anyway,” Poe admitted.  He stroked his fingers through Ben’s long hair as he rose up on his toes to kiss the taller man.  Ben kissed him back, first gently then with a force that made Poe moan.  “A-and you’re not sleeping on the couch either,” Poe panted when Ben finally released him.  “C’mon, let’s get home.”

\--

To be continued

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Desperation is actually from Stephen King’s book of the same name.  I’ve never been to Nevada, so I decided I’d do a better job of describing a fictional town than a real one!  This story has nothing to do with that book though ^^;


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, I'm sorry I haven't updated in so long, and I'm sorry this is short. But I figured you guys would rather have a short chapter than none at all :P Real life has kinda been kicking my butt right now, but things will calm down a LOT in May, so new chapters should come more regularly soon!

Poe didn’t expect to get results from Rey so soon, but she called him the next night, while Ben was working.  Poe was sitting on the couch, watching TV, when his phone rang and he saw Rey’s number.

“Hey,” she said when he answered, “I got in touch with one of the cops I was talking about.”  The odd tone to her voice, and the fact that she didn’t immediately go on, told Poe she had found something out.

“Yeah?” he finally prompted her.  “What’d he say?”

He heard Rey sigh through the phone.  “You were right.  Luke’s there.  Collie—that’s the cop—said he got on with the mine about a year ago.  He’s a hydrologist, just like Ben said.”

“Did—did the cop say anything _about_ him?” Poe stammered.  “Like why he came there or. . . .”

“Not really,” Rey told him.  “Collie doesn’t know him too well—Luke really keeps to himself, apparently.  Collie said he works a lot and drinks a lot, and that’s about it.”

“Drinks a lot?  That. . . doesn’t sound good,” muttered Poe.  “Uh look, you told this Collie guy not to say anything to Luke about us, right?  I don’t want him running away again before we even get out there.”

“Oh come on, Poe,” Rey groaned, “I know better than that.  I didn’t even tell Collie _why_ I was asking about Luke.  I mean, he’s a _cop_ , he asked me, but I just said Luke was the friend of a friend.  I didn’t tell Collie we were coming out there, either.”  She paused.  “I guess this means we _are_ going out there?”

“Yeah,” Poe murmured, “I think so.  I’ll have to talk to Ben, but he said he would go.  What about you and Finn—when can you take time off?”

“I’ll ask him and let you know.  You just worry about Ben.”  She added in a mutter, “God knows he’s enough to worry about all on his own.”

Poe chuckled, “Thanks, Rey.  I’ll talk to you soon.”

When Ben got off work later that night, Poe didn’t even have to tell him Rey had called; Ben already knew.  He shed his robe and laid it over the back of the couch before sitting down beside Poe with an apprehensive look on his face.

“Luke is in Desperation, isn’t he,” Ben stated.

Poe muted the TV then turned to look up at him.  “Yeah.  Rey talked to some cop over there.  Luke’s working at the mine.”

Ben nodded and lowered his head, making the curls of hair over his ears hang down along his temples.  He was so still and so quiet, Poe began to worry.

“Baby. . . .”  He reached out and stroked back the lock of hair against Ben’s right temple.  Ben’s hand lifted to close over Poe’s, holding it against his cheek, and he glanced up with a faint smile that still didn’t exactly reassure Poe.

“I’m okay,” Ben murmured.  “Did she say anything else about him?”

Poe shook his head.  “She didn’t want to tell the cop too much.  She’s gonna find out when she and Finn can get off work for us to go out there.”

Ben nodded again.  His eyes had drifted downward from Poe’s face, though he still clutched the smaller man’s hand, and Poe saw his jaw shift as he swallowed.

“Thank you for making me do this, Poe.”  The smile flickered over his mouth again, and this time it looked more sincere.  “From the first time I saw you, I felt like I would do anything for you—and ever since then, you’ve been making me do all kinds of things I didn’t want to.”  He raised his dark eyes to Poe’s again.  “In the end, it always works out for the best, so I’m going to trust you on this, too.”

Poe smiled back at him and brought his other hand up to Ben’s face as well, holding it as he leaned in to kiss him.  “You’ve made me try new things too, you know.  It’s good for us to test our boundaries sometimes. . . expand our horizons.”

“Is that some kind of pilot metaphor?” Ben teased after he returned Poe’s kiss.  He let go of Poe’s hand as he stood up and stretched.  “Speaking of testing boundaries. . . have you taken a shower yet?”

“No, I was gonna wait until in the morning.”  Poe turned off the TV and dropped the remote with a significant look up at Ben.  “But I’d be happy to change my plans.  That sounded intriguing.”

Ben smiled down at him and gestured toward the bathroom.  “Come on, then.  I want to try something.”

“Oh really?”  Poe hopped up and stepped out of his shoes, nearly losing his balance in his eagerness.  “What?”

“Calm down,” Ben chuckled.  “You’ll see.”  He followed Poe into the small room, shutting the door behind them.

“Why do you always shut the door?” Poe complained as he squirmed out of his clothes in the tiny space.  “I mean, B.B. isn’t going to look or anything.”

“Force of habit.”

Poe finished undressing first and stood in his underwear watching Ben pull his shirt over his head.  His skin was still almost ghostly pale, except for a slightly deeper color on his arms from where he’d finally started wearing short sleeved shirts.

“ _Habit?_ ” Poe persisted as he ogled his fiancé’s bare torso.  “You mean you shut the door when you lived here alone, too?”

Ben shrugged and started to take off his jeans.  “It keeps the steam from the shower in, so it’s warmer.  And anyway, what if someone broke in while I was in the shower?”

Poe started laughing.  “So what if they did?  I think you’re the only person I’ve ever met who’s actively worried about a thief seeing him naked.”  Once Ben got his jeans off, Poe stepped over to him and wrapped his arms around the taller man’s waist, then nuzzled his chest.  “And what would a thief steal from you, anyway?  The crystal ball?”

“I never said I was worried about thieves.”  Holding on to Poe with one arm, Ben leaned over to start the shower, which always took a while to warm up.  “What about kidnappers?  Someone might break in and kidnap my princess.”  He bent his head and planted a kiss on Poe’s forehead.

“Yeah, and then they’d give me right back when they figured out how much trouble I am.  Anyway, stop being silly and tell me what you want to try.”  Poe rubbed up against Ben and hooked his thumbs in the waistband of Ben’s shorts to tug them down.

“Not yet,” Ben declared, although he let Poe finish undressing him, then did the same to Poe.  Finally, he got in the shower, pulling Poe after him, and watched as the warm water soaked into Poe’s wavy hair.

“Your hair looks so much longer when it’s wet,” Ben murmured, combing his fingers through it.

“Yours _is_ getting longer, isn’t it?”  Poe grinned up at him as he pushed the wet strands back from Ben’s face.  “Are you growing it out?”

“Maybe.  Do you like it?”  Ben tugged his fingers free to get the shampoo and squirt some directly on the top of Poe’s head.  Poe winced at how cold it felt.

“Geez, give me some warning.  And yeah, I like your hair long.  It’s really hot.”  He closed his eyes and relaxed as he felt Ben’s fingers massaging his scalp.  “Mmn, I should make you take care of me more often.  That feels good.”

“I bet it does.  Too bad you’re too short to reach _my_ head.”  Ben cut off Poe’s protest at his teasing by pulling him under the water and rinsing his hair.  Poe rubbed the water out of his eyes as Ben started washing his own hair.

“Yeah, well, what about everything I _can_ reach?” Poe retorted.  He grabbed the soap and scrubbed it down Ben’s chest before using his hands to rub it in.

“I guess you’re good for—nngh, some things,” Ben mumbled, gasping when Poe’s thumbs brushed his nipples; then he almost moaned when Poe started groping him with one soapy hand.  “Oh _God_ , Poe, d-don’t do that yet!”  Ben dropped his hands from his hair and gently pushed Poe away while he rinsed off.  Poe sulked at him while Ben finished washing himself in a business-like manner.

“You’re absolutely no fun at all, you know that?” Poe griped.

Ben raised an eyebrow at him.  “Do you want to know what we’re going to try, or not?”

“ _Fine_.”  Poe stood still and let Ben wash and rinse his chest, then even allowed a long kiss.

“Okay, turn around,” Ben told him when their mouths finally broke apart.

“Mmn, okay,” Poe agreed, thinking that this was sounding more promising.  He turned to face the back wall of the shower and leaned against it, bracing himself on his arms.  He felt Ben’s hands spread over his back, rubbing the soap into it gently then rinsing it.  Ben’s arms slipped around Poe’s waist, and the larger man pressed close against him.

“I love you,” Ben whispered, his lips brushing Poe’s ear.

“I love you too. . . .”  Poe rested his forehead on the wall as Ben trailed kisses down his neck to his shoulder.

In between caresses, Ben murmured, “I want you to tell me what I’m thinking about.”

“I think I can probably guess,” Poe laughed, but Ben shook his head.

“Nunh unh, not that.  Remember what we talked about after we had dinner with Mom the other night?  I want you to feel me the way I can feel you.  That’s what we’re going to try.”  Ben hugged him a little tighter and stopped his kisses, resting his cheek on Poe’s wet hair instead.  “Now tell me what I’m thinking about.”

“Umm. . . .”  Poe tried to guess what Ben might be thinking about, if not sex.  The beach?  Work?  The balloon?

“Stop trying to guess,” Ben scolded him.

“That isn’t fair!  I can’t just read your mind like you can mine,” protested Poe.

Ben’s whisper sounded patient and gentle, despite Poe’s irritation.  “Just try, angel.”

Poe closed his eyes, and, rather than trying to guess, tried instead _not_ to think.  He focused on the warmth of Ben’s chest against his back, and how safe he felt with his lover’s arms embracing him.

And then, for no reason at all, he thought about sharks.

“ _Sharks?_ ” Poe blurted out.

A tremor moved through Ben’s body, but the other man only asked, “What _kind_ of shark?”

“I don’t know—” Poe began, but then he realized he _did_ know.  “The really goofy-looking one with the eyes on the—hammerhead, that’s what it’s called.”

“It _worked_ ,” Ben breathed.

“Yeah, but—but why a dorky _shark_?”  Poe started to shake with laughter in Ben’s arms.  “You are so _weird_.”

“Hey, it had to be something you wouldn’t guess,” Ben mumbled as he resumed his caressing of Poe’s neck, “but never mind that.  Just keep your mind open, and try to feel me, angel. . . feel what I’m doing to you.”

“What _are_ you going to— _ohh_.”  Poe shut up when Ben’s hand slipped down from his stomach.  As Ben stroked him slowly, Poe gave up on trying to think about anything at all, sharks included.  He pushed into Ben’s hand with a whimper.

“Ben. . . .”

“Shh,” Ben whispered.  “Just keep feeling.”  Poe was more than happy to do so, especially when Ben put his other hand between them to finger him.   Through a haze of pleasure, Poe wondered if that were all Ben had planned, but after a few moments, Ben started thrusting up against Poe’s hip, his breath coming faster.

“Nngh, Poe,” he panted, “can I—”

“Yeah,” Poe interrupted impatiently and pushed back against him.  Ben withdrew his hand and positioned himself behind Poe, bending the smaller man over a little farther even as he laughed softly.

“Relax, angel.  I’m gonna do it slowly.”  Even though Poe could feel his lover shiver with anticipation, Ben stopped thrusting to whisper against his ear, “I want to know what it feels like for you. . . and you to know what it feels like for me. . . .”

Poe took a long, deep breath and tried to relax.  Although he felt almost overwhelmed with love for Ben, that was a familiar feeling; Poe still wasn’t sure he was sensing anything from Ben himself. . . until Ben pushed into him and Poe’s knees went weak with pleasure.  He _could_ feel what Ben felt, and what he himself felt, all at once.  Poe gasped and tried to speak, but couldn’t.  Neither could Ben as he made a choked noise and sank in all the way, despite his intention to go slowly.

For the next few minutes, neither of them could think at all beyond the sensations of sheer ecstasy they shared.  Once they had finished together, Poe slumped against the shower wall panting for breath with Ben draped over him.

_I love you,_ Poe thought, not even really in words, and he felt Ben’s reply: _I love you too_.  At some point after that, their mental contact faded, and when Ben finally pulled away from him, Poe was once more only aware of his own thoughts.  He almost felt lonely until Ben fumbled at his shoulders and turned him around, pulling him close into an embrace.

“Poe,” Ben mumbled shakily, “you. . . you were. . . nngh, the water’s getting cold.”

They managed to finish washing off, despite being somewhat wobbly, and make it to bed where they lay with Ben’s long limbs entwined with Poe’s.  Ben caressed Poe’s damp, curly hair over and over as Poe nuzzled his lover’s neck and collarbone.

“I’m exhausted,” Poe whispered, “mentally _and_ physically.  Is that what it’s like for you, being psychic?  Is it always so tiring?”

Ben gave a soft laugh and kissed Poe’s forehead, along his hairline.  “Not physically—that’s just because we went at it so hard.  Mentally. . . yeah, it can make me tired, a little, but you’re not used to it.  And—and I have a lot on my mind.  I should have thought about that before I made you read me. . . that it might be hard on you.”  He caught Poe’s chin in his hand and tilted the smaller man’s head back so they could rest their foreheads together.  “I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be.  It was worth it,” Poe reassured him.  “Not just ‘cause it felt good either—although damn, it _did_.  But Ben, I want to be able to be with you that way, sharing our thoughts.  We belong together, I know we do.”  Ben had closed his eyes, and at that close distance, Poe could see tears edging his lids, through his lashes.

“I know it too,” Ben whispered.  “You make me feel. . . _whole_ , Poe.  Complete.  Like even if I’m tired, it’s okay, because when I’m with you, I can finally rest.  I don’t have to fight anymore.”

Poe put his hand up to stroke Ben’s wet hair.  “You don’t.  Whatever we have to do, we’ll do it together, baby.”

Ben nodded in a quick, jerky motion, but he trembled like he was still trying not to cry.  Poe shifted upward on his pillow so he could pull Ben’s head down against _his_ chest for a change, and he drew his fingers through his fiancé’s hair.  Finally, Ben’s trembling ceased as he clung to Poe, and when he spoke next, his deep voice sounded steady.

“Today I called Dad and told him we’re getting married.”

“Yeah?”  Poe grinned even though Ben couldn’t see his face.  “What’d he say?”

“He didn’t flip out,” Ben told him, sounding a little surprised.  “I didn’t want to talk to him—I hoped I could just leave a message, but he answered.  He didn’t really say much, but he asked when the wedding was.”  He sighed and rubbed his cheek against Poe’s chest.  “We’re going to have to set a date, I guess.”

“Well, don’t get too excited about it,” Poe said sarcastically, although he was smirking.

“Ugh, you know what I mean.  I want to marry you.  I _don’t_ want my family involved.”  Ben hugged him tightly, arms around Poe’s waist.  “Mmn, never mind, angel.  You’re right, we’ll do it together.  Now go to sleep if you’re tired.”

Poe let his eyes drop closed, and his hand stilled and came to rest in Ben’s hair.  “’Kay.  Love you, baby.”

“I love you too,” Ben murmured.

\--

To be continued


	28. Chapter 28

They left for Desperation the next Sunday morning, with plans to return home on Tuesday.  Poe wasn’t looking forward to spending sixteen of the next sixty or so hours in Finn’s SUV, but the schedule ensured that none of them would miss more than two days of work—and anyway, he doubted it would take them very long to find Luke in a town that small.  Poe had left B.B. with the dog sitter the day before, so he and Ben were ready to leave when a sleepy, grouchy Finn and Rey picked them up at six that morning.

Poe and Ben sat in the backseat to start out, Ben having immediately jammed his headphones into his ears to drown out the rap music Finn was blasting from the speakers.  Rey and Poe, being used to it, were more tolerant of the soundtrack, and anyway, they’d all agreed the driver would get to choose the music.  Poe was driving next, then Ben, so Rey would be driving when they reached her former hometown.  But for now, Poe leaned against Ben's shoulder and closed his eyes, not quite dozing, while Ben leaned on the window and stared out it at California speeding by, holding Poe’s hand the whole time.

Poe’s turn driving was a bit more lively since everyone was more awake by then.  Rey and Finn both moved to the backseat; Ben in the passenger seat deigned to remove his headphones and listen to Poe’s music.  The rest of the trip was just as uneventful except for the usual bickering that occurred whenever all four of them were together.  Most of the drive was along US 50, and Poe came to understand why it was called “the loneliest road in America.”  _Loneliest and most boring,_ Poe thought.  Straight and treeless, it reminded Poe of what Ben had said about the ocean when they first flew together: “The horizon is so _flat_.”

At a little past two that afternoon, Rey drove the SUV into Desperation.  It was as small as she had always claimed, little more than one dusty intersection of two main roads.  A few buildings lined each, with a small neighborhood of houses beyond them, but that was it.

“The mine’s the only interesting thing here,” Rey told them as she pulled to a stop at the town’s single traffic light.  “If we don’t end up there anyway, you’ll have to see it before we leave.”  Finn was back in the passenger seat, and behind him, Ben leaned forward with his elbows on his knees.  He still looked out the window, but Poe could almost physically feel the tension in Ben’s body.

“It’s Sunday,” he muttered.  “Would he be working out there on Sunday?”

Rey shrugged.  “They don’t run the actual mining operation on the weekends, but some of the guys, like the foreman, will go down there and work odd times.  If Luke’s a hydrologist, he could be running tests or something.”

Their light had long since turned green, but it didn’t really matter that Rey was hesitating over which way to go; there weren’t any cars on the road behind them, or anywhere else.

“I guess we should get a place to stay before we go finding anybody,” she finally muttered, then turned left.  “There’s only one motel in town, but it’s not too bad.”

“I could sleep just about anywhere,” Finn yawned.  “I’m exhausted.”

“From doing _what_ , exactly?” Poe teased him as Rey pulled into the parking lot of a single-story, sprawled motel with rooms that opened onto the outside rather than an interior hallway.  “You’ve been sitting on your ass for the past eight hours.”

“Don’t forgot whose car you came here in, bro,” grumbled Finn.

They got two rooms with a connecting door between them; Rey insisted that she wasn’t sharing a room with Ben and Poe, with a vehemence that amused Poe and embarrassed Ben.  The rooms really _weren’t_ too bad; they were clean, at least.

“So what do we do now?” Finn asked when the four of them were sitting on the two beds in his and Rey’s room.

“Start looking,” Ben said morosely.  He hadn’t said much all day, even to Poe, and he seemed more like the old Kylo Poe had first met than he had in some time.  Poe didn’t like it, but he could certainly understand.  Ben was worried, and more than that, he was scared.  Poe covered Ben’s pale hand with his and squeezed it.

“Rey, do you think your cop buddy might know where Luke is?” asked Poe.  “You could call him.”

“He’s not my buddy,” Rey muttered.  “But yeah, he might.  Like I said, they keep a pretty close eye on the mine.  I don’t want to keep bothering him though.”  She got up and went to peer out the window at the bright, dusty street outside.  “I guess we could just go by the police station and ask whoever’s on duty.  They should all at least know who Luke is, and people tend to stick to a routine around here.”

“It’s as good an idea as any,” sighed Ben.

Although both he and Finn protested, Rey insisted that they were going to walk to the building that housed the police station and other municipal offices, since nearly everything in town except the mine was within about two blocks of everything else.  Despite how much Rey had complained about her hometown in the past, she seemed to take some pride in showing it to them.  Poe didn’t mind walking anyway, after sitting in a car for most of the day.

“At least it’s not summer yet,” Rey commented as they walked along the sidewalk.  “It gets _really_ hot here.  Anyone who claims that a ‘dry heat’ isn’t so hot needs to come to Desperation in July.”

They didn’t see another human being on the street between the motel and the police station, although a couple dogs wandered by and made Poe miss B.B.  Ben held his hand, but Ben’s other hand stayed shoved in his pocket, and he walked with his head down and his dark eyes set on the ground in a glare.  When they reached the municipal building, Poe saw that the parking lot held only one dusty police car and, off to the side, a pick-up truck and an old sedan.

“That’s Collie’s truck,” Rey told them.  “Maybe he’s on the desk this shift.”

Following Rey into the plain, brick building, Poe was surprised to see it had two stories; a staircase directly in front of the door led upward.  Rey turned into a suite of offices on the left, though, with the guys behind her.  Several closed doors inside led to private offices for town officials, but a cop was sitting at an old-fashioned wooden desk in the main room.  He looked up as they entered; then he stared.

“ _Rey?_   Rey!” he bellowed as he got to his feet.

“Hi Collie,” she said with a slight laugh.

Collie was the kind of cop that scared Poe: not because he looked mean, but because he was _huge_.  He was taller even than Ben, though not as tall as Han’s buddy Chewie, and he was built like a football player with broad shoulders and muscular limbs.  His blond hair was cropped close to his skull in a crew cut, and he had light colored eyes, either blue or grey.  Oddly enough for a cop in a desert town, he was sunburned, and he looked older than them, maybe near forty.  Poe had never been in trouble with the law in his life, but his nightmare was tangling with the law when the law looked like _that_ , as if it could utterly crush him.

Still, the big guy seemed friendly enough, at least toward Rey.  He had come out from behind the desk and approached her, towering over her and grinning, though he at least had the sense not to hug her—Rey wasn’t especially fond of being touched.

“You didn’t tell me you were _coming_ ,” Collie went on.  “And who’re these guys—your boyfriends?”  He was still grinning as he said it, but Ben and Rey both snapped “ _No!_ ” anyway.  Poe shook his head with a grin nearly as wide as Collie’s, and Finn just looked embarrassed.

“What do you think I’ve been doing since I moved away, anyway?” Rey groaned.  “They’re my _friends_.”

“Well.  Nice to meet you.  Collier Entragian,” the cop introduced himself, holding out a hand.  When neither Ben nor Finn showed any signs of wanting to shake it, Poe ended up doing it and found his own hand nearly swallowed in a firm handshake.

“I’m Poe Dameron,” he said as he managed to extract his hand.  “Er, and this is Ben, and Finn.”

“We came out here to look for Luke,” Rey finally explained.

Collie turned away from Poe to stare at her.  “Really?  All this way?  Are these guys the ones you said were his friends?”

“Um—” Rey began, but to everyone’s surprise, Ben cut her off.

“He’s my uncle,” he said.  He was still scowling in Collie’s direction, but although Poe had the feeling he didn’t like Collie much, Ben apparently trusted him.  “He disappeared about a year ago, and we’ve been trying to find him.”

“Oh.”  Collie’s pale eyes flicked to Rey then back to Ben.  “Well, he’s not in any kind of trouble, if that’s what you were worried about.  Keeps to himself and spends most of his time either at the mine or the bar, but he’s never caused any fuss.”

When Ben didn’t say anything else, Rey asked Collie, “You have any idea where he might be right now?”

“He was down at the mine a couple hours ago when I went by on patrol,” Collie shrugged.  “He might still be there.  I don’t know where he’s living, but I can probably find an address if you need me to.”

Rey arched an eyebrow and asked, “Is that legal?”  When Collie just shrugged again and grinned, Rey shook her head with a smirk.  “We’ll go take a look around the mine before you start doing anything morally ambiguous.”

“Okay, but give me a call if you have any trouble.  You might try checking the bars this evening if you don’t find him at the mine.”  Collie paused then asked, “How long are you gonna be in town?”

“We’re going home Tuesday morning,” Rey told him.  “None of us can take too long off work, and Poe and Ben have a dog.”  For the first time in hours, a slight smile crossed Ben’s face.

“Okay, well, if you get bored before then, look me up,” Collie said, and Poe got the feeling he was talking to Rey and not the rest of them.  “I’m off tomorrow.”

Either Rey didn’t get the hint, or she ignored it.  “Will do.  Thanks, Collie, a lot—you’ve been a big help.”

As they left the municipal building and started back toward the hotel, Finn grumbled, “Did you used to date that guy or something?”

Rey snorted.  “Collie?  No way.  He’s way older than us, and he’s a pretty big dork.”

“And of course you’d _never_ hang out with dorky guys, right?” Poe smirked.

“Course not,” Rey grinned back; then she glanced at Finn with a slightly more sympathetic expression.  “Really, Collie was kind of a friend, but that was it.”  Finn relaxed and nodded.

They had almost reached the hotel by then, and Rey looked back over her shoulder at Ben.  “So I guess you want to go check out the mine?”

“Yeah,” Ben muttered.  “Finn, do you mind if I use the car?”

“Nope.  Here.”  Finn fumbled in his pocked for the keys, then tossed them to Ben.  “I figured you wouldn’t want me tagging along, this being kinda personal and all.  And anyway—”  He gave an exaggerated yawn and stretch.  “Dry heat or not, it’s damn _hot_ out here.  Watching television in the AC sounds a lot more appealing than wandering around some old mine right about now.”

In the hotel parking lot, Ben stopped by the SUV, and Finn kept on toward their rooms.  Poe had stopped too, but Rey hesitated.

“I can take you out to the mine if you want,” she murmured to Ben.  “I’ve been in it a few times, and it’s kind of a rough drive to get down in there.  But if you’d rather me stay here, that’s fine.”

Ben didn’t say anything, but he held out the keys to her.  Rey took them, masking most of her surprise; then Ben turned to look at Poe.

“Poe. . . .”

“Yeah?”  Poe looked up at him to see an uneasy expression on his face.  “. . . What?”

“I. . . think you should stay here with Finn.”

“Hunh?”  Poe stared at Ben and stammered, “You don’t want me to go with you?  Why not?”

Ben sighed heavily, and Poe clenched his jaw at how put-out he sounded.  “I just. . . I’d rather you not be there if we find Luke.”

“ _Why?_ ” Poe demanded again.  “Ben, we came all this way to find him, and. . . and you want _Rey_ to go with you instead of me?  You and her don’t even like each other!”  He was aware that he wasn’t quite making sense, or being fair to Rey, but Ben clearly knew what he meant judging from how he averted his eyes from Poe and glared down at the asphalt instead.

“Poe, I don’t know how it’s going to go,” he muttered, “and if it goes bad, I don’t want you there.”

“You mean it might go _worse_ than the other shit we’ve been through?” Poe snapped.  Maybe Ben was worried about controlling his own temper, but Poe thought he was justified in getting angry himself.  “After everything I’ve seen you do, and everything I’ve put up with, you think _Rey_ ’s gonna let you pitch a fit if Luke pisses you off?”

“Poe, shut up for a minute!” Rey hissed at him, but Poe barely heard her; he was too focused on Ben.  His fiancé had visibly flinched at Poe’s words, and the pained look on his face almost made Poe hesitate.  But then Ben steeled himself and glared right back down at him.

“This is a great time to tell me you’re tired of ‘putting up’ with me!” he growled.

“Poe, I know how to get to the mine,” Rey tried again.  “That’s _all_.”

“I think I’m capable of finding the giant hole in the ground!” Poe yelled in her direction, earning him a glare from her too.  “And that doesn’t explain why we _both_ can’t go.”

“Rey is like _us_.”  Ben’s voice had dropped and flattened until it was almost emotionless, and it cut right through the other two’s argument.  “Like Luke and me.  She needs to be there.  I don’t know why, but she does.”

Poe stared at him in silence for a few seconds, unable to form any words at first.  Finally, he managed, “Is that it?  I’m not _psychic_ , so you don’t need me anymore?  What about—what about when we—”  He clenched his teeth again with a snap and swallowed hard against the painful lump in his throat, then tried again.  “I told you that whatever you had to do, we’d do it together.  You don’t want that anymore?”

Ben’s hands had formed into fists, but now he opened them and threw them into the air in frustration.  “Poe—it’s just this.  _Just Luke._   I’ve got to do this myself.  Alone.”

“Yeah, alone with _Rey_ ,” Poe retorted.

“You don’t understand,” Ben nearly groaned.  “Rey, she—you know yourself there’s a reason why she came from here, and why Luke’s here now.  Rey, _you_ know it, don’t you?”

She nodded, grimly, with her lips pressed tightly together until she muttered, “Poe, don’t be jealous of me, for God’s sake.”

“I’m not,” he countered, and he wasn’t, not really.  He _did_ know that there was something connecting her to Ben. . . but he still couldn’t understand why Ben didn’t want him to come with them.  Maybe Ben really did think he might not be able to control his temper around Luke, and he didn’t want Poe there to see it.

 _But it’s nothing I haven’t seen before,_ Poe argued with himself, _and he’s always done what I wanted before.  He said that what I wanted was always best.  So why is it wrong **now**?_   He could only think of one other answer, and it hurt even more than being rejected because he lacked Rey’s psychic abilities.

“Are you ashamed of me?” he asked Ben, finally looking back up at him again.  “You don’t want him to know you’re—you’re with a guy?  With me?”

Ben stared at him as if Poe had suggested something ludicrous.  “Poe—how can you even _say_ that?  You’ve met my _parents_.”

“You didn’t chase your parents off to the middle of nowhere in another state like you did Luke!” Poe shouted back.  “And they aren’t ‘like you and Luke’—and Rey!  Neither am I, so maybe I’m not good enough for you anymore!”

Ben’s whole body had tensed up, and he gave Poe a look Poe hadn’t seen since Ben lost his last fencing match to Hux.

“I’m not going to talk about this _anymore_ ,” he said, again in that terrible flat voice.  “Come on, Rey.”

Rey gave him a frustrated look, but then she turned to Poe with a sigh.  “Poe, please.  He’s not—”

“I’m not talking about it anymore either,” he interrupted.  He shoved past her, back toward the hotel.  Rey didn’t try to stop him, and before he reached the door to his room, he heard the doors of the SUV slam as the two got in.

Poe slammed the door to his room himself then threw himself down on one of the two double beds and lay on his back, scowling up at the ceiling.

_I come five hundred miles with him—and it was **my** idea to find Luke in the first place—and **I** was the one who talked to Wedge to find out where Luke was!  And now Ben doesn’t want me to meet him?_

Then, abruptly, Poe didn’t feel angry so much as he felt sad—first that Ben didn’t want Poe with him, but then because he started to remember what he had said to Ben: that Poe had been putting up with him, that Ben had chased Luke away.

“Ugh, what was I _thinking_?” Poe groaned aloud, letting his eyes drop shut.  He had been so hurt, he had deliberately hurt Ben in return.  Poe tugged his phone out of his pocket without opening his eyes and considered calling Ben to apologize, or at least texting him.  But then Poe remembered what _Ben_ had said to _him_ : _I’d rather you not be there.  I don’t want you there._

“Then maybe I _won’t_ be there anymore,” Poe grumbled as he sat up and tossed his phone onto the nightstand between the beds, deciding his time would be better spent taking a shower and trying to calm down.  He yanked off his ring and slammed it down on top of his phone before stalking to the bathroom, shedding his clothes on the way.

After he showered methodically, trying not to think of anything at all, Poe rubbed himself down with a towel and pulled on clean shorts.  He started to drop the towel on the bathroom floor, then, thinking that Ben wouldn’t like it, hung it back up.  Poe stopped and looked at the towel when he realized what he had been doing out of sheer habit.

“Dammit,” Poe groaned to himself.  No matter how hard he tried to stay angry, he couldn’t.  _I’ll chase Luke around the entire world and put up with Ben’s emo shit until Doomsday, because I love him.  I would do anything for him, **anything**._

Poe trudged back into the bedroom and scooped up his ring in one hand, using the other to check his phone.  The hopeful flutter in his stomach sank when he saw no one had called or texted him.  He thought again about calling Ben then set the phone down again with a heavy sigh.

 _He probably doesn’t want to talk to me,_ he realized, _and I can’t really blame him._   Poe looked down at his ring with its deep red garnet, then slipped it back onto his finger and brought it to his lips.  Only thirty minutes had passed since Ben and Rey left, and Poe had no idea how long it took to drive down to the mine.  From Rey's mention of a “rough drive,” he thought they might not have even made it all the way in yet.

Poe’s shower had relaxed him physically if not mentally, and despite how he’d teased Finn, he too felt exhausted from the long trip that day.  He tugged back the sheets on the bed he’d lain on earlier and got in, deciding that he might as well take a nap.  _Better than staying awake and **thinking**._

The bed felt awfully empty now that he was used to sleeping with Ben every night, but Poe closed his eyes resolutely, determined to go to sleep.  He tossed around a few times, all without opening his eyes, yet he lay still soon enough.  Poe drifted off after only a few minutes with his right arm shoved under the pillow and his left hand—and Ben’s ring—under his cheek.

\--

To be continued


	29. Chapter 29

To Rey’s credit, she didn’t try to talk to Ben on the way to the mine, but then he hadn’t really expected her to.  There wasn’t much for either of them to say.  He stared out the passenger window at the tiny, dusty town as they drove through it, then at the flat, dusty desert as they drove through that.  Even though he tried to ignore her, Ben could feel emotions coming off of Rey in waves.  He glanced at her once, but her face was stony as she stared at the straight road ahead; it contradicted everything he knew she was feeling.

Frustration, mostly, but not just at Ben, for once.  Rey was every bit as mad at Poe.  Ben bit back a sigh and tried to block her out, since he didn’t want to think about Poe.

 _Stop it._   The thought didn’t come to him in words, exactly, but it was from Rey.

_Stop what?_

_Avoiding things.  Me.  Poe.  Luke._ That was _really_ why Rey had offered to drive him to the mine—not because it was a tricky drive, but because she didn’t trust Ben not to chicken out and avoid looking for Luke at the mine at all.  He knew this faster than she could have spoken the words; it was like she had dropped her thoughts directly into his mind.  Ben didn’t like it, because it happened so easily, because he couldn’t communicate with anyone else with such facility—with anyone else except for Luke.

 _This doesn’t make any sense,_ Ben thought.

_You’re afraid._

He gritted his teeth and glowered at the champagne-colored, rocky sand out the window.  _Aren’t **you** ever afraid?_

She was.  She was afraid _now_ ; he could feel it underlying the frustration once he knew to look for it.  But it was kind of a nervous anxiousness, not what Ben was experiencing.  Not the feeling of utter terror he felt every time he thought of seeing Luke.

_I don’t mean you have to stop being afraid.  Just stop avoiding your fears.  You have to face Luke.  And me.  And Poe._

Ben wanted to argue that he _wasn’t_ afraid of Rey, and he certainly wasn’t afraid of Poe, but then the mine loomed just beyond his window and he couldn’t think of anything else.  It was as if someone had taken the sensation of Ben’s fear and quite literally set it in stone—or rather scooped it out of the earth so that the ground fell away from the edge of the road into a pit that looked almost like an inverted stepped pyramid.  Perhaps two-dozen graduated steps—steps large enough for a giant’s staircase—were cut into the sides of the pit.  A gravel road trailed along the steps, curving in on itself back and forth down the steep path into the pit.

For the first time since they’d left the hotel, Rey spoke aloud: “This is why driving to the mine is so tricky—it’s steep, and you have to go slow.”  The sound of her voice calmed Ben’s anxiety, at least a little, and he wondered if that had been her intention.

Ben looked down at his lap as she turned the SUV onto the gravel road and started down into the pit; he didn’t want to watch their descent through the window, because it already felt too much like they were being swallowed up by the earth.  Seeing it happen would only make it worse.

“There’s an old shaft mine down at the bottom of the pit,” Rey went on, “where they actually mined for gold, back in the 1800s.  But now they use pits like this to mine for other metals, and the shaft’s closed off because it’s not safe—there was a bad cave-in a long time ago, and they’re afraid it could happen again.”

“Good,” Ben muttered.  When he realized how that sounded, he amended, “I mean good that it’s closed off.  I wouldn’t want to have to go in there.”

“You and me both,” Rey snorted, and to his surprise, Ben found himself smiling a little.  He risked a glance out the window, saw that they were only about halfway down, and looked at his legs again instead.  Ben shifted in his seat to tug his phone out of his back pocket.  It was still on silent from the road trip earlier that day, and Ben felt both relieved and depressed when he saw that Poe hadn’t called or texted.

“Why are you afraid he’ll call you?” asked Rey, still speaking aloud—she was harder to ignore that way.  “And why are you afraid he _won’t_?”

Ben clenched his fingers around the phone.  “I’m not afraid of him.”

“Yes, you are,” Rey sighed.  “ _Why?_ ”

Ben said the first thing that came to mind.  “I _hate_ fighting with him.”

“Well, _duh_.  But every couple has fights, and you’ve had fights before.”  Rey still wasn’t looking at him, keeping her eyes on the narrow road as she steered, but he could feel her mind focused on him.  “And Ben. . . Poe overreacted.”

“It’s not that I don’t want us to do things together,” Ben blurted out suddenly, somehow able to explain to Rey of all people what he couldn’t explain to Poe.  “Or that I’m _ashamed_ of him—God, how could he even _think_ that?  He’s the most amazing, beautiful person in the whole damn _world_.  It’s not even that I’m afraid I’ll lose my temper with Luke, and Poe will see it.”

“Then what is it?”  Rey’s voice was calm, non-judgmental.

Ben exhaled slowly.  “I’m afraid Luke won’t talk to me.  That he won’t forgive me, that he won’t ever come back.  As long as we couldn’t find him, I didn’t have to face that.  But if I say—if I tell him I’m sorry, if I ask him to come back, and he _won’t_ —it’ll kill Mom, hell, _and_ Dad too, even if he wouldn’t ever say so.”  Ben closed his eyes and nearly groaned, “As long as I never tried to get him to come home, I couldn’t fail.  I could pretend it wasn’t all my fault, that some of it was Luke.”

“Some of it _is_ Luke,” Rey retorted.  “He ran away just as much as you did, and in his case, no one even knew where he went.  If he won’t come back, it won’t be your fault—and you _know_ I’d be the first one to blame you if you deserved it.  But I still don’t see what any of this has to do with Poe.”

Ben looked out the window again and saw they were nearly to the bottom of the pit.  He still didn’t like looking out because he could see the stepped sides of the pit, and he felt like they were closing in on him.  Nevertheless, he was able to stand that better than he could the severe drop they had seen from the top.

“I don’t want Poe to see me fuck up again,” Ben finally said.

“ _Ben,_ ” Rey groaned, “no matter what Luke says, _you’re_ doing the right thing, and Poe knows it.  He’s the one who fucked up, really, getting mad at you.  Like I said, he overreacted—you have every right to deal with your life the way _you_ want to.”

“No, he was right,” Ben muttered.  “He always is.”

“No, he’s _not_.”  They had finally reached the bottom of the winding road into the pit, and Rey stopped the SUV to turn and look at him.  “Ben, I love Poe, and he’s a wonderful person—but he isn’t perfect.  He’s every bit as stubborn as you are, as hard as that is to believe, and sometimes he’s wrong.  You can’t always just do what he tells you to, because you’re afraid of upsetting him.”

Ben glared at her, but she was right.  All his life, he’d _hated_ being told what to do, and that was a big part of why he’d left his family.  But now, with Poe. . . .

_I waited for weeks to talk about living together, because I was afraid he’d say no.  We never would have gotten engaged if he hadn't proposed, because I was too scared to do it.  He was right about making up with Mom and Dad, and he’s probably right about Luke. . . but even if he wasn’t, I’d have done what he wanted anyway, because I’m afraid—I’m afraid he’ll leave me if I don’t._

He didn’t say any of it, and Rey waited while he sat in silence.  Maybe she could see what he was thinking, but he couldn’t tell for sure, and he repeated his last thought aloud.

“I’m afraid of upsetting him, because I’m afraid he’ll leave me.”

“He’s not going to leave you.”  Rey said it almost gently, for her.  Once he had spoken the thought, though, Ben couldn’t get it out of his head, and that was exactly why he hadn’t wanted to think about Poe in the first place.

“But he said—he said he was just putting up with me,” he muttered.

“He said that because he was mad at you, Ben.  You _know_ that.”  Rey lifted her hand, hesitated, then put it on his shoulder.  They both tensed, unused to touching anyone or being touched, with almost identical expressions of awkward nervousness on their faces.

“Poe loves you,” Rey finally said.  “That’s not going to change, even when you’re angry at each other.  Don’t be afraid of him, and don’t let fear pressure you into doing something you don’t think is right.  Poe doesn’t want that, I know he doesn’t.”

Ben nodded, tersely.  She believed what she was saying, and what’s more, _he_ wanted to believe her too.  He shoved his phone back into his pocket and looked out the window again.

“There’s a truck over there,” he muttered, nodding toward the window.  Outside, about halfway across the flat bottom of the pit, sat a couple of buildings that looked as dusty as everything else.  One was a trailer, and the other was little more than one of those metal outbuildings they sold on infomercials.  A small pick-up truck—tiny, in fact, compared to the monstrosity Collie Entragian drove—was parked in front of the trailer.

Rey let him change the subject.  “That’s the field office,” she said, pointing at the trailer with the hand that had been on his shoulder, then letting it drop to her own leg.  “I guess that’s where Luke is, if he’s here, since there’s only the one truck.  Do you recognize it?”

Ben shook his head.  “No, back home, he had a car.”  The sight of the unfamiliar truck made him feel the same way he felt about Poe not calling: both relieved and disappointed.  He sighed, “That doesn’t really mean anything though.  It’s been a year.  He could have gotten a new truck.”

“It’s been a long time since _that_ truck was new,” Rey pointed out.  He could hear a hint of a smile in her voice, could feel it coming from her so clearly, he might as well be seeing it on her face.

“You’re not thinking of scavenging it for parts, are you?”  He finally turned to look at her again and found her looking back.

“You’re trying to be funny,” Rey observed, raising her eyebrows.  “It’s an improvement.”

“Just drive over there so we can get this over with,” Ben mumbled.

The SUV lumbered across the gravel, and Rey parked it beside the little truck.  Ben felt a blast of heat— _dry_ heat, like in the joke Rey hated so much—as he got out of the air-conditioned car.  He followed Rey over to the three rickety wooden steps that led up to the trailer door and stood on the ground behind her as she climbed them and knocked on the door.

Ben felt like a coward as he stared at the back of Rey’s neck; the difference in their heights put it at his eye level even with her standing on the top step.  _We’re here because of me, and I’m letting her go first because I’m scared of facing my own uncle,_ he thought. _It’s a good thing Poe **didn’t** come._   But even when Rey knocked again, louder, no one came to the door.

“Maybe whoever goes with the truck is in the shed,” Ben finally suggested.  “Or the mine shaft.”

Rey shook her head.  “Shouldn’t be in the mine.  I told you, it’s been closed off for years.”  She put her hand on the thick, silver doorknob; winced and drew it back when she felt how hot it was from the sun; then darted her hand forward again and gave the knob a quick turn.  It moved, and the door swung open a couple inches.  Rey looked back over her shoulder at Ben.

“Do we go in?”

He didn’t want to.  A trickle of cool air came through the crack in the door, and it looked dark inside, at least compared to the glare of the sun off the gravel and rocky sides of the pit.

“I guess,” Ben said.

Rey pushed the door open and went inside, and Ben climbed the steps and followed her.  A window AC unit was running and ruffling a few papers on a messy, metal desk sitting in the middle of the room they entered.  No one was in that room, just a whole lot of instruments and rocks, which Ben supposed must be ore samples or something like that, but there were open doors on either side leading to other parts of the trailer.  Ben reached behind him to push the door closed without looking back at it, and he could barely hear the sound of it shutting over some loud, obnoxious country music that was playing from a radio sitting on a stack of overstuffed file folders in one corner.

“No wonder nobody came to the door,” Rey said, practically yelling at Ben to be heard over the noise.  She could have just thought it at him, but he was glad she didn’t; he’d had enough of their inexplicable telepathic abilities for one day.  Rey stalked over to the radio and switched it off, to Ben’s relief.  He _might_ have hated Finn’s rap music more than country, but what had been blaring out of the radio was pretty bad.

“That’s better,” Rey muttered, then called, “Hello?  Anyone home?” so loudly, Ben winced.  There was no answer.

 _He’s not here,_ Ben thought, and this time, he felt only relief without the sharp disappointment of the unfamiliar truck.  _He—or whoever it is—is in the shed, or—_

“Ben.”  Rey was looking at him, and when he turned to face her, he realized she was sensing what he had unconsciously been trying to block.  Once he was aware of it, Ben couldn’t hold back his extrasensory perception any more than he could not think about Poe.  He could feel that someone _was_ there, even though he was being quiet and probably panicking as much as Ben was panicking himself, because that someone was Luke, and Luke would be able to sense Ben’s presence just as clearly as Ben could sense his.

And then there was Rey.  She had that baffled, slightly angry expression she got when she was trying to figure something out, and Ben could feel her recognition.  Luke was as familiar to her as Ben had been when they first met, and she didn’t know why.  Ben didn’t know why, either, and it certainly didn’t make things any easier.

 _I should have come alone,_ he thought.  _But if I had come alone, I would have turned around and run away long before now._

Rey was still looking at him, but her head jerked toward the inner door to Ben’s right when they both heard a movement in the other room.  Ben heard her take a quick, in-drawn breath when Luke came to the doorway, but Ben himself didn’t breathe at all.

Luke looked at Rey first.  Ben didn’t know why, or why he felt both insulted and unsurprised by it, but it gave him a chance to study his uncle unobserved.  Luke was recognizable to Ben, but he still looked terrible.  His beard, which Ben had never liked anyway, had grown long and unkempt, and his blue eyes looked exhausted.  In fact, he actually looked like a miner, at least the stereotype that was all Ben could envision when he tried to picture a miner, something reminiscent of a gold rush prospector.

Then Luke turned to Ben, and the younger man was reminded of how inferior he’d always felt to his uncle, even if that uncle now looked more like Yukon Cornelius than like the kid in the picture Han carried in his wallet.  Luke was slight, short and still slender enough to make Ben feel clumsy in comparison, especially when they were fencing.  No one else had ever given Ben that feeling so strongly, not even Hux, and although Poe was even shorter than Luke, he made Ben feel completely different.  Stronger, maybe, even powerful, because Ben always wanted to shelter Poe in his arms and protect him (never mind that Poe was perfectly capable of protecting himself, short or not).  Luke just made Ben feel _too_ tall, too loud, too uncontrolled in both his movements and his temper—even now, when Luke looked like a mess.

“Ben,” he said finally.  His eyes were as wide and blue as ever, somehow managing to seem innocent even as old as he was.  _That_ made Ben feel inferior too.  “What are you doing here?”

Like Rey, Luke could have communicated with Ben without speaking.  Maybe he talked aloud for Rey’s benefit, or maybe he wanted mental contact with Ben as little as Ben wanted it.

“Looking for you,” Ben replied, trying to hold back the sudden rage he felt.  What kind of dumb question was “What are you doing here?” anyway?  Of _course_ he was looking for Luke!  It took Ben a minute to realize that now he finally understood _why_ he got so irritated at Luke, just like how he got irritated at his parents: anger covered up everything _else_ they made him feel.  Frustration with himself, guilt, inferiority. . . fear.

“How did you find me?”

That question was one worth asking, and Ben was able to let go of some of the anger.

“Rey,” Ben said.  He gestured at her.  “She used to live in Desperation, so she knew how to get down here.  One of the cops told us you’d probably be here.”

Luke glanced at Rey again with a perplexed expression rather similar to her own; then he looked back at Ben.

“But—how did you know to come to Desperation?”  Before Ben could formulate an answer, Luke went on with more urgency, “Leia—is Leia here?  Does she know _you’re_ here?”

“No.”  Ben shook his head.  “I didn’t tell her.  Wedge—your friend Wedge said you used to talk about this place.”  It didn’t really make much sense, and Ben didn’t know how to explain the rest of it.  But Luke didn’t demand any more explanation than that, probably because it didn’t really matter _how_ they had found him.  All that mattered was that he’d been found, and now both he and Ben would have to deal with the consequences.

“Wedge,” Luke murmured.  “I haven’t. . . is he all right?”

“Yeah.  He’s fine.”  Ben didn’t know how to explain _that_ either, how he had even met Wedge in the first place.  Instead, he made himself say what he had traveled over 500 miles to say, as little as he wanted to say it: “I need to talk to you.  I’m sorry.”

“Ben. . . .”  Luke looked stunned, stunned and overwhelmed, but even Ben decided he had a right to.

“I don’t mean, talk right _now_ ,” Ben amended, trying not to stammer and stammering anyway.  “Just—I can’t. . . I’m trying to change.  I’m trying to fix things, and I _can’t_. . . not without you.”

“No, I—it’s okay, Ben.  It’s okay.”  Luke looked away from both him and Rey, sighed, raked his hands through his unkempt hair.  “I shouldn’t have—you shouldn’t have had to come all this way just to track me down.  We’ll talk, all right?  I’m glad to see you.”  He broke off his somewhat disjointed statements and faced Ben again.  “I really am.”

Ben nodded, uncomfortable because he couldn’t say the same.  He was _relieved_ to see Luke, yes, but not _glad_. . . not to see Luke like this, anyhow.

“I’m running some tests I’ve got to stay with,” Luke went on, gesturing back into the room he’d come from, “but how long are you staying here?  Will you be here tonight?”

“Yeah,” Ben said.  “We’re here until Tuesday morning.  Uh, I came with some. . . with my friends.”

“Okay.  Do you have plans for dinner?”  Luke paused for a deep breath when Ben shook his head, then continued, “Then why don’t you meet me at the Owl’s Club around eight tonight?  Uh, it’s a restaurant.”

For the first time in several minutes, Rey spoke up.  “You forgot the ‘casino’ part.”  She said it sarcastically then explained to Ben with a little smirk, “It’s video gambling, but you’d think it’s the Bellagio from the way the owner describes it.”  Ben thought she was probably trying to lighten the mood, and he was surprised by how much he liked her just then—like she really _was_ his friend, not only Poe’s.

“Yeah.  The ‘casino.’”  Luke gave her a wan smile then looked back at Ben.

“Okay, I’ll meet you there,” Ben mumbled.  He wanted to have it all out and done right then and there, but he knew that was impossible.  There was far too much to say, and far too much for he himself to figure out.  And anyway, the thought of the high, sloping walls of the mine pit made Ben want to get out of there and back to town.  Back to Poe, even if Poe was still angry at him.  Even if Poe didn’t want to put up with him anymore.

“All right.  I guess Rey can tell you how to get there—although it’s not hard to find _anything_ in Desperation,” Luke told him.  He started to go back into the room he’d come from, prompting Ben to turn toward the outer door with the irritating feeling that he was being dismissed.  But then Luke stopped and looked back at him.

“You’re. . . wearing a ring,” he observed.  “Did you get married?”

Ridiculously, Ben felt himself blush, hard.  He clenched his left hand, pressing his thumb to the back of his ring, and muttered, “No.  Engaged.”

“To _her_?”  Luke cast an odd, apprehensive look in Rey’s direction.  Rey made a choked sound then erupted into laughter.

“ _God_ no,” Ben shuddered as Rey managed to gasp, “No!” at the same time.  When Rey quieted down a little, Ben added, “But—he came with me.  You can. . . can meet him.”

“Oh.  All right.”  Luke gave no sign of being surprised that Ben’s fiancé was a man, although Ben supposed it shouldn’t have been _that_ much of a surprise anyway.  In fact, Luke was still watching Rey and didn’t seem that interested in Ben at all.

“Come on,” Ben grumbled to her, not bothering this time to keep the irritation from creeping into his voice.  “Luke’s got work to do.”  When Ben opened the door to the outside, letting in a blast of sunbaked air, Rey followed him, but she glanced back at Luke on the way.  As Ben descended the wooden steps, Rey shut the door behind her, and before it had closed, he heard the radio start blaring again.

\--

To be continued


	30. Chapter 30

Poe woke up when he heard Ben come into the hotel room.  He’d been dozing facing the door, and he stayed like that, listening and wondering what Ben would do.  Ben closed the door to the room and locked both locks on it, something Poe wouldn’t have remembered to do.  Poe kept his eyes closed, but he heard Ben come over to the night stand between the two beds.  A few seconds later, Poe felt a light touch on his forehead—Ben’s lips, kissing him while he thought Poe was sleeping.

Afterwards, the unoccupied bed creaked under Ben’s weight as he sank down on it.  Poe clenched his hand into his pillow and told himself he should just leave Ben alone, but he couldn’t stand it.  He wanted to know what had happened, if Ben and Rey had found Luke. . . but more than that, Poe just wanted _Ben_.

He opened his eyes and looked across at his fiancé in the other bed.  Ben was lying on his side, facing Poe. . . and watching him, dark eyes fixed on Poe’s face.

“Ben?” Poe mumbled, his voice coming out huskier than he’d intended it to.  “I’m. . . I’m sorry.”

“Poe. . . .”  Ben sat up again and raked a hand through his hair.  “I didn’t mean to wake you up.  I was trying to be quiet.”

“Never mind that.”  Poe raised up on his elbow and held his other arm out to Ben.  “Please, come here.”

Ben gave him a small, weak smile; then in one motion, he was out of his bed and into Poe’s, wrapping his arms around Poe and pulling the smaller man close against his chest.  Poe slid his own arms around Ben’s back, clutching his shirt, and pressed his face against his fiancé’s shoulder.

“Your hair’s wet,” Ben observed as he rested his cheek against it, rubbing Poe’s back slowly with one hand at the same time.

“Yeah, I took a shower,” muttered Poe.  “It’s so damn hot and dusty here—I felt filthy.”

“I guess that explains this.”  Ben’s other hand spread over Poe’s bare lower back.  “I wish you’d waited until I got back.  I need a shower too, and I’ve heard these desert towns get after you for wasting water.”

Normally, Poe would have been a little surprised, and pretty excited, to hear Ben say anything remotely suggestive, but for once, his mind was elsewhere.

“Ben,” he whispered.  “Tell me what happened.”

“Poe. . . .”  Ben pressed his lips to Poe’s damp hair.  “Poe, I’m sorry, I—”

“No, no, it’s my fault,” Poe insisted.  “I’m sorry for what I said.  You have every right to not want me with you, and—and Ben, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.  I _don’t_ just put up with you—I _need_ you.”

“Poe, I want you with me, of _course_ I want you,” Ben murmured.  “I just didn’t want you to see me fall apart.  I thought I might.”

“You didn’t though, did you?  You’re okay.”  Poe hesitated to ask his next question.  “Did—was he there?”

“Yeah.  He was there.”  Ben put his mouth to Poe’s hair again and continued in a mumble, “I’m meeting him tonight.  And I want you to come.”

“Ben. . . .”  Poe felt his lip tremble.  He bit it, then went on, “You don’t have to say that.  I won’t—”

“I mean it.  I want him to meet you, now that I know he’ll—he’ll talk to me, he’ll give me a chance.  Poe, I’m going to marry you, and I want you with me, always.”  Poe felt Ben shudder against him, but he didn’t realize Ben was crying until he choked, “I-I love you—I love you _so much_.”

“Ben, don’t cry. . . .”  Poe shifted in Ben’s arms and rubbed the tears off Ben’s face with his thumb.  “It’s okay, I’ll come with you if you want me to.”

Ben sniffed, swallowed hard, then laid his head back on the pillow.  “Tell me you love me, Poe.”

“Of _course_ I love you, dork!” Poe exclaimed with a smile that made Ben smile back at him.  Then Poe laid his head next to Ben’s and murmured, “And I really am sorry.  I’m a huge jerk.”

“No, you’re not.”  Ben paused.  “You’re a little jerk.”

“Very funny,” Poe retorted even as he cuddled a little closer to Ben and relished the feeling of his fiancé’s arms wrapping around him.  “Will you tell me what happened?  With Luke?”

“Yes, I’ll tell you, but not right now.  Right now I just want to be with you.”  Ben turned his head to kiss Poe’s mouth softly.  “It’s not even five yet, and we don’t have to meet him until eight.  I’ll tell you everything before then.”

“Okay.”  Poe stroked Ben’s hair back from his face and rested their foreheads together.  “Want to take a nap with me?”

“Haven’t you been sleeping all afternoon?” Ben teased him, although he closed his eyes.  “And to think you were calling _Finn_ lazy.”

“I wasn’t sleeping very _well_ ,” argued Poe.  “Not without you beside me.”

“Okay, you’ve convinced me,” Ben murmured, brushing his lips against Poe’s, “princess.”

Poe slept far better in Ben’s arms, not stirring until the sound of knocking woke him up two hours later.  He grumbled and tried to burrow deeper into the sheet tangled around them, but Ben sat up and yawned.

“What time is it?” he muttered as the knocking sounded again.  Awake now—albeit against his will—Poe realized the sound was coming from someone pounding on the inner door connecting their room with Rey and Finn’s.

“Yeah, come in,” Poe groaned, lifting his head to glare at the door.  Finally, the knocking ceased, the door opened, and Rey stuck her head in.

“Oh.”  Rey looked faintly embarrassed when she saw them in bed together.  “I guess you two made up.”

“Thanks for your concern,” Ben grumbled.  “What do you want?”

She ignored his griping and said, “Finn and I are going to ride over to Ely.  Not that there’s much to see there either, but it’s better than hanging around here.  Poe, we wondered if you wanted to come too, but now I’m guessing that’s a no.”

Poe finally sat up.  Rey’s eyebrow quirked when she saw his bare chest, and he said a silent prayer of thanks that Ben was still clothed.

“Yeah, I’m going with Ben to meet Luke tonight.  But thanks for checking.”  He gave her an apologetic smile.  “And uh. . . I’m sorry I snapped at you before.”

“It’s fine.”  Rey waved off the apology then looked at Ben.  “Speaking of meeting Luke tonight, it’s seven now.  You might want to think about getting up.”

“Shit,” Ben sighed.  “I’d better get in the shower.”  As Ben clambered out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom, Poe noticed he was blushing, and smiled.

“Everything okay?” Rey asked Poe once Ben had shut the door behind him.  Poe was getting up too, but he stopped and pulled on his jeans, blushing a bit himself, when he remembered he was only wearing his underwear.

“Y-yeah.”  Poe crouched down by the bag he’d brought to find a clean shirt, then put it on before he stood up again and tucked the shirt in as he faced Rey.  “We made up.  I said I was sorry.  And I meant it, I’m sorry to you too.”

“I said it’s fine.”  Rey looked him over, shook her head with a fond smile, and reached out to attempt to straighten up Poe’s rumpled hair.  “I see why Ben can’t stay mad at you.  You’re disgustingly cute.”  She fell silent, and the smile dropped from her face as she studied Poe.

“What is it?” Poe asked with a thread of apprehension knotting in his chest.  “Did something happen at the mine?”

“Hunh?  Oh, no.”  Rey shook her head as if coming out of a reverie.  “Ben hasn’t told you about it?”

“Not yet.  Other than to say it went okay.  And that he wants me to come with him to meet Luke somewhere tonight.”

“Yeah.  Well, it did go okay.  Better than I had expected for Ben, really.”  Rey shrugged.  “It was just kind of weird, that’s all.”

Poe furrowed his brow.  “What was weird?”

“The whole thing.”  Rey’s eyes shifted to rest on the closed bathroom door.  “I guess because they both felt awkward. . . and embarrassed.  But I think it will be all right.  Luke wasn’t mad at him.”  She said this with a tone of wonder, and at first, Poe thought Rey was surprised that Luke wasn’t angry.

“That’s good.  I mean, I guess I could see where he would have been mad, so—”

“No, he’s not the type to get angry very easily,” Rey murmured.  “He’s not like Ben.  Hardly anything like Ben at all.”

Now Poe was the one studying _her_.  _She’s not surprised at how Luke reacted—it’s something else,_ he realized.  _Luke himself surprised her, but why?  And how does she know what “type” he is?_   Rey’s eyes flicked back to Poe’s face, and she gave him a quick, tight smile.

“I’ll let Ben tell you about it, because he’ll probably whine if I do it first,” Rey said.  “Anyway, I have to go, Finn’s waiting on me.”

Poe nodded.  “Hey, text me when you guys get back, okay?  Just so I know you made it back safely.”

“Oh really?”  Rey arched an eyebrow at him.  “You don’t think I know my way around after spending my whole life out here?”

“Mostly I’m worried about Finn’s car making it back,” Poe retorted.  “It’s our only way out of this dust bowl.”  Of course, he didn’t mean that, but Rey didn’t take well to being worried about.  _And anyway, she’s acting so weird,_ Poe thought as she rolled her eyes and gave him a wave, then disappeared back into her own room.  _Maybe something happened that she’s not telling me about._

But if so, it wasn’t anything Ben was aware of.  After he emerged from the bathroom, with wet hair and dressed in a slightly damp t-shirt and jeans, he sat next to Poe on the side of the bed and told him everything he and Luke said to one another.  From what Ben said, Poe gathered that Rey had kept mostly quiet, both at the field office and on the ride back from the mine.  Poe decided not to bring up the strange way Rey had talked about Luke, at least not just then.  Ben was on edge as it was, and he certainly didn’t need something else to worry about.

“I thought he would be angry at me,” Ben finished, looking down at his hands dangling between his knees, “but he wasn’t.  He was _surprised_ , but. . . he said he was glad to see me.  And I think he meant it.”  He sighed and lifted a hand to rake it through his hair before looking down at Poe.  “It would be easier on me if he _was_ angry.  I’d feel like less of a bastard, anyway.”  Poe gave him a sympathetic smile.

“I get it,” he assured Ben, “but it’s better this way.  If you two just sat there yelling at each other, you’d never get anywhere.”

“I’ve learned _that_ over the past few months,” Ben groaned.  “But yelling is easier.  So much easier.”

“Unh hunh.”  Poe draped his arms over Ben’s shoulders and nuzzled his cheek.  “But your voice sounds so much nicer when you’re not yelling,” he murmured in between dotting Ben’s skin with kisses.  “You have the sexiest deep voice I’ve ever heard, baby.”

“Nngh, Poe. . . .”  Ben put his arms around Poe’s waist and hugged him close.  “You’ve convinced me, okay?  Now lay off before you make me want to go back to bed with you instead of going to dinner.”

“Just trying to cheer you up,” Poe declared.  He started to pull away but ended up pressing his face into Ben’s damp hair instead.  “Mmn, you smell good.”

“ _Poe!_ ”  Ben extracted himself from Poe’s arms and stood up.  “Cheer me up after we get back, okay?  We’re gonna be late if we don’t get going.  I don’t know where the place we’re meeting Luke is, exactly.”  Poe pretended to sulk, but he was secretly relieved Ben seemed to have relaxed, at least a little.

“Well, the town has like what, two streets?” Poe commented as they left the motel—Ben tried the door twice to be sure it had locked behind them—and started across the parking lot to the sidewalk.  “We’ll find it.”

“Yeah, Rey said it was between the municipal building—where we talked to that cop friend of hers—and a movie theater, so we shouldn’t miss it.”  Ben took Poe’s hand as they walked, despite the heat that still blanketed the ground after the sun had set.  Poe moved a little closer to him; after their fight earlier that day, being with Ben just felt so _good_.

“A movie theater?” Poe asked with a slight laugh.  “In this place?”

Ben shrugged.  “That’s what she told me.  Didn’t make much sense to me either.”  They passed the municipal building, and Ben’s hand tightened around Poe’s; then he tugged the smaller man to a stop a few buildings down.

“This is it,” Ben muttered.  Poe looked up at the façade, a bit run down with a faded sign declaring it the “Owl’s Club.”

“I didn’t know owls went clubbing,” Poe observed.

Ben groaned, “You tell worse dad jokes than my actual dad.  Rey said it’s a kind of diner place, not a club.  Anyway, come on.  Let’s get this over with.”

They were a few minutes early, and Poe didn’t expect Luke to already be there.  He wouldn’t have recognized the older man anyhow, if Ben hadn’t squeezed his hand again as soon as they pushed in through the creaky double doors.  That gesture made Poe look, though, and finally he realized that one of the few people sitting in the row of booths along the wall to their left had to be Luke.  The dim lighting of the so-called “club” didn’t help, but Luke also didn’t look anything like the guy in the photo Poe had seen.  Of course, he had aged, but he also had an unkempt beard, his hair had somehow both faded and darkened, and most of all, he had lost the hopeful, innocent look he’d once had.  That loss didn’t have anything to do with getting older, Poe decided; something had _happened_ to take that hope away.  And even though Luke looked nothing at all like Ben, Poe suddenly saw each of them in the other.

Poe thought Ben might let go of his hand, especially since a couple of customers at the counter to their right were looking over their shoulders and eyeing the newcomers suspiciously.  But Ben held on as he started over to the booths with an expression of grim determination.  Poe followed and smiled as cheerfully as he could manage when Luke looked up and watched them approach.

“Hey,” Ben muttered as he slid into the booth across from his uncle.  Poe sat next to him, their hands still clasped on the seat between them, as Ben introduced him: “This is Poe Dameron.  My fiancé.”  Despite the seriousness of the moment, Poe’s heart fluttered a little.

“Hi, Poe.”  Luke shook Poe’s hand when Poe stuck it out.  “You two haven’t eaten have you?”  When Poe shook his head, Luke smiled—it was a slightly distracted smile, but a smile nevertheless.  “Then dinner’s on me.  Such as it is, anyway.”

A waitress—middle-aged, heavy makeup trying to disguise the weariness etched into her face—noticed that Poe and Ben had joined Luke, and she came over to their booth.  Her name was Denise, according to the nametag she wore on her uniform.

“You boys ready to order now?” she asked.  She looked at Ben and Poe with a slight smile of her own, and Poe just _knew_ she was the kind of woman who would flirt with younger men to make them feel important, all the while thinking of them as not much more than kids.

Before they could answer, Denise glanced at Luke and added, “Which one’s your nephew, Luke?  Thought he’d look like you, but both of these boys are _good_ -lookin’.”  Poe smirked and leaned back in his seat, thinking, _Maybe **I** should get into the fortune-telling business.  I called **that** one anyway._

Luke made a face that announced he was used to such treatment and gestured at Ben.  “This is Ben.  And his friend, Poe.”  Ben scowled, and Poe wasn’t sure whether he was annoyed that Luke had called Poe his “friend,” or that he was having to interact with another human being.  Poe decided the chances were about equal either way.

“Nice to meet you,” Poe said with his most charming smile, deciding he should make up for Ben’s attitude.

“It certainly is, handsome,” Denise chuckled.  “Luke said you boys came out from California—you got a girlfriend back home, sweetie?”  Poe barely managed to hold back a laugh.

“N-not exactly.”

“Uh, Denise, I think we _are_ ready to order,” Luke murmured with a glance at Ben and the death-glare he was giving the waitress.  They all ordered burgers—Ben’s ordered with more venom than any burger had ever been merited before—and before Denise sashayed back to the counter, she patted Poe on the shoulder.

“Tell your boyfriend to simmer down, honey.  I’m old enough to know when to keep my hands to myself.”  She winked at Ben, who turned almost as red as the vinyl on the booth’s seats, as she left.

“I didn’t tell her,” Luke defended himself when Ben turned the glare on him.  “She’s just good at reading body language.”  Ben sighed and relaxed a little, even more when Poe leaned his cheek on his shoulder for a second.  Luke continued, “I don’t know how everyone else out here would take it, though, so you might want to. . . be careful.”  Poe half-expected Ben to get mad all over again at that, but he only nodded.

“I know,” Ben muttered.  He fell silent as Denise stopped by with the sodas they’d ordered, and when she was gone, he poked at the ice in his glass with his straw a moment before speaking again.  “I told you I talked to Wedge.  Poe’s friends with him.”

“Really?”  Luke looked at Poe with the most interest he’d shown the younger man since they’d met.

“Yeah, not _close_ friends or anything, but we work together,” Poe shrugged.  “He does balloon flights out of the same airport I use.  Uh, I’m a charter pilot.  I don’t know if Ben told you.”

“No.”  Luke shook his head.  “How is he?”

“He’s good,” Poe assured him.  “I don’t know what else he’s doing, but he has pretty steady business with the balloon, and he seems really happy with it.  He took Ben and me on a ride a little while back—it was awesome.”

“I didn’t know who he was, then,” Ben put in, “not until we told Mom about it later.  I never told him my last name, so. . . .”

“But. . . he told you I might be here, in Desperation?” Luke persisted.

“He told _me_ —I asked him.”  Poe decided not to mention that Ben hadn’t been especially enthusiastic about Poe interrogating Wedge.  “He didn’t think you were here, not exactly.  He just said you used to joke about coming here.  But it turns out my friend Rey grew up here, and she called Collie, uh, En. . . um, the cop.”

“Entragian,” Luke prompted.

“Yeah.  Anyway, Rey called him, and he. . . said you were here.”  Poe glanced at Ben, who was looking down at his glass again.  “It was all kind of weird, how it worked out.”

“And then you drove all the way out here to find me,” murmured the older man.  “You two and Rey?”

“And our other friend, Finn.  He was my roommate—now he’s Rey’s, since I. . . er, well, since I moved in with Ben,” Poe stammered.

“I see.”  Luke smiled at them both in a way that made Poe feel a lot better about him.  Whatever problems lay between Luke and Ben, Luke was truly happy for them.  “When are you getting married?” he asked, looking at Ben.  Ben opened his mouth, then shut it again when he saw Denise heading their way with their food.  He didn’t try to answer his uncle’s question for a few minutes more, until ketchup had been distributed, the waitress had gone, and Luke had taken a larger bite of his burger than Poe thought could have fit into his mouth.

Finally, Ben answered, “We haven’t set a date yet.  But. . . but I want it to be soon.”  Poe looked at him in surprise, a smile creeping over his face.

“You do?” Poe murmured, and Ben turned to him with the first real smile he’d worn all evening.

“Of course I do, angel,” he whispered back.  “I want to marry you, _soon_.”  He gave Poe’s thigh a gentle squeeze before they both turned back to their food, blushing slightly.

Luke asked a few other questions as they ate, mostly about Leia and Han.  Ben made no effort to gloss over the problems his parents’ relationship had suffered since Luke left, and although Poe thought he might have been a little more tactful about it, he decided it was best that Ben was being honest.  Beyond his questions, Luke was quiet, almost solemn.

_Does he feel guilty about what happened?_ Poe wondered as he chewed his cheeseburger (which, despite the slightly run-down appearance of the Owl’s Club, was delicious).  _Or is he just processing it all?  It’s a lot to take in, especially since he didn’t even know Ben was coming here until he just showed up at the mine._

Luke didn’t ask any of the really hard questions, though, until they had finished their entrées and were starting on the pieces of pie they’d ordered on Denise’s recommendation.

“Are you still fencing with Snoke?” Luke asked suddenly.  Ben’s head, previously bent over his chocolate silk pie, shot up.

Ben hesitated, then finally admitted, “No.  I quit.”

“You did?”  Luke laid down his fork and looked at his nephew.  “What happened?”  When Ben hesitated again, Poe leaned on his shoulder once more.

“Tell him,” he whispered.  “It’s all right.”  Ben’s arm tensed against him, but then the larger man sighed and nodded.  Ben told Luke everything about it: his match with Hux, the fight with Poe, and how they led to Ben’s ultimate decision to leave Snoke’s school.

“I. . . I was wrong,” Ben muttered.  “I never should have listened to him, and I shouldn’t have left you.  I’m sorry.”

Luke had stayed quiet throughout Ben’s explanation, and he didn’t speak for a moment after the younger man had finished.  Finally, he murmured, “Ben, it wasn’t all your fault.  I know that you and I don’t. . . don’t always see eye to eye, and maybe I tried too hard to make you do things exactly the way I did them.  And Leia and Han. . . .”  He trailed off, eyed Ben, then shook his head with a faint smile.  “I don’t think they ever knew quite what to do with you.”

“Dad certainly didn’t,” grumbled Ben.  “He _still_ doesn’t.  He’s still working on that car—and Poe and Rey just _encourage_ him.”

Poe smirked.  “Don’t blame _me_.  Rey met him before _I_ did.  She works in a junkyard, pulling parts,” he explained to Luke.  “Mr.—er, Han met her there.”  Luke nodded again, but his distracted look told Poe he wasn’t particularly interested in Han and his car.  Ben realized it too, and his hand closed over Poe’s knee under the table before he spoke again.

“Luke, we—I came here to ask. . . to ask you to come home.  Mom misses you _so_ much, and Dad does too.  He won’t _say_ it, you know how he is, but he does.”

“Ben, I can’t just up and leave Desperation,” Luke murmured.  “I have a job to do here, at the mine.”

“You have a job to do at home too,” snapped Ben.  “And a family there that needs you.”

Luke flicked his pale blue eyes over his nephew’s face.  “They needed you too,” he said quietly.  “We all did.”  Ben narrowed his own eyes in a glare, but Luke didn’t look away.

“I’m coming back,” Ben retorted.  “I don’t mean I’m moving back home because—because of Poe, because I finally have my _own_ life.  But I’m coming back to _them_.”  When Luke didn’t reply, Ben pushed on, “And what about teaching again?  You don’t do that _here_ , do you?  You can’t tell me there are enough people in this little place who want to _fence_.”

“No, there aren’t—but in the past year, since I’ve been here, I’ve thought that maybe it’s time I gave it up and. . . and moved on,” said Luke.

“Moved _on_?  Living in _this_ place is moving on?”  Ben gripped the edge of the table so tightly, his knuckles turned white.  “This is _giving up_.  Coming here wasn’t leaving—it was running away.”

Poe had tried to stay out of the conversation, but the hurt look on Luke’s face made him realize he needed to intervene.  He put his hand over Ben’s and murmured his fiancé’s name.  When Ben looked at him, his face softening almost imperceptibly, Poe thought, _Maybe you don’t know everything he was running away **from**.  Maybe it wasn’t just you._   He didn’t know if Ben would be able to read the thought or not, but Poe felt like he was practically shouting it with his mind.

Ben’s eyes studied Poe’s for a second; then he turned back to Luke and muttered, “I’m sorry.  I’m tired—we’ve had a long day.  I just. . . I want to teach.  I want it so much, I can’t imagine how you could give it up.  But. . . but I don’t know everything.”

_He **did** hear me,_ Poe thought with a twinge of excitement.  _I thought something at him, and he heard me. . . ._

“It’s all right,” Luke mumbled.  “I’m tired too, and I have to be back at the mine early tomorrow.  I should get to bed.”  He picked up the ticket Denise had left for them and laid her tip on the table.  “You said you’re not going home until Tuesday, right?”

“Right.”

“Then I’ll see you after work.  I just. . . need time to think.”  Luke sighed and started to get up, then paused.  “Is your phone number still the same?”

“Yeah.  _Yours_ isn’t,” Ben said, rather accusingly.

“I’ll text you so you have it.  But. . . don’t give it to Leia just yet, all right?  I think I need a _lot_ of time to think before I deal with her,” Luke told him as he slid out of the booth.  Ben made a soft noise, and Poe was relieved to realize it was a muffled chuckle.  When they got up as well, Ben towered over the other two, reminding Poe of how different he was from his uncle in every way: body, personality, temperament.  Poe wondered just what resemblance he had seen between them earlier that evening; now, he couldn’t fathom it.

_Do they have **anything** in common, besides their fencing and psychic abilities?_ Poe wondered.  _And can they ever really see eye to eye on anything?_

Poe and Ben stood to the side while Luke paid their check at the counter.  An elderly man was standing at one of a couple video gambling machines in the back of the small restaurant, but they were the only customers still around, otherwise.  Either Desperation closed up early when there was work the next day, or the night owls gathered somewhere other than the Owl’s Club.  _There’s another dad joke waiting to happen,_ Poe thought, and he smiled.

The three men left in silence, and Luke hesitated on the dusty sidewalk when Poe and Ben started to turn back to the hotel.

“I’ll be in touch tomorrow, Ben,” he told his nephew.  When Ben nodded, Luke looked at Poe.  “Poe. . . when you talked to Wedge about—about me, what did he say?”  Poe was startled by the question since Luke hadn’t mentioned Wedge since before dinner.

“Uh. . . he said he’d always meant to call you, and he wondered how you were, and what. . . what had happened.  I had to tell him I didn’t know,” Poe answered.  Luke kept looking at him with an expression Poe didn’t think he would have been able to read even if he had known the older man better.

“And he’s really okay?” Luke persisted.  “Has he settled down yet?”

“Yes, he’s really okay.  Uh, and you mean, is he like, married?”  Poe shrugged.  “Heck, I don’t know.  We aren’t that close.  He only knew about Ben and me because he gave us that balloon ride.  And maybe I showed off my ring a little,” Poe added, more for Ben’s benefit than for Luke’s, with a sideways glance up at his fiancé.  When he looked back at Luke, who hadn’t said anything more, the older man was gazing out at the dark street.

“I’ve got his number in my phone, for work, if you want it,” Poe offered.  In the dim light filtering through the blinds of the Owl’s Club’s windows, he saw Luke’s jaw clench, then relax.

“That might not be a good idea,” Luke said.  “It’s been a long time.  He probably doesn’t want to talk to me.”  Poe opened his mouth to say “okay”; he didn’t know Luke well enough to second-guess what he said, and anyhow, Poe felt like Ben’s uncle’s friendships weren’t any of his business.  But then Ben put his hand against the small of Poe’s back, spreading his long fingers out so that Poe felt their warmth soak into his skin through his shirt.  With that touch, Poe understood that Ben _was_ second-guessing Luke.  Poe couldn’t actually read his fiancé’s thoughts, and he didn’t think they were even communicating without words as they had in the shower a few days ago.  He just knew Ben that well.

“Luke,” Poe blurted out, “Wedge said that—that you were important to him.  I think he really misses you.”  When Luke looked back at him again, Poe said, “You should call him.”  Poe saw Luke’s mouth work under his beard; then the older man nodded.

“All right.  Just a minute.”  Luke pulled out a large phone shrouded in a heavy-duty rubber case and poked at it.  “Okay. . . .”  After Poe gave him the number, Luke shoved the phone back in the pocket of his shirt.  “See you tomorrow, Ben, Poe.”

“Do you think he’ll really call Wedge?” Poe asked Ben as they walked back to the hotel, once Luke was out of hearing range.

“I don’t know.  But if he doesn’t, it won’t be our fault.”  Ben was walking with his hands in the pockets of his jeans, staring at the sidewalk.  Poe pursed his lips, then slipped his arm through Ben’s as they went.  Ben looked down at him and tugged his hand free of his pocket to grasp Poe’s.

“Sorry I got pissed off,” Ben muttered, “but he just. . . makes me so _mad_.  Coming out to a place like this and calling it _moving on_.”

“He’s right, though, about having a job to do,” Poe told him.  “He couldn’t just drop everything at the mine and move back to California—he’d probably get himself sued or something.”

“He dropped everything to come _to_ the mine,” grumbled Ben.

“Yeah, and he worked for himself then.”  Poe tried to keep his tone even, as annoyed as Ben was making him; the last thing Poe wanted was to get in another fight.  “And if I recall, you took a little convincing yourself before you went back home.”

“But at least _I_ wasn’t out in the middle of nowhere, Nevada, doing—”  Ben stopped short and sighed.  “Dammit, Poe, why do you have to be so _nice_?  But of course, you’re right, and. . . I guess I had extra incentive.  I had _you_.”

“You still do,” said Poe, bringing Ben’s hand up to kiss his knuckles.  “Just give him time, baby, see what he says tomorrow.”

“Which reminds me,” Ben muttered, “I don’t know what the hell we’re going to do all day tomorrow.”

“I’d say we could ask Rey to show us around, but that might take all of five minutes,” Poe chuckled.  “Maybe Finn has some ideas—if they’re not back yet, we can talk to them in the morning.”

“In the morning?  Does that mean you’re ready to go to bed already?  It’s only nine.”  Ben smiled at Poe and leaned over to plant a kiss on the side of his head.  “I guess it _has_ been a long day though.”

“Well, you _did_ say something about me making you want to go back to bed,” Poe reminded him.  “Once I get you back inside, I’ll do my best to convince you.”

\--

To be continued


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may be the angstiest chapter in this entire epic Ben/Poe love story... and Ben and Poe aren't even in it. But considering that these other characters are having to clean up the noodles' mess (well, mostly it's Ben's mess, but still), these guys deserve a chapter too.

Rey was quiet on the way to Ely—not that she talked a whole lot usually, but this time, she hardly spoke at all.  At first, Finn tried to draw her out.  That worked sometimes: he’d get her to talk when she was upset or concerned about something, and eventually she would open up about whatever was bothering her.  Finn saw his chance when, just outside of Desperation, they passed a road sign informing them that Ely was 75 miles ahead.

“Is that how you spell Ely?” Finn asked. “E-L-Y?”  He wasn’t just BSing, either, since he really was surprised.

“Yeah.”  Rey glanced at him from the driver’s seat, then turned back to the road.  “Why?”

“’Cos I was thinking all this time it was spelled like it sounds.  Ee-lee.”

“It _is_ spelled like it sounds,” Rey murmured.

“No, it’s not!  In that case, it’d be. . . uh. . . E-E-L-Y.  Like. . . eels.  The fish.”

“No,” said Rey, and that was all.  She went quiet again.  Finn sighed, tried to think of something else to say, then gave up and just looked out the window instead, at the dark desert and the highway.

 _Dark desert highway,_ he thought, _like in “Hotel California,” that Eagles song Poe likes.  Ugh, the Eagles._   Not that Finn _hated_ the Eagles—no one hated the Eagles.  They were just sort of. . . there.  You kind of liked them, and you could put up with them when they came on the radio, or whatever, really you could listen to them all day if you didn’t pay much attention to them, but you’d never play them _deliberately_.  Unless you were Poe and liked classic rock, but then that was Poe for you.  He _would_ play the Eagles on their road trip just so nobody would be upset with his music choices, because Poe tried so _hard_ to get along with everybody.  Finn played his rap, and Ben played that emo shit that made Finn want to gouge his ears out, and Rey. . . she was unpredictable.  But Poe played the Eagles and Pink Floyd (but only _Dark Side of the Moon_ , the album most everybody liked) and Aerosmith because who had ever said, “I fuckin’ _hate_ Aerosmith, man”?  Because Poe was just so _nice_ , and they were all out there hundreds of miles from home to be there for Poe’s shitty boyfriend, because really, they wanted to be there for Poe.

 _You’re not being fair,_ Finn told himself.  _Ben isn’t **that** shitty.  And he needs help, because he’s got problems._   Oh boy, did Ben have problems.  So.  Many.  Problems.  Ben’s entire _family_ was one huge problem, not least because they somehow sucked everyone else around them _into_ their problems.  Like how Han had just turned up at Rey’s work, even _before_ anyone knew he was Ben’s dad, and suddenly she was helping him steal a car and then going on for weeks afterward about how cool the old guy was.  Or how good-natured, easy-going Poe fell in love with grumpy, _trés_ creepy Ben practically at first sight and was suddenly going to _marry_ the guy.  Or how Finn somehow found himself and his car out in Middle of Nowhere, Nevada, trying to find Ben’s runaway uncle.  Ben had changed all of them: Finn, who had always tried to run from trouble, was now embroiled in someone else’s family drama; Poe, who had always gotten along with everybody, was having screaming matches with his fiancé (that’s one “e” because apparently Poe was gay now, at least for Ben) in motel parking lots; and Rey. . . Finn was afraid he was losing Rey.

Finn had known both Rey and Poe before they knew each other—in fact, he was the one who’d introduced them.  They’d all fit together perfectly, and Finn had been a little sorry when Ben came along and sort of absorbed Poe.  But even then, that hadn’t been all bad, because Poe was still around some, and when Ben was there too, things were all right.  (He really _wasn’t_ that shitty, and he could even be sort of fun when he got over himself.)  And when Poe wasn’t around, Finn had Rey all to himself, and he liked that.

But then Ben and his problems had started to absorb not just Poe but Rey too, until she was setting up father-and-son reconciliation sessions and. . . and going down into mines alone with Ben, looking for lost uncles.  Finn wasn’t jealous of that, not romantically anyway, because Ben was way too into Poe to be interested in Rey, and he infuriated Rey way too much for _her_ to be interested in _him_ , and besides, what right did Finn have to be jealous when Rey wasn’t his girlfriend, had never shown any signs of wanting to be _anybody’s_ girlfriend, had only given him that weird and utterly uncomprehending look when he’d tried to flirt with her or hold her hand soon after they first met?  In the end, he and Rey were bros, just like he and Poe were.

Finn was still jealous though, in a non-romantic way, because Poe had met someone who messed all that up, and now that someone was messing up him and Rey, too.  Finn didn’t mind being on the outskirts of Poe’s relationship with Ben, but why did Ben have to take Rey, too?  Why did there have to be that strange, almost palpable connection between them, so strong that even Finn—who was pretty sure he had about as much psychic ability as a rock—could sense it?  Why did he have to be the one who was getting left behind?

 _And it’s all my own fault,_ Finn thought as the miles between Desperation and Ely fell behind them, and Rey still didn’t speak. _I was the one that made Rey and Poe go to the fortune teller._   He tried not to think that Han would have come across Rey anyway, or that Poe was already working with Ben’s uncle’s friend long before he and Ben ever met.  Thinking about those things made it all seem inevitable, and that was far worse than it being Finn’s fault.  If it was inevitable, Finn was just an instrument of fate, and that gave him the same creepy feeling he got from “Hotel California”: _you can check out any time you’d like, but you can never leave._

Maybe, Finn thought, he _did_ hate the Eagles, a little.

\--

After Luke left the Owl’s Club, he took his time walking home.  “Home” was a small house in a tiny neighborhood near the main street—but then _everything_ in Desperation was near the main street—where many of the miners lived with their families.  Luke lived alone, but property wasn’t worth much in Desperation, and his rent was low even though the house had two bedrooms and a backyard (full of rocky desert soil nothing would grow in).

As he walked, Luke tried to think about work: the tests he’d been running, the report he still needed to finish.  He was currently researching the impact a proposed expansion of the mine might have on the local groundwater, and understandably, the higher-ups at the mining corporation were anxious for his results.

 _Frank Geller’ll have my head if I don’t get that report to him this week,_ Luke told himself.  _Ben would just love that—being fired would get me to come home all right._

“Home,” he muttered aloud, not sure where exactly that was anymore.  Desperation had actually started to feel like home, sort of, in the past few months, but all that had changed that afternoon when Luke felt Ben’s approach.  He’d known that Ben was coming as soon as the SUV had started down into the mine, and Luke had almost panicked, trapped there in the field office trailer.  But Luke _hadn’t_ panicked, because he’d felt someone else too—the very person he’d come all the way back to Desperation to find.

So the small house with the dusty yard didn’t feel like home anymore, because Ben’s sudden appearance made Luke realize how much he’d missed them: Leia and Han, Chewie, Ben—even Ben, the way he used to be at least, back when he was a teenager and still seemed happy sometimes.

 _He’s more like himself again,_ Luke thought as he trudged up to his house and let himself in, _like how he used to be.  Happier than that, even, because now he’s in love._   And because he was in love, Ben thought he could fix everything by saying he was sorry and asking Luke to come back.  Luke had a hard time telling his nephew it wasn’t that simple, that love couldn’t fix everything and sometimes it only made things worse.  He hated to disillusion Ben, especially now that Ben was finally settling down himself, so Luke had said only that he couldn’t leave his work, that he was moving on. . . but in reality, Luke simply didn’t know _what_ to do.

He’d showered before meeting Ben and Poe for dinner, so he went right to bed after undressing.  As he lay there, wide awake and staring up into the dark, he tried to drag his mind back to his work.  But work made him think of the field office, and that made him think of Ben finding him there, Ben and Rey.

After Ben ran away from home, and Leia and Han’s never-exactly-stable marriage began showing signs of crumbling completely, Luke had come to Desperation looking for Rey.  He found out that he’d missed her by about a year, but no one knew where she had gone.  Luke stayed there in the little town because he already had the job and because he thought that Rey might come back, someday, even though _he’d_ never gone back home to Ely.  The two times he’d made the trip east from California, he hadn’t made it past Desperation.

 _I always used to tell Wedge I wanted to know what desperation looked like,_ Luke thought.  _And now I know._

And then Rey _had_ come back, but only because of Ben—and only because she was his fiancé’s friend.  Not because they were cousins, not because they shared the same powers.  Not because Ben was coming to Desperation to find Rey’s father.  Neither of them knew it, although when Ben and Rey and Luke had all stood face to face for the first time, Luke had known who she was even before Ben said her name or that she had once lived in Desperation too.

 _Maybe I should have told her—but how do I say something like that?_ he wondered.  _And how do I explain **why**?  I’m not ready.  I’ve been waiting for a year, and I’m still not ready. . . because I didn’t know it was going to be today.  I didn’t know it was going to be **now**._   Those were the excuses he gave to himself, but he knew that really, he was just scared.  Scared of losing Ben again (because of course Ben would be furious, just as he always was every time Luke or Leia or Han revealed themselves to be anything less than perfect), scared of losing Rey moments after seeing her for the first time.

 _If either Ben or Rey were older, or maybe if Rey had just been using her abilities longer, they would have already recognized each other_ , Luke thought.  _She would have recognized **me** , the way I did her.  She might recognize me yet._

With that thought, both terrible and wonderful at the same time, any hope of sleep fled.  So did any hope of thinking about work instead, and all Luke could do was worry, because it wasn’t just a question of Rey and Ben and whether or not to go home.  There was also Leia to consider—Leia whose wrath would probably outshine Ben’s when she found out Luke had been perfectly well and living just eight hours away all this time. . . not to mention what she might do when she learned that Luke had been hiding a daughter from her for more than twenty years.  (And didn’t Poe say Rey had been helping Han with his car?  What was _Han_ going to say?)

And even if Luke managed to put his entire family out of his mind. . . there was still Wedge.

 _Wedge said you were important to him,_ Poe had said.  _I think he really misses you._   The kid had meant it, too.  Not only could Luke feel it, he could see it in Poe’s expressive eyes.  ( _No wonder Ben fell for him, with eyes like that,_ Luke thought with the first flicker of a smile he had shown since he left the diner.)

_You should call him._

_And say what?_ Luke asked himself.  He hadn’t spoken to Wedge in a long while _before_ he left, and Luke didn’t know how to address that, much less how to explain why he had spent the last year in Desperation or how he suddenly had an adult daughter.  _And I owe him that much,_ Luke thought.  _I ran away from him, a long time before I left everyone else._

Luke fumbled in the dark for his phone, his hand finally closing over it on his nightstand.  He still didn’t know what he would say, but he feared he would lose his nerve and never call Wedge at all if he didn’t do it right then.  He pulled up the number Poe had given him, looked at it a moment, then pressed “call.”

The phone on the other end rang as Luke put his own phone to his ear.  Three rings, four, and then: “Hi there, you’ve reached Wedge and his balloon.  We’re _up, up, and away_ right now, but leave a message, and I’ll give you a call back when we drift back down to Earth!”

“Oh Lord,” Luke groaned under his breath, although he was smiling at the same time.  But when the voice mail beeped for him to record his message, he hesitated, thinking, _I should hang up._   Then, _you were important to him.  He really misses you._

“Wedge,” he muttered, “it. . . it’s Luke.”  Then he panicked.  He hadn’t known what he was going to say to begin with, and he had even less idea of what message he should leave.  Finally, Luke stammered, “Sorry I missed you.  I’ll—I’ll call back later.”  He ended the call without even saying goodbye, then sighed as he dropped the phone back on his nightstand.

“Stupid,” he grumbled aloud.  _I should have hung up.  I should have hung up. . . ._

When his phone rang less than five minutes later, Luke started, and his eyes, which had finally drooped closed, flew open again.

 _Ben,_ he thought, _it’s Ben.  Or else he gave my number to Leia after all, and she’s about to let me have it._   But when he closed his hand over the phone again and lifted it up into his field of vision, he saw that the call was from Wedge.

Luke almost didn’t answer it.  His thumb wavered over the screen, but then he thought of what Ben had said: _Coming here was giving up.  It was running away._   Luke flicked his thumb over the screen and brought the phone to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Luke?”  Wedge’s voice sounded hesitant.

“Yeah, Wedge.”  He _still_ didn’t know what to say.  “It’s. . . it’s me.”

“God.  Luke.”  Luke could hear Wedge breathing, hard; then he said, “Sorry I didn’t pick up before.  I was in the shower.”

“With the balloon?” Luke said without thinking it through, and, thank God, Wedge laughed.

“Ha, no, but I might as well be.  I see more of that balloon than any _person_ I know.  But yeah, most of the calls I get are for business, so my voice mail message has to be for that.”  Wedge was silent for a moment, and Luke tried to imagine how he looked and what he was doing.  Sitting on his bed?  Pacing?  Finally, Wedge asked, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Luke told him.  He turned on his side in bed, phone pressed to his ear, and closed his eyes.  “I got your number from Poe.  Poe, uh. . . Dameron.  He said he works with you.  He’s my nephew’s. . . boyfriend.  Fiancé.  They’re getting married.”

“Yeah, yeah.  Poe told me they were looking for you.  He asked me if I knew where you were.  I. . . I didn’t, but. . . I guess you’re in Desperation?”

“Yeah,” said Luke.  “Desperation.”

“I met Ben a little while ago, before I knew who he was,” Wedge went on.  “Took ‘em up in the balloon.  He was quiet but nice.  And Poe’s a good kid, too.  You’ll like him when you get to know him.”  He paused again.  “He reminds me of you.”

Luke opened his eyes again.  “Really?”  He hadn’t noticed any similarities, but then, he hadn’t really been paying Poe much attention.

“Yeah,” Wedge murmured.  “He’s like you.  Too good.”

Luke half sighed and half laughed, “Oh come on, Wedge, I’m not _good_.  I mean, we did some great things when we were kids, but. . . I don’t know what Poe told you, but I pretty much skipped town more than a year ago.  No one knew where I was until _today_ , because Ben came all the way out here to find me.”

“Luke, you’re always gonna be that kid to me.  That good kid.”  Now Wedge’s voice was soft and so affectionate, Luke’s chest clenched to hear it.  “Whatever you did, I know you had a reason for it.”

“I did.  But I don’t know if it was a good enough reason.”  Luke bit his lip, then said, “But what about you?  Are _you_ okay?  I asked Poe, but he said he didn’t really know you outside of work.”

“Yeah, I don’t see a lot of him,” Wedge replied.  “And yes, I’m okay.  I’m good.  Like I said, just about all I do is work—up in the balloon at dawn and dusk most days, and in between I do a lot of demos. . . educational things for schools, teaching kids how balloons work, that kind of thing.  We’re gearing up for balloon festival season too.  I’m doing the Fiesta in Albuquerque this year—it’s not until October, but it’ll eat up more than a week, so I’m trying to save up a little extra now.  There’s not a lot of money in ballooning, but I love it, Luke.  Flying, drifting up there, taking people up with me and giving them a little piece of the sky like that. . . I love it.”

“I’m glad,” Luke said, and meant it.  “I want you to be happy, Wedge.  I want—”  He broke off, thought for a few seconds, then asked, “Did Ben enjoy it?  He said something to me once, about liking to fly.”  It was better than what he had almost said: _I want you to be happy.  I want to be happy with you._

“I think he enjoyed it.  When he wasn’t smooching on Poe, that is.”  Wedge started to laugh, then cleared his throat instead.  “Er, sorry, maybe you don’t want to hear that about your nephew, but it was kind of cute.  You saw how short Poe is, right?  I mean, he’s shorter than _you_.  And Ben is pretty damn tall.  Anyway!  Yeah, he liked it, and if he likes flying, he’s with the right guy.  Poe’s an ace pilot.  I used to tell him he should have gone out for the Blue Angels or something, not wasted his talent on carting people around in an old Cessna.  But he likes what he does, so I guess that’s all that matters.”

“He seemed like a nice kid,” said Luke, “and I think Ben really loves him.”

“And you’re okay with it?” Wedge asked.  “I mean. . . with Poe. . . being a guy?”

“Heh.”  Luke felt the corner of his mouth turn up in a half smile.  “Yeah.  I’m okay with it.  Leia’d already told me, a couple years ago, he came out to them.  So I already knew, but he didn’t know I knew.”  That had been hard, keeping Ben from realizing his mother had outed him to Luke, when Ben and Luke could literally read each other’s minds; but Leia had meant well, and Luke didn’t want to embarrass either Ben or her.  None of that mattered now, and anyway, Ben hadn’t hesitated before telling Luke he was engaged to another man.

Wedge sighed and said, “I’d better let you go.  Sorry, but I’ve got to get up early for a flight.”

“No, no problem. . . I gotta be at work first thing too,” Luke told him.  He almost said “at the mine” before remembering that he hadn’t told Wedge what he was doing there in Nevada in the first place.  There was still so much to tell him.  Luke hesitated, then added, “Can. . . can we talk later?”

“Yeah,” Wedge said immediately.  “I want to talk to you.  Uh, Luke?  Before you go. . . can I ask you something?”

Luke tensed but murmured, “Yeah?”

Wedge hesitated himself, then asked, “Was it—something I did?”

“Hunh?  You mean why I moved out here?  No, of course not.  It was. . . family stuff.  Ben.  It’s complicated.”

“No, I don’t mean that.”  Luke heard Wedge clear his throat again.  “I mean. . . why you—we quit talking.  It was a long time before you left, since things were like they used to be.”  Luke had known that question would come; he’d just hoped it wouldn’t come so soon, because he didn’t know how to answer it.

“Wedge. . . no, it wasn’t anything you did,” he finally said.  “It wasn’t you.  I can’t—I can’t tell you right now, because—”

“You don’t _have_ to tell me,” Wedge interrupted him.  “As long as it wasn’t me.  I just had to know if I’d done something to make you. . . drive you away.”

“I _do_ have to tell you,” Luke insisted.  “Wedge, you deserve that much.  It wasn’t fair to you, and you didn’t do _anything,_ I promise.  But. . . I have to see my family first.”

“Are you coming home?” Wedge asked.  He sounded hopeful.

“Not right now.  I need to talk to Leia first—you can imagine how much I’m looking forward to _that_.”  To Luke's relief, Wedge chuckled.  “And anyway, I’ve got to finish some stuff here, for work—I’m in the middle of some things I just can’t leave.  But I’ll have to brave Leia’s fury at some point, and Ben will be getting married. . . .  Anyway, I’ll come see you, Wedge.  I promise.”

“You’d better.”  Wedge said it playfully, but his next words were serious.  “I miss you, Luke.”

“Wedge. . . I miss you too.”  Luke’s fingers clenched over the sides of his phone.  “I miss you like hell.”

“I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”  When Luke murmured yes, Wedge said softly, “Okay.  Bye, Luke.”

“Bye.”

After they hung up, Luke lay on his back again, what felt like a thousand new thoughts chased the old ones around in his brain, and he still was unable to sleep.

\--

There wasn’t much to Ely, Nevada, but at least it wasn’t Desperation.  Finn and Rey spent a couple hours there before starting the hour-long drive back around ten.  The drive probably should have taken longer, but Rey was speeding on the way back just as she had on the way there.  _Not that there’s any cops watching for speeders out here,_ Finn thought.  _And if there were, it would probably be that Collie guy who’s crazy about her._   That thought didn’t help Finn’s mood any.

After forty-five minutes on Highway 50, Finn started trying to make conversation just to keep himself awake.

“Pretty weird that Ben’s uncle grew up back there,” he said around a yawn, “so close to where _you_ grew up.”

“I don’t think it’s weird.”  Rey said it thoughtfully, not defensively, but Finn wondered anyway if she was trying to be argumentative.  She was like that sometimes.

“Really.  You don’t think it’s weird,” he muttered.

“I think there’s a reason.”

Finn stared at her, but Rey kept her eyes on the road.  It took him a second to realize she was slowing down; then without using the turn signal (not that there was anyone behind them to signal to), she pulled off on the side of the road.

 _Uh oh,_ Finn thought, _shit’s about to go down._   He wasn’t sure what he’d done to piss her off, but Rey stopping the car couldn’t be a good sign.

But then Rey said, “You really need to see the stars from out here, before we get back to town.  There’s not a _lot_ of light there, but they still look better in the desert.”  She got out of the car, leaving Finn to scramble out too and follow her around to the back.

“Look up,” Rey told him as she opened the rear door of the SUV.  Finn did, and he ended up staring at the sky instead of at her.

“Whoa,” he muttered.

“Told you.”  Rey sat down in the back of the car and looked up at the sky.  Finn tore his eyes away long enough to sit beside her then looked some more.  He knew what the Milky Way was, had seen it once or twice as a vague fog smeared on the sky, when he’d bothered to look for it.  Now, though, he _really_ saw it for the first time, delicate and cloudy and speckled with more stars than he would have thought existed in the whole universe.

 _That’s a galaxy,_ Finn thought, _our galaxy, we’re part of that.  Each of those lights is another sun, and maybe they all have their own planets with people on them. . . but we’re as much a part of it as they are._   He didn’t consciously relate this to his earlier feeling of being left out, but it helped all the same.  He was part of something, and so were Rey and Poe and Ben, and Rey was right: there was a reason they were out there in Middle of Nowhere, Nevada, just like there was a reason they’d all found each other.

“Finn,” Rey whispered, “I have to talk to you.  You can’t tell Poe because he’d tell Ben—but I need your help.  I don’t know what to do.”

“I won’t tell Poe.”  Finn looked at her.  “What is it?”  Rey’s eyes flicked down from the sky to the flat highway stretching away from them; then she turned her head and looked into his eyes.

“I think Ben’s my brother.”

“You— _what?_ ” Finn spluttered.  It wasn’t anything he’d expected to hear, but even before Rey repeated herself, things started to click into place in Finn’s head.  It explained everything, the strong psychic bond between Rey and Ben, how she’d ended up so close to where Ben’s uncle had been raised. . . .

“I think he’s my brother,” Rey was saying.  “When we went down to the mine this afternoon, we were. . . having a conversation, but we weren’t speaking, not out loud.  I could talk to him in my _head_.  I didn’t exactly _want_ to, and I don’t think he did either, so we stopped.  But. . . I can feel what he’s feeling.  It’s like. . . like I’ve known him all my life, and I’d never seen him before that night he told our fortunes.”  She looked away from Finn again, back at the sky, and twisted her lean hands together in her lap.  “And then when we met Luke. . . he hardly spoke two words to me, but—he was so _familiar_ to me.  Not just how he looked, but how he _felt_.  I could understand him, better than Ben could, I think, because I felt sorry for Luke.  I felt like. . . well, I’d want to run away too, if I’d been in his position.  Ben’s enough to make anyone want to run away sometimes.”  Her mouth twitched in a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.  “Finn, am I going crazy?”

“No,” Finn assured her immediately.  “No, I. . . it makes sense.  In a weird kind of way.  You and Ben, I mean, I can tell. . . it’s kinda like, you don’t really like each other, but you _understand_ each other.  And I don’t know what this Luke guy’s like, but he could be why you were out here to begin with, if he knew about Desperation, and your—your family was trying to find a place to. . . .”  He trailed off, but Rey finished the sentence without hesitation.

“Abandon me.”  She exhaled in a sharp breath, almost like a laugh.  “I told you about how Audrey, the woman who raised me, wasn’t my real family.  She always said she’d been a friend of my mother, and that she promised my mother she’d take care of me.  No one else in town would talk about it—you know how people say small towns are, and it’s true, at least in Desperation.  No one ever talked about who my parents were, or where they’d gone.  So I grew up thinking they’d come back for me one day.  I was going to be sure and tell them that Audrey took very good care of me, too.  But. . . .”  Rey dropped her head and looked not at the stars but at her hands.  “They never came back, and Audrey died, and I realized they _weren’t_ coming back.  So I left.”

Finn was startled when Rey blinked and he saw a tear fall from her eye and land on her jeans.  She wiped at one eye with the back of her hand, but the tears kept coming, and finally she gave up and looked at him instead.

“Why didn’t they ever come back?  Why didn’t they want me?” Rey demanded.  She shuddered with a repressed sob, took a deep breath, and pressed on, “Han—I like him so much, and Ben just. . . he doesn’t understand how _lucky_ he is to have Han for his father!  But why would he just abandon me?  That’s what doesn’t make sense, if Han’s my father, why would he _abandon_ me?  He doesn’t seem like that. . . he isn’t like that at all.  And Ben’s mother—I haven’t met her, but Poe really likes her, and I don’t think Poe could ever like somebody bad.  So why did she—leave—”  Unable to continue, Rey shook her head and faced forward again, squeezing her eyes shut tight as if that could stop her from crying.

“Rey. . . ,” Finn mumbled, without any idea of what he should do.  He knew Rey didn’t like being touched—she’d made that clear way back when he tried to hold her hand for the first time—but he also couldn’t let her sit there and hurt and believe no one wanted her.  Finally, he put his arm across her shoulders, tensing for a quick withdrawal in case she decided to smack him or something.  Rey’s narrow shoulders hitched with another sob, and then she turned to him and wrapped her arms tight around his chest and buried her face in his shoulder.  Finn hugged her and, after a moment of hesitation, rubbed her back with one hand.

“I don’t know why your parents left you,” he murmured, “but you’re always gonna have Poe and me.  And if Ben’s your brother—I mean, I know he’s a pain in the ass, but you’re right, Poe couldn’t love somebody bad.  Ben’ll be there for you too.  We’ll figure it all out together, okay?  I’ll help you.  I got you, and I’m not gonna let you go.”

Rey sniffled for a minute then lifted her head and turned it to wipe her face on her sleeve, without letting go of Finn.

“Thanks,” she whispered.  Even in the starlight, her eyes were red when she looked at him again.  She still looked pretty anyway.  Finn was trying to think of the right thing to say next—“You’re welcome”?  “No problem”?—when Rey leaned up and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“What was that for?” Finn blurted out.  Smooth.

Rey laughed and said, “For not letting me go.”  Then she sort of tilted her head, and Finn wondered what the hell she was doing, until she kissed him again, this time on the mouth.

“We should get back to town,” Rey murmured after she’d done it.  “I told Poe I’d text him when we were back.”

She was still in Finn’s arms, her lips barely an inch away from his, so he kissed her back before he said, “Okay.”

\--

To be continued


	32. Chapter 32

Rey’s text woke Poe up.  He had, in fact, lured Ben back into bed. . . where Ben had promptly fallen asleep while Poe was rubbing his back.  Poe had intended the impromptu massage as foreplay, remembering how well that had worked last time, but they didn’t even manage to get undressed before Ben was out like the proverbial light.  Still, Poe couldn’t be upset as he sat and watched his fiancé sleep.

_He’s had an emotional day, to say the least,_ Poe thought.  _He needs the rest._   He reached over to stroke his lover’s hair a moment, then lay down beside him with his arm over Ben’s lower back and his cheek resting against Ben’s shoulder.  Poe fell asleep himself like that, only to wake up a couple hours later to the sound of his phone dinging.

“What’s that?” Ben mumbled.

“Probably Rey.  I told her to text me.”  Poe leaned over to turn off the lamp on the nightstand, without checking his phone.  “I’ll silence it.”

“No, read it.”  Ben turned over on his back, then raised himself up on one arm, watching as Poe picked up his phone.  “It might be important.”

“Uh, okay. . . .”  Poe was too drowsy to argue about it, so he sat up, pulled up the text, and read it aloud.  “‘We’re back.  Are you still up?’”  He paused before reading the next four words, ones most men never wanted to hear from a woman: “‘We need to talk.’”  Poe rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, trying to shake off his sleepiness, and sighed.  “How’d you know?” he asked Ben, only somewhat facetiously.  “Did you read her mind?”

“No.”  Ben shook his head, sighed, and put his arms around Poe’s waist.  He leaned his head on the smaller man’s thigh and muttered, “I just knew.  Poe, I. . . I didn’t tell you about everything that happened this afternoon.”

Remembering how weird Rey had been acting earlier, Poe asked Ben, “Did something happen to Rey?  Or. . . with Rey?”  He didn’t like the sense of uneasiness it gave him, not least because the uneasiness felt a lot like jealousy.

“Yes,” Ben mumbled against Poe’s leg.  He paused, then turned his head so he could look up at Poe with an almost pleading expression in his eyes.  “Poe, sweetheart, don’t be jealous, _please_.  It’s nothing like that.”

“I’m not—” Poe started to protest automatically; then he stopped himself with a weak laugh.  “You and your emotion-reading.  Okay, I’m a little jealous, but not _that_ kind of jealous.  I’m jealous that you and Rey have that—that bond, I guess from being psychic.  I wish I could understand you the way she can.”

“That’s why I didn’t tell you,” Ben murmured.  He shifted his head to lay it in Poe’s lap.  “While we were driving down into the mine, I was still upset with you and. . . and worried.  Worried that I was losing you.”  Poe opened his mouth to protest, but the look Ben gave him shut him up.  “I know,” Ben went on with a faint smile, “we’re going to have fights, and it’s okay.  But I was upset then, and Rey could feel it.  We. . . we talked about it—without words, in our heads.  Telepathically.”

“Really?” Poe breathed.  “You can _talk_?  Not just. . . not just pictures or feelings, but. . . .”  He trailed off, unable to keep that little bit of jealousy away.

“Yeah, we can.”  Ben was nearly whispering, his eyes drifting aside in thought; then they fixed back on Poe’s face.  “It felt strange, and we stopped—and after that, I might add, she told me what an idiot I was for thinking you were going to leave me just because I disagreed with you.”

“You _were_ being an idiot if you thought that,” Poe pointed out before leaning down to kiss Ben on the end of his nose.  “It’ll take a lot more than that to get rid of _me_.”

“Mmn.  But Poe. . . I’ve never been able to communicate with _anyone_ else like that—except Luke.”  Ben raised his eyes, now full of concern, to Poe’s again.

“Well, how many other psychics do you know?” Poe said, but Ben shook his head.

“It’s not just that, not just because Rey has the same powers I do—there’s something more.  Luke didn’t talk to me that way today, not at the mine or at dinner either, I think because he’s afraid too.  But he’s not just afraid of me, or Mom.  He’s. . . .”  Ben broke off and sat up, scrambling his long limbs almost comically until he gained his balance.  “Poe, he’s afraid of _Rey_.”

“Of Rey?  _Why?_   Ben. . . .”  But Poe dropped his eyes then, because he thought he knew, without any psychic abilities at all.  It made everything fall into place, except for the amazing coincidence of it all.

“We need to talk to her right now,” Ben said, not bothering to answer Poe’s “Why?”.  “Is that okay?”

“‘We’?”  Poe looked up at him again.  “Are you sure?  I don’t think it has much to do with me.”

“It has _everything_ to do with you, because I love you.”  Ben wrapped his arms around Poe and pulled him close, until Poe nestled against him with his head on Ben’s shoulder.  Ben went on in a whisper, “And because you love me, _and_ Rey.”  He kissed Poe’s hair then got up, tugging Poe along with him.  “C’mon.”

Poe had never imagined Ben would be the one to initiate any discussion at all with Rey, much less a serious one, but apparently Ben had come to some kind of conclusion about it: about himself and Rey and Luke.  Still holding Poe’s hand, he knocked on the door between their room and Rey’s (which Ben had locked before he and Poe went to bed, “just in case,” he said).

“Come in,” Rey’s voice called from the other room.  She sounded shaky, nervous—not really like herself.  When Ben and Poe entered, she looked at Ben with some surprise, as if she had been expecting Poe alone.

“Can we talk?” Ben asked her in what was probably the humblest tone Poe had ever heard him use.  Rey was sitting up on one of the beds, wearing a t-shirt and shorts and leaning against the headboard, and Finn was lounging on the other bed with his phone forgotten in his hand.  When Rey nodded to Ben, Finn looked from one to the other of them.

“Do. . . you want me to head out?” he mumbled.  Poe shot him a desperate look and shook his head “no,” but then Rey smiled at him and shook her head too.

“No, you and Poe stay.”  Then she looked at Ben and said, “Come here.”

Poe felt Ben’s hand start to sweat in his before Ben squeezed Poe’s smaller hand and let it go.  Poe went over to perch on the side of Finn’s bed and Finn sat up, as Ben went over to Rey like he was being led to a guillotine.  _He doesn’t want to do this,_ Poe thought, _any more than he wanted to see Luke again._   For everything Ben had said about Luke being afraid of Rey, he was afraid of her too. . . and suddenly, Poe felt sorry for Rey, sorrier than he’d felt for any of the others.  He knew she’d always been alone, just like he and Finn had before the three of them found one another, but maybe it had hurt her worse, somehow.  No one had ever been _afraid_ of Finn, or of Poe for that matter except for Ben, but only because Ben was afraid of losing him.

_And Rey doesn’t deserve that,_ Poe told himself, _she doesn’t deserve to feel like no one wants to be near her._   Nevertheless, he was proud of Ben, too, for facing his fears.  He was better at it than Luke was, that was certain.

Ben finally sat down on the bed in front of Rey and looked at her; Poe saw his jaw clench as he swallowed.  He had a pretty good idea of what Ben was going to tell her, but Rey made the first move—one that surprised all of them, even Ben judging from how his eyes widened.  She put her hands up to his face, stroking her fingertips through the strands of his black hair that fell just past his temples, then cupped her hands under his jaw and held him there.  It was a gesture full of affection, and that was what startled Poe so much.  _She loves him,_ he realized, _in a weird way.  Not like she loves Finn, or me, but she **does**._

“Am I your sister?” Rey asked Ben.

His mouth dropped open, and Poe blinked.  Finn, though, didn’t move, and Poe suddenly understood that Rey had talked to him about it all first.  Poe glanced at Finn, a bit surprised, but the other man’s eyes were fixed on Rey’s face.

Ben closed his mouth and swallowed again, then shook his head gently, not hard enough to dislodge her hands.

“No.  I don’t think so.”

“Oh. . . .”  This time, Rey’s eyes widened— _She really did think they were siblings!_ Poe marveled—and she started to draw her hands back, but Ben lifted his and covered hers with them.

“You’re my cousin,” Ben told her.  “Luke’s your father.”

“My. . . .”  Rey stared at him, and beside Poe, Finn scrambled to sit up in bed.

“What the hell,” Poe heard him murmur, but neither Rey nor Ben noticed.  They were absorbed in each other.

“ _Luke?_ ” Rey whispered.  “ _How?_ ”

“I don’t know,” Ben said.  He pulled Rey’s hands down from his face to put them in his lap, still holding them as he looked down at her.  She had dropped her eyes and appeared to be staring at the heart-shaped pentagram on the black band t-shirt he was wearing, but Poe thought she probably wasn’t seeing it at all.  Ben went on, “But I do know there’s some connection—he was looking at you this afternoon, not at me.  _He_ knows who you are, and. . . and it would explain everything.  Why you grew up here, and why he’s here now.  I think he came here trying to find you.”

“But. . . are you _sure?_ ”  Rey raised her head to look at him again.  Her brows narrowed in her familiar look of concentration that seemed almost like anger.  “Are you _sure_ I’m not—you’re not my brother?”

“Almost sure,” said Ben, and Poe loved him all the more to hear how gently he was speaking to her.  “I don’t know why you would have been here if my parents were your parents too.  They wouldn’t have separated us.  My mother—she always wanted another child.”  For the first time, Ben’s eyes left hers as he murmured, “Very much.  She wouldn’t have given you up.”

“And Han.”  Rey let out a breath in a mirthless laugh.  “I was so _sure_.  I guess. . . I guess I _wanted_ him to be my father.  But. . . at least now I know he didn’t abandon me.  They would have wanted me.”  Poe could see conflicting emotions on her face, and he could only guess at what she must be thinking.  Relief that Han, whom she idolized, hadn’t given her up; maybe hatred for Luke who _had_ given her up; confusion.

_But I’m confused too,_ Poe thought.  _Why **would** Luke give her up?_   He couldn’t reconcile the man he’d met at dinner with the kind of deadbeat father who would abandon his daughter in the literal wasteland of Desperation, Nevada.  _And who was her mother?  Where is she now?_   Then Poe remembered something else.

“Ben,” he said, hating to butt into their conversation but having to say it.  “That day we went to the junkyard, when I was talking to Han, he told me that Luke didn’t have any children.”

“I thought he didn’t either,” Ben said, “so maybe my parents don’t even know.  Hell, maybe _Luke_ didn’t even know until today, but. . . but I think he recognized Rey.”  He had looked at Poe, but now he turned back to Rey and murmured, “I saw how he looked at you, and even though I wasn’t reading him, I could feel. . . _something,_ some kind of emotion.  I think he knows.”

“God,” muttered Rey.  She pulled her hands free of Ben’s and dropped her head into them for a second, then stood up and paced between the two beds.  “What—what should I do?”  Before anyone could answer, she turned to Ben—her cousin—and asked, “Ben, what are _you_ gonna do?  What did he say to you and Poe at dinner?  Nothing about me?”

“No,” Ben told her, “he didn’t say much about _anything_ , mostly just asked us questions.  I was trying to get him to come home, but he just said he needed more time to think.  He did give me his phone number. . . and asked me not to tell my mom yet.”  He gave her a wan smirk, then looked past her to Poe again.  “Luke said he’d text me tomorrow, and I guess Poe and I will see him again.  But. . . I don’t know what I’m going to do.  I can’t make him come home if he refuses.”

“But he knows about me?” Rey persisted.  “You’re sure he knows?”

Ben nodded.

She turned to look at her two friends and asked, “Finn, Poe?  What should I do?  Should I call him?  Make him admit it?  Or just. . . .”  She trailed off, lifting her hands in the air then letting them fall in a gesture of surrender.

“I don’t know,” Poe said, wishing he _did_ know because she looked so helpless.  But then Finn surprised him, again.

“Give him a chance,” Finn told Rey as he gazed up at her.  “If he didn’t know about you until now, he’s probably as confused as you are.  Give him a chance to do the right thing.”  He started to reach out a hand toward her, but then dropped it again.

“Okay,” Rey murmured.  “Yeah.  Okay.  We have until Tuesday morning, so maybe tomorrow. . . .”  She trailed off with a little shrug, but Poe thought they all knew what she meant.  _Maybe Luke will want to see her tomorrow.  And if he doesn’t—well, we can go from there._

“Thank you,” Rey said to Ben, turning toward Finn and Poe to include them too.  “Poe, you two can go back to your room now.  I was probably interrupting. . . _something_.”

“Yeah.  My sleep,” Poe joked as he stood up and reached out a hand to Ben.  “C’mon, baby.”  Ben took his hand and got up, then looked down at Rey.

“Uh, will you. . . be all right?” he muttered.

“Yeah.  Get out of here.”  She gave his arm a shove.  “See you at breakfast.”  Poe wasn’t sure if Rey were really okay or not, but he could tell when she was through talking to him nevertheless.  He and Ben retreated to their own room, and as Poe was getting back into bed, Ben locked the door again before following him.

“Expecting them to disturb your slumber again?”  Poe lay down on his back and started to pull the covers up over him, but Ben tugged them out of his hands.

“Just ensuring that we have some privacy.”  With the lamp off, the room was almost completely dark except for a light from the parking lot filtering in through the window’s blinds.  Poe could just make out Ben’s face as the larger man leaned over him and stroked Poe’s wavy hair back from his forehead.

“Privacy for what?” Poe murmured.  He had fully expected Ben to want to go right back to sleep, but he wasn’t protesting the alternative either.

Ben didn’t answer except to lower his head and kiss Poe’s mouth softly.  Poe parted his lips and kissed him back, then reached up to put his arms around Ben’s shoulders.  His fiancé slipped downward out of his grasp, however, to lift Poe’s shirt and trail caresses down his breastbone.

“I love you, angel,” Ben mumbled against Poe’s skin.  “I want to be with you.  When I’m making love to you, I feel like everything is all right. . . that it _has_ to be all right, because being with you feels so perfect.”

“It _will_ be all right,” Poe breathed.  He gave a slight shiver when Ben drew his fingertips down his sides.  “Ben, you—mmn, you’ve done the right thing, with both Luke _and_ Rey.  I’m proud of you.”

Ben paused in his ministrations to rest his cheek against Poe’s stomach and whisper, “Poe, that. . . that means a lot to me.  I can’t tell you how much.”

“I mean it, baby, I’m proud of you.  And I love you.”  Poe reached down to stroke Ben’s hair, then added with a smile, “So go on, make love to me.  Make it perfect.”

“Heh, you’re such a demanding little princess, aren’t you?” Ben chuckled before lifting his head and resuming his kisses to Poe’s abdomen as he grasped the waistband of the smaller man’s shorts and started tugging them down.  “Mmn, lucky for you, I know just how to satisfy you.”

“We’ll see about tha—nngh, Ben!”  Poe broke off in a groan when Ben shifted his mouth downward.  Ben was right about knowing how to satisfy him, and Poe had to make an effort to keep from crying out loudly enough for Finn and Rey to hear in the next room.  Afterward, Ben lay on his back with Poe in his arms, both tired but far more relaxed than before.

“I really do want to pick a date for the wedding,” Ben mumbled around a yawn.  “Or else elope on the way home.  You think there’s a justice of the peace in Desperation?”

“Your mom would kill you.  And probably me too,” Poe pointed out.  He nestled a little closer to Ben and kissed his chest.  “We’ll pick a date as soon as we get home, okay?”  Poe closed his eyes with a happy sigh.  “I can’t wait to be your wife.”  He felt Ben’s chest shake with laughter as the larger man hugged him tightly.

“Go to sleep before you get me excited again,” he scolded.

They both slept until nearly eleven the next morning.  Fortunately, the Owl’s Club had an all-day breakfast menu, and Poe’s stack of pancakes was as delicious as his burger the night before.  Rey kept quiet as they ate, despite Finn’s endearingly obvious attempts to cheer her up, and once, Poe noticed her watching Ben with the same puzzled expression she’d had the night they first met.  Poe had a pretty good idea of what she was thinking, because he thought the same thing himself: how could Rey and Ben be so different and yet so alike, all at the same time?  Poe imagined they felt how Ben’s mother and uncle had felt, when they finally learned that they were brother and sister.  Luke and Leia were so very different too, but Poe realized he could see some of each of them in the other.

_Luke’s got to come home,_ Poe thought, staring down at the syrup left on his otherwise empty plate.  _His sister needs him.  And Ben needs him, Rey needs him, even Wedge needs him._

“Are you still hungry?” Ben asked.

“Hunh?”  When Poe looked at him, one corner of Ben’s mouth lifted in a smile.

“You’re looking at that plate like you’re wondering where all the pancakes went,” Ben pointed out.  “I think I can afford to buy my bride a second order if you want one.”

“Oh, no. I was just thinking,” Poe chuckled, but Finn was staring at them.

“ _Bride?_   You didn’t go get married last night or something, did you?” he demanded, then paused.  “Wait, and why’s _Poe_ the bride?  Ben, man, you’re girlier than _he_ is.”

“I’m not girly,” Ben grumbled.

“Well, you’ve got longer hair!” protested Finn.  “And all that goth shit going on.  Some of those guys wear makeup and stuff, right?”

“I’m not a goth!” Ben shot back.

“Whatever, you still didn’t answer my question!”  Finn thumped the end of his fork on the table.  “Did you get married?”

“They didn’t get married,” Rey announced, the first time she had spoken in about half an hour.  She flicked her brown eyes up to her cousin’s face.  “And Poe is the bride because Ben has a bizarre desire to see him wearing a dress.”

Poe was pretty sure he was blushing as hard as Ben was, although he didn’t curse Rey as eloquently as Ben did—at least not out loud.  Finn, meanwhile, looked from Ben to Poe then concentrated very hard on cutting up the last of his omelet into very small pieces.

“Oooookay,” he muttered, “I’m sorry I asked.”

“No, we didn’t get married yet,” Poe muttered when he was finally able to speak again.  “We just decided to pick a date after we get home tomorrow.”

“And a dress?”  Rey raised an eyebrow at him as she lifted her coffee cup to her lips.

“I am not wearing a wedding dress!” Poe retorted.

Still flushing, Ben added with a glare in her direction, “And if you’re going to read my thoughts, _keep them to yourself_.  I can’t believe I’m related to you. . . .”  The reminder sobered them all up, and as if to punctuate it a moment later, Ben’s phone made the Pokémon cry it gave when he got a text.  _Luke,_ Poe thought as Ben pulled the phone out and checked it.

Sure enough, Ben muttered, “It’s Luke.  Poe, he wants to know if we can meet him here again tonight, at seven.”

“Sure,” Poe nodded.  He looked over at Rey and Finn to add, “Maybe you should come too.”  Rey glanced at Ben, and when he nodded as well, she sighed.

“Yeah.  I guess we should.”

\--

That afternoon, Luke left the mine earlier than usual, around four, and drove back to his house without really seeing the road ahead of him.  The entire year he’d been away, he had thought about Ben, what he would do if he ever saw his nephew again, what he would say and how he would handle it.  And now that the reunion he’d so worried about had happened, Luke found that dealing with Ben wasn’t a problem at all.  He _knew_ what to do with Ben and what he was going to say that evening.

Now Rey was the one who troubled him.

He took a shower as soon as he got home, glad as always to get the dust and sweat of the mine off his skin, then stood in front of the mirror to stare at himself after he’d used a towel to wipe off the steam that had condensed there.

_I look terrible,_ Luke decided.  Too thin, exhausted, not at all like someone’s father, or at least not like the kind of father anyone would want.  _Poe said she’d been hanging around with Han,_ he remembered.  _How can I ever compare to **him**?_   Han Solo was charismatic, funny, just morally ambiguous enough to be exciting. . . and, of course, handsome.  As he aged, Han hadn’t exactly gotten distinguished-looking, but he’d gotten more rugged, and that look worked for him.

_Ben gets **him** for a father,_ Luke thought, _and Rey gets **me**._

There wasn’t much he could do to improve his looks either, not before the next morning when Rey and Ben and the others would leave Desperation and go home.  Not before Luke’s last chance to confess—because he knew that he couldn’t stand _not_ to, couldn’t stand it if he had to wait until he was able to get away from work and follow them back to California.  And it wasn’t the kind of thing you could say over the phone.  He would have to tell her in person, and he would have to do it within the next twelve hours.

_I have to do it, and I can’t,_ Luke thought as he went to his room and pulled on his least-worn pair of jeans.  They were too loose on him, and he regretted not buying new ones before now.  It wasn’t that he didn’t have the money—hydrology paid well, that was for sure—but he just hadn’t bothered buying clothes in the past year.  Who, after all, did he have to impress?  No family, no friends other than the coworkers or acquaintances he ran into at the bar, certainly not any dates.

Luke trudged into his bedroom and sat on the edge of the unmade bed, looking at his phone lying on the nightstand.  He needed to talk to someone, anyone who could help him screw up his courage—and he knew whom he _wanted_ to call.

_I shouldn’t,_ Luke thought, _I should be able to fix what I’ve done myself._   But all that day at work, as he tested and retested his water samples and promised Frank Geller he’d have his report by the end of the week, Luke had thought about Rey, and when he wasn’t thinking about Rey, he was thinking about Wedge.  Hearing Wedge say _I miss you_ and remembering the way Wedge’s eyes had looked at him the last time they saw each other, years ago.  Wedge had never been handsome, but those brown eyes had always captivated Luke.  Even Poe’s, pretty as they were, couldn’t compare as far as Luke was concerned.

Finally, Luke leaned over to his phone and called Wedge’s number on speaker, trusting the matter to fate.  If Wedge answered, Luke was meant to talk to him.  If he didn’t, he wasn’t.  Simple as that.

It only rang once before the familiar voice said, “Hello?”  Luke felt a funny little tremor in his chest.

“Hey,” he said.  He was still sitting on the edge of the bed, hands dangling between his knees, as he looked at the phone on his nightstand.

“Hey.  Are you all right?”  The note of concern in Wedge’s tone made Luke feel worse than ever.  _He’s so worried about me, and I don’t deserve it,_ he thought.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Luke muttered.  “Are you busy?  If this is a bad time, I can call back later.  Or tomorrow.  Or—”

“Luke, I’m not busy,” Wedge chuckled.  “I’m just driving.  Got a flight this evening, but it’s a ways out, so I’m on the road.  What’s up?”

“Are you alone?”  Luke meant was anyone else in the car—what he had to talk about wasn’t something he wanted anyone else to hear.  But as he said it, he realized he still didn’t know who else Wedge had in his life.  The night before, he hadn’t _sounded_ like he was involved with anyone, but Luke still found it hard to believe.  _He probably has a girlfriend,_ Luke thought. _Or a wife._

“Yeah, I’m alone,” said Wedge.  “Do you need to talk?”

“Yeah.”

“Is this about Ben?”

“Sort of.”  Luke sighed and folded his arms across his bare chest, rubbing his hands up and down his upper arms.  “I’m going to see him again tonight, tell him. . . I’m gonna try coming back.  For a visit, at least at first.”

“You are?  That’s good.”  Wedge sounded as if he were smiling.  “I’m glad.”

“Yeah, well. . . I’ll see how it goes.  With Leia.  And if I can find a job, and—hell, somewhere to live, I don’t know,” Luke sighed.  “I don’t know if I _can_ move back, for good, that is.  But anyway, it’ll be a couple weeks before I can get away from here even to visit.  Work and all.”

“What do you do?” Wedge asked.  “The last I heard, you were giving fencing lessons.  When you were back here, I mean.  Couldn’t you do that again?”

“I don’t. . . I don’t know.”  Luke hugged his arms tighter around himself as he thought about Ben and what Luke planned to tell him that evening.  “But out here, I’m working at a mine.  Hydrology stuff.  You know, actually using that degree I sank all that money into.”

“Heh, I remember.  Mostly how I’d have to physically take your damn textbooks away from you and hide them to get you to take a break from studying.”  Wedge laughed as he went on, “That one time, I took you over to my place so I could change for us to go out and pick up girls, and when I got out of the shower, you were in my bed asleep.  Seven in the evening, and you were out for the night.  You looked so cute, I didn’t have the heart to wake you up.”

Luke felt his face grow hot at hearing Wedge call him cute, even decades after the fact, and he said defensively, “I was studying for my comps, so I was tired.”

“You certainly were!” Wedge chuckled.  “Slept for fourteen hours straight.  Didn’t make for a very exciting evening.”

“ _You_ still went out though, didn’t you?” Luke muttered.  He had forgotten about that night, and he didn’t especially want to talk about it just then.  “Except I guess you couldn’t bring anyone home with me there.”

Wedge sounded surprised when he answered, “No, of course I didn’t go—I wasn’t gonna leave you there by yourself.  I just watched TV a while then shoved you over and went to sleep.  With the way you bitched the next morning about how small my bed was, I thought you knew I was there all night.”

“Oh.  No, I thought—well, it doesn’t matter now.”  Luke dropped his arms then collapsed on his own bed, on his back, as he changed the subject.  “But anyway.  Yeah.  I don’t know if I can find work out there, and this is a good job.  I’m not sure I want to leave it.”

“Depends on what you want.”  Wedge’s voice was steady now, matter-of-fact.  “And who you want to be with.  Good job there. . . family here.”

“Yeah,” said Luke.  “I know.  And that’s what—that’s what I can’t. . . .”  He broke off and closed his eyes.  “God, Wedge, that’s what’s killing me.”

“What?”  The matter-of-fact tone had shifted to alarm.  “What’s killing you?”

“Guilt.”

“Guilt about _what?_ ” Wedge persisted.  “Leaving home, and whatever happened with Ben?  Worrying Leia?”

“No, no it’s worse than that,” Luke mumbled.  He felt like a dam about to crumble, and he couldn’t stop himself from nearly babbling, “I can’t. . . Wedge, I can’t tell you.  You’d. . . you’d hate me.  Everyone’s going to hate me.”

“Dammit, Luke, I’m not going to hate you.  _Nothing_ could make me hate you.”  He heard Wedge sigh, then go on, “You’ve gotta get this off your chest, whatever it is.  It’s tearing me up to hear you hurting like this.  Look, is there something I can do?  Do you want me to come out there?”

Luke opened his eyes again and stared at his cracked and stained ceiling before murmuring, “Wedge, it’s. . . it’s an eight hour drive.  You. . . you can’t—your job. . . .”

“I’ll cancel my flights for the next couple days and come, if that’s what you need.  I’ve driven farther than that for balloon festivals—it’s no big deal.”

“It _is_ a big deal. . . that you’d do that for me, I mean.”  In spite of everything, Luke felt a faint smile come over his mouth.  “No, Wedge, don’t come out here.  There’s not time, anyway.  I’ve gotta—I’ve gotta talk to them tonight.  They’re leaving for home tomorrow morning.”

“Who, Ben and Poe?”

“Yes, and—”  Luke broke off and took a deep breath.  _If he’d really come all this way for me, without even knowing why. . . he’ll listen.  I have to start putting things right, and I need to start with him_ , he thought before continuing to speak.  “Wedge, a girl came with them—well, a young woman.  A friend of Poe’s, who grew up here in Desperation.  Her name is Rey.”

“Unh hunh,” Wedge said.  Patiently, waiting for the rest.

“When Ben came down to the mine to find me yesterday, she came with him.  She doesn’t know it—none of them know it yet, but. . . .”  Luke closed his eyes and said it fast, but in a steady voice.  “Wedge, she’s my daughter.”

In the ensuing silence, Luke felt prickles of heat on his face, not from embarrassment but from fear, nearly panic.

And then Wedge said only, “Okay.  And that’s what you feel guilty about?  You’re afraid to tell her?”  Luke exhaled a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.

“Yes.  Her, and Ben. . . hell, and Leia too, eventually.  I’m afraid of. . . I’m afraid of losing them.  But I’ve _got_ to tell them.  I can’t—I can’t live with this anymore, Wedge.  They’re leaving tomorrow morning, so it’s my last chance to tell her for a while.  I’ve. . . I’ve gotta do it in person, you know.”  He gave a weak laugh.  “And she’d never be able to keep it from Ben—they have the same kind of mental connection I have with him.  So I’ve got to tell him too.”

“You can do it,” Wedge murmured.  “Luke, you’re the toughest little son of a bitch I know.  And like I told you yesterday, you’re _good_.  You’ll do the right thing.  I know you will.”

Luke still felt shaky from nerves, but Wedge’s unquestioning faith in him helped, and he nodded even though the other man couldn’t see him.

“Thanks,” he said, almost in a whisper.  “I will.  I have to.  It’s just hard.”

“You can do it,” Wedge repeated.  He was silent for a few seconds, then asked, “Luke, you don’t have to tell me—it’s none of my business—but. . . her mother. . . is she there in Desperation?  Are you with her?”

Luke’s eyes dropped closed again as he answered, “No.  Rey’s mother—she died, a long time ago.  Twenty years, at least.  I only knew because a friend of hers, Audrey, called me to. . . to tell me she was gone.  Overdosed.  And that I had a four-year-old daughter Audrey and her husband were basically raising.”

“You didn’t _know_?” Wedge interrupted.  “She didn’t tell you?  Do you—do you know she’s really yours?”

“Yes, she’s really my daughter,” Luke observed with a grim smile.  “I could feel it even before I saw her for the first time, yesterday.  But I didn’t know about her before that phone call.  I never saw her mother again after. . . after that one time.  I didn’t know she got pregnant.  Audrey asked if I wanted to come and get Rey, but. . . but Audrey loved her, and she said Rey was happy with her and Herb.  She wouldn’t have known me, and I would have been taking her away from—away from everything she knew—oh God, Wedge, I know I was wrong, I should have come for her, but. . . but I had tried so hard to forget it ever happened, and I was afraid I couldn’t take care of Rey the right away—I was _afraid_.”  He dropped his head into his hands and almost moaned, “She _is_ going to hate me.  And she has every right to.”

“Luke, listen to me,” insisted Wedge.  “You did the best you knew how, after being put in a position you didn’t ask for.  I don’t know if she’ll hate you or not, but you don’t deserve it if she does.  Telling her is the right thing to do, but that’s _all_ you can do.  The next step is up to her.”

“Yeah,” Luke whispered.  “It’s. . . it’s all I can do.”  Wedge made a noise, as if he were about to speak then stopped, but finally he spoke again.

“Luke, why didn’t you tell me?  You’ve kept this a secret for twenty _years_?  No wonder it’s eating you up inside.”

“I thought you’d. . . I don’t know,” Luke sighed.  “I was ashamed, I mean. . . I had a _kid_ , with some girl I barely knew, and I was _leaving_ her out here.  I didn’t want you to—to think I was. . . I don’t know.  I don’t know _how_ I kept it a secret.  I don’t know how Ben didn’t see it in me somehow, but I guess I just buried it that deeply.  I almost managed to forget, until a few years ago.”

“That was when you quit talking to me, wasn’t it?” Wedge asked quietly.

“Yeah.  It wasn’t just you that reminded me of her, though.  It was everything at once—Ben was starting to really have problems, and Leia and Han weren’t getting along too well.  The whole family seemed to be falling apart, just like it did for my birth parents, and all I could think about was my—my little girl out here all alone.”

“But why did you leave _me_?” Wedge suddenly asked.  For the first time, his voice sounded almost angry, but it also had a quality to it that was nearly pleading.  “I could have helped you—I could have tried, anyway.”

“Wedge, I’m _sorry_ ,” Luke said.  “Every time I spoke to you, I was afraid I’d end up giving in and telling you, and—and like I said, I was too ashamed to do that.  Because when it happened. . . when Rey was—conceived. . . do you remember the night after you got your balloon pilot’s license?”

“How could I forget?” Wedge replied, a touch of humor in his voice despite everything.  “Drunkest I ever got in my entire life.  But—you mean—it happened that night?  I know you were gone when I woke up the next day, but. . . I thought you just went home, not—not went and hooked up with some girl.”

“No, it wasn’t that night.  It was just you and me there at your place, everyone else had gone home, and you. . . yeah, you were pretty drunk, and you started talking about Carolyn.”

“Oh.”  Wedge’s voice was softer then.  “I don’t remember.”

Luke did, because he _hadn’t_ gotten drunk that night.  He remembered Wedge’s mood plummeting from elated to maudlin once he started talking about the girl he’d been in love with, before he ever even met Luke, and Luke remembered how ashamed he’d felt because he was so jealous—jealous of a girl, a _dead_ girl.  It was the first time Luke had ever been thoroughly disgusted with himself, and he’d left Wedge’s apartment and gotten in his car and driven straight through the night with the intention of going back to Ely for the first time since he’d left, without telling anyone where he was going.  Luke didn’t even know _why_ he wanted to see Ely again, just that he had to go _somewhere_ , to get away.  And when the sun was high in the sky and Luke was almost to his destination, he passed that road sign marking the turn off to Desperation.  He’d stopped the car, turned around, and gone there, just to see what Desperation looked like.

It looked like Ely, only smaller, but nobody knew Luke there, so he spent the rest of that day in one of the hole-in-the-wall bars drinking all the crappy beer he didn’t drink with Wedge, and he went home with Rey’s mother.

He left Desperation the next afternoon, when his hangover finally allowed him to drive again, and instead of going on to Ely, he went back to California.  Leia was eight months pregnant and furious with him for disappearing for two days, but Wedge never asked where he’d gone, and after a few days, things were back to normal.

“Yeah,” Luke said to Wedge, “you were talking about her and got kind of down, and it made me sort of homesick, so I thought I’d go back to Ely.  But I ended up going to Desperation instead—you know how I always said I wanted to see it—and. . . I guess you could call it a one-night stand.  I was too ashamed to tell anyone because that wasn’t the kind of guy I wanted to be.”

“It’s not the kind of guy you _are_ ,” Wedge assured him.  “We all screw up sometimes, and I already told you—you did what you thought was best for your daughter.  And you’re going to do what’s best for her tonight, because you’re going to tell her the truth.”

“Yeah.  I am.”  Luke sat up on the bed, pushing himself up by his arms, and looked at the phone again.  “Wedge. . . Wedge, I’m sorry.  I’m sorry I ran away from you, and that I didn’t just tell you in the first place.”

“I’m sorry too,” said Wedge.  Before Luke could protest that he had nothing to be sorry about, Wedge pressed on, “I should have made you talk to me.  I was. . . I was hurt, but mostly I was too proud to chase after you.  Told myself that if you didn’t need me, I didn’t need you either.  But it wasn’t true.”

“Wedge—” Luke tried to say, but the other man cut him off.

“No, shut up.  If I don’t say this now, I _won’t_ say it.  Luke, you were the best friend I ever had.  You were the most important thing in the world to me.”  Wedge paused then went on in a rush, “You still are.  I want you to come back, and let me be there for you.  But whatever you decide to do, please don’t shut me out again.”

Luke’s voice felt as hoarse as it sounded when he was finally able to speak again.  “Do you know what you’re getting into?  I’m kind of a mess.  My whole _family_ is kind of a mess, and I guess now with Rey, there’s another one of us.”

“We’ve been friends for more than half of our lives.  I think by now, I should know what I’m getting into.”  Wedge laughed, and Luke finally felt the heaviness on his heart lift a little.  “I haven’t had anyone or anything in my life but that balloon of mine for years now.  Having a family to cope with, even yours, will probably do me some good.  Nothing against my balloon—she’s a very lovely lady, but kind of on the quiet side, and she’s awfully high maintenance.”  That made Luke laugh too, until he glanced at his clock and realized how late it was getting.

“Wedge, I have to go,” he muttered.  “I’m meeting Ben soon, and. . . and talking to Rey.  Thank you.  Thank you so much, I. . . God, Wedge, I _do_ need you.”

“I’ll be here,” said Wedge.  “I’ll always be here.  Let me know how it goes, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.  Goodbye,” Luke murmured.  After they hung up, he hurried to finish getting dressed in the best shirt he had, then tucked it in on his way back to the bathroom.  Rey had seen him for the first time at his worst, and there wasn’t much he could do about that now, but at least he could try to look presentable for their second meeting.

_I really need a haircut,_ Luke thought with a glance in the mirror before he dug around in a drawer for his electric razor.  After he found it, he studied his reflection a bit longer before making an effort to even up his beard.

“Maybe I should just shave it all off,” he muttered aloud, but with everything else happening, that was a little too much to contemplate at the moment.

\--

To be continued


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for the John Wayne movie _Big Jake_. I'm still bitter about Dog.

That afternoon, Rey took them to the movie theater.  The idea of a theater in a tiny town like Desperation made a little more sense when Poe saw it.  It was old, now restored as a sort of historical landmark, he guessed, and it had an Old West aesthetic to it that fit with its name: the American West.  Rey said that when she was growing up, its single screen usually showed whatever the hottest new release was—a few weeks _after_ it came out.  In Desperation, she pointed out, that was about all one could hope for.  But the theater also showed old movies in the afternoons, particularly Westerns, so Rey sat them all down inside to watch two John Wayne movies.

“What else are we going to do until seven?” she retorted when Ben complained about it.

“I hate Westerns,” he muttered.  He was sitting to Poe’s right, with Finn on the other side of Poe, and Rey on the other side of Finn.

“Suck it up, buttercup,” said Finn.  Ben slumped down in his seat and sulked as they waited for the first movie to start.

“Oh, cheer up,” Poe smirked.  He tugged on one of Ben’s folded arms until Ben gave in and unfolded so Poe could hold his hand.  “Think of it this way, if this place was back home, hipster kids would pay ten bucks a ticket.  Seeing old movies at old movie houses is like, a _thing_.”

“I can’t imagine why.”  Ben gestured with his free hand at the walls of the theater, which were painted with decades-old elaborate, and culturally insensitive, cowboy-and-Indian murals.  “That wouldn’t fly in California, anyway.”

Poe shrugged.  “Yeah, well.  It’s kind of hokey, but it’s _vintage_ , you know?”

“Poe, you’re an eternal optimist,” Ben muttered, but then he turned and planted a kiss on his fiancé’s forehead.

Through both movies, the four of them were alone in the theater except for a tall man down near the front—Poe figured it had to be Collie Entragian, unless Desperation had more than one giant wandering around—and a couple of boys in their late teens who had an annoying habit of saying John Wayne’s best lines along with him.  A little weird, really, since teenagers generally weren’t huge Western fans, but Poe decided they must be the local version of the hipster kids he’d mentioned to Ben.

As for Ben, in spite of his complaining, he seemed to be engrossed in the first movie except for the occasional glare he cast at the teenagers—but then, the movie was _True Grit_ , supposed to be one of the best.  Poe had seen the remake, but he enjoyed the original a little more.  The second movie, _Big Jake_ , didn’t hold Ben’s attention so well, and about twenty minutes in, he started fidgeting.

When he elbowed Poe for the second time, Poe hissed, “Stop that!”

“No, _look_ ,” Ben growled in his ear, then nodded toward Poe’s left.  Poe sighed and turned his head to look at Finn and Rey.  At first, he didn’t notice anything amiss; then he glanced down at the armrest between them. . . and their clasped hands on top of it.  Poe stared, then turned to look at Ben with a raised eyebrow.  Ben shrugged and squeezed Poe’s hand, then lifted it to his mouth to kiss the backs of Poe’s fingers.  That progressed into Ben sucking gently on two of them, and Poe squirming in his seat as he forgot all about Rey, Finn, and John Wayne.

When the movie finally ended, Poe was tempted to drag Ben straight back to the motel.  He glanced at Rey and Finn as they all got up from their seats, but neither of them were paying him any attention.  Finn, for one, was too busy complaining about _Big Jake_.

“I can’t believe the dog died!” he nearly wailed.  “How can they just kill the dog like that?”

“Finn, people died too,” Rey pointed out, but Finn was having none of it.

“But the _dog!_   They killed _Dog!_ ”  He suddenly rounded on Poe, who was in the process of leaning up to whisper something suggestive to Ben.  “Poe, c’mon man, it bothered _you_ , right?  You _have_ a dog.”

Blushing hard, Poe sank back on his heels and muttered, “Y-yeah, sucks when the dog dies.”

“I didn’t think you two were paying much attention to the movie anyway,” Ben said loftily.  Finn gave him a blank look, but Rey’s face turned as red as Poe’s had.  Before she could say anything, Collie noticed them on his way out of the theater and called her name.  Rey cringed, Finn rolled his eyes, and Poe turned back to Ben.

“Let’s go back to the motel,” he whispered, taking both of Ben’s hands in his and tugging on them.  Ben eyed him with a little smirk.

“And do what, exactly?”

“Finish what _you_ started,” Poe declared.  After a quick look to make sure the others were still occupied with Collie, he wrapped his arms around Ben’s shoulders and pressed up against him.  “You can’t sit there and tongue my fingers for an hour then expect me to just let you off the hook, right?”

Ben’s smirk grew, and he bent his head to murmur against Poe’s ear, “There’s not enough time—we have to meet Luke soon.”  He slid his own arms around Poe’s waist and flicked his tongue over Poe’s earlobe before continuing, “This is _important_ , Poe.  We can’t be late just because _you_ can’t control yourself, princess.”  He dropped a hand to Poe’s ass and gave it a firm grope before withdrawing the hand back to Poe’s waist.

“Damn it,” Poe whined, “We’ll make it quick, okay?  I just really, _really_ need—”

“Hey, you guys want to come see the mine?”  Poe cringed at the perfectly innocent question Finn directed at them.

“I’ve already _seen_ the mine,” Ben retorted, but then he glanced down at Poe, still in his arms, with a smirk.  “But Poe hasn’t, so sure.”

“ _Damn_ it,” Poe growled under his breath.  He gave Ben a pointed glare as he pulled free of his fiancé’s arms, then turned to the others.  “Yeah, sure,” Poe told them with feigned cheerfulness, silently vowing to get Ben back for teasing him.

“I’d come with you,” said Collie, who was still hanging around Rey, “but I ended up making plans for the evening.”

“A date?”  Rey raised an eyebrow at him, and Collie’s already sunburned face turned a bit redder.

“Sort of, I guess.”  He changed the subject with, “You’re still leaving tomorrow morning, hunh?”

“Yes,” Finn replied firmly.  He was no longer holding Rey’s hand, but Poe had to smile at the way Finn glared at Collie.

Rey, oblivious as usual to the attention she was garnering, added, “Yeah, we have to get back to work.”

“Well, keep in touch,” Collie told her, “and if you make it back out here, look me up.”

“Sure,” Rey nodded, but Poe heard Ben mutter, “ _I’m_ never making it back out here, that’s for sure.”

On their way out of the theater, Rey said to Ben and Poe, “Collie was asking if we found Luke.  You two looked pretty. . . preoccupied, so I told him we got what we needed.”

“That’s an interesting way of putting it,” grumbled Ben.  “I guess we’ll see about that tonight.”

After that, he kept quiet, seated in the backseat next to Poe while Rey drove them out to the mine.  Poe could sense that something about the mine made Ben uncomfortable, and Ben wouldn’t even look at the enormous pit gouged out of the earth when Rey stopped the SUV at the side of the road near the edge.  In spite of his earlier irritation with his fiancé, Poe squeezed Ben’s hand before getting out of the car with the other two to go look down.

“Daaaamn,” said Finn.  “I guess they mean business out here.  And Luke works down at the bottom of that thing?”

“Yeah,” Rey murmured.  “It takes forever to get down there, and you can see it all from here anyway, so there’s no point in us going down.”  She sighed and absently cracked her knuckles on both hands as she gazed down into the pit through the glare of the setting sun.  “It’s strange, when I lived here, I didn’t think much about the mine at all—it was just. . . the pit.  Just there.  But now, coming back, it looks cruel.  Like a wound, or a scar.  The old gold mine shaft was one thing, but the kind of mining they do now. . . it’s so destructive.”

Finn nodded sagely and said, “Kinda makes me want to join Greenpeace or something.”  Rey chuckled, but Poe was distracted, studying the pit and wondering why it bothered Ben so much.  Sure, it wasn’t pretty, but still. . . .

“Ben doesn’t like it, does he?” he said to Rey, turning to look at her.

“No.”  She looked back at him, squinting in the dying light behind him.  “When we went down yesterday, it felt like it—I don’t know, _frightened_ Ben is the best way to put it.  He didn’t want to go after Luke anyway, but he especially didn’t want to go down _there_.”

“Why?” Poe persisted.  “What is he afraid of?”

Rey just shrugged.  “I don’t know.  Maybe nothing that’s actually down there, just what it. . . feels like.”  Poe didn’t really understand, but he nodded all the same and turned back to the tremendous bowl scooped out of the ground.

“But Luke doesn’t feel that way about it, does he?” Poe mumbled.  “Otherwise, he couldn’t work down there every day.  I sort of thought he and Ben had a lot in common, with the fencing and the psychic stuff and all—but really, they’re so different from each other.”  Rey didn’t give any reply; she only turned to gaze back down into the pit, lost in her own thoughts.

When he climbed back into the SUV, Poe took Ben’s hand again and whispered, “Are you all right?”  Ben nodded and gave him a grateful look, then slid over to the middle seat so he could pull Poe into his arms.

“Poe, I’m sorry I was teasing you earlier,” he murmured, low enough so Rey and Finn couldn’t hear as they got into the front seats, and Rey started driving back to town.  “I’ll make it up to you when we get back to the motel tonight, okay?”

“I’m gonna hold you to that.”  Poe smiled up at him and stroked Ben’s hair back from his face.  “But you’re _sure_ you’re all right?  You don’t like it here, do you?”

“No, I don’t.  I’m ready to go home.”  Ben put a hand up to hold Poe’s head against his chest, then leaned his cheek against the smaller man’s hair.  He didn’t let Poe out of his arms until Rey had parked the SUV back at their motel.

This time, they made it to the Owl’s Club before Luke.  Denise was working again, and a little of the tiredness on her face fell away when she saw them, especially Rey.

“Never thought I’d see _you_ again, honey!” she exclaimed.  She didn’t hug Rey, but she put an arm around Poe’s shoulders as she led them to a booth.  “Looks like you’re doin’ pretty good for yourself if you got all these handsome boys followin’ you around.”

“You want some of them?  You’re welcome to them,” Rey retorted with a significant look at Poe and Ben.  “They’re a lot of trouble.”  Ben subtly flipped her off before he slid into the booth, then dragged Poe out of Denise’s grasp and into the seat beside him.  Rey sat down across from Ben, but Denise held Finn back a minute to look him over.

“What about this one?” she asked with a wink at Finn.  “He’s the best lookin’ one yet!”

“I don’t know,” said Rey.  “I might keep him.”  Finn had grinned at Denise’s compliment, but the grin grew a little more as he sat down next to Rey, while Denise turned to Ben.

“Your uncle meetin’ you here again tonight?”

“Yeah,” Ben muttered.

“You know Luke, honey?” Denise threw in Rey’s direction.  “Guess you were already gone before he came to Desperation, but did you know him in California?”

“Um, no.  I met him for the first time yesterday, with Ben,” Rey mumbled.  She dropped her eyes down to the table, where she fiddled with her napkin.  “It’s just. . . a coincidence.”

“Hmm.”  Denise looked at Rey with a mixture of sympathy and affection, as if she suspected there was more to the story than that.  To her credit, though, she didn’t press the issue and only asked, “Well, you kids want somethin’ to drink while you wait for Luke?  If he’s workin’ on a project, he may be a while—sweet guy, but kinda absent-minded.”

They did go ahead and order sodas, but Luke wasn’t late after all; at exactly seven o’clock, he was pulling a chair up to the open end of their booth.  Poe watched his face for any kind of surprise at seeing Rey and Finn there, but Luke just nodded to them before turning to Ben.  Nevertheless, Poe thought he saw some apprehension in the older man’s light blue eyes.

“Uh, this is Finn,” Ben muttered with a gesture in Finn’s direction.  “We came out here in his car.”

Seeing the annoyed look Finn shot Ben, Poe chuckled and added, “And like I said last night, he was my roommate, and now he’s Rey’s.  We don’t just like him for his ride, honest.”  When Luke smiled and seemed to relax, at least slightly, Poe asked, “So did you talk to Wedge?”  He regretted it when he saw Luke tense up all over again and give him a hunted look.  Poe tried to backtrack, “I mean, I just, uh. . . you know, when I go back to work, I didn’t want to say I’d seen you if you hadn’t talked to him first, and—”

“Angel?  Shut up,” Ben hissed in Poe’s ear.  When Poe fell silent, his face warm, Luke gave a sudden, soft laugh.

“Yeah, I. . . I called him.  You don’t have to keep me a secret.”  He smiled at Poe again, warmly, and for the first time, Poe saw a little of the handsome young man in Han’s snapshot.  He realized Luke was a bit better-groomed than he had been the previous night, and Poe wondered if Rey had something to do with that.  Rey, or maybe Wedge.

“It was good to talk to him,” Luke went on, “so thanks for giving me his number, Poe.”  He glanced at Ben, who was watching them both, then murmured, “And for what you said, that made me use it.  I did wrong by him, but at least I can start to make it right.”

Denise returned to take their food orders before Poe could say anything in reply.  Luke cast another apprehensive look at Ben as they ordered, but as Denise walked away, he cleared his throat and dug a hand into his pocket.

“Ben, I was thinking about what you said too, about how much you wanted to teach fencing,” Luke told his nephew.

“Yeah?”  Ben’s voice sounded cautious, almost suspicious, but Poe couldn’t really blame him.  As much as Poe liked Luke—and even though he knew Ben was to blame for a lot of their problems—he also understood why Ben had a hard time trusting his uncle’s intentions.  Poe put his hand over Ben’s on the seat between them, and Ben squeezed his fingers tightly.

“I really _can’t_ leave the mine right now,” Luke told Ben, “not until the expansion either gets nixed or okayed.  But I promise you, once that’s done, I’ll come home, at least to visit.  And. . . .”  He paused and took a deep breath, as if steeling himself.  “And I’ll call Leia tomorrow.”

“God help you,” said Ben with a completely straight face.  Luke blinked at him then laughed a second time.  Poe was glad about that, but far happier to see Ben’s stern face relax into the smile Poe found absolutely beautiful.

“Here,” Luke muttered, holding out his hand with something in it.  When Ben put out the hand Poe wasn’t holding, Luke dropped a key onto his palm.  Ben looked at it, then back at his uncle.

“What’s it to?”

“The school.  You want to teach fencing, go teach it.”  Luke said the words with a sigh, but he didn’t sound regretful.  He just sounded tired.

“But. . . but you. . . .”  Ben looked down at the key again, then at Poe.  “This. . . .”

“Everything’s still in the building,” said Luke, dropping his eyes to the Formica surface of the table.  “I just locked it up and left.  I don’t know if the old client lists are any good—I’m sure most everyone has gone somewhere else by now, and they might not want to come back.  And you’ll have to get the water and power turned back on.  But it’s yours if you want to take it on.”

“You mean you own the building?”  Ben closed his hand over the key before finally looking up at Luke again.  “I always assumed you rented it.”

“No, I bought it a few years ago,” Luke told him.  “You—like I said, it’s yours if you want it.  I’ll transfer the deed to you when. . . when I come back, if you decide you want to take it on.  You can think about it until then.”

“But—” Ben started to protest again.  Rey, Finn, and Poe were all looking at him, the former two smiling a little, but Poe only squeezed the hand he still held.  He knew Ben had to feel overwhelmed, and maybe frightened; even though he wanted to teach, Ben couldn’t have ever expected to be handed an entire school and all the responsibilities that came with it.

 _But we can do it, baby,_ Poe thought, trusting that Ben would be able to know what he was thinking.  _I’ll help you, and we can do it together if that’s what you want._

“Are you sure?” Ben finally asked Luke when their eyes met again.  “What if you do decide to come back?  What will you do?”

“Maybe I’ll be working for you, then,” Luke joked with a small smile.  When Ben didn’t smile back, Luke reached out again to pat the large, white hand that held the key.  “I don’t know what I’m going to do about much of anything.  But that’s no reason for you to put off living your life—in fact, it’s all the _more_ reason for you to go ahead with what you want to do.  Ben—”  Luke broke off as he drew back his hand, and he looked at Rey.  It was little more than a glance, but Poe understood that his next words were as much for her as they were for Ben.

“Well, all of you.  I know you don’t need some old guy giving you advice, but don’t let your lives get away from you.  That’s why I’m so glad you two are getting married,” Luke told Ben and Poe.  “I’m sorry I’ve been too preoccupied to show it, but I _am_ happy for you.  If you love each other, you should be together.”

“We do love each other,” Ben murmured.  “Luke, I. . . thank you.  For that, I mean, and for this.”  He held up his hand, then pushed the key into his pocket.  “I—I’ll try not to disappoint you,” he finished in a rush.  “I know I don’t have a good record of not disappointing people, but I’ll try.”

“Do or do not,” said Luke.  “There is no try.”

Ben’s mouth twitched, and he muttered, “You really know how to put pressure on a person.”

They all kept fairly quiet after Denise brought their orders.  Obviously trying to make small talk, Luke asked what they’d done that day, and Finn and Poe ended up being the ones to tell him.  Ben ate methodically, hardly looking up, and Poe figured he was trying to process what had just happened: he’d gotten what he wanted out of the trip to Desperation, but he’d also gotten a whole lot more than he’d bargained for.  Rey remained silent as well, but Poe saw her glance over at Luke from time to time.  She didn’t have that almost-angry-concentrating expression when she did so.  Instead, her face just looked blank.  Open, but blank.

Denise insisted they have dessert, on the house.  Poe and Ben shared another piece of chocolate silk pie, and Rey finally broke her silence by declaring that she wanted a piece all to herself when Finn asked if she wanted to split one too.  When Denise came back to clear their plates, Poe asked for his and Ben’s check together, as a preemptive strike against Luke trying to pay for all of them again.  Not to be outdone, Finn demanded his and Rey’s, even though she protested and seemed genuinely annoyed.  Poe wasn’t sure what exactly was going on with the two of them, but he decided that if Finn really was pursuing a romantic relationship with Rey, he had his work cut out for him.

Then, finally, as Poe was getting up to pay at the counter, Luke cleared his throat and asked, “Rey?  Could I talk to you for a minute?”

Poe froze.  In fact, they all did: him and Ben and Finn, none of them looking at either Rey or Luke but all of them knowing those two were poised on the edge of something irrevocable.

“Yeah,” said Rey in a smaller voice than Poe had ever heard from her before.  “Sure.”

Poe made himself get up, and Finn scrambled to do the same.  Poe looked back at Ben, who in turn was looking at Rey.  Poe saw their eyes meet and imagined that some silent conversation was passing between the two of them.  Ben asking if she wanted him to stay, maybe?  And Rey saying no.  Saying she would be all right.  Then Ben slid out of the booth too and stopped beside Poe to speak to his uncle.

“I guess I’ll see you soon, then,” Ben muttered.  “Good luck with Mom.”

“Yeah.  Thanks,” Luke replied with a wry twist to his mouth as he looked up.  “Let me know when the wedding is.  I want to come if. . . if I make the guest list.  It was nice to meet you, Poe,” Luke added, and Poe smiled.

“You too.”

Luke turned back to Ben and shifted in his chair, as if he’d started to get up but then changed his mind.  Maybe he’d thought about hugging his nephew, because he reached up to pat Ben on the arm awkwardly.  _Probably the right decision_ , Poe thought.

“See you soon,” Luke told Ben.

After Poe and Finn paid—and said goodbye to Denise, who expressed her great sorrow that she wouldn’t be working the breakfast shift to see them off before they started for home—they and Ben left Rey and Luke behind in the Owl’s Club and started back to the motel.  No one spoke at first; Poe for one had no idea of what to say.  Ben would probably want to talk later about the key he had in his pocket, but not then, not in front of Finn. . . and anyway, it seemed to be a lot less important than whatever was currently happening between Luke and Rey.

When they reached the edge of the motel parking lot, Finn stopped and turned to look back at Ben and Poe, who had been walking a little behind him.

“Hey, you know what you two oughta do?  Take my car and go out for a drive.”

“To _where_?” Poe said with a smile.

“Out in the desert!  Last night, Rey had me stop the car and get out so I could see the stars,” Finn told them, and Poe’s smile grew into a grin.

“ _Did_ she,” he mused, as their earlier hand-holding began to make a little more sense.  Finn shot him a defensive, somewhat embarrassed look.

“Y-yeah,” he stammered.  “But you should see ‘em, man, out here where there’s no light pollution.  Like. . . I didn’t know there _were_ so many stars.”

Poe glanced up at Ben and murmured, “Sounds romantic.  What do you think?”  Still, Poe was thinking of something other than romance; he also wanted Ben to see something beautiful in Desperation, something besides the gaping pit of the mine, running away and giving up.  Ben turned to look back down at Poe, saw the expression on his face, and nodded.

“Okay, angel.”  He cut his eyes up at Finn and added, “If you trust us with the car.”

“Just put it in park before you start sucking face,” Finn instructed.  Ben cringed, and Poe had to catch the keys Finn tossed at them.

“We won’t be gone too long,” Poe called as Finn went on toward the motel, while Poe and Ben walked to his SUV.

“Eh, take your time.  Not like there’s anywhere for me to go around here—I’m just gonna wait up for Rey,” Finn replied with a shrug.

“I wonder how long that’ll take,” Poe murmured to Ben as they got in the car, Poe behind the wheel and Ben in the passenger seat.  Ben sat back and sighed.

“I don’t want to think about that right now,” he said.  He sounded angry, but then he reached over and put his hand on Poe’s thigh to give it a gentle squeeze.  “I just want to be with you, Poe.  Drive me out to see the stars.”

\--

To be continued


	34. Chapter 34

Luke didn’t speak as the boys paid at the counter and left the diner.  He could feel all their attention focused on him, though. . . him and Rey.  When they were finally gone, Luke shifted from his chair into the booth, to sit where Ben and Poe had been so he could face Rey.  Despite the handful of other patrons in the Owl’s Club—all people Luke knew, probably all people Rey knew as well—Luke felt very alone.

He looked over at Rey.  She was watching him with her jaw clenched so tightly, he could see the back of it protruding below each ear.  Not out of anger, though.  From nerves.

“You already know, don’t you?” Luke said.  He was pretty sure; he had guessed it as soon as he sat down—not just from the emotions she was giving off, but also from the way she had looked at him.

“Say it,” Rey muttered.  “I need to hear you say it.”  Her tone of voice reminded him of a lot of Leia, even a little of Ben when he was worried about something but not angry (yet).  Luke took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh.  He had expected this, that she wouldn’t make it easy, but expecting it hadn’t prepared him for it.

“You’re my daughter,” he told her.  She didn’t react, just watched him and waited for the explanation.  Luke didn’t really have one.  “A year ago, after Ben left home, I came out here to Desperation, looking for you,” he went on.  “But you had already left.  I had the job lined up, so. . . I stayed, thinking you might come back one day.  I didn’t know how else to find you, because no one knew where you had gone.”  He had dropped his eyes from her face as he spoke, letting them drift while he began to think aloud.  “And all this time, you were so close to where I had been in California.  If I had stayed there, we would have met, eventually, because of Ben.  Or Han, or somebody.”

“We _did_ meet because of Ben.”  When Luke dragged his eyes back to her face, Rey was still watching him without betraying any emotion.  “I never would have thought he’d let you buy him off, though.”

Luke blinked, then leaned forward slightly on his folded arms resting on the tabletop.  “Buy him off?”

“By handing the fencing school over to him,” Rey clarified.  She still didn’t look angry, but he heard it in her voice even before he felt it in her psyche.  God, she was so much like Leia and Ben, so much like Luke’s own father—but not quite so quick to lash out.  Rey had something in her that tempered the anger and held her back, like a pot lid might hold back bubbles when water was about to boil over.  _She got that from me,_ Luke thought, _and maybe my mother, from what Ben Kenobi told me about her._

And then he thought, _The lid holds the bubbles back for a while, but the boiling water seeps out anyway—all the hotter from being held under pressure._

“I wasn’t trying to buy Ben’s forgiveness,” Luke attempted to explain to her.  “Or to get rid of him by giving him the school.  I just don’t want Ben to regret the way he’s lived his life.  He can do something meaningful with his life, something more than I ever could, and I want to help him.”

“How is giving in to him helping him?” Rey countered, and Luke groaned before he could stop himself.

“Rey, I’m just trying to fix the mistakes I made.”

“Mistakes like me?”  Now she _did_ sound angry, but her eyes were bright with restrained tears, reflecting the dusty lightbulb that hung from the fixture above their heads.  It was the kind of thing Ben would have said, but Rey said it for an entirely different reason.  Whenever Luke and Ben had argued, Ben would come out with the most dramatic, hyperbolic bullshit, things exactly like that, trying to get a reaction.  Trying to get Luke (or Leia, or Han, or whomever) to gush apologies and reassurances.

But Rey wasn’t trying to manipulate him.  She meant it.  She thought she was a mistake.

“Rey, no,” Luke whispered.  “My mistake was waiting this long—making you come to me instead of finding you.”

Rey stayed quiet a few moments afterward, and Luke waited.  As she looked down at her hands folded on the table, Luke watched her and wondered at how she looked so much like Leia and Padmé, Luke’s mother. . . so little like Luke himself.

“I know who my mother was,” Rey murmured after a long silence.  “Audrey told me about her.  But she never told me about you—she said she didn’t know who you were.”  She paused again, then lifted her narrowed eyes to Luke’s.  “How did it happen?  Will you tell me?”

There was a pleading note to her voice that deepened the crack in Luke’s heart begun when she asked if she was a mistake.  Luke felt an abrupt and nearly overwhelming rush of love for her, and he had to force himself to speak calmly.

“Of course.  But. . . do you want me to show you, instead?” he asked as gently as he could.  He knew they would be able to communicate mentally, possibly more closely even than Luke could with Ben.  But Rey shook her head, quickly.

“No.  I don’t think I—no.”  She took a breath then fixed her eyes on Luke’s.  “Tell me, please.”

He hadn’t thought it through ahead of time, what he was going to say if she asked.  He didn’t think about it now; he just tried to tell it the way she would have gotten it from his mind.  Short, to the point, the truth.

“I was in love with someone,” Luke said.  “Someone I shouldn’t have loved, and someone I couldn’t be with.  I let it get to me, and I decided to drive back home to Ely, just to get away.  I had driven all night, and I wasn’t thinking straight to begin with.  I stopped in Desperation and ended up spending most of the day at a bar, one that’s not here anymore.  And. . . .”  That part had been easy to tell, because he hadn’t done anything wrong.  Even spending all day in a seedy bar, getting seriously drunk for the first time in his life. . . that wasn’t really _wrong_.  But the rest. . . .

_Short, to the point, the truth,_ he reminded himself, so he told her the rest.

“And your mother came in, late that afternoon, and I went home with her.  We slept together.  I don’t even remember it, not really.  I was sick when I woke up—my first hangover ever—but when I was up to driving again, I went back to California.  I never have made it to Ely.”  He hadn’t been able to look at Rey while he talked, but now he forced himself to meet her eyes again.  He had tried to block out her emotions too, not wanting to feel it if she hated him or was disgusted by him, but that wasn’t what she was feeling, or what he saw in her eyes.  She looked sad, and she looked sorry—sorry for _him_.

_I don’t deserve that,_ Luke thought, and that made it easy to tell her the rest, almost hoping it _would_ make her hate him, because that was easier to comprehend than _pity_ from the daughter he’d abandoned.

“I didn’t ever talk to or see your mother again, and I didn’t know about you for years.  Then Audrey Wyler called me and said your mother had—passed away.  When she found out she was pregnant, she told Audrey about me—said I had to be your father, and I never doubted that—and I guess Audrey kept my name all those years even though your mother didn’t want me to know.  She had a hard time, I guess, and Audrey told me she and Herb had been taking care of you a lot. . . and that you were happy with them, and they loved you.  Audrey said that I had every right to take you, that she couldn’t have lived with herself if she kept you a secret any longer. . . but she and Herb loved you, so much.  I could—I could feel it, even through the phone.”  Luke took a deep breath then blurted out, “Rey, I’m sorry.  I’m so, _so_ sorry, but I didn’t come and get you, and I told Audrey not to tell you who I was.  I was a stupid, mixed-up kid, and I thought you’d be better off with two parents you already loved than. . . than me.”

He fell silent, thinking of what could have been if he _had_ made that drive, if he hadn’t been so ashamed and afraid of being a single father taking a four-year-old little girl away from the only home she had ever known.  Leia and Han could have helped raise a second child like they’d always wanted; Rey would have had a childhood with Ben, instead of each of them growing up alone.  Maybe Ben wouldn’t have broken down the way he did.  Maybe Leia and Han would still be together.

“I did love Audrey and Herb.”  Rey’s quiet voice broke into Luke’s silent self-recrimination.  “And they loved me.  They took good care of me.  I always swore I’d tell you that, if I ever met you.”  She paused, dropped her eyes closed, and whispered, “I’m glad you left me with them, now that I know why.  I’m _glad_.”  In blatant contradiction of her words, two tears, one from each eye, welled up in her lashes and ran down her face.  Luke had never thought it was possible to hate himself as much as he did in that moment.

“Rey, you don’t have to lie,” he mumbled.  “You don’t owe it to—”

“I’m not lying.”  Rey opened her eyes and, although they were full, smiled a small smile.  “I _am_ glad.  I just always assumed you abandoned me on purpose.  That you knew me and didn’t want me, didn’t love me.  But you didn’t even know—it’s not your fault.  It’s not anyone’s fault.  My mother probably thought she was making the right choice too.  I’m just sad that. . . .”  She hesitated, searching for the right words, then murmured, “I’m sad that I had to think for so long that I wasn’t wanted.  Because Audrey and Herb _did_ want me, they couldn’t have kids, so they wanted me.  I just didn’t really understand that until they—they were gone.  And I’m sad for you.”

“For me?”  Luke’s throat was so tight, he could hardly speak.  He noticed the soda Ben had left unfinished and took a swallow of it, even though the ice had melted and it was flat and watery.  _Hope he hasn’t been doing anything too extreme with Poe,_ he thought out of nowhere and, ridiculously, had to fight back a laugh.  His sheer relief at Rey’s response made him feel nearly hysterical.

“Yeah,” she was saying.  “Because you were so lonely.  Did you ever fall in love with someone else?”  He hadn’t, and she knew it as soon as the words were out of her mouth; he could tell from the regretful look in her eyes.

“No.  That’s why I’m glad Ben has Poe.”  Luke turned his nephew’s glass in his hand, making the condensation that had beaded up on the outside pool over his fingertips and run down the sides.  “I don’t know how much you know about him, but he never dated, not before I left.  And he wasn’t always as, um. . . hard to get along with, he was just shy and kept to himself.  I was afraid he’d always be alone.  But as soon as I saw you two yesterday, I knew something had changed.  He’s not so lonely anymore.”

“Hm.  Poe’s like that.  He brings out the best in people.”  Rey smiled again, this time without so much pain in her eyes.

“But it’s not just Poe,” Luke murmured.  “Ben cares about you too, I can tell.  You two need each other.”  Rey’s nose and one side of her mouth twitched, like she was holding back a grimace, and Luke felt himself smile for the first time since the boys had left them.

“What am I supposed to call you?” Rey asked him, maybe as a way of changing the subject.  “I never called anyone Mom or Dad.  Audrey and Herb were just. . . Audrey and Herb, and I don’t remember my mother.  I don’t think she was around much.”

“Just. . . call me Luke.”  He shrugged.  “I never called anyone Dad either, so you’re not breaking with tradition or anything.”

Rey gave a slight laugh as she said, “Okay.  Ben said you and his mom were adopted separately.  And that your adoptive parents. . . died.”

“Yeah.  They were murdered, one day while I was out.”  Luke didn’t really want to burden Rey with any of his family’s darkness, but he decided he was always going to tell her the truth.  “They were my uncle and aunt—my father’s step-brother and his wife.”

Rey hesitated, then asked, “Did you ever find out who killed them?”

“Yes.”  Luke looked at her, silently pleading with her not to ask anything more, and she didn’t.  Her dark eyes had widened though, and if Ben had told her anything about his— _their_ grandfather, she probably already knew.

“Maybe it _is_ better that you grew up out here, away from us,” Luke sighed after neither had spoken for a minute.  “Ben jokes sometimes about our family being cursed—but he isn’t really joking.  We’ve had some wonderful times together, and a lot of happiness, but. . . it never seems to last.  I guess all I can hope for is that by the end, the good will have outweighed the bad.”

“I don’t think it mattered that I was here,” Rey said.  Her voice sounded tense, and for the first time she leaned forward, closer to him.  “Everyone around me still died.  My mother—I know how, Audrey told me when I was old enough to understand.  And then, about a year before I left home, Herb. . . .”  Her face constricted, and she spoke more quickly, as if forcing the words out.  “Herb committed suicide.  He shot himself.  And then Audrey died.  I left Desperation after that.”

Luke stared at her.  He’d had no idea, hadn’t seen or felt it in her at all.

“I’m sorry,” he said, although it didn’t seem like nearly enough.  “I never talked to either of them after that one time Audrey called.  I should have—”

“No.”  Rey was shaking her head.  “There wasn’t anything you could have done.  Or that I could have done.  Weird things happen out here.  I guess maybe you know that.  Maybe it was Desperation, maybe it was me.  The ‘curse.’  But I think Herb had problems they never told me about, and Audrey. . . it was an accident, in the American West.  They were refurbishing the balcony area so it could be used again.  I don’t know what she was doing up there, but she went too far out on it, where the floor was rotten and no one was supposed to go until they got it fixed.  And she fell through.”

“Christ,” breathed Luke before he could stop himself.  Even after he did stop his mouth, he couldn’t stop his brain: had Audrey, grieving the loss of her husband, committed suicide too?  Was it his family’s curse?  Was it Desperation’s?

“I never told anyone that before, about how they died,” Rey whispered, as if marveling at it.  “Not even Finn or Poe.  I mean, people here know, everyone knows everything that happens in town.  But after I left, I shut it all away.  I didn’t even really think about it until now—I mean, we were in the theater all afternoon, and I didn’t even _think_ about her dying there.  But Collie Entragian came up and started talking to us, and he kept looking at me funny, and. . . and that was why.  He was worried about how I felt, being where she died, and I didn’t even think about it.”

Luke put his hand out and covered hers with it, not thinking about that, either.

“You don’t have to think about it,” he said.  “You haven’t done anything wrong, and you can live your life however you want.”

“So can you, Luke.”  She looked straight in his eyes and turned her hand over under his, palm to palm.  “I’m glad we came here and found you—for me _and_ for Ben.  Whatever mistakes you think you’ve made, you don’t owe either of us anything else.”

“But—” he began.

“I _mean_ it.  If you want me to forgive you for. . . for leaving me with Audrey, then I do—but really, I don’t think there’s anything to forgive,” Rey insisted.  “And you don’t have to leave Desperation and come back to California just because Ben wants you to, or for me.  Do it if you want to, but if this is home. . . stay.”

“It’s not home,” Luke murmured.  “I just don’t know where home _is_.”

“Maybe it’s not a place, then.  Maybe it’s people.”  Rey looked at their hands, her fingers twitched, and then they closed over Luke’s.  “Mine is with Finn.  And Poe, and—well, and Ben.  Even if he and Poe weren’t a package deal, I know I need him in some weird way.”  She let go of his hand and drew hers back, and he didn’t try to stop her.

“You said you’re coming to the wedding?” Rey asked.  When Luke nodded, she smiled a little.  “Then I guess I’ll see you again pretty soon.  I don’t think they’ll be able to wait much longer.”

“If I know Ben,” Luke said, “you’re probably right.”

They got up from the booth, Luke stiff-legged and silently cursing his aging body.  After Luke paid his check and said goodnight to Denise, who didn’t so much as give them a funny look for talking so long together, they went outside to go their separate ways.

“Well. . . goodbye,” Rey said, screwing up her face in that endearing way she had.  Luke wanted to hug her, to say he loved her, to make up in one moment for twenty-odd years of not being there.

Instead, he told her, “Ben’s got my number.  Call me if you need anything.  Or want to talk.”  He left unsaid everything else: that he wasn’t going to ask for her email or number, or otherwise insert himself into her life unless she asked for him.  That he hoped she _would_ ask, someday, but he understood it would take some time.  Maybe a lot of time.

“Okay.”

Luke nodded.  “I’ll see you at the wedding.”

He turned away first, but then something occurred to him, and he stopped and looked back.  Rey was walking in the opposite direction, toward the motel, hands in her pockets and head slightly bowed.

“Rey!” Luke called.  She stopped and looked back.  “Is Finn your boyfriend?”

Rey gave him an incredulous look, as if to say, _You’ve been my father for about an hour, and you’re already policing my love life?_   Luke grinned at her, and the break in his heart started to close a little.

“I guess he is,” Rey finally answered, rolling her eyes with a little smile of her own.

“Good!  He seems like a nice guy.”

“He is,” Rey repeated, still smiling.  They both turned again, Rey toward the motel and Luke toward home. . . or what was home for now.

\--

To be continued


	35. Chapter 35

Poe parked the SUV a few miles out of town, where the feeble lights of Desperation wouldn’t compete with the glow of the stars.  He and Ben sat in the car in silence until their eyes had adjusted to the darkness; then Poe got out.  He didn’t look up at the sky until he had walked around to the front of the car and leaned against the bumper, but when he did tilt his head back, he was transfixed.

Ben braced himself on the front of the car beside Poe.  When Poe finally tore his eyes away from the sky to look up at the other man, Ben was staring upwards with his head leaning so far back, his black hair nearly reached his shoulder blades.  His face looked white in contrast to both his hair and the sky, and his full lips were parted slightly.  Looking at Ben, Poe felt a little of the lust that had plagued him that afternoon, but mostly he just felt love.

When Poe murmured his name, Ben turned to him, and Poe leaned into his chest.  Ben’s arms went around him, and they held each other as they looked at the sky.

“Finn was right,” Poe murmured.  “The stars are nice.”

“Yeah.”  Ben stroked the back of Poe’s head with one hand and held the smaller man against him with the other.  “They’re beautiful.  So many of them.”  As Poe studied the sky, a meteor burned across it, and Ben breathed, “Look at that,” with a sense of wonder that made Poe’s heart pound.

“Ben, what’s today?” Poe asked.

“Uh, Monday.  May second.”  Ben sounded justifiably confused.  “Why?”

“Just wondering.  You always know what day it is.”  Poe turned his face in toward Ben’s chest and nuzzled him.

“And you’re always forgetting,” Ben returned, still with some bewilderment.  “But what does the date have to do with anything?”

“I wanted to know how far away June first was,” Poe finally told him.  He tilted his head back to look up into Ben’s puzzled face.

“Okay,” said Ben.  The corner of his mouth twitched.  “I’ll play along and ask, what happens on June first?”

“That’s when I want to get married.  June first.”

Ben stared at him a second, then broke into a wide smile, one of the rare ones he only gave when he was truly happy.

“Really?  In just a month?”

“Yes.  That’s plenty of time, right?” Poe grinned back at him.  When Ben nodded, still smiling, Poe leaned up on his toes and kissed him—softly at first, but then he put his hands into Ben’s hair and held his head as he thrust his tongue into Ben’s mouth.  Ben leaned back against the SUV’s trunk and pulled Poe up against him, dropping both hands to the smaller man’s waist.  Poe shivered as Ben dug his fingertips into his sides.

“I love you,” Poe whispered in between kisses.  “Everything’s gonna be all right, baby—you’re gonna teach, and I’m gonna fly, and we’re gonna be _married_.”

“Mmpgh,” agreed Ben, then added, “I love you too,” when Poe let him speak again.  He put one hand on Poe’s right thigh, sliding his fingers under it and lifting until Poe put his foot up on the SUV’s bumper so Ben could run his hand up and down the underside of his thigh.  Poe squirmed a little, then a lot as Ben put his other hand on his ass and groped it.

“Oh God, Ben,” Poe groaned into his mouth.  “Y-you’re determined to drive me crazy today, aren’t you?”

“Let’s go back to the hotel,” Ben mumbled as he bent his head to kiss Poe’s neck.  “I’ll give you what you want, okay?”  Poe shook his head no and pulled out of Ben’s arms, tugging his fiancé after him.

“I can’t wait that long.”  He grinned at the look Ben gave him.

“Poe, we’ll be there in five minutes,” Ben protested.  When Poe just kept grinning, Ben’s cheeks darkened and he stammered, “But. . . we’re on a _highway_.”

“Yeah, a deserted one.”  Poe tugged on Ben’s arm again, pulling Ben toward the back of the SUV.  “And if someone _does_ drive by, they won’t be able to see in the car.  It’s not like they’re gonna _stop_ out in the middle of the desert!”

“Th-there’s not _room_ in the car,” Ben tried again, although he was coming after Poe pretty willingly.  “I’m not short like you are, remember?”  As Poe opened the hatch door in the back, he looked over his shoulder at Ben with what he hoped was a seductive smile.

“The back seat folds down.”

“Dammit, Poe,” Ben muttered.  He looked down at the smaller man a moment, then suddenly pulled Poe up against him and kissed him, hard.  One minute later they had the back seat down and were crammed into the enlarged cargo space with the doors locked and Poe on top of Ben, grinding on him as they kissed.

“This is so hot,” Poe groaned while Ben shoved a hand between them, trying to get Poe’s jeans unfastened.

“We’re gonna get caught,” Ben fretted.  “Some. . . some cop is gonna drive by and see the car and stop and _arrest_ us.  Dammit, sit _up_ , I can’t get your pants off with you on me like that.”

Poe laughed outright when he sat up as far as he could, his shoulders and head still bowed, and ran a hand down the front of Ben’s jeans.

“Do you always get this hard when you’re worried about cops?” Poe teased Ben, groping him through his jeans before unzipping them.  “You’re getting off on this more than I am!”  He worked Ben’s pants and underwear down a little past his prominent hipbones—an act made more difficult by the fact that Ben had had to fold his long legs up to one side to fit in the car—then stopped to admire the larger man in what faint light came in from the stars.

“I am _not_ getting off on—nngh. . . Poe. . . .”  Ben’s protest faded into a whimper as Poe began to stroke him, slowly.  Poe felt Ben’s long fingers fumbling at his waist, finally getting his jeans open and down; then Ben grabbed Poe’s thighs and tugged on them, pulling them up near his head.

“Lie down,” Ben hissed, “on top of me.”  Poe was happy to obey now that Ben had given in to what they both wanted, and he lowered himself onto his fiancé’s torso, knees on either side of Ben’s head.  Ben held Poe’s hips up in his hands, and a second later, Ben’s mouth engulfed him.

“Oh _God_ yes,” Poe groaned, finally getting what Ben had been teasing him with by sucking his fingers all afternoon in the theater.  He tried to hold back from thrusting down into Ben’s mouth and decided to distract himself by reciprocating, lowering his head over Ben to suck on him gently.  Ben made a strained noise of approval and tugged downward on Poe’s hips to pull Poe deeper into his mouth.

Despite the way he’d laughed at Ben’s concerns, Poe did hesitate when the road outside the window was briefly illuminated by the flash of headlights from a single passing car, but it drove on without so much as slowing down.  Like Ben, Poe got even more aroused thinking about what they were doing, and he started sucking harder, bobbing his head slowly up and down Ben’s shaft.  Ben gave a half-choked sound and sucked harder too, until Poe was thrusting fairly quickly into his mouth and throat.

After spending the majority of the day already worked up, Poe came first, lifting his head to gasp a warning.  He started to pull out of Ben’s mouth, but Ben just gripped his ass harder and held Poe down until he’d finished.  The feel of Ben’s mouth and throat swallowing around him drove Poe to go back down on the larger man with even more enthusiasm, and he had barely finished before Ben came too.  Poe rolled off of Ben and pumped him with one hand so that Ben shot onto his own stomach as he climaxed, groaning Poe’s name.  Ben lay on his back, panting, then lifted his head to look at Poe.

“That’s not fair,” he muttered weakly.  “ _I_ swallowed.”

“Oh, I’m gonna swallow,” Poe assured him.  “I just know how much you like to watch me do it.”  He proceeded to do just that, licking Ben’s pale skin while Ben swore under his breath.  By the time Poe was done, Ben was nearly completely hard again just from watching, but he grimaced and pulled his jeans back up before Poe had a chance to do anything else to him.

“We’re finishing this back at the hotel,” Ben grumbled when Poe protested.  “My back hurts, and I need more room.”

“Yeah?” Poe prompted as he reluctantly pulled up his own pants.  “Room for what?”

“Fucking you until you scream,” said Ben.

Poe usually did his best to follow the speed limit, but he completely ignored it driving them back into town.  He wondered, briefly, if Rey had returned from her talk with Luke; however, he’d forgotten all about her by the time he and Ben made it to the shower, pulling their clothes off on the way.  He didn’t quite scream, but he came close with his back up against the shower wall and his legs wrapped around Ben’s waist while his fiancé held him up and thrust into him.  Poe managed to keep his voice down to a low groan instead as Ben kissed and bit at his neck, sometimes shifting his mouth up to Poe’s ear to whisper to him.

“Is this—what you—nngh, wanted, princess?” he hissed as Poe arched his back, pushing back against Ben.

“Fuck, Ben, yes. . . !” Poe moaned.  “Harder—!”  Ben obliged, lowering Poe a little and bending over him with water dripping from his long hair hanging around his face.  His eyes were closed, but Poe watched him, how his flushed lips parted when he grimaced with a mixture of effort and pleasure.  Poe loved seeing Ben like that, completely immersed in the experience, because it was one of the few times Ben forgot to be self-conscious.  It made Poe even happier to know that he was the only person who had ever made Ben feel that way, and that they belonged to each other.  He tensed and thrust his hips back against Ben, trying to bring his lover even more pleasure.  Ben gasped and opened his eyes, his dilated pupils focusing on Poe’s face.

“Oh God, Poe,” Ben breathed when he saw the way Poe was looking at him.  “I—nngh, I love you—so much!”

“Love y-you—too,” Poe panted.  He felt Ben twitch inside him as the larger man drove into him a little harder.  “You gonna come?”

“Y-yeah, yeah, I—”  Ben broke off in another groan when Poe clenched his legs hard around his waist.

“Do it, come in me!” Poe demanded, hoping to make Ben lose control completely.  But then, just for a second, a truly wicked look passed over Ben’s face, and he shoved his hand between them to grope Poe roughly.  Poe yelped as Ben pumped him hard, forcing him to climax seconds before Ben came too, inside him.  When they’d both finished, Ben pulled out of Poe and lowered them both to the shower floor, shaking a little.  Poe laughed weakly as Ben covered his face and neck with kisses.

“You just love it when you can outdo me, hunh?” he mumbled, putting his arms around Ben’s neck and caressing his face in return.  Ben just smiled and pulled Poe into his arms, hugging him tightly for a moment before helping him stand up.

“Think we should check on Rey?” Poe asked once they had finally finished washing off and were getting dressed for bed.

“Maybe.  I have to admit, I’m wondering what Luke said to her,” Ben muttered; then he yawned.  “But I’m tired, and we’ll have to get up early tomorrow.  Maybe you could just text Finn to be sure she’s okay?”  Poe chuckled as he watched his fiancé crawl into bed.

“So laziness is winning out over nosiness?”  When Ben gave him a tired glare, Poe relented and got into bed beside him with his phone.  “Okay, fine.  I’ll see what he says.”  After texting Finn, Poe barely had time to snuggle up against Ben’s side before he got the reply.

“She’s back, and she seems okay,” Poe reported.  “Hasn’t told Finn much, but he’s not going to push her.  I’ll tell him we’ll see them in the morning.”

“Good,” mumbled Ben.  He burrowed down under the covers as Poe sent the text and put the phone away; then Poe curled up alongside him again.

“I love you, baby,” he mumbled.

“I love you too.”  Poe felt Ben kiss his forehead before he drifted off to sleep.

\--

to be continued


	36. Chapter 36

On the way home the next day, Rey told the others about her conversation with Luke; Poe didn’t know if she gave them every last detail, but he learned enough to answer his questions.  After finding out why Luke had never gone to find Rey, that he hadn’t just abandoned her, Poe felt better about him.

“I feel bad for him,” Rey said from the back seat, where she was sitting with Finn while Poe drove.  “He’s lonely.  Really lonely.”

Ben muttered, “He chose to come out here.”

“That’s not what I mean,” retorted Rey.  “He was lonely before that.  He never had what his sister had, a family of his own.  I guess knowing about me made that even worse.”  She sighed, and Poe wondered if she felt guilty about it.  _She shouldn’t,_ he thought, _because none of it is her fault.  She had no way of even beginning to find him._   He didn’t feel like it was his place to say that, though, so he asked a question instead.

“Do you think he’s going to come back home?”

“I don’t know.  He said again that he’d come to your wedding, but that was it.”  Rey met his eyes through the rearview mirror.  “I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.”

For the last leg of the trip, Poe and Ben were in the backseat, and Poe dozed off with his head resting against Ben’s muscular upper arm.  Ben gently shook him awake when Finn pulled into the fairgrounds’ parking lot.

“Wake up, sleeping beauty,” Ben murmured.  Poe started to chuckle, but it was cut off by a groan when he lifted his head and felt a sharp crick in his neck.

“Feels like we’ve been gone for months,” he muttered as he rubbed his neck and looked out the window.  It was mid-afternoon, not too long before the carnival would open for the evening, and the lot already held a cluster of cars belonging to the workers who didn’t live on the fairgrounds.

“Tell me about it,” said Finn.  He turned in the driver’s seat to look back at Poe.  “You guys got plans for the week?”  Poe looked over at Ben, but he was already climbing out of the SUV, so Poe just shrugged.

“I dunno.  I guess we’ll be dealing with the wedding stuff.”  He had told Finn and Rey about his and Ben’s intention to get married in just under a month, and both of them approved.  Finn did comment that it seemed like they were in an awfully big hurry, but then Rey had said, “Why postpone the inevitable?” and even cautious Finn had to agree there wasn’t much point in waiting.

“Let me know if you need any help,” Rey told Poe now.  “Not that I’m much into wedding planning, but it’s pretty short notice for you guys to reserve a venue—you might need me to book the junkyard for you.”

“Ben’s dad would probably like that,” Poe said with a grin.  By now, Ben had both his and Poe’s luggage out of the back of the car and was standing a couple yards away, clearly trying not to look too impatient.  Poe rolled his eyes.

“I’d better go before he leaves me out here.  I’ll keep you posted on how things are going, and we can hang out next weekend.”  Poe opened his door, then paused to add, “Rey, will you let us know if you hear anything from Luke?”

“Yeah.  But I don’t think I will.”  Still half-turned around, Rey looked down at the console between her and Finn’s seats.  “I think he’s going to wait for me to make the next move. . . and I don’t know what that should be.”

Poe didn’t know what to say to that—there probably _wasn’t_ anything to say.  He put his hand up to give Rey’s shoulder a squeeze before he finally scrambled out of the car and rejoined Ben.

“I was starting to wonder if you were coming,” Ben grumbled when Poe reached him and scooped up his bag.  Ben picked up his own belongings and started for the gates to the fairground, leaving Poe to keep up on his shorter legs.  “I’ve got to hurry and get ready for work.”

“Wish you didn’t have to work tonight,” Poe said, then bit his lip when he heard Ben sigh in frustration.

“Poe, I’ve missed a lot of work lately,” he muttered as they went in the gates.  “I can’t take tonight off too.”

“I know that!” Poe retorted, dismayed at Ben’s bad mood.  “I just meant I wish we could hang out instead.”  When Ben didn’t reply, Poe fell into a sulk that lasted until after they’d gone into the house and Ben had disappeared into the bedroom to get changed for an evening of fortune telling.  Poe scowled after him, then went back outside without saying goodbye, heading for his car to go pick up B.B. at the dog sitter’s.  Before he got to the gate, he heard someone calling his name.

_Phasma,_ he realized with a stifled groan.  Normally he wouldn’t have minded talking to her, but at the moment, he didn’t feel like interacting with someone so aggressive.  Nevertheless, he turned and forced a smile.

“Hey,” he called.  Phasma walked over to him, dressed and made up for her security job.

“Where’ve you and Kylo _been_?” she asked.  “No one’s seen you around for days.”

“We took a road trip with Rey and Finn,” Poe replied.  “I’m on my way to get B.B. from the sitter.”

“Kylo working tonight?”  Phasma shifted her weight to stand with one hip cocked and her hand resting on it.  The gesture made her look slightly impatient, and Poe remembered Hux’s comment about how much time Ben had been taking off.

_Ben’s right,_ Poe thought guiltily.  _I’m being selfish to want him to keep missing work._

“Yeah, he’s working,” he said aloud.  Phasma nodded and studied him a minute, chewing on her lower lip.

“Everything okay?” she finally asked.

“Yeah,” said Poe.  “I’m just tired—it was a long weekend.”

“Okay.”  Phasma looked him over one last time then added, “I’ll check in on Kylo before we open.”

“You do that,” Poe muttered as he turned away, thinking about how little “Kylo” would appreciate it.

B.B., on the other hand, was delighted when he saw his master again, and Poe’s mood had improved by the time he got back to the fairgrounds with his best buddy.  B.B. explored the parking lot with exuberance, despite being restrained by his leash and harness; then Poe walked him into the fairgrounds.  The carnival had just opened for the evening, so he took the dog straight home lest he disturb any of the guests.

Ben didn’t have any customers yet, but he scowled at Poe anyway when Poe walked into the front room with B.B.

“Where _were_ you?” Ben grumbled.  “You shouldn’t just disappear without telling me!”

“I went to pick up B.B., obviously,” snapped Poe.  But then he remembered his earlier feelings of guilt, and how much strain Ben was going through.  Poe made himself modulate his tone and add more quietly, “I didn’t want to bother you while you were getting ready for work.”

He started past Ben for the living room, but the other man’s face had softened, and he reached out to catch Poe’s arm.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” Ben murmured.  He stood up and put his arms around Poe’s shoulders.  “You don’t bother me, I promise.  I’m just tired, is all.”  Poe decided the apology was adequate and nestled into Ben’s arms with his head on the larger man’s chest.  Ben ran a hand through Poe’s wavy hair then kissed his forehead.

“I know you’ve got a lot on your mind,” Poe mumbled into his chest.  “And I know you’ve missed a lot of work lately—and we were together all weekend.  I just. . . want to be with you.”

“Tell you what, there probably won’t be many people around since it’s a weekend,” Ben told him.  “I’ll come sit in the living room with you, okay?  Just no fair trying to fool around while I’m on the clock,” he finished with a chuckle.

“Okay, I’ll keep my hands off you, I promise.”  Poe smiled up at his fiancé then took B.B. into the house and let him off his harness.  Ben did have a couple of clients but spent most of the evening sitting on the couch with Poe, eating the sandwiches Poe made them and watching television.  A couple hours into the shift, his cell phone rang, and when Ben scooped it up and looked at it, he cringed.

“Dammit, it’s Mom,” he muttered.  “I wonder if Luke talked to her.”

“I guess he has to, eventually,” said Poe, and Ben sighed.

“Yeah, I just wish he hadn’t _today_.  I really don’t feel like dealing with her tonight.”  He silenced the phone and dropped it back on the coffee table.  “I’ll call her back after my shift.”  Poe could tell Ben was making the effort not to be grouchy the rest of the evening, but from the way he glowered at his phone from time to time, it didn’t look like he was completely succeeding.  Poe felt sorry for him but at the same time thought it was better for him to deal with his mother sooner rather than later.

By the time Ben closed up at nine, Leia had called twice more. Ben slipped out of his robes and sat down on the couch to unsilence the phone—at the exact moment she called for a fourth time.

“ _Dammit_ ,” Ben growled.  Poe cast an apprehensive look at him from the other end of the couch as Ben answered the phone with a gruff, “Hello?”  Poe could hear Leia’s voice through the phone; it sounded as if she was yelling although he couldn’t make out the individual words.

Ben grumbled, “Mom, I was _working_.  I can’t just drop everything when my phone rings—”  He broke off with a scowl and stood up, and Poe saw his empty hand clench at his side.  “Of _course_ I didn’t tell you, you would have— _Mom!_ ”  Without looking at Poe, Ben stalked back to their bedroom, phone pressed to his ear, and a moment later, Poe heard the door slam.

“Great,” he muttered to B.B., who was lying on the floor at his feet.  The dog cocked his ears at the sound of Poe’s voice and looked up without lifting his head, then thumped his plumed tail on the floor as if in sympathy.

While he waited for Ben to get done on the phone, Poe took a shower, although he had to put the same shorts back on since his clean clothes were holed up in the bedroom with Ben.  He could hear Ben shouting when he came out of the bathroom, and Poe groaned to himself.  After dozing in front of the TV a little while, Poe couldn’t hear Ben yelling anymore, but he hadn’t emerged from the bedroom either.  Poe finally gave up, let B.B. out for a minute, then settled down on the couch for what he thought would probably be the whole night.  The dog lay down again, stretched out in front of the couch, and Poe fell asleep with his fingers trailing into B.B.’s soft fur.

“Poe. . . .”  His name, murmured in Ben’s deep voice, woke him up.  Poe hauled his eyes open to see Ben crouching down next to the sofa, dark eyes just a few inches away.

“Mmnh,” said Poe.

“Aren’t you coming to bed?”

“I kind of already went to bed,” Poe mumbled.

“Out here?”  Ben frowned.  Poe sighed and dropped his eyes closed again.

“You were shut up in the bedroom, and I got a flight early tomorrow.”

“Well you should have come in.”  Poe felt Ben’s fingers stroke his hair, and he turned his cheek up into the other man’s palm despite his irritation.  “I’ve been off the phone for a couple hours—I fell asleep too.”

“I thought you wanted to be alone,” Poe told him.  He lifted his own hand to cover Ben’s and tug it to his mouth.  He kissed the heel of Ben’s palm and opened his eyes again.

“I did,” said Ben, “but I don’t now.”  He pulled free of Poe’s grasp, only to shove both arms under the smaller man’s body and abruptly scoop him up off the sofa.

“What the hell!” Poe squawked, throwing his arms around Ben’s neck and hanging on for dear life.  “Since when can you pick me up?”

“Those biceps you find so hot aren’t just for show,” Ben informed him.  He held Poe close to his chest and carried him back to the bedroom, where he deposited Poe on their bed.  Poe scrambled under the covers while Ben got in on his side, and after a moment, B.B. followed them in and jumped up on the foot of the bed.

“You want to talk about what your mom said?” Poe asked with some trepidation, but Ben shook his head.

“Not tonight,” he muttered.  “I’ll tell you in the morning.”  He wrapped his arms around Poe once more and pulled him close to his bare chest.  Poe nestled against it and planted a kiss over Ben’s breast bone.

“Okay.”  When Poe looked up at him, Ben bent his head and kissed his mouth softly.

“Go back to sleep, angel,” he whispered.  “I love you.”

“Love you too,” Poe murmured.

\--

Ben got up with him the next morning, despite the early hour, and made breakfast while Poe got dressed for work.  As they sat eating scrambled eggs and coffee—reminding Poe of their very first breakfast together, that other night he’d fallen asleep on Ben’s couch—Ben told him what Leia had said.

“Luke did call her,” he sighed, “after he got off work yesterday.  She called me right after—and kept calling until I picked up.”

“She was mad, wasn’t she?” Poe asked meekly.  He was up to the challenge of fighting back when Ben was angry, but he didn’t think he could face an irate General Organa.

“Yep.”  Ben looked down at his plate and poked a bite of egg with his fork.  “Not that I found Luke, or that he called her—but that we went off to Desperation without telling her.  She said she would have wanted to go too, and that he was _her_ brother, and that I shouldn’t have gotten Rey and Finn involved.”

That brought up another question: “Did. . . Luke tell her about Rey?”

“I don’t think so.”  Ben finally looked at Poe again as he shook his head.  “At least, she didn’t bring it up, so I didn’t either.  Telling her is going to have to be Luke’s job. . . and his decision.”

“His and Rey’s,” murmured Poe.  Ben gave him an odd look, as if he didn’t think Rey had much to do with it, and Poe decided not to press the issue.  Still, he thought Rey really should have a say in who knew about her parentage, and when they found it out.

“So anyway,” Ben continued, “she yelled at me a while for going off on my own, said I was just like my father rushing off on adventures, _et cetera_.”  He made an expressive face at the implication he was anything like Han Solo.  “Eventually she calmed down and said something about being glad Luke was all right and back in touch. . . although I think she probably yelled at him even more than she yelled at me.”

“Probably so,” Poe agreed.  He had long since finished his eggs, although Ben had left half of his own untouched, and Poe drained the last of the coffee in his mug.  “Did you tell her about, um. . . the wedding date?”

Ben hesitated, then said, “Yes. . . and she yelled at me about that too.”

“She. . . she did?”  Poe tried not to let his face show how horrified he felt.  “She doesn’t—doesn’t want us to get married?  I thought—”

Ben interrupted him with a laugh.  “Poe, of _course_ she wants us to get married.  She adores you.  She was just mad it’s so soon, because she wants more time to plan some huge fancy wedding for us.  In between all her shouting at me that I was rushing into it—again, just like Dad—I tried to convince her that it was _your_ idea, but I still don’t think she believes me.”

“Oh.”  Poe relaxed with a weak smile.  “I’ll swear to her that it was.  So you don’t want a huge, fancy wedding for us?”  He was gratified to see a look of worry pass over Ben’s face.

“Um—do. . . do _you_ want one?  I mean, I just assumed not, because it’s so soon, but—but if you want—”

This time Poe was the one to laugh as he said, “No, I don’t care what the _wedding_ is like as long as I’m marrying _you_.”

“Don’t scare me like that,” Ben grumbled, but his full lips twitched into a smile at the same time.  “I told Mom we’d talk to her later in the week about what we wanted—she’s going to insist on helping no matter what, but maybe we can get her to tone it down a little.”

“Okay,” Poe nodded, then groaned as he glanced at the clock on his phone.  “Ugh, I’d better get going.”

“What time will you be home?”  Ben picked up Poe’s breakfast dishes and put them in the sink before Poe could do it himself.

“Not until you’re already working.  I’ve got one early flight and one late one.  I’m sorry, baby,” Poe apologized when he saw the disappointed look on Ben’s face.

“No, it’s okay,” Ben said.  “I was just hoping you could come with me today—I was going over to the fencing school to see what condition it’s in.  I. . . really have no idea where to start with it.”  He added in a mutter, “If only Mom wanted to micromanage _that_ instead of our wedding.  I’d welcome the help.”

Poe had gotten up and was heading to the bathroom to brush his teeth, but he called over his shoulder, “Go on and take a look today without me, see what it needs besides power and water.  Then when you actually get started on the work, I’ll come with you and help.”  After he finished his teeth, Poe returned, still talking.  “Rey could help out too—she loves that kind of stuff, and she may be able to get materials from work.”

“Okay.”  Ben was leaning against the kitchen counter with a second cup of coffee, but he put it down when Poe came back.  “Although I want to be alone with you some too.  I’ve seen enough of Rey and Finn for a while.”

“I think I can manage that,” Poe assured him.  He wrapped his arms around Ben and hugged him tight.  “I love you, so _much_.  I told you, everything’s gonna be all right, and I mean it.  We’ll do whatever we have to, to make it work.”

“Just promise me one thing,” Ben mumbled into Poe’s tousled hair.

“What?”

“You won’t turn into a bridezilla over the wedding plans.”

Poe shook with laughter against Ben’s chest.  “Okay, I think I can manage that, too.”

\--

To be continued


	37. Chapter 37

As Poe pulled into the airport parking lot, he noticed Wedge’s large purple balloon lifting off the ground on its ascent up into the sky.  It hadn’t returned by the time Poe took off on his own flight, but afterwards, Poe ran into Wedge in the break room.  The older man was taking his turn tidying up, one of the requirements of using the space.  Wedge was playing Led Zeppelin from his phone through a Bluetooth speaker. . . and singing along, slightly off-key: “But I still love you, and I can’t let you go, I love you, oooooooh, baby I love ya—”

He broke off when he noticed Poe laughing at him and shot the pilot an embarrassed grin, but he didn’t turn the music off and started up singing again after the bridge.

“Oh oh oh oh oh, you don’t have to go,” Wedge crooned to the sponge he was using to wipe out the microwave.  Poe took a peek at the microwave as he passed by on his way to the coffee maker, then cringed.

“If I were that sponge, I’d want to go too,” he commented.  “Pretty nasty in there.”

“I keep telling people to clean up after themselves, but it hasn’t stuck yet,” Wedge replied.  He tossed the sponge into the sink and turned to face Poe, bracing his hands on the small of his back and arching into a stretch.  “So how was your trip?  Looks like you made it back in one piece.”

“Yeah.”  Poe poured himself a mug of coffee and sat down at the table with his phone.  His next flight wasn’t until late that afternoon, which meant several long, boring hours ahead of him.  He was glad to have Wedge around to pass at least a little of the time.  Poe went on, “It was okay, I guess.  Ben’s mom was pretty pissed about him going off without telling her, but. . . but I think it was worth it for him.”

“Yeah?”  Wedge sat down across from him and finally silenced Robert Plant.  “Luke said he was gonna talk to Ben about—about coming back.”

Poe nodded.  “He did, said he’d come to the wedding.  I don’t know about permanently, but. . . it’s a start.”

“Yeah.”  Wedge dropped his eyes to the Formica tabletop where he fiddled with his phone.  Poe thought of telling him about Luke also handing his fencing school over to Ben but decided against it; he didn’t know how much Luke had already talked to Wedge about, or if either Luke or Ben wanted anyone to know yet.  In fact, he didn’t know what Luke had told Wedge at all.

Then Wedge surprised him by looking up again and asking, “Did he tell her?  The girl, I mean?”

Poe stared at him.  “You—you mean Rey?”  He hadn’t been aware that Wedge knew anything about _that_ situation.  “Uh, yeah, he did.  Alone, so I don’t know what they said but. . . but she knows that he’s—”  He broke off, too uncomfortable to say it; Poe felt like he was discussing something that wasn’t any of his business.  Wedge seemed to understand though.

“Yeah,” he said.  “Luke told me about her, and—well, he seemed pretty upset about the whole thing, so I wanted to be sure he was all right.”

“I think he’s all right,” Poe reassured him.  “I mean, we didn’t talk to him again after, but Rey acted like things were okay.”  After hesitating a second, he asked, “He didn’t talk to you since then either?”

“No.”  Wedge shook his head, and the intensity of the sadness in his expression started Poe.  For the first time, he consciously wondered, _Were they more than friends?  Or did Wedge want to be?_   Thinking back to Luke’s shy embarrassment whenever Wedge came up in conversation, Poe started to believe the feeling was mutual.

“Uh, maybe you should call him,” Poe suggested.  “Just to check up on him.  I know Ben hasn’t talked to him either since night before last, and—and Luke would probably appreciate it.”

“Oh, I dunno.  I don’t wanna bother him,” muttered Wedge.

Poe said gently, “I don’t think you will.  He seemed pretty lonely, and a lot happier after he talked to you the other day.”  Wedge studied Poe as if trying to decide if he was being honest.

“Yeah?” Wedge finally asked.

“Yeah.”  Poe smiled at the older man, then took a chance and added, “I think he really misses you, man.  And I think he wants to come home.  He just needs to know he’s welcome.  Uh, and—and he talked to Ben’s mom last night, apparently, so he might _not_ be feeling too welcome right now.”

Wedge’s face had softened at Poe’s words; then he winced and laughed when Poe mentioned General Organa.

“Uh yeah, I can only imagine what that conversation was like,” Wedge chuckled.  “I haven’t seen Leia in years, but I doubt her temper’s improved with age.”

“Not really,” Poe agreed.  “That’s why she called Ben, because she found out about our little road trip from Luke.  She was so mad, and then she just got madder when Ben told her our wedding date—”

Wedge interrupted, “Wait, what wedding date?  You guys set one?”  Poe flushed as he realized he’d forgotten all about telling Wedge.

“Oh, uh. . . yeah.  June first.”

“Wow, that soon?”  Wedge’s expression brightened.  Either he was very happy for Poe and Ben. . . or he was excited that Luke would be coming home in less than a month.

“Yeah, I didn’t want to wait,” Poe grinned as he admitted how impatient he was.  “And we don’t want it to be a big deal, anyway.  You’re gonna come, aren’t you?”

“Of course!  Sure you don’t want a balloon ride ceremony?” Wedge teased.

“Nah, I’ll just hold you to your promise of a post-wedding ride as a gift,” Poe chuckled.

“Sure, sure.”  Wedge raised a dark eyebrow.  “You want that ride before or after the honeymoon?”

“We haven’t even talked about a honeymoon,” Poe admitted.  “Maybe. . . maybe we _are_ kind of rushing into everything, without making any plans first.”  He frowned, but Wedge smiled at him again and shook his head.

“Go on and rush,” he told Poe.  “If you two love each other, you shouldn’t waste time when you could be together.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” murmured Poe, and he smiled too.

Wedge looked at him a moment, then added, “I am.  You can’t wait too long, or you might miss the only chance you’ll get to be happy.”

\--

By the time Poe got home that night, he felt exhausted.  He started to go in through the front room but stopped when he heard Ben’s deep voice murmuring inside, telling some customer’s fortune.  Not wanting to interrupt, Poe walked around to go in the back door, passing through B.B.’s fenced-in yard.  The spaniel mix had been lying on the kitchen floor, but he jumped up when he heard his master come in.

“Hey buddy,” Poe chuckled.  He dropped to his knees to pet and scratch the dog for a couple minutes; then he stood up again with a groan at the tired ache he felt in his legs.  He was hungry, not having eaten since lunchtime, but suddenly a relaxing hot bath sounded a lot more appealing than dinner.  Poe trudged into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him just in case Ben’s customer came through the wrong set of curtains on the way out, then nearly fell asleep in the tub.

When Poe got out, Ben was still working in the front room, although he’d apparently been into the house while Poe was in the bath.  Ben had left a note telling Poe he’d fed B.B, and he’d also made Poe a sandwich.  Poe stood looking down at it with a goofy smile for a minute and thought about just how much he loved his fiancé.  Then he scarfed down the sandwich, holding it in one hand as he walked back to the laundry room to let B.B. out one last time before bed.

Ben still wasn’t around by the time Poe had finished his dinner and let the dog back in.  Poe sighed with disappointment; he’d wanted to talk to Ben about his trip to the old fencing school building, but Poe was just too tired to wait up for him.

_Tomorrow_ , Poe promised Ben silently as he stumbled back to their bedroom.  He was asleep within minutes of lying down, but he half-woke when Ben came to bed sometime later.  Poe had been dreaming something, but he forgot it when he felt Ben’s arms slide around him and his fiancé’s body press against his back.

“Mmn,” Poe mumbled.  He turned his head back toward Ben, and Ben kissed him on the temple.

“Go back to sleep, princess,” he whispered.

“But I wanted to—”  Poe interrupted himself with a wide yawn then finished, “—to hear how it went.  At the school.”

“You don’t have to work early tomorrow, do you?” Ben asked as he hugged Poe closer to him.  The t-shirt he was wearing felt soft against Poe’s bare back, and his hands were warm on Poe’s chest.

“No. . . .”

“Then I’ll tell you in the morning.”  Ben leaned over Poe and craned his neck to be able to plant a kiss on his lips before lying back against his pillow.  “Now go back to sleep.”

Poe was too sleepy to argue, and soon he had dozed off again.  He didn’t wake up until late the next morning, when B.B. started whining to go outside.  Ben was still asleep too, but by the time Poe had stumbled to the back door, let the dog out into the yard, stopped by the bathroom himself, and returned to bed, Ben had awakened and was lying there waiting for him.

“First time I haven’t had to get up early in days,” Poe muttered while climbing back into bed.  “‘S glorious.”  He felt hungry, and the thought of coffee tempted him, but Poe decided breakfast could wait now that he finally had the chance to relax with Ben.

Ben pulled Poe back into his arms and murmured, “Yeah.  We’ve had a rough week.”  He caught Poe’s face in one hand, tilted it up, and kissed him, nice and deep this time.  “What’s today, Thursday?”

“Yeah.”  When Ben released his mouth, Poe laid his head down on the pillow and looked up at the larger man while stroking Ben’s hair back from his face.  “Why?”

“I, uh. . . well I was thinking about taking tonight off,” Ben stammered.  His cheeks flushed slightly as he said it.  “I know Hux would bitch about me taking off _again_ , but Thursdays are always slow, and uh. . . .”  His voice faded when Poe broke into a chuckle.

“Baby, you don’t have to convince _me_ to let you skip work again,” he teased.  “As long as that means you’re spending the evening with me instead of that crystal ball.”  Ben blushed even deeper, but he smiled shyly at the same time.

“Um, that was kind of the plan, if you don’t have any flights late this afternoon.”

Poe shook his head.  “None at all today.  What did you have in mind?”

“Well, Mom called me _again_ yesterday—”

“Uh oh,” Poe blurted out, and this time, Ben was the one to chuckle.

“No, it was. . . okay.  She’s over being mad, she was just demanding to know all the details about our plans for—for our wedding.”  Poe loved to see how Ben’s smile grew broader when he said those words.

“Yeah?” he prompted.  “What’d you tell her?”

Ben raised his eyebrows.  “That we didn’t have any plans, other than a date.  So then she started freaking out about it all over again.”

“Great,” sighed Poe.

“But she says she wants to help,” Ben explained.  “I made sure she knew we _weren’t_ going the ‘big fancy’ route, but she said she’d still make the arrangements for us. . . and pay for it.”

“Pay for it?”  Poe frowned.  While the idea was enticing, it also embarrassed him a little.  “I don’t know. . . .”

Ben pointed out, “Well, it’s not like we’re going to do anything really expensive.  I think she just wants to feel like. . . a part of things, I guess.  A part of my life again.”  His voice grew softer as he added, “Especially since I went off after Uncle Luke without her.”

“All right, I can understand that,” Poe agreed.  “But what does that have to do with this afternoon?”

“Oh.”  Ben blinked and knit his brows as he pursued the lost train of thought.  “Yeah, anyway, I was thinking maybe we could spend the afternoon talking about what we wanted?  Where we wanna have it, and who’s gonna come.  And uh. . . .”  The shy grin returned to his full lips.  “And where we’re gonna go for our honeymoon.”

“Oh, I _see_.”  Poe’s grin was far broader than Ben’s.  “Your mom’s not gonna help with _that_ , is she?”  Ben’s blush returned in full force, and he shook his head hard.

“ _No._   Not paying for it either.  The honeymoon’s just for us, baby.”  He reached up a hand to stroke Poe’s cheek.  It was bristly since Poe hadn’t shaved the day before, but Ben didn’t seem to mind.

“Good.”  Poe shifted his head to kiss Ben’s palm.  “And yeah, we can do that this afternoon.  June first _is_ getting pretty close, and whoever we invite is gonna want to know soon.”  He folded his own hand over Ben’s and squeezed it.  “You’re taking the whole night off for us to plan, though?  You think it’ll take that long?”

“Not exactly. . . .”  Ben squeezed Poe’s hand back and said, “After we get through talking, I want to take you out on a date.”

“Yeah?”  Poe let his eyes fall half-closed to look at Ben through his lashes, the way he knew Ben liked.  “Where to?”

“Um, well, _here_ ,” Ben mumbled, clearly flustered by Poe’s expression.  “We’ve never actually been around the carnival _together_ , and I’d like to do that with you.”  Poe thought back to the night he’d first seen Ben, when “Kylo Ren” had predicted that Poe would fall in love with someone and Poe had dreamed of exploring the carnival with that person at his side.

“I’d like that,” he whispered to Ben.  “I’d like that a lot.”  He let go of Ben’s hand to grasp his chin instead, then slid closer and kissed him.  Ben’s lips parted for him, and Poe pushed his tongue into Ben’s mouth with a faint moan.  Ben’s hand moved to Poe’s back and slid down over his skin to stop teasingly at his waist.

When Poe broke the kiss to whine Ben’s name impatiently, Ben teased, “I thought we were gonna talk about the fencing school this morning.”

“Later,” growled Poe.  He kissed Ben’s mouth again, then his jaw, then the side of his neck in between words.  “We got—all day.  But I—haven’t gotten off since Monday night—and I need you, baby.”

“Nngh, Poe. . . .”  Ben tilted his head back, and his breath sounded harsh in his throat. “O-okay the—the school can wait. . . .”  Poe kept kissing and nipping at Ben’s pale throat as he squirmed against Ben’s body.  Just kissing Ben and feeling his large, warm hand resting so possessively on Poe’s waist had started to get Poe hard.  Then Ben used his hand to press Poe even closer to him and pushed his muscular thigh up between Poe’s legs.  Unable to stop himself, Poe whimpered against Ben’s neck and started grinding on his thigh.  Ben dropped his hand lower, down to Poe’s ass where he groped him through the boxer shorts he’d worn to bed.

“Tell me how you want me to make you come, angel,” Ben whispered hoarsely.

After more than two days without any action, the array of possibilities was dizzying.  Poe wanted to feel Ben’s mouth on him, but he wanted to get Ben off too, wanted to make him come apart groaning Poe’s name.  He wanted them to come together.  And he wanted—

_God, I want him to fuck me like he did back at the hotel,_ Poe thought, _nearly bending me in half and holding me up against the wall and stretching me open—_

“What are you thinking about?”  Poe started, realizing Ben was watching his face with a little smile.  Poe was still grinding on his thigh, and Poe’s shorts were getting damp with precum.  Ben leaned his head forward to kiss Poe’s ear and whisper, “You’re getting so wet.”  It took all of Poe’s resolve not to tell him, but he decided to hold back and save going all the way for that night after their date.

Instead, Poe whispered back, “I want to feel your mouth on me, I want you to taste me.”  He heard Ben’s breath catch; then he was sitting up and pushing Poe off his thigh so he could tug Poe’s shorts down.  Ben slid down to Poe’s lap, and a second later Poe felt his fiancé’s tongue tracing the underside of his shaft.  Poe’s startled gasp turned into a strangled moan of pleasure as Ben’s mouth closed over the head of his cock and sucked hard.

“Oh God, baby, _yes_ ,” Poe groaned, and his hips bucked up involuntarily before he could control himself.  Ben pulled off to lick Poe’s cock thoroughly from base to tip over and over, cleaning it off, only for Poe to squirt more precum when Ben flicked his tongue over the most sensitive spot just under the head.

“Fuck, Poe, you taste so good,” Ben breathed.  As he kept swallowing Poe’s precum as soon as it welled up, Poe gazed down at him, half dazed from pleasure and lust at the sight of Ben’s lips and tongue working him over.  Poe groaned again, this time in disappointment, when Ben finally drew his head back.  Ben looked up at him, first with an expression of adoration, then with a slightly wicked little smile.  Poe’s heart clenched with both love for Ben and anticipation of whatever it was he was planning.

“Now what are _you_ thinking about?” Poe panted.

“I’m thinking about how turned on you are,” Ben murmured.  His deep voice made Poe shiver with desire.  “You really need it, don’t you?”

“Y-yes,” Poe whispered, feeling his face grow warmer.  Just like that, Ben had taken control over the situation, and Poe loved it.  Ben trailed one finger up the side of Poe’s rigid cock, and Poe whimpered.

“Just think, you’ve been flying people around in your plane the past couple days,” Ben purred, “and the whole time you’ve secretly been dying for someone to get you off.”

“Not just someone,” Poe said in a little moan, “you.”  For a second, it shook Ben, and he gave Poe another adoring look; then he got himself back under control.

“Yeah, wanting another man to touch you. . . .”  He drew his finger around the ridge of Poe’s cock, and Poe gritted his teeth to keep from crying out.  “Wanting me to use my mouth on you and make you come.”

“ _Yes_ ,” Poe groaned.  More precum beaded up on the head of his cock then spilled down the side.

“Look at how wet you are,” Ben went on.  “You want it _so bad_.  Is this what you’ve been wanting, to let me play with you until you came for me?”

“Nngh, yes, yes. . . !” Poe whined, and Ben flicked the sensitive place again, this time with his finger.  Poe actually squealed as his cock squirted precum that ran down the shaft to his balls.

“Oh _God_ , Poe,” Ben hissed.  Even though he was still dressed in the shirt and shorts he’d worn to bed, he’d gotten obviously hard too.  Poe stared at the tented front of Ben’s shorts, wanting to get his hands and mouth on what was under them.  Ben followed his gaze, blushed, and smirked all at the same time.

“You want this too, don’t you?” he taunted.

Poe knew exactly what Ben wanted to hear, and he breathed, “Y-yeah, Ben, I want your cock in my mouth, I wanna blow you.”

Ben growled, “Do it, use that pretty mouth on me, angel,” as he shifted his position and rocked his hips up so that Poe could pull his shorts down.  After that, Poe wrapped his arms around Ben’s waist, trailed kisses down his stomach, and pressed his lips against the tip of Ben’s erection.  He thought Ben would start sucking him again too, but instead he brushed his fingers over Poe’s balls.  Poe jumped, then groaned as Ben rubbed them with his thumb and tugged on them.

Poe spread his legs and bucked his hips up; at the same time, he licked the head of Ben’s cock to taste the precum that was starting to seep out.  Then Poe felt Ben’s mouth replacing his fingers on Poe’s balls to tongue and suck them, and Poe pressed his face into Ben’s thigh with a whimper.  His cock ached and throbbed with the need to be touched, but Poe didn’t want Ben to stop what he was doing lower down, either.  To distract himself, Poe tried to concentrate instead on pleasuring Ben with his mouth by sucking Ben’s cock between his lips and rubbing his tongue in circles on the underside.  With a desperate groan, Ben attacked Poe’s balls again, then finally moved his mouth back to his cock, licking and nipping at it.  Poe opened his legs even wider and thrust up against his fiancé’s mouth as Ben caressed him.  He felt Ben’s palm rubbing against his balls, then his long fingers behind them.

“Ben, please,” Poe gasped in between kisses to Ben’s erection.  “Don’t stop—keep going, touch me!”

“You like it when I touch you here, don’t you?” Ben whispered, his voice half-choked with lust, as he teased Poe with the tip of one finger.

“Yes, _yes_!” Poe groaned.  “Don’t stop, _please_ , Ben!”  Ben rubbed his finger over him, first up and down then in circles.  The slickness of Poe’s precum heightened the sensations he felt.  He tried to focus on pleasing Ben, but Poe was eventually reduced to needy whimpering, unable to do more than press his lips against Ben’s erection.  Yet Ben didn’t seem to care; all his attention was focused on what he was doing to Poe.  He dragged his fingertip in another circle with excruciating slowness, and Poe quivered.

“Please, please put it in!” he whined as he arched back and tried to coax Ben’s finger inside him.

“Fuck,” Ben moaned at the sound of Poe’s pleading.  He pressed down, and the tip of his finger sank in to the first knuckle.  Poe gave a delighted groan.

“More, please, more!” he begged.  By now, both Poe and Ben’s fingers were so slick with precum, Ben’s finger slid all the way in without resistance.  Ben drew his finger back and thrust it forward again, fucking Poe with it as Poe pushed back against his hand.

“You look so hot like this, Poe,” Ben praised him, “and so desperate.  You want it so bad, don’t you?”

“Yes, _yes!_   Please, more, give me more!” Poe cried.  He sucked on the side of Ben’s cock before dropping his mouth to his balls and caressing them as Ben had done to him.  Ben pulled his finger out, and Poe whined until he felt _two_ fingers stretching him open.  His cock twitched as Ben worked both fingers in as deep as they would go, then started fucking them into Poe quickly.  Poe squirmed and writhed on the bed until Ben’s fingers hit his prostate, and he saw stars.

“ _Ben!_ ”  Poe bucked his hips up in response to the delicious pleasure he felt inside.  “R-right there!”

Ben thrust his fingers back into Poe and hit the spot again.  Poe cried out, and Ben pressed his fingertips inward, moving them circles.  Poe was reduced to helpless quivering as his fiancé massaged him inside.  Ben repeatedly spread his fingers a little, stretching Poe slightly, then dug them in until Poe thought he couldn’t stand any more.  The tension in the pit of Poe’s stomach heightened, and his balls drew up as his orgasm neared.

“S-stop. . . Ben, stop!” he gasped.  Ben quit the motion of his fingers immediately, looking back at Poe with worry.

“What, what is it?  Did I hurt you?”

Poe gasped, pulled back from the brink just in time; then he gave Ben a shaky grin and stammered, “No, I—I was about to come.”  He didn’t move for a minute, afraid that with Ben’s fingers still inside him, any motion would set him off.  Then when he knew he could hold back a little longer, Poe dropped his voice to a sultry whisper and bucked his hips forward.  “I want us to come together, baby, want you to come all over me.”

Ben responded with a strangled, lustful moan, but he still had the presence of mind to pull his fingers out of Poe gently.  He shifted around to lie face to face with Poe and put an arm around his shoulders to pull him close and kiss him deeply.  Poe moaned into his mouth and returned the kiss as Ben pushed him down on his back and lowered his larger body on top of Poe’s.

“Like this?” Ben whispered when he pulled his mouth away from Poe’s lips so he could caress the smaller man’s jaw and neck.

“Yeah, just like that,” Poe breathed.  He groaned when he felt Ben’s erection press against his own; then Ben started to thrust his hips and grind their cocks together.  Poe panted, “Oh God, baby, yes, you feel so good!”

“Wait. . . .”  Ben stopped his motion for a moment to grasp Poe’s thigh and lift it, guiding Poe to wrap his leg around Ben’s waist.  Then he slid his hand down Poe’s thigh to his ass and whispered, “You want my fingers back in you?”

“ _Yes_.”  Poe could barely get the word out, and he made a sort of desperate squeaking noise when he felt Ben’s fingertip brush over him again.

“You _sure_?” Ben asked.

“Fuck, Ben, put them in me,” Poe groaned.  “Finger me, _please!_ ”  Ben made a growling sound deep in his throat and thrust both fingers in as deep as they would go.  Poe gasped and tensed, then relaxed as he adjusted.  He pushed up against Ben’s weight, trying to grind his cock on his lover’s body.  Ben pressed his mouth to Poe’s neck while he resumed thrusting against the smaller man pinned beneath him, twisting his fingers inside Poe at the same time.

“You’re so tight,” Ben moaned into Poe’s ear.  He found Poe’s prostate again and began to rub it as he went on, “And so hot, and so hard for me. . . .”  Poe wrapped both arms around Ben and clung to him while he bucked his hips first up then back, wanting both to thrust against Ben and to fuck himself on the fingers buried deep inside him.

“Ben, I want you,” Poe keened, “I want you so bad, baby.”

“I’m yours, angel, I belong to you.”  Ben lifted his head to catch Poe’s mouth, and they kissed as they writhed together.  Poe could feel himself getting close again, but he couldn’t slow down; it all felt too good.  Ben’s weight against his cock set off electric shocks through Poe’s body rivaled only by those coaxed out of him by Ben’s fingers.

“I love you,” Poe gasped in between kisses.  “Ben, I love you!”  Ben braced himself on his elbow and began grinding against Poe as hard as he could.  His face was flushed and his eyes dilated as he looked down at the man beneath him.

“I love you too, Poe,” he whispered; then he drove his fingers up against Poe’s prostate and held them there while Ben ground against him.  Poe couldn’t hold back any longer, and he bucked up against Ben harder as he started to climax.  After a few seconds, Ben came too with a groan muffled by Poe’s shoulder, which Ben bit down on as he came.  Poe finished first and flopped back on the bed.  Ben thrust on him a couple more times, then arched his back and gave a strangled cry as he finished too.  He almost collapsed on top of Poe, catching himself on his arm at the last minute.  Poe groaned as Ben’s fingers slipped out of him; it was almost too much stimulation to his now overly sensitive body.

“Ben,” he whispered when their ragged breathing had calmed and Ben had lain down beside him.  Poe turned his head to kiss his fiancé’s cheek.  “Oh God, I love you so much.”

“Love you too,” Ben murmured in reply.  He stroked Poe’s tousled hair a moment, then asked, “Think you could manage to drag yourself out of bed for a shower?”  He smiled at Poe’s grimace and planted another soft kiss on his mouth.  “A quick one.  Together.”

“I guess I’d better,” Poe admitted with a tired chuckle.  In the shower, Ben stood behind Poe and washed his back, then reached around to rub his chest.  Poe loved feeling Ben’s hands on him and the gentle way Ben touched his body—so different from the dominant persona he’d taken on earlier.  As much as it turned Poe on to have Ben boss him around, he decided he enjoyed being adored even more.  For a moment, Ben just held him, Poe leaning back against his chest as the warm water washed over them.  Poe didn’t think he’d ever felt quite so content before.

“Whatcha want for breakfast?” he asked a few minutes later, while he was drying off.  Ben had already finished drying and wrapped his towel around his waist.  Poe decided it was cute that he could still be shy about his body after all the things they’d done together.

“Uh, I think we missed breakfast by a long shot,” Ben pointed out.  He raked a comb through his wet hair then opened the door to let the steam out of the small bathroom.

“Okay fine, what do you want for _lunch_?”  Poe dropped his towel and folded his arms across his chest. . . doing nothing to cover the rest of his naked body.  Ben blushed.

“Cereal,” he said.  He left the bathroom quickly and said over his shoulder, “And I’ll start some coffee.”

Poe rolled his eyes and yelled after him, “Deny it all you want, that’s still breakfast, ya big dork!”  He started after Ben, then stopped to pick up his wet towel and hang it up to dry before going back to their bedroom to get dressed.  As the scent of brewing coffee drifted back to him, Poe thought that the day they planned their wedding couldn’t have started any better.

\--

To be continued


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wedding plans get made, and Poe finally gets his date at the carnival.

Poe had promised not to become a bridezilla, but after a few hours spent wedding planning with Ben, he came to believe that his fiancé was a lot more susceptible to the condition.  Not that Ben was picky or wanted anything elaborate; he just insisted on having everything mapped out and nailed down to the very last detail, whereas Poe thought that plans for the simple wedding they both wanted didn’t need to be quite so exact.  Nevertheless, they managed to get it all worked out without any bickering, and Ben intended to call his mother the next day, while Poe was at work, and turn over to her whichever of the arrangements she wanted to make.

They talked about the fencing school, too, and by the time all that was done, Poe didn’t want to think anymore.  Ben offered to take him out to dinner to make up for being “a headache,” as Ben put it, but Poe declared that even ordering from a menu would require too much mental effort.  Instead, after letting B.B. out in the yard then securing him inside for the evening, Poe and Ben just bought carnival food and wandered around the midway eating that as the start to their date.  Poe gnawed on a corn dog, but Ben just picked at a paper cup of French fries until Poe threatened to eat all of those too unless Ben took some for himself.

“If you’re gonna be married to me, one condition is that you take better care of yourself,” Poe scolded.  “You barely ate anything at lunch, and now you’re just eating a couple fries?  You’re not gonna be strong enough to finish cleaning up the school, much less actually fence there.”

“I’ll make _you_ do all the cleaning,” Ben said after he’d swallowed the mouthful of fries he’d taken to appease Poe.  He leaned down and added in a whisper against Poe’s ear, “In a little maid outfit.  It’ll give me something to watch while I’m practicing.”

Poe felt himself blush all the way down his neck, and he mumbled, “If that’s a joke about me being Latino, it’s not funny.”

Ben groaned, “Oh come on, you know me better than that.”  He balanced his fries in one hand so he could wrap the other arm around Poe and pull him close; then he nuzzled the hair over Poe’s ear and whispered, “It’s a joke about how hot I think you’d be in a skirt, my pretty little angel.”

“Nngh, Ben,” Poe whined, “don’t talk about that _now_.  For one thing, we’re in public, and for another, we already spent the entire morning in bed.”  He pulled back after giving Ben a chaste peck on the lips and sneaking another fry out of his cup.  “I’ll help you clean, but I’m not doing it all by myself, _or_ in a dress.”

“Okay, _fine_.”  Ben took Poe’s hand, and they started walking again.  “Anyway, like I said this afternoon, most of the work that needs doing _is_ just cleaning, as far as I could tell with the lights cut off.  Lots of cobwebs but no real damage.  The hardest part of all this is going to be getting students to come back,” he finished with a sigh.

“I’ll help you with that too, baby,” Poe promised with a squeeze of Ben’s large hand.  “And maybe it won’t be too bad!  I mean, Luke’s gotta have his old records stored away somewhere, and maybe some of his students would come back.  And as awful as Snoke is, I bet some of _his_ students will be glad to get away from him and come to you instead!”

“I. . . I don’t know,” mumbled Ben.  “There’s no telling what he’s said about me since I quit—and I know all too well what he used to say about Uncle Luke.  And then there’s Hux—”

Poe groaned, “Ben, _stop worrying_.  I told you, we’ll make it work, we’ll do it together.  But right now, I want you to take me on that date you promised me.  I don’t want to think about anything but having fun with you, and us being happy together.”

Ben looked down at him, and the concerned frown he wore shifted into a faint smile before he leaned over and kissed the top of Poe’s head.

“Okay, I’m sorry,” he chuckled.  “No more worrying tonight, just a date where I don’t think about anything but having fun with my husband-to-be.”

Together, they did all the things Poe had imagined doing with a boyfriend at the carnival on that first night they met, after Ben had told him he was about to fall in love: they got sticky sharing cotton candy on the midway, and even stickier sharing kisses afterwards in the funhouse.  In between the kisses, Poe greatly enjoyed standing in front of the mirrors, especially when he found one that made him look tall beside one that made Ben look short.  Poe dragged Ben to almost all the other attractions as well; then they finally reached the Ferris wheel, where Poe wanted to end the evening.

As the wheel carried their little car higher and higher up over the carnival, Ben held Poe’s hand and said, “It feels kind of like flying.”

Poe didn’t really think so, but he let Ben have his own opinion.  He squeezed his fiancé’s hand and smiled over at him.

“Do you feel closer to your city in the sky up here?”

Ben smiled back and let go of Poe’s hand, but only so he could wrap his arm around the smaller man instead and pull him closer.  Poe leaned into Ben’s side and put his head on his shoulder while they both looked down at the glittering lights below them.

“I don’t think about it so much anymore,” Ben murmured in reply to Poe’s question.  “I’m happier here with you than I could ever be anywhere else.”  He reached over with his free hand to grasp Poe’s chin and turn Poe’s face towards him for a kiss.

Poe gave a soft whimper of pleasure, then whispered into Ben’s mouth, “That’s the dorkiest and sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”  When he returned his head to Ben’s shoulder, their car was cresting the top of the wheel, and they could just make out the edge of the ocean where the parking lot lights illuminated it beyond the beach.

“It’s the perfect spot for our wedding,” sighed Poe.

“You’re sure you want to have it _there_?” Ben asked him for what felt like the millionth time.  “And that you want it to be small and casual?  You know we can do it anywhere you want, it doesn’t matter how much it costs—”

Interrupting him, Poe laughed, “ _Yes_ , Ben, we’ve been over this.  That beach is where we had our first date, and where we made up after our first fight, and where we got engaged.  It’s _perfect_.”  He shifted in his seat so he could put both arms around Ben and hug him tightly.  “And I don’t want a big fancy wedding.  I want short and simple and sweet, and then I want our honeymoon, with you all to myself for days and days.  All I want is you.”

“Mmm, Poe. . . .”  Ben returned his embrace and leaned his cheek against Poe’s hair.  “All right, I’ll quit asking.  It’s just that I want you to be happy—I don’t want you to regret any of it, not one minute, because I love you so, so much.”

“I love you too, Ben,” Poe mumbled into Ben’s shirt, “and I won’t ever regret any part of marrying you.”

By the time the Ferris wheel ride ended, it was almost closing time, and the carnival was shutting down for the night.  As they walked home, Poe and Ben passed Phasma beginning her last patrol of the evening.  She gave them a nod, accompanied by a look not entirely without judgment since Ben was missing work yet again.  Seeing her reminded Poe that they hadn’t finished hammering out one last detail of their wedding plans: the guest list.

“So, are we inviting her?” he asked Ben once they were back home.  He crouched down to scratch an enthusiastic B.B. behind the ears, murmuring, “Yeah, I missed you too, buddy.”  When Poe looked up at Ben, his fiancé looked back and sighed.

“You think we should, don’t you?”

“Well. . . kinda,” Poe admitted.  “She did help me move, and she was pretty good to me before that.”

“Like anyone could resist helping you out when you look at them with those big brown eyes of yours,” retorted Ben.  He leaned down and kissed Poe lightly, then took his hand to help him to his feet.  “But I guess you’re right.  Anyway. . . when I think about it, she was really my only friend for a while there.”  Ben fell silent, and although he kept his hand in Poe’s, his dark eyes stayed fixed on the ground until, a moment later, he muttered, “Her and Hux.”

Poe squeezed his hand and murmured, “Whether we invite him is completely up to you, baby.  I’ll understand either way.”

“If we don’t, Phasma’ll probably bring him as her date anyway,” grumbled Ben.

“I don’t think he’ll come if we don’t specifically invite him,” Poe argued.  “And if you really don’t want him there, we can tell Phasma—”

“No, no, that wasn’t what I meant,” Ben interrupted.  He sighed again then pulled Poe into a hug and gave him a kiss on the forehead before explaining, “I just. . . I know none of what happened is his fault, not really.  I just have a hard time swallowing my pride—as difficult as that may be for you to believe.”

Poe chuckled weakly and muttered, “I never would’ve guessed.”

“I think—I think I want to invite him,” Ben finished suddenly, “as long as it’s all right with you.”  Poe was honestly surprised, but he nodded against Ben’s chest.

“It is.  And I think it’s a good idea, I really do.”  Poe tilted his head up to nuzzle his lips against the side of Ben’s neck.  “So that makes. . . how many guests?”

“Mom and Dad and Uncle Luke. . . and Dad would never let me hear the end of it if I didn’t invite Chewie,” said Ben.  “Then Hux and Phasma.  And you’re sure you only want Rey and Finn and Wedge?”

“Yeah.  I mean, I have other friends, but no one else close enough. . . no one else special enough.”  Poe leaned back enough to look up into Ben’s face with a smile.  “So that’s nine?  Nine. . . and B.B., of course.  Another reason to have a beach wedding, so my best dog can be my best man.”

Ben returned the smile and smoothed a curl of hair back from Poe’s forehead with his thumb.  “Okay, nine—although Chewie’ll probably bring a date, so that’ll be ten.  You think we can assume Phasma and Hux will come together?”

“I dunno,” Poe said with a shrug, “probably?  I’m kinda nervous about assuming _anything_ around Phasma, though.”

“I don’t blame you.  And while I feel the same way about Rey, I think she and Finn will probably come together, too,” Ben continued.  “So unless B.B.’s met any nice girls at the dog park, the only other guests who might bring dates are Wedge and, um—and Uncle Luke.”

“You think Luke’s seeing anybody?” Poe asked carefully.

Ben told him, “I didn’t get that impression, it seems like he’s pretty much kept to himself since he moved out to Nevada.  But I didn’t ask, or try to. . . you know, read his mind or anything.  It’s not exactly the kind of thing I’m dying to know about my uncle,” he added in a mutter.  “What about Wedge, do you know?”

Poe shook his head, then hesitated before revealing his hunch.  After all, he wasn’t _certain_ if Wedge had any romantic feelings for Luke, if Luke felt the same way, if Ben suspected any of it the way Poe did. . . or if, judging from Ben’s comment, he even wanted to know.

Finally, Poe just said, “I guess we’ll find out who’s bringing who when they RSVP, and it’s not like a couple people more or less are gonna make much difference anyway.”

“Yeah.  I think there’ll be enough room on the beach for everybody,” Ben joked.  He kissed Poe’s forehead again, then the end of his nose, then his lips.  “Want to get ready for bed?  Or do you want to stay up for awhile?”

“Bed,” Poe decided.  “Let me take B.B. out one more time, then I’ll be right in.”  As he went out in the yard with the dog, Poe remembered that earlier he’d been planning on getting laid again after his date with Ben.  _So much for that,_ he thought with a wry yawn; he was too tired to want to do anything in bed but sleep (well, that and maybe cuddle, just a little).  By the time he trudged back inside, got B.B. settled, and washed up and undressed, Ben was already in bed and mostly asleep himself.  Poe rolled his eyes and climbed in beside him.

“Thanks for waiting up, you big jerk,” he muttered with an elbow to Ben’s ribs as Poe wiggled into place next to him.

“Hrmph,” said Ben, but then he enfolded Poe in his arms and curled up around him and mumbled, “Love you, angel.  Sweet dreams.”  Poe sighed and smiled as he nestled his head against Ben’s shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah,” he whispered, “I love you too.”

\--

To be continued


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the wedding, the end

On the morning of June first, Poe woke up before Ben, one of the few times that had happened on a day Poe didn’t have to go to work.  Poe’s stomach was flip-flopping with a mixture of nerves and excitement, so he sat up in bed and tried to calm himself by watching Ben’s quiet breathing as he slept.  That didn’t actually help much, because Poe’s heart only beat faster as he looked at the man he was about to marry, but he smiled to himself anyway and reached down to stroke Ben’s hair back from his face.  Eventually, Poe gave up on remaining calm, and he leaned down to kiss Ben’s forehead before he got up.

“Mm?” Ben mumbled at Poe’s touch.  He turned his head, seeking Poe’s lips, and returned the kiss softly when he found them.  “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Poe reassured him.  “Just too nervous to stay in bed, so I’m gonna go on and get up.  You go back to sleep if you want.”  He gave Ben another kiss, this one on the end of his nose, and started to stand up, but Ben grasped his hand to stop him.

“You’re not. . . having second thoughts, are you?” Ben asked with the faintest hint of apprehension in his dark eyes.  Poe groaned and rolled his own eyes, then lay back down to enfold Ben in his arms.

“Of course not, baby.  Never, _ever_ ,” Poe reassured him.  He held Ben against him and stroked the larger man’s hair until Ben relaxed and embraced him in return.

Ben whispered, “I just wanted to be sure.  Poe, this. . . this is a day I never thought would come.”  He drew his head back just enough to be able to look into Poe’s eyes and murmured, “Until you found me, I always believed I would spend my life alone.  Sometimes I still feel like this is all a dream, and I’m going to wake up one day, without you—”

“No!”  Poe interrupted him by pressing his fingertips to Ben’s lips.  “Don’t even say that, _please_.  It isn’t true.  It _isn’t_ a dream, it’s real.  _I’m_ real, and I love you, more than anything else.  I’m not going to give up on you, Ben, no matter what.  And I know you won’t give up on me.”

“I won’t, Poe,” Ben promised.  He kissed Poe’s fingertips, then sat up and pulled Poe up beside him.  “Come on, I’ll get up with you.”

They spent as much of the morning together as they could before Poe had to go meet Rey and Finn at the fairground gate.  They had come to help Poe and Ben get ready for the wedding, which would start at eleven, and Rey insisted that Poe and Ben had to get ready _separately_ , and couldn’t see each other until the ceremony since to do so was bad luck.  So the two walked with Rey back to Ben’s house, then separated the betrothed.  Somewhat to Poe’s surprise, Phasma had volunteered her own apartment to be his dressing room, so he and Finn set off across the fairgrounds with Poe’s attire, while Rey stayed behind with Ben and B.B.  Even more bizarrely, they crossed paths with Hux, who had been sent by Phasma to help Rey make Ben presentable.

“I don’t understand this at _all_ ,” muttered Finn.  “I mean, I guess I see why Rey wants to help out Ben instead of you—he’s her cousin and all, so it’s a chance for them to get closer.  And you got a _lot_ more fashion sense than he does.  On his own, he’d probably show up looking like he’s going to a funeral instead of his own wedding.”

Poe wouldn’t have gone that far, but he had to chuckle all the same.  He told Finn, “Yeah, neither of them has told Ben’s mom yet about Rey being her niece.  I think maybe Rey’s afraid it’ll steal attention away from our wedding or something.”  He rolled his eyes.  “And people say _I’m_ too nice.  But I do think it’s sweet of her to try to bond with him this way. . . if they don’t end up killing each other over it.  So what don’t you understand?”

“Uh, well,” Finn faltered, “that Hux guy.  I thought he and Ben, like, hated each other.  So why’s he even coming to your wedding, much less helping Ben put his pants on?”

Poe shot him a glare and said, “Now wait just a minute—”  Finn’s eyes widened.

“No, no, I didn’t mean like _that_.  Just, why does he want to help out?”

“I think part of it is that Phasma’s making him,” Poe admitted, “or that she _strongly suggested_ he should.  But maybe he’s trying to make friends again too, as much as he and Ben ever _were_ friends.  At least Ben didn’t seem to mind when Hux called to ask if he could come over, so. . . .”  He trailed off and shrugged.  They had stopped near the small building where Phasma lived, and Finn glanced at it and frowned.

“So is _she_ gonna help _you_ dress?” he asked.

Poe raised an eyebrow.  “Why?  Were you wanting to put my pants on me instead?”

“Okay you know what, let’s just get this over with,” Finn grumbled.

As it turned out, Phasma and Finn both let Poe get dressed in private, although he still didn’t feel completely comfortable being alone in Phasma’s bedroom.  Nevertheless, he took his time dressing because although the wedding was to be casual as befitted its beachy venue, Poe wanted to look his best—not to impress his friends or Ben’s family, but because he wanted the day to live forever in Ben’s memory, and he wanted every bit of it to be perfect.

Poe had chosen long khaki shorts and a short-sleeved, white button-up shirt worn with the collar unbuttoned over a dark red t-shirt.  His attire _did_ feel awfully casual, but when he examined himself in Phasma’s mirror, he decided he looked nice, and he thought Ben would agree; he knew Ben liked him in red, after all.  Poe brushed his hair, added a little gel, and combed it out into the smoothest waves he could manage before regarding his reflection again, chewing on his lower lip.

_It’ll have to do,_ he thought.  When he came out of the bedroom, he found Finn sitting awkwardly on the couch in Phasma’s small living room, while Phasma herself leaned against the wall and looked at her phone.  She was wearing shorts that showed off her long legs—the first time Poe had seen them bare, in fact—and a sleeveless blouse.  Realizing just how pretty she looked made Poe understand why Finn was acting so awkward, and he tried to hide a smirk.

“What do you think?” Poe asked Finn, who jumped and looked over at him, grateful for the interruption.

“Oh—hey, you look good.  Great, in fact!” Finn exclaimed.  Phasma raised her head and looked Poe up and down; then she gave him a little smile.

“You really do, Poe,” she said.  Poe felt his face flush as he mumbled thanks.

Soon after Poe finished dressing, Finn and Phasma hurried him out to the parking lot and into Finn’s SUV, parked just outside the fairground gate.  When Poe protested that he could walk the short distance to the beach, Finn explained that the drive was part of making sure Ben didn’t see Poe too early.

“Besides, it’s pretty hot out,” Finn added as he drove them, with Poe in the passenger seat and Phasma in the back, across the parking lot.  “You don’t wanna get all gross and sweaty before your wedding.”

“I also don’t want to sit in the freakin’ _car_ while everyone else hangs out,” Poe grumbled.  When Finn pulled up into a parking place beside the sand, Poe could see that all of his and Ben’s guests had already arrived.  The only people missing were Rey, Hux, and Ben himself; everyone else was seated in the three rows of two folding chairs each arranged on the beach.

Phasma asked, “Who arranged everything?  It looks nice.”

“Ben’s mom took care of it—she called some rental place to handle it all.”  Poe looked out at the simple décor and smiled.  Besides the chairs, there were only a few pillars topped with clusters of red and white roses.  It was perfect, no more and no less than what Poe and Ben wanted, and he suspected that Ben had given his mother more input than he had let on.

Finn glanced up into his rearview mirror and mumbled, “Oh, here comes Ben’s car.  Phasma, you ‘n I’d better get, it’s probably almost time to start.”  He looked over at Poe and explained, “Rey said she’d drive Ben over, same reason I drove you.  You two gotta wait in the cars until we signal you.  It won’t be long, just a few minutes!” he protested when Poe rolled his eyes.

“Okay, okay,” Poe sighed, but when Finn opened his door to get out, Poe remembered one last detail.  “Wait, what about _our_ flowers?  Ben said we were supposed to wear some.”

“Oh shoot—I almost forgot!” yelped Finn.  He turned to the back seat and asked, “Phasma, do you see a little insulated bag back there?  It has Poe’s boutonniere in it.”

“I’m amazed this wedding is happening at all with people like you organizing it,” Phasma grumbled, but she found the bag and produced the boutonniere.  Like the decorative bouquets, it was composed of red and white roses but on a smaller scale, and it reminded Poe of what Ben had said when he brought Poe a bouquet of roses: _Red and white together also mean unity. . . like you and me, together._

“I’d better pin this on you,” Phasma was saying, interrupting Poe’s daydream, “or you might end up stabbing yourself.  You don’t look like you’re quite all there.”

Instead of rising to the bait, Poe just laughed and agreed, “That’s probably a good idea.”  He let Phasma pin the flowers to his outer shirt; then she got out of the car, stretched, and glided over to chairs.  At the same time, Ben’s car pulled up a few parking spaces down from Finn’s.

“Okay, you keep an eye on me,” Finn instructed Poe, “and I’ll wave to you when it’s time to get out.  Rey said you two want to walk down the aisle together, at the same time, right?”

“Right.”  Poe smiled again just thinking about it.

“Okay, good.  So as soon as you get up to the aisle, she’ll start the music, and you can do your thing,” Finn went on as he scrambled out of the car.  “No getting out or peeking until then, though!”  Poe chuckled and nodded as he shooed Finn away, but as soon as Finn was gone, Poe peered out the driver’s side window at Ben’s car, trying to get a look at his husband-to-be.

But Ben’s tinted windows kept Poe from seeing inside, and a moment later, Rey climbed out, leading B.B. on his leash.  Hux got out of the backseat and followed Rey and the dog over to where the other guests waited.  Poe sighed and watched him take his seat beside Phasma; then Poe looked at Rey and Finn as they whispered together, glancing back at the cars.

_It’s gonna be a pretty weird wedding,_ Poe thought, although he didn’t know all that much about weddings in the first place.  _No groomsmen or bridesmaids—heck, no bride—no ringbearer or flower girl. . . ._   He looked over at Ben’s car and thought about Ben in it, maybe looking back at him, and decided, _But all that matters is that I’m marrying the man I love with our friends and family around us.  It might be a weird wedding, but it will be the perfect wedding, for us._

With that thought in mind, Poe suddenly didn’t care if he was breaking Rey’s rules or not; he wanted to see Ben right then and there.  He scrambled out of the SUV and came around behind it towards Ben’s car.  Right away, the passenger door opened, and Ben climbed out.

Poe drew in his breath at the sight of him.  Ben wore black jeans—he had refused to wear shorts—and a black short-sleeved shirt over white, like Poe’s white shirt over red.  A red and white rose boutonniere identical to Poe’s was pinned to his collar, and he had combed his shaggy black hair back from his face.  Poe thought Ben had never looked more handsome. . . and from the look of shy awe on Ben’s face, it seemed he felt the same about Poe.

“I couldn’t wait to see you,” Poe murmured when they drew close to one another.  “Ben, you look so—so _wonderful_.”

“So do you, angel,” Ben told him.  “Poe—”  He broke off when movement caught the corner of his eye; then he touched Poe’s hand and nodded over toward the beach.  Poe looked to see Rey glaring at them for reuniting too soon, but Finn was already gesturing for them to come take their places for their walk down the aisle.  Poe’s heart tried to jump right out of his chest when he realized this was it: they were really getting married.

He looked up into Ben’s dark eyes and asked breathlessly, “Ready?”

Ben licked his lips, nodded, and whispered, “I love you, Poe.”

“I love you too, Ben,” Poe whispered back.  He squeezed Ben’s hand; then they walked over together to the wedding party gathered on the beach.

Once they were sure the two grooms were following orders, Rey and Finn had slipped into their seats on the front row, and Finn had taken B.B.’s leash from Hux, who had been holding it and trying to keep the rather exuberant dog calm.  When B.B. caught his master’s scent as Poe approached, he tried to jump up and run to Poe, but Finn just barely managed to hold him in place.  Besides the four young people on the left, Ben’s family and their friends had gathered on the right: his parents, Chewie, Luke, and Wedge.

Poe didn’t see any sign of Chewie’s nurse girlfriend, whom Poe had never met; the only person he didn’t recognize was the wedding officiant, a short, bespectacled woman who waited for them between two rose-topped columns at the head of the aisle.  She was an old friend of Ben’s family named Maz Kanata who, according to some rather cryptic comments Ben had made, had been involved in their lives for a long time.  Among several other career paths she’d kept open for herself, Maz had been ordained as a marriage celebrant, which had made finding someone to marry Ben and Poe easier than Poe had expected.

Just as Ben and Poe reached the edge of the beach, Rey leaned down and started playing their wedding music on the Bluetooth loudspeaker dock she’d brought.  Together, Poe and Ben had chosen Johann Pachelbel’s Canon in D instead of the usual wedding march.  Ben reached over and clasped Poe’s hand; Poe could feel Ben’s long fingers trembling as they wrapped around his own.  Poe held them tight, and the two started down the aisle between the rows of chairs, side by side.

Poe could feel the eyes of their guests fixed on him, but he didn’t look at anyone, not even the officiant just ahead of them.  (Short as she was, it was easy enough to look over her head.)  Instead, he looked out over the Pacific Ocean, tranquil and blue that day, and at the straight, flat line of the horizon.

_The horizon is so **flat** ,_ Ben had said the first time Poe took him flying.  _Sometimes I think that the horizon is where the sea meets the sky, and beyond that is the cloud city called Serannian where people go when they dream.  It always makes me think of Heaven._

_The next time I take you flying,_ Poe had said, _we’ll go there.  I’ll take you there._   Maybe that wasn’t exactly how the conversation had gone, but that was how Poe wanted to remember it.  The arching, swelling, triumphant notes of Pachelbel’s Canon seemed to dance forever as, instead of the bright blue Pacific and the sky dotted with puffy white clouds, Poe saw a floating city of marble laced with pink and golden mist drifting high above the Cerenerian Sea.

_You did take me there,_ said Ben.  **_You_** _are my Heaven, Poe, you’re my city of dreams._

Poe’s breath caught between his teeth with a hiss, time moved again, and Serannian dissolved into the here and now: a quiet little beach beside a carnival somewhere in California where he, a very ordinary man, stumbled to a stop before Maz with a not-so-ordinary man at his side. . . a not-so-ordinary man who had just spoken directly into his mind.  Although they faced the officiant, Poe turned his head to look up at Ben, wide-eyed.  Ben glanced down at him and smiled.

Then Maz cleared her throat, and Poe turned his attention to her, blushing.  She gave him a wry smile, then began, “Dearly beloved, friends and family, we have come together in the presence of God to witness and bless the joining together of these men in Holy Matrimony.  We share with them their happiness in the love they’ve found with one another, and we support their decision to be together from now until the end of time.”

She looked up at Poe, still smiling, and asked, “Poe Dameron, will you have this man to be your husband,  to live together with him in the covenant of marriage?  Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, be faithful unto him as long as you both shall live?”

“I will,” Poe breathed.

When Maz turned to Ben and asked him the same, the sound of his deep voice answering, “I will,” made Poe’s heart race.

Ben and Poe had decided against writing their own vows.  Poe had felt vaguely uncomfortable with creating original vows, although he didn’t know exactly why—it certainly wasn’t because he minded being sappy or mushy; the idea just made him uneasy.  But then, Ben had stated his opinion on the matter, and Poe realized he felt precisely the same way.

“I want to say what I feel for you to _you_ ,” Ben had said, “not in front of my parents, and certainly not in front of Rey and Hux and everybody else.  I’ll spend the rest of our lives telling you how much I love you, Poe, and keeping the promises I’m going to make to you.  I don’t need to show off with some fancy vow or prove to anyone else how much I love you.”  Then he had paused and added, flushing, “Uh, and it’s not like I’m that great a writer anyway.”  Poe had laughed, kissed him, and said traditional vows were just fine.

Now they turned to face each other, and Ben reached out to take Poe’s hand.  Ben’s hand was no longer trembling, but his eyes shone with emotion when he spoke the vows they had memorized together.

“In the name of God, I, Benjamin Solo, take you, Poe Dameron, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, forever.  This is my solemn vow.”  Poe repeated the vows with Ben’s hand clutched in his.

Then, finally, it was time for the rings: gold bands that actually matched, unlike their engagement rings.  Poe looked over at Finn, who had been in charge with keeping up with them, but the grin on Finn’s face told Poe that his friend had a surprise planned.  Poe tensed, preparing himself for the worst; however, he relaxed when Finn only let some of B.B.’s leash play out, and the excited dog bounded over to his master.  Ben drew back a couple steps in alarm and muttered, “What the hell, Finn?”

Poe realized what was going on, though, when he saw a flash of gold at B.B.’s neck: Finn had tied the rings on a ribbon to the dog’s collar.  Laughing, Poe unbound them and handed the smaller of the two to Ben.  Ben shot Finn a dark look—Poe just knew he was envisioning the ribbon coming loose and the rings getting lost in the sand—but when he turned back to Poe, Ben was smiling again.  He took Poe’s left hand and slipped the ring onto his fourth finger.

Ben said softly, “With this ring, you are made holy to me, for I love you as my soul.  You are now my husband.”  Poe teared up at that, even though he had known what Ben was going to say.  His hand shook as he pushed Ben’s wedding band onto his long, pale finger.

“With this ring, you are made holy to me,” murmured Poe, “for I love you as my soul. You are now my husband.”  He hated to let go of Ben’s hand even for the instant before Maz took each of their right hands and joined them together.

“By the powers vested in me,” she said, “I pronounce you married.  Those whom God has joined together, let no one put asunder.”  Then she looked up at both of them with a smile that was almost a grin.  “Well, go on—kiss already!”

Ben turned to Poe, still holding his right hand, and reverently touched his cheek with his fingertips.  Then he leaned down, Poe leaned up, and they kissed—softly, gently, and with all the love they felt for one another.  Poe heard their guests applauding, but he only had eyes for his new husband when their lips broke apart.  Ben looked down at him, swallowed hard, then grasped Poe’s head in both hands and pressed a fervent kiss to his forehead.

“I love you, Poe,” he whispered against Poe’s skin.  “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Ben, always,” Poe whispered back.  Ben dropped his arm down to wrap around Poe’s shoulders as they finally turned to look out at their guests.

After a few seconds, Poe muttered, “Ben, your mother’s crying.”  He paused, then added, “So’s your uncle.”

Ben winced in embarrassment, but then he gave a stifled chuckle and hissed smugly out of the corner of his mouth, “And so is Finn.”

\--

Instead of a traditional, formal reception, the wedding party gathered at a nearby restaurant for lunch before Ben and Poe left for their honeymoon, which they were spending at a beach resort a few hours south of home.  This time, Poe got to ride in Ben’s car—just the two of them, once they dropped B.B. off in their yard until Rey and Finn came by to pick him up after lunch so they could dog-sit for the short honeymoon.  Poe insisted that was the only wedding gift he wanted from his friends, aside from their presence at the ceremony.  In fact, the couple refused any tangible gifts at all.  General Organa and Ben’s father had followed through with paying for what few expenses their small ceremony entailed, along with promising to cover lunch.  Besides Wedge’s promised balloon ride, Poe hadn’t expected to receive anything from anyone else, until Ben informed him—with some embarrassment—that Luke was paying for their honeymoon.

“He—he _is_?” Poe had stammered, his voice rising to what was nearly a squeak.  “That’s. . . uh, nice of him.”

“Yeah, well,” Ben had muttered.  “He said he didn’t want to know any details, just to give him the name of the hotel and the dates, and he’ll put the reservation on his credit card.”

At the restaurant, General Organa had reserved a private room for the lunch, and Poe was pleased when all the wedding guests joined them, Maz Kanata included.  She took a seat next to Chewie and appeared to be taking full advantage of his date’s absence.  Poe couldn’t tell if his lack of response was disinterest or just Chewie being his usual taciturn self.  Hux too stayed fairly quiet, and Ben didn’t offer Poe any information on how things had gone with the odd combination of Hux and Rey “helping” him dress.  But the redhead behaved himself, and Phasma seemed cheerful enough, considering what the norm was for her, so Poe decided to assume that everything was okay.

For most of the meal, though, Poe didn’t notice anyone but Ben.  They sat together near the head of the table, hardly remembering to eat their lunch in between the lingering touches and looks they gave one another.  Ben’s mother scolded them gently from time to time, until Han Solo laughed and told her to let them be.  At first she glared at her husband for disregarding her authority, but then she relented and smiled at her son.

“I’m glad to see you so happy,” Leia murmured to Ben.  “I thought you might never smile like this again.”  As she spoke, her deep brown eyes teared up again, and Ben sighed even as he patted her hand.

“Mom, don’t start crying again, _please_?” he groaned.  “You’re embarrassing me.”

“I’m your mother.  I have my rights,” she sniffed.

The last real surprise of the day came near the end of lunch, after they’d cut the small wedding cake, and Rey set up her speaker, insisting that the newlyweds had to have at least one dance together before the celebration ended.  After Ben took Poe into his arms and they began to dance, Finn rather shyly asked Rey to dance too; although they had officially been dating for the past month, Finn wasn’t quite used to it yet.  Then Han mumbled a request for a dance to Leia.  First she looked startled; then she looked touched; then she said yes, and they joined their son and son-in-law (and the niece they weren’t yet aware of).  When Chewie didn’t show any signs of following Han’s example, Maz grabbed his arm and hauled him out of his chair to accompany the others, whether he liked it or not.  Maz was at least a good two and a half feet shorter than Chewie, which meant they made quite the picture while dancing, yet somehow he found himself helpless to resist.  Seeing that, Phasma smirked and asked if Hux wanted to dance as well.  He flushed but agreed, which left only Luke and Wedge still sitting. . . and that was when Poe got surprised.

Luke pushed his chair back from the table, stood up, and held a hand out to Wedge.  Poe didn’t know how much time the two had spent together since Luke had arrived from Desperation, just that Luke had been staying at his sister’s home for the past couple days so he and Leia could talk and work on reconciling.  Ben and Poe had joined them for dinner one night, where Luke mentioned that he would be returning to Nevada the day after the wedding—but that he was considering making it a brief return trip to “tie up loose ends” depending on how things worked out.  Things “working out” included some of the nearby universities deciding Luke would be a good fit for their open environmental science positions.  But now, seeing the nervous yet hopeful expression in Luke’s wide blue eyes, and the startled but equally hopeful look in Wedge’s brown ones, Poe wondered if there was more for Luke to “work out” than finding employment.

Poe craned his neck to watch over Ben’s shoulder as Wedge hesitated, then took Luke’s hand.  Wedge stood and moved close to his old friend before suddenly pulling Luke into his arms and resting his chin on the other man’s shoulder.  Luke closed his eyes and held Wedge tightly; at that point, Poe decided it would be polite of him to quit watching them.  He nestled his own head against Ben’s shoulder and smiled to himself.

After a couple dances, Ben announced firmly that the party was over, at least as far as he and Poe were concerned.

“You guys can stay as long as you like,” he told the guests, “but we have places to be.”

“And things to _do_ , I’m sure,” observed Phasma so sardonically, Ben’s cheeks flushed dark red even though he chose to ignore her.  He and Poe managed to say their goodbyes and escape without any more tears being shed, and Finn and Rey followed them home in Finn’s SUV to pick up B.B.  Rey also collected both boutonnieres with the promise to dry them for Ben and Poe to keep.  After Poe bid farewell to his dog—and maybe he _did_ get a little teary then, thanks to already feeling pretty emotional—and Finn gave Poe a bro-hug goodbye, Finn took B.B. on out to the car while Rey said goodbye to Ben in the front room where he always told his fortunes.

“Um, Ben. . . Luke and I are going to tell your mother tonight, about—about what we are,” she said after hugging him.  “If. . . if that’s okay with you, you not being there and all.  If you want us to wait, we will.”  Ben thought a moment, then shook his head.

“No, it’s your decision, the two of you,” he told her.  “And I think Luke should be there in person when you tell Mom.  If he goes back to Desperation tomorrow, it’ll be a while before he comes home again, even if he comes home for good next time.  Poe and I’ll be back by the evening of the fourth, so after that, if you want us to get together with you and Mom—well, and Dad too, I guess—we can.”

Rey nodded.  “I’ll let you know how things go— _after_ you get home.  You two shouldn’t be thinking about anything but each other until then.”  She smirked at Poe, then gave him a hug as well.

“I don’t think that’ll be too much of a problem,” Poe chuckled.

Rey looked over at the table where she, Finn, and Poe had first met Ben, and she said, “I guess your fortune really was true, Poe.  You fell in love.  And dragged the rest of us into this mess after you.”

“Hmph,” muttered Ben.

Ignoring that, Poe said, “And coming here was all Finn’s idea.  If he hadn’t wanted to come to the carnival, or to get our fortunes told, I never would have met Ben.  None of this ever would have happened.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” Ben said softly.  That time, Poe didn’t ignore him and instead turned to look up at him curiously.  Ben came over to him and rested both large hands on Poe’s shoulders as he explained, “Poe, I think we were meant to be together, I think we were—intended for each other.  If we hadn’t met that night, we would have found each other some other way, somehow.”

Poe felt his eyes prickle with happy tears, and he sniffled as he wrapped his arms around his husband’s broad chest and mumbled, “Maybe so.  I hope so.”

Rey groaned, “Ugh.  I think that’s my cue to leave so you two can get started on your honeymoon.  Poe, call me when you get back, okay?”

Poe lifted his head from Ben’s chest and smiled over at her.  “Yeah.  Thanks, Rey.  Tell Finn thanks too, for keeping B.B. and everything else.”

“Sure.”  She waved goodbye before disappearing into the swath of curtains leading outside.

Once she was gone, Poe looked up into Ben’s eyes and stage whispered, “Is this it?  Are we really finally alone?”

In the same tone, Ben whispered back, “Yeah, I think so—we’re really finally alone.”  Then he grinned—the full, all-out, dorky grin Poe loved and so rarely got to see—and kissed Poe long and deep.  Poe clung to Ben’s neck with both arms and kissed him back until they were both breathless.

“We’d better get on the road,” Poe panted when they finally broke the kiss, “or we’re not going to make it any farther than the bedroom on this honeymoon.”

“If Uncle Luke hadn’t already charged the hotel room, I wouldn’t have a problem with that,” teased Ben.  He planted a final kiss on the end of Poe’s nose, then let him go.  “But I guess we can’t just waste his money.”

They gathered up the bags they’d already packed and carried them out front of the building, where Ben stopped and set down his luggage so he could lock up.  While he waited, Poe looked at the badly-drawn sign advertising the fortunes to be told within and smiled.

Ben picked up his bag again and looked down at Poe.  “Poe?  You ready to go?”

“Yeah,” Poe said.  He leaned up on his toes and kissed Ben’s cheek.  “I’m ready.”  They turned and walked away, across the fairgrounds and out the gate, side by side.

\--

The End


End file.
